A/N: Once again, please go read Bet On Me by Kissa621 on here. Trust me, if you even have a smidgen of liking for this story, you'll love that one; it's so much more worth your time, trust me. ;-) The Sexual Awakening Of Bella Swan is also another great read but unfortunately I have no idea where it's posted at this time.
Sorry this took so long to get out to you. The muse seems to think she's running the show here and truthfully, she is (don't tell her that though). I keep going back and forth between the stories and I think Feathers will most likely be next and some more SWM will be on the way. I know it's taking me forever to finish these but I want to thank you guys for sticking with me this far. And thank you for all of your kind words of support and encouragement as well as your love for this story. =)
A very belated birthday present for Lilsealsfriend. You have been with me every step of the way for every story and your support means the world to me. I hope you had a wonderful birthday this year. =)
50SOG fans, so sorry but I couldn't resist. ;-)
Will contain graphic sexual content and vulgar language within the story. If this offends you, please do not read. I don't mean to disrespect the site or its moderators but trying to edit out all the lemony parts and revising the writing to make it fit without them was too time-consuming.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
I opened my eyes slowly, taking in my surroundings. I saw light trying to crack through the blinds on the window. I blinked a few times, trying to clear away any blurriness. It took me a minute but I realized I was not in my room. And man, I had a headache.
I groaned softly as I rubbed my right temple. I drank, no doubt about it. I could feel the familiar rolling in my stomach. I hadn't drank that much…..had I? Wait, where the hell was I?
My eyes scanned the side of the room I was turned to, finding nothing that would spark any memories. Crap. If only I could peel away the fogginess from my brain like a thin layer of plastic covering, I could remember everything instantly. But, no such luck.
Well, this definitely was not my room, Jess' room, Rose's or Ang's room. Obviously, it wouldn't be Colin's. My eyes widened and I let out a tiny gasp. Colin! A grainy image of Colin kissing me from the night before, telling me he loved me flashed through my mind. No, no, no…..no, there was no way…..this was not Colin's dorm room at all and no one else's I recognized. No, that did not happen.
My hand flew up to my mouth to stifle another gasp when I heard a faint breathing sound behind me and felt a hand that I had not noticed before in my search for clarity, curl tighter around my stomach and pull me back slightly into a warm body. I was frozen, too terrified to move, not sure what was happening. Feeling slow breaths fanning the back of my head, I wanted to scream but my throat refused to make the sound. I wanted to throw the mysterious arm off and jump out of the bed, running for the door. But, when the hand had gripped me, I had definitely noticed that my skin was bare. One quick glance down confirmed I was bare everywhere. Crap. I bit my lip nervously, heart pounding in my chest and forced myself to gently turn to see if I had indeed made a mistake I could never undo with a man I should have never allowed into my pants after what he'd done to me.
The relief washed over me in waves when I saw Jake's sleeping face right next to me. Seeing him prompted more flashes and I let out a deep breath, so thankful that I had come home with Jake last night. The little glimpses here and there reminded me of just why I was bare and I could feel myself flushing yet becoming hot all over. How on earth could I have ever forgotten that? I wanted to smack myself in the head for ever allowing last night's wonderful memories to be relegated to the back of my mind. So much so that Colin had been the first suspicion and not Jake. Idiot, I mentally berated myself. Stupid alcohol. For the eleventh time in the past few years, I once again vowed to never pick up a drink again. Let's see if it lasts this time. Thank God, I hadn't screamed and run out the door like I had planned moments before.
Three times. Jake and I had had sex three times. Amazing sex. I didn't know it could be that good. Granted, I didn't have much to compare it to but wow, he was truly amazing and talented at what he did. The way he made me feel…there's no words that could ever describe it, I was sure.
He had been so gentle yet passionate with me. He had been sweet and considerate, always making sure I was okay and that my needs had been tended to. Three times he had put me before him on the priority list. And even though I had felt it last night, I had even more conviction that I had made the right decision in going to him for this…..matter. And he had said he wanted more, too. Which meant we would definitely get to do it all again, as much as we wanted. I smiled at the thought.
I studied him as he slept and couldn't help but feel a tender affection for him. Who would have ever thought that the sullen boy with a hidden heart of gold I had met years ago in La Push would cross paths with me years down the road and be my first? And to think I had thought I loved Colin and was going to do this with him. My nose scrunched up in disgust. Edward I had loved but now, I was grateful that he never allowed us to take that step, that he hadn't just been a typical guy and taken advantage of the situation to salvage his straight reputation even if he was batting for the other team. I gently lifted Jake's hand from my stomach and brought it to my lips, softly kissing the top and holding it to my cheek. No, Jake had been everything I had wanted and so much more. I couldn't imagine a more perfect first time, not only for myself but for any girl. He was so amazing…. I stared at him dreamily, dimly recalling how he had gotten a warm wet towel and cleaned both of us up after the second time, bringing me two Advil and some water without being asked. He had held me to him once we were finally finished, stroking my back and kissing my forehead intermittently as we laid there silently until we had both fallen asleep. I had been nearly passed out when I heard him mumble sleepily, "Not going back." I had no idea what he meant but I smiled wider and kissed his hand one more time before laying it down near him as carefully as I could.
As per usual every morning, within five minutes of waking, the pangs started and the need to relieve myself became imminent. I slowly moved the sheet off of me and sat up. I grimaced as the ache hit me. Damn. Jake had definitely given me a workout, no doubt about that. I felt overused and my body was weary but it was a delicious soreness in how it came to be. I gently got to my feet, wincing as I went. I was grateful that once again I hadn't tried to run; running would have never been an option with this tenderness all throughout my lower half. I took cautious steps towards the dark corner where I had left my overnight bag the night previously. None of the shirts I had with me were long enough to cover my nakedness and I wasn't going to get dressed just to undress again, and I definitely planned on undressing once more. I glanced around the room, convinced Jake had a t-shirt or something I could borrow for a moment. I spotted his shirt from last night on the floor and made my way over to it. I quickly unbuttoned it, slipped it on and redid the buttons as fast as I could.
When I was at the last few on the top, my eyes lingered on Jake in the bed. I shook my head; I was still in disbelief at how things had changed so quickly in my life. Jake and I had only reconnected two days ago; a day and a half was more accurate. We had barely known each other, even with our past connection, but it seemed both of us had allowed each other to run through our minds every now and then the past nine years. And now, in such a short time, I had grown quite fond of him. Well…..fond was the wrong word; I cared about him. I didn't want him hurt, I cared what he thought, didn't want to inconvenience him, loved seeing him smile….
Yes, I cared about him. And to be quite honest, compared to a few days ago, even on say Thursday, I would have never imagined making such an important connection and it changing things around so drastically. I had still been nursing my heartbreak over Colin (when I had thought I had loved him, that is) and made a snap decision, wanting to rid myself of my loathed virginity once and for all. I was convinced that love wasn't something I was meant to experience. Love only led to pain; my experiences, as few as they were, had taught me that. So, sex would be had and no attachments would be formed; it would be strictly casual. I had needs and they needed to be met, pure and simple. And now…now I couldn't imagine not having Jake there, not knowing him better than this, not being able to see him. I didn't realize last night just how glad I was that he had asked me to stick around.
I frowned at the thought. If I didn't know any better, I sounded like someone who could be in danger of developing feelings for someone, someone who was not completely available. Granted, he promised he wouldn't be with anyone else while he was with me, but I was no fool; it would only be a matter of time before he was bored of me. Jake wasn't the relationship type guy; he had made that abundantly clear. I sighed and picked up my overnight bag, satisfied that the shirt covered me enough that I could make the quick trip to the bathroom across the hall.
I would take as much time as Jake allowed me and be grateful for it. In the end, I could only hope that he still remained in my life somehow like Edward had. I got the distinct feeling that I would have much more to lose if Jake walked away entirely than if Edward and I had never reconciled.
I shook my head to clear it of such thoughts and made my way to the door. One more glance back at Jake confirmed he was still asleep. I then carefully and soundlessly opened the door, walked out and closed it. I looked in both directions in the hallway, thankful no one else seemed to be awake yet. I hurried (as much as I could) to the bathroom door and shut myself in as quietly as possible. The last thing I needed was Embry or one of the guys seeing me in this state; they would never let up until I was about sixty if I was lucky.
My eyes scanned over the room and when the shower curtain entered my vision, a grainy image flashed in my head.
A rough grunt escaped Jake as his body pushed further into mine and tightened, staying there. I smiled against his shoulder as I felt the now familiar warmth wash over me and tried to alleviate my desperate need for air after coming back from my own edge I had just fallen over.
Jake gave a few shallow thrusts, never leaving me yet moving slower and slower each time until he came to a complete stop. His forehead fell to my shoulder and he let out a shaky breath. "Fuck, Bells."
I chuckled and lifted my head tiredly, smiling stupidly. "I believe you just did."
He laughed and shook his head, raising it to look at me, also smiling widely. He kissed me and then moved to disconnect us and let me down. I tightened my thighs around him in a vise grip and pouted at him. "You're staying," I growled.
His eyes widened a tiny bit in shock but he stopped trying to move away. Another laugh erupted out of him and he kissed my forehead. "I've created a monster. Three times not enough?" He smirked down at me and I smirked right back at him.
I gave an experimental roll of my hips, ignoring the throbbing ache encompassing everything down below that accompanied the movement. He grunted and jerked forward slightly, placing his right hand flat on the wall by my head. He brought his face closer to mine and I could tell he wanted it again as badly as I did but I knew he needed time to recover. My tongue peeked out and traced his jawline making his groan echo out into the shower.
"I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I?"
I pulled away, grinning. "Do you have a problem with that?"
He shook his head, smirking once again. "Not at all. But," He leaned in and kissed me hotly. "You're gonna be hurting if we continue. You're already not gonna be able to walk tomorrow as it is. Maybe we should take a rest."
My grin formed into a cocky smirk. "That confident of our skills, are we?"
His own smirk got wider. "You know I have reason to be," he whispered to my lips before kissing me again. "Come on," He lifted us off of the wall and turned towards the showerhead, smacking my backside, making me glare at him. "Most of the hot water's gone." He gently let me down, holding my sides to steady me. I couldn't help but grimace when on my own two feet. Jake was right, I wouldn't be walking tomorrow. My body was overused, satiated but in need of a good rest. I tried to hide my reaction but Jake had seen it. That didn't stop me from pouting up at him again, though.
He didn't say anything, just kept smiling while turning me around to face the stream of water. "I promise you, when you're feeling better, you're in for a couple of long nights. I'm going to lick every inch of your beautiful body. I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to stop," he whispered into my left ear.
"That will never happen," I whispered back before turning my head to kiss him.
My cheeks flamed but I smiled happily at the memory. I would make sure Jake kept that promise and the small tingles near the bottom of my belly at the thought had me buzzing with excited anticipation.
After taking care of business, I went to the sink to wash my hands and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn't look any different compared to yesterday. As a matter of fact, I looked atrocious. My eye make-up was smudged and my lips were plump and somewhat bruised. I definitely had the sex hair thing going on though I had a feeling I would be dubbed the worst case of it in some book of world records for sexual encounters. I noticed I had a few love bites raining down my neck and I couldn't help but smile again as I remembered how I had gotten those.
I did feel different, though, as cliché as it might sound. I was no longer a virgin and was now truly a woman. The aches and soreness were testament to that fact. I smiled shyly at my reflection once more and went to work. I fixed my hair as best I could; I cleaned my face up and I brushed my teeth. When I was done, I gave myself a once over and then a satisfactory nod before throwing everything into my toiletry bag. I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door as quietly as possible. After a few glances, I determined everyone was still asleep and padded towards Jake's room.
I froze when Embry had turned the corner from the rec room, a cup of coffee in his hand, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, his hair still sticking up from sleep. He stood stock still with his mouth hanging open in shock. It took me a minute but then I shrieked quietly in embarrassment and rushed right into Jake's room, making noise no longer my concern. I laid back against the door and closed my eyes, hitting my head against the door in irritation. Fuck. Embry was the worst person to catch me in this state. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Like one of the girls one of the other guys brought home last night? Or Jess? Or Paul? Or Jared? Even Quil? Not Embry. I groaned quietly as the next week rapidly played out in my head, all the wise ass cracks, jokes and humiliation that would have to be endured making me groan again.
My eyes snapped open at the groggy voice. I saw Jake, very much awake, now dressed in boxers and sitting on the edge of the bed, facing me. He looked deliciously sexy even with his sleepy sex hair and with barely anything on. I couldn't help but stare in appreciation. My body heated up quickly when I thought about just what that body had done to mine.
That heat quickly cooled when I noticed the worry in his dark eyes. A frown quickly formed on my face. "What's wrong?"
He didn't answer and I walked over to him, placing my bag on the floor before sitting next to him. I hugged his arm and laid my chin on his shoulder, looking up at him. "Are you okay?"
He sighed and put his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. "I should be asking you that."
"I'm fine," I whispered. He nodded against me and pulled away. My frown deepened; something was wrong that he wasn't telling me and now it felt like he was putting distance between us, not just physically, and I wasn't having that. I crawled into his lap, cupped his face and forced him to look at me. "Jake, please tell me what's wrong."
His hands started to skim my back. "Nothing. I just….." He then rubbed his nose along mine tenderly. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it, Bells."
My face started to soften as my mind raced through the possibilities of what could have upset him in the last ten minutes and then it hit me; could he be regretting…..things? I bit my lip and averted my eyes. Did he not want…
"Bells, stop thinking so hard. I can hear the gears in your brain turning from right here."
I glanced up at him to find him smiling softly at me. It lessened the anxiety…just a bit. "Are you….." I had to think about how to phrase this without making it sound like an accusation or me not trusting him. "I mean…" I bit my lip harder in my nervousness, afraid of the answer. I couldn't look at him while I asked this. "Was last night…not….." I struggled for the right word. "Satisfying?" I internally winced; that wasn't the right word. Could I not have said anything better than that?
Jake laughed and my eyes flicked to him, my stomach feeling like it was free floating, not sure where to go, up or down. The pit of anxiety deep within me started to grow and whatever happiness I had felt that morning became nonexistent. My lips tightened into a thin line and I went to get to my feet when he stopped me.
"Bells," His hand cupped my chin and he brought my eyes up to meet his. "I'm sorry for laughing. It's just….I can't believe that's what you're worried about. Last night was some of the best sex I've ever had. Ever," he emphasized.
My cheeks warmed and I dropped my gaze. "You don't have to say that," I whispered. "I know you've had better with more experienced girls."
He sighed and gripped my chin harder, making me stare into his eyes one more time. "I'm not saying it just to say it. It's the truth, Bells. What I experienced with you last night…..nothing comes close to it. Trust me."
When I didn't respond, he sighed again, this time in obvious irritation. "Bells, you're the only girl I've brought back home with me. You're the only one that's been here in my bed. You're the only one I've asked for more with…..what does all of that tell you?"
I bit my lip, nodding and blushing further. I knew my insecurities were creating doubt in my mind and I needed to stop listening to them. Jake had a point; even Embry had said as much last night. Now, I felt like an idiot. "Sorry," I whispered.
He shook his head and lifted me, laying us back into the pillows and growling playfully in mock frustration, with me on top of him, his arms wrapped tight around me. "You're a maniac, Bells. As if last night wasn't satisfying. Christ."
A slow smile spread across my face as I listened to his heart beat underneath my right ear. "True." But then my brows pulled in and I lifted my head to look up at him. "Then why did you look so worried before?"
He looked uncomfortable, wearing a sheepish expression. He scratched his temple nervously. "Well…I, uh….I woke up and you were gone. I didn't see your bag though I saw your clothes from last night. But after a few minutes, when you still didn't come back, I thought maybe you had…left?"
My brows arched in surprise. "And I'm the maniac?"
He shrugged and leaned down to kiss my lips. "Ah, we're both nutjobs. Here you are, worrying last night sucked for me and I'm worrying that it sucked for you, so much that you snuck out while I was asleep, not even saying goodbye."
"How could you ever suck?" I asked incredulously. When one of his brows rose up meaningfully, I rolled my eyes. "Okay, rephrase. How could you ever think that I didn't….enjoy myself last night with you?"
He shrugged again and wound a loose curl around his fingers. "I thought that you did but when I didn't see you here…..I got nervous."
I sighed and placed my chin on top of my folded hands on his chest. "You're right, we are a couple of nutjobs."
He chuckled. "Yep, we definitely are."
I looked up at him earnestly. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I just really had to use the bathroom."
He grimaced. "Geez, now you've got me sounding like the girl. I was just worried I had hurt you or done something or said something that I shouldn't have. That's all."
I smirked knowingly. "Uh huh."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Honest."
I smirked wider, shaking my head and laying it against his chest again, closing my eyes. "I'll never tell," I promised.
He growled quietly and I laughed. We were both silent for a few minutes, with him stroking my hair and me running my fingers up and down his upper arm. "I'm glad I'm here with you right now," I confessed.
"Me, too," he admitted. He pulled my body up towards him and he kissed the top of my head. "Are you hungry?" He murmured. "I could make something for us."
I smiled. "I am hungry," I then glanced up at him. "But not for food."
"Really?" I noticed his eyes getting darker and felt him move me a few inches higher until my lips could reach his. "Um-hmm." I kissed the corner of his mouth but then slowly trailed down to his jawline. His fingers dug into my back, holding me there.
"I thought you said you had to go back to your dorm to get more clothes."
My head shot up and I stared at him quizzically. "Are you denying me sex right now?"
He laughed and shook his head. "Christ, I've really created a monster. Don't you want to take it easy for a little while? Your body's gotta be sore, Bells. We went at it pretty good last night."
"I remember," I purred as I slid my body down his, intent on reaching one of my favorite destinations before his grip stopped me. I glared up at him and he smirked, about to open his mouth and say something, when I broke out of his grasp and moved to straddle him. I started a slow grind and his eyes closed, his head leaning back into the pillow.
"Bells," he swallowed thickly.
"Hmmm?" I grabbed one of his hands and lifted it underneath my shirt—well, his shirt. His eyes opened and his hand came to life, squeezing and kneading my left breast. I moaned and arched my back, leaning to place both of my hands on his thighs behind me, helping me to grind into him more effectively, just like he'd taught me.
"You've got nothing on under there, Bells? Fuck." I felt him sit up and start to kiss my neck, making me moan again. "You look so fucking sexy in my shirt." I moved again and he groaned. "How sore are you?" He asked with a rasp.
I opened my eyes and smiled wide; I knew I had won. "Not that sore," I teased as I rubbed against him once more. Wow, if I wasn't careful, what I was feeling right now underneath me might become a new addiction.
Jake's eyes reached their darkest hue yet, just like last night. He picked me up and lightly threw me back onto the pillows behind him. I giggled and he ripped the shirt open, making me gasp. He didn't seem to care in the least that the buttons went flying everywhere.
Jake gave me a predatory smirk as he grabbed two pillows and stuffed them between the wall and the headboard. He then moved to hover over me, grabbing both of my hands in one of his and holding them above my head. "Keep them here and don't move," he growled. I nodded and he jogged to his closet, grabbing something I couldn't see before hurrying back. He climbed on top of me once again. I gasped when I saw he had a tie in his hand. His smirk turned wicked and he tied my hands together, before tying it around one of the tops of the headboard. "That too tight?"
I shook my head, watching him excitedly, wondering just exactly what he was planning.
He quickly undressed, tossing his boxers over his shoulder and took my thighs into his hands. He leaned down until his lips were right above my own. He stared into my eyes, with that devious gleam in his. "You don't want me to go easy on you? I won't go easy on you." He dug his teeth into my bottom lip and tugged before releasing it. "You sure you're up for this, Bells?" He growled quietly.
I smirked back at him. "I guess breakfast will just have to wait." His own smirk widened and then he pounced.
I had my cheek against his chest and my left leg was tangled within his. He was still struggling for breath as was I; our skin was slick with sweat, both of our hair damp with it. "Holy fuck," he panted.
I nodded, still unable to speak.
I smiled and turned to lay on my back next to him. "Yeah," I whispered.
He turned his head to look at me. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?"
I flushed slightly and covered my eyes with my arm, still trying to be able to breathe properly. "Um….well…I kind of read it on this site once….."
He chuckled and I dropped my arm to stare at him. "That must have been one hell of a site. Jesus."
I chuckled myself and shook my head and curled into the crook of his arm. "It wasn't that kind of site, Jake. I just…..well, I got curious about…well…..what would…..you know."
"Drive me fucking insane?"
I laughed. "Something like that." I then looked up at him. "What about you?"
He grinned in dreamy satisfaction. "What about me?"
"What was with the tie? Where did that come from?"
He shrugged and hugged me closer, smirking. "Just improvisation. It was the quickest thing I could think of."
I shook my head, laughing once more. "Whatever you say, Fifty."
He gazed down at me questioningly. "Fifty?"
I smiled and pulled him down to kiss me. "Just this over the top book I read once. He was into the whole BDSM thing supposedly."
He snorted and rolled on top of me, placing kisses down to my ear. "I don't even want to know where you got that book. Same site?"
I smacked his shoulder, making him chuckle. "No. Jess and Rose went on and on about it, told me it was the best book ever written, it was so hot. And Rose doesn't read so for her to not only go out and buy a book but then to actually open it... So, I read it."
"And?" He whispered teasingly into my ear. "Did you bring it with you?"
I smacked him again. "No. Call me crazy but I don't like someone having complete control over me that enjoys hurting me. So, we can skip those guidelines, thanks."
His head snapped up. "Enjoys hurting you? What the fuck?"
I chuckled and shook my head, pulling him down to me. "Don't ask."
He resisted me and when I stared at him in puzzlement, he stroked my cheek gently. "Bells, I would never hurt you. You know that, right?" I nodded. "If it bothers you, I won't ever do that again. I didn't mean to make you feel like that."
This weird feeling consumed my chest and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, reassuring him that I would never think of him that way. I lifted up to kiss him and urged him onto his back where I could cover his body with my own. "You didn't make me feel like that, silly."
His brows pulled in. "But then, why did you call me Fifty?"
I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Because he had this tie he liked to use, one that the main character liked. She was constantly going on about it: 'Oh my. My inner goddess loves that tie. Oh my.' More like the inner monologue drove me nuts. I still have no idea why the girls loved it so much. To think, Rose finally read something other than US Weekly and it had to be that series. Just tragic." I shook my head in disbelief.
"So," He stared at me, worried. "You don't think I'm like him then?"
My eyes widened. "God, no. I was just being…facetious. " When he still seemed uncertain, I leaned down to kiss him gently. "I trust you." This seemed to be the reassurance he needed and he kissed me back. His hands rubbed my back as I kissed him a little more passionately. I moaned into his mouth, signifying just where I wanted to take this.
He laughed against my lips and tenderly pushed me away. "You are a demanding woman. Something tells me I'm not gonna get a lot of rest this week. Christ. Come on, time to get some food."
I whimpered unhappily and he just laughed again, sitting us both up. "Let's go. I need some recuperating time or I am quite possibly in danger of being sexed to death."
I snorted and crawled off of him. "Alright. But, you are not out of the danger zone yet, buddy."
He shook his head, chuckling. "Yep, I've created a monster. With my own monster." He winked at me, his lips forming into a cocky smirk. I rolled my eyes which made him chuckle once more.
I got to my feet, letting out a sharp gasp once the pain overwhelmed me. Maybe Jake might have had a point when he said I should take it easy. This was worse than this morning. Holy crow.
He was instantly next to me, his hands loosely hanging onto my hips, steadying me. "Are you okay, Bells? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I ground out. "Just a little…sore."
Realization dawned on his face and he nodded knowingly, gently pushing me back onto the bed. "Lay down. I'll be right back." He grabbed his boxers from the floor and threw them on.
"Jake, I'm fine," I protested. "I just need a minute, that's all."
"With the way we just went at it and what you did near the end, I'm willing to bet your body's more sore than it was this morning. Am I right?"
I bit my lip but remained quiet.
He gave me another smug smirk. "Thought so." His smirk widened when I glared at him. "Alright, stay here for a minute. I'll come back for you in a sec." He headed out the door before I could respond.
I laid myself down gently as he had instructed and a dreamy smile appeared on my face. I had the most amazing guy not only having the most amazing sex with me but does the most amazing things out of the sack as well. This was too good to be true.
I must've been lost in my thoughts longer than I realized. Jake was standing next to the bed, smirking down at me. "What are you smiling about?"
I shrugged, smiling wider. "If you had happen to you the same thing I had happen to me in the last twelve hours, you'd be smiling, too."
He laughed and sat down on the bed, leaning down to kiss me. "Last time I checked I was there." He smirked against my lips. "I take it that my performance was satisfactory then?"
"Satisfactory?" I asked in disbelief. "I'd give it two thumbs up, five stars, a hundred on a scale of one to ten, an A+, an 11.0 on the Richter scale..."
He kept kissing me, laughing. "What a performance review. I've never gotten one that complimentary before."
I pulled my fingers through his hair. "What are you talking about?" I chuckled. "You get nothing but complimentary reviews, all over the place. Tons. What do you think brought me here?"
That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. Jake frowned and pulled away from me, his eyes tightening angrily. "Right, I forgot. Because I fucked two of your besties and they told you how good I was. Because sex is all I'm good for, right?"
My jaw dropped and I sat up, wincing but ignoring the pain to try to assauge Jake's that I had unintentionally caused him. He stood up when I went to take his hands, looking away from me, both fists clenched. "Of course not, Jacob. I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I didn't mean it that way. I was just-"
"Whatever," he muttered. "Your Advil's on the bed. I was going to bring you something to eat but I think I'll jump in the shower first. Like you said, breakfast can wait." He stormed out of the room without meeting my eyes once.
I stared after him sadly, wondering what I could do to rectify things. I hadn't meant to insult him or make him sound as if he was nothing more than some gigolo who was willing to render services without payment. His words resounded in my head and I slowly and carefully got out of bed.
I grabbed the shirt Jake had ripped the buttons off of from the floor, wincing as I did. I slipped it on and held it closed with one hand. It felt like it took me forever but I finally reached the bathroom door across the hall. I heard the shower running and I was thankful no one was in the hall to see me in all my naked glory. The shirt covered some things but not everything; not without its buttons.
I slowly turned the knob and stepped into the room. Steam filled the air and I could see the outline of Jake's form in the shower. He was standing, leaning forward with his hands flat on the tile in front of him and his head was hanging down beneath the showerhead. I shed the shirt and carefully but quietly stepped into the shower behind him. He must have sensed my presence because he turned around to see me standing there. "What? You here for more shower sex?" He scoffed before facing away from me.
I cautiously moved closer to him and gripped his shoulders, bringing my front to his back. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I brushed my lips near the top of his right shoulder blade. "I never meant to make you think that I only..." I bit my lip. "I care about you, Jake. I do. I know it hasn't been that long but...I didn't agree to more for the sex. I said yes because of you." He stayed silent and was still as a statue. "I came to you, yes, for my first time because I had heard from Rose and Jess both that you were the best sex they'd ever had. You already know that. But you also know that I came to you, knowing who you were, because I knew I'd be safe with you. Losing my virginity may have been the objective, but you were the reason I came to you." I pressed a soft kiss higher than the last one. "If the sex was all that mattered to me, then I wouldn't have come back into your room this morning," I finished in a whisper.
I waited but Jake still gave no response. My eyes began to burn with the tears that threatened to spill; I bit my lip to keep them bay. After all, it was I that was in the wrong here, not him. I released him and took a step back to give him some space. "I'll understand if you no longer want me to stay." A minute of quiet passed; still nothing. I bit my lip even harder as I turned to open the curtain and step out. I stopped and looked back at him, his body still rigid. "Thank you for last night and this morning...for everything. It turned out to be more special than I had a right to hope. So, thank you." Once again, silence was the only thing I was given in return. "I just want to say this one thing before I leave. Sex isn't all you're good for, Jacob. There's so much more to you than that and I'm sorry...I'm sorry if other women haven't seen that and have made you feel that way in that past. Because they have no idea what they're missing. They have no idea just how amazing you are out of bed. But...don't ever think that of yourself, only being good for the sack, because it simply isn't true. You're worth more than that." As expected, sounds of the running water were the only answer I received. "Take care of yourself, Jake. Bye," I whispered.
I stepped out of the shower, picked up the shirt and went to redress so I could leave.
I sniffled as I stuffed last night's clothes into my overnight bag. How stupid of me to say such a callous thing. I didn't blame him for being angry and not wanting me around anymore. Had our roles been reversed, I would've been just as mad.
I zipped up the bag, wiped my cheeks and slipped my hoodie on. I had just pulled my hair out from underneath the collar when I heard a barely there whisper behind me. "Bella."
I turned around to see Jake, standing there with a towel tied around his waist. His hair was still wet and droplets of water were sliding down his body at a quicker speed than usual. It looked as if he had just jumped out of the shower, covered himself and came straight into the room. Any other time I might have watched those drops make their journeys down to his pecs and abs in fascination but right now...right now the only thing I could focus on was the expression Jake wore. He seemed crestfallen and his eyes were tight once more, though this time absent of the anger from before.
"Did you already call a cab?" He asked quietly.
That stung more than I had expected it to, just as Jake's anger and dismissal of me had hurt worse than I ever thought it could. I turned away from him to pick up my things so he wouldn't see the fresh tears that were making their way down my face. I wiped them away discreetly and slung my bag over my shoulder. "No. But don't worry, I will when I go outside. If it's okay with you, I'll just wait on the steps until it gets here."
I went to take my phone out of my pocket when I was spun around and pulled into strong arms which pushed me up against a solid warm chest in a tight embrace. "Don't go," Jake murmured into my neck where he had burrowed into.
I was in shock; this was the last thing I would've thought he would do. "But...I-I thought you wanted me to go..."
"No." He shook his head and sighed heavily against my skin. "No, I don't want you to go." His grip tightened, almost seeming desperate to keep me there. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought...I took that the wrong way and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." He took a deep breath and moved back to lay his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. "Stay," he whispered. "Please stay."
I was still recovering from the shock of him apologizing. Why was Jake sorry? He wasn't the idiot who made it sound like she was about to leave three hundred dollar bills on the table after a night of fantastic sex. "Are you sure you want me to? It's okay if you don't. Maybe-"
He kissed me gently and cupped my face, staring intently into my eyes. "I want you to stay. If it's still what you want, too."
I slowly nodded and he let out a breath sounding an awful lot like relief. For the first time in the last fifteen minutes, Jake smiled, a small smile but a smile nonetheless. "Let's try this again. Are you hungry?"
"A little..." I whispered.
"Me, too. Let me get dressed and we'll go see if there's any food that didn't expire two years ago around." My face screwed up in disgust and he laughed, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Based on what I saw last night, I think we have a better chance of finding gold. Just hopefully, not under all of that."
Jake laughed, removing my bag and placing it back on the floor. He kissed my forehead and smirked at me. "The diner it is then. We'll stop at your dorm after."
"Okay. I can get my cleaning supplies then. Quil's other science experiments in the fridge don't stand a chance," I joked nervously.
"You're a guest, Bells," he chuckled. "You're not supposed to clean."
"Who said anything about cleaning? I'll be battling while you're at work."
Jake chuckled again and moved towards his dresser. "Just let me get dressed and then we'll go."
I watched him as he pulled out the different articles of clothing he would need. I bit my lip and spoke before I lost my nerve. "Jacob." He glanced over at me, smiling. I made my way over, stopping a foot away from him. "I'm really sorry," I said with conviction, letting him know how much I meant it.
His smile faded and he shut the drawer he had been ransacking before closing the distance between us. "I'm sorry, too, Bells. Let's just forget it and start over, okay?" He kissed me deeply and gave me one more quick peck as he moved away. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom real quick and finish up. There's coffee in the kitchen if you want it." My eyes followed him to the door, noting that he didn't glance back at me and flash a smile like he had so many times before; that hurt and worried me at the same time. Something was still wrong. "I'll be right back, babe." He stepped out, shutting the door, and I sat down on the bed, staring off into space, losing myself in thought. I really hoped that I could fix things and that more was still Jake's agenda like it was mine.