GAIGE: Greetings, fifty—fifty thousand subscribers? Holy...okay, um, so a lot has happened since my last ECHO cast. I landed on Pandora, dodged Hyperion customs, Deathtrap killed like, three or four people, blah blah blah, it was no big deal. But when I was helping this old guy repair a Marcus Munitions vending machine—it was just a glitch in the digistruct matrix, the safety thought there were errors in the data when there weren't, I just bypassed the whole thing—I mentioned the Vault, and he said that Handsome Jack was looking for Vault Hunters! I was immediately suspicious because, come on, the guy who declared everyone on the planet who isn't a Hyperion employee bandits wants help? Anyway, I decided to go anyway, just to see what's up. Had to hack the greeter bot to let me on the train, but that was easy, it barely even had a rudimentary sentience matrix. I had more trouble with the vending machine. [snorting laugh]
GAIGE: So there were four Vault Hunters on the train, like real, actual Vault Hunters, they'd each been running around Pandora for a while fighting bandits and everything. The short guy was actually born here, but more on that in a moment.
GAIGE: Right. It was a trap. I mean, obviously. Armed loaders started dropping in, bullets started flying everywhere, whatev. Deathtrap did pretty good, what with the whole ghosting through solid matter thing. Can you believe I was considering pulling that function? Please, that's almost as cool as his levitation!
GAIGE: So the train crashed, the five of us were thrown out into the snow and left for dead, all that. Jack's a douchebag. But get this: A Claptrap found us and dug us all out! Yeah, I can't believe it either. I mean, that's one of the things that pretty much everyone was actually, you know, pretty on board with when Jack ordered the destruction of that product line. They were glitchy and annoying before they tried to take over the planet, and at that point it was a no-brainer. Not sure how this one survived, but I guess it wasn't by being less annoying than the others. Apparently we're his minions now. So, um. Yeah. That's cool.
GAIGE: Oh, and that reminds me about the worst part of this whole thing! When I was thrown from the train, my ECHO system got damaged! I mean, the thing was freaking powder by the time I found it. I think I got hit by some weird power surge or something, I dunno, I was in a sort of mini-coma at the time. No chance of recovering any of the data, which means I have to start from scratch. I can't even summon Deathtrap right now, because a bunch of the necessary drivers were in my ECHO! The others can't do their cool stuff either—oh yeah, the others lost theirs too—and I think Axton was crying about his turret—
AXTON: I wasn't crying!
SALVADOR: You were weeping, just a little.
GAIGE: Right, but Claptrap gave us some new ones, so as we use them, they should learn from any of our still-functioning implants, and slowly let us recover all our 133t skills. I think. I mean, the theory is sound, anyway...
GAIGE: This is Gaige, signing—oh wait, I totally forgot to introduce the others! Yeah, so, they're all older than me, which I guess I should have expected? But it's still kinda weird. Anyway, Axton—
AXTON: Hey there!
GAIGE: Axton is an ex-Dahl commando, still has his turret—[sniffling sounds]—er, had his turret, and is probably going to get it back really soon! Anyway, he said he left because, uh, well he said something about being "way too awesome for those assholes," but I don't know, he almost got in a fight with Zero over which one got to land the killing blow on Knuckledragger, this giant ape-thing that stole Claptrap's eye. Maya just shot it in the head while they were bickering.
GAIGE: Maya's really nice. She's from Athenas, and apparently had some trouble with the local authorities. I understand that. She's also a fricken' SIREN, can you believe that? Six Sirens in the galaxy at any one time, and I just happen to hack my way onto a train with one of them on it! I, uh, haven't actually seen her powers yet—with her ECHO gone, her implants aren't set up right to enhance her powers, so all she can do is make a couple blue sparks appear—so...yeah. Axton is a little skeptic she really is a Siren, but you know what? I think she's trustworthy. She's like, the exact opposite of Marcy, so I feel like she's telling the truth.
MAYA: Thank you, Gaige.
GAIGE: No problem. Besides, you'll be back to your usual self by tomorrow night! Probably.
GAIGE: Anyway, so that short guy I mentioned earlier is called Salvador.
GAIGE: Yeah, hola von...muchachos...anyway, he's actually a Pandoran native, like born and raised. Yeah, sometimes I forget that the planet has been colonized for a while...not everyone is a Dahl miner who got abandoned when spring rolled around. He says he's a "Gunzerker," which I'm pretty sure isn't actually, you know, anything, but whatev, I'm a Mechromancer, so. Yeah. Glass houses.
GAIGE: Last, we've got Zero...[pause]...aren't you going to say something, Zero?
GAIGE: O...kay. Right, so Zero is totally the mysterious warrior of the group. I think he might have like, a checklist or something. I mean, he's got a face-concealing helmet, he's got a cool sword, he's got four fingers on each hand...you ever gonna explain that one, buddy?
GAIGE: Yeah, I...yeah, I expected that. Oh, though he sometimes speaks in haiku, which I guess is cool. I don't know, not really my sort of thing, but whatever.
GAIGE: We're camped outside some place called "Liar's Burg" for the night. Well, a few hours anyway, since the nights are waay too long here. Axton wanted to just jump right in and start shooting, but Maya convinced him we should at least wait until we've had some rest. We've all had a loong day. Oh, and we buried Claptrap in the snow because he was too loud.
GAIGE: This is Gaige, Mechromancer of the Vault Hunters, signing off.