In honor of Naruto's birthday (which is a day before mine) I have decided to post a new story.
Happy Birthday, Naruto! (and whoever else is born on the 10th of October)
Unfortunately, I highly doubt this story has any mention of Naruto in it...
I don't own Naruto or Barney, and I do not have anything against Barney. Except for Barney himself, of course.
It all started when Deidara had found a stuffed purple dinosaur on the floor. Deidara had of course picked it up, but as soon as he touched it, his eyes began to unfocus and he suddenly blurted out,
"I love you! You love me! We're a great big family! With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too!"
Sasori, who had been standing next to him, stared at the blond with a facial expression that said, "What the hell?"
Deidara then immediately turned around and said,
"Sasori-no-danna! We should go on a quest to bring love and happiness to everyone!"
Sasori's eyes bulged before turning abruptly and activating the girly scream button on his chest. Hearing the girly scream, the rest of the Akatsuki came to the lobby.
"What is going on, Sasori?" asked the 6 bodies that made up Leader-sama.
Sasori pointed to Deidara, who was loudly proclaiming that the purple stuffed dinosaur was "the savior of the world" and that it would "bring love and happiness to the world" and also that it was "the greatest god, Barney".
"No fucking way!" yelled Hidan before he lept to cut Deidara in half with his scythe. "Jashin-sama is the greatest god you-"
Deidara flung Barney at Hidan, yelling, "Go, almighty Barney! SHow this heathen the meaning of love!"
Hidan abruptly stopped when Barney hit his head.
"Oh almighty Barney, I beg forgiveness for following that worm Jashin-teme for so long!" Hidan cried as he fell to his knees.
"I love you! You love me! We're a great big family! With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too!" Hidan and Deidara sang together. The rest of the Akatsuki stood stock still for a second before fleeing. However, Tobi stood there and cheerfully joined in.
2 weeks later, the main body of Pein stepped out to see a horrendous sight.
Kakuzu was stiching a giant purple dinosaur together out of cloth that Deidara had bought. Sasori was dying the cloth, and Deidara was making a huge clay crown. Hidan was looking for shiny things to place onto the crown, and the five other bodies of Pein were happily singing the "I love you" song while Konan created little origami sculpters to make the dinosaur pretty. Zetsu was happily picking flowers. Only Itachi seemed sane. Itachi had his Sharingan activated and was actively trying to escape Kisame's chakra empowered grasp.
Pein quickly used a Shinrai Tensei to blow Kisame away.
"I thank you, Leader-sama," Itachi said as he dusted himself off.
"Can you somehow redirect this...thing?" asked Pein, gesturing to the followers.
Itachi paused. "I can remove it from them, but the virus has to go somewhere."
Pein shrugged. "I don't care! Just send it somewhere other than here!"
"Very well, Leader-sama..."
Exactly one hour later, Itachi had redirected the Barney virus to that foolish little village with sand. The Akatsuki were now sitting around, wondering what the heck was going one.
Sasori sat there, hurriedly building another puppet to destroy what remained of the Barney dinosaur. Kakuzu had recoiled in horror at what his threads had done, and Deidara had immediately detonated his giant crown, declaring it "unfit for art, uhn." Hidan was begging forgiveness of Jashin, while Kisame sought comfort in Itachi. Of course, Itachi refused to even come within five feet of Kisame, so Kisame sought comfort with Samehada. Zetsu was apologizing to the flowers he had pulled of their stems. The 5 bodies of Pein were standing there ashamedly while the main body glared at them with the full force of the Rinnegan. Konan had gone of to Nagato to make sure he did not Barneyify himself.
Tobi was still the same.
Somewhere in Suna, Temari and Kankurou watched in horror as Gaara danced around, singing the Barney song. It was as if the love tatoo on Gaara's forehead was somehow influencing him.
"DOn't worry Gaara! I'll save you!" yelled Kankurou as he charged forward to dispell whatever genjutsu Gaara was in. Instead, he stopped and began singing around with Gaara.
Temari could only leap on her fan and fly away towards Konoha while Gaara and Kankurou ran after her, asking her to join them in the quest for love and happiness.
At Konoha, the Rookie Nine and Team Gai were taking a walk until Temari landed down.
"Run!" she yelled. "Run! Barney has struck!"
"Barney?" Naruto caught sight of Gaara. "Hey, Gaara!" he called, running towards him.
"No!" yelled Temari. SHe executed a Kawamiri, switching herself with Naruto and sacrificing herself. The Konoha nin could only stand in horror as a grin spread across TEmari's face and she lept at the closest Leaf shinobi...
...Who happened to be Shikamaru.
The lazy pineapple's eyes widened comically as Temari lept at him, squishing his head to her chest in a big hug. Immediately, SHikamaru was taken over by the Barney curse.
Eventually, the entire group was infected with the Barney curse. Chouji because of Shikamaru, and Ino because of Chouji. Lee was immediately infected by Kankurou and infected Sai, Sakura, Naruto, and Tenten. Gaara infected Kiba and Hinata, and soon only Neji and Shino were left standing.
A Hyuuga was taught to never back down and to keep their Kekkei Genkai safe. Neji didn't care anymore. He ran straight to the Hyuuga compound, calling out that the Barney infection had arrived.
At first no one believed him and they all laughed, but Hinata came into view. A Branch House member went to retrieve her, but when he touched her shoulder, he slowly turned and a great big smile lept across a Hyuuga's face for the first time in nearly 500 years.
Apparently the Hyuuga clan now believed Neji, and one even praised him for "warning us of this terrible plight" while they were fleeing. Hiashi even canceled all the Branch Member curse seals so maximum effort could be given in fleeing.
By midday, most of the people of Konoha were infected. The shinobi, because Sakura had unwittingly infected all the medic nins, who in turn infected any patients, who in turn infected their friends and family. Only Kakashi was half spared because of his Sharingan.
Even Sasuke got it.
Sasuke had come to Konoha in search of Itachi's weakness, and had been infected 54 times in 10 seconds. As a result, he was even worse than Tobi when Tobi ate 5 pounds of sugar, 345 lollipops, and 62 ice creams in one minute.
And this made Itachi annoyed, because even though super-dee-duper hyper Sasuke was fun to watch, it was getting harder and harder to control the virus. So, using Kisame's humongous source of chakra, Itachi took the Barney virus and sent it to the moon, where the Juubi's body was supposedly sealed.
The next day, Sasuke was still super-dee-duper hyper because of the 50 pounds of sugar, 3450 lollipops, and 620 ice creams he had consumed in 10 minutes.
And we're all done!