This is the Suigetsu-Karin-Juugo chapter!
...And now I have a feeling that I listed the names in a different order every time I mentioned it.
It's a longer chapter than usual, as it is the last chapter of this story. The sequel, Konoha Mishaps, will be up midway through Febuary. But, it can be sped up on one condition.
PM me a bunch of complicated sciency terms for the spelling bee.
I have realized that I have not done a disclaimer for the past few chapters. But I think it's kinda obvious I'm not the owner of Naruto...for one, I don't speak Japanese. I speak American. And enough Spanish to hold a conversation for at least 30 seconds.
I have decided that Bleach is way too complicated for me. I've read it through three times, and I still can't remember everyone's names.
And here's this really funny thing. I was in Spanish, and I was listening to this recording about what clothes you like and what's your personality based on your favorite color.
Since Naruto likes orange, this is what it turned out to be.
He likes mini skirts and short shirts...
It's a Sexy no Jutsu Naruto alert.
Oh yes, I should probably tell you that the ramen part is completely made up.
Sorry for the super long author note.
Dear Diary, or whatever it's called,
Today Sasuke-kun (omigosh he's so sexy!) gave me, me, Karin, a diary to write it! It's soooo great! I feel like our relationship is progressing! Soon he'll get over his shyness and take me on a date and we'll kiss and get married!
(A/N: Argh that was so hard to type!)
But, diary, today was also sooo terrible! That annoying Sakura showed up. Just because she was on Sasuke-kun's genin team doesn't give her that much of an advantage, right?
I hope so...
And plus, I bet she hasn't kissed Sasuke-kun yet! Hah! I can steal his first kiss! And later something else...
"Hm?" Suigetsu bent down to pick up a book. It said, "The Super-Sexy Karin's Diary".
Suigetsu had the most evil look on his face as he opened it and read the entry. Then he pulled out a pen and wrote,
You should really take better care of your journal. And as for that kiss thing, I heard that Sasuke's first kiss was actually Naruto. You know, blond dude with whiskered cheeks, loves orange, Kyuubi container?
The Awesome Suigetsu
SCREW YOU SUIGETSU!
Oh, really? I'll be happy to oblige.
-The Awesome Suigetsu
Juugo raised an eyebrow as a notebook came sailing over. He picked it up and read through it before hastily scribbling down,
Karin and Suigetsu, it would be best if you stopped fighting. It's getting annoying.
Oh, and if you guys want to screw with each other, do it somewhere else.
Sasuke sighed and mentally facepalmed as he watched the battle royale go on between Team Hawk.
Maybe he should have stayed in Konoha...after all, that Itachi hairdressing incident definitely fell into the "Need to Erase" list of his memories.
But it was getting annoying...they were fighting a battle royale every five seconds.
The diary was burned with a Goukakyuu no Jutsu. Along with half a forest.
Sasuke smirked at the sight and strode off, his loyal little minio-er, followers following after him.
No one really noticed that the diary was made of a special paper that was Katon-jutsu-proof.
Hence the fact that they came across a diary that had "The Super-Sexy Karin's Diary" crossed out on the cover and "LIST OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF RAMEN" instead.
The title was confirmed when Juugo flipped through it and determined that the first page contained what Sasuke thought he burned, and the second said,
THE SUPER DUPER EPIC LIST OF EPIC RAMEN BY THE ONE AND ONLY UZUMAKI NARUTO, FUTURE HOKAGE!
This heading was further accented by a bunch of Naruto signatures and ramen doodles. There was also a little Naruto in a Hokage hat and making a victory sign.
Then it said,
LIST OF COMMON RAMEN FLAVORS
These flavors of ramen are usually found in just about every single ramen stand, whether it's in Konoha or Kumo. However, the actual taste of the ramen is different as various stands have various qualities of ramen. For each major village, I recommend the Ichiraku Ramen Stand in Konoha, the Heavenly Noodle Stand in Kumo, the Iron Hard Health Stand in Iwa, the Flowing Broth Stand in Kiri, and the Swirling Naruto Stand in Suna. Yes, that last one is named after me.
LIST OF DOWNRIGHT STRANGE AND WHAT-THE-HELL-IS-THIS RAMEN FLAVORS
These flavors of ramen and usually found only in that specific ramen stand, and nowhere else. Some of these are extraordinarily tasty, while others make you want the buy the ramen stand and use that type of ramen for T&I.
(A ordinary ramen with tea instead of broth. I don't recommend it. Instead, you should drink tea with dangos.)
(Ramen with bread. There is also a cracker version.)
TOMATO BROTHLESS RAMEN
(I believe some people call it spaghetti.)
THE SUPER DUPER EPIC HOKAGE UZUMAKI NARUTO SPECIAL
(A ramen named after me. It is found only at Ichiraku's, and is a massive 5-gallon bowl that can feed 7 people.)
DUCK-BUTT-TEME RAMEN SPECIAL
(A ramen named after my old friend, Uchiha Sasuke. Found only at Ichiraku's It's a miso ramen with excessive quantities of tomato.)
THE MANGEKYOU UCHIHA ITACHI RAMEN SPECIAL
(A ramen named after the child genius who massacred the Uchiha clan. Found only at Ichiraku's. This is the only ramen that is compatible with dango or pocky. Or both.)
THE LAZY PERV RAMEN SPECIAL
(A ramen named after Hatake Kakashi. It comes with a free, color picture Icha Icha of your choice free. Found only at Ichiraku's and only 10 bowls are made daily.)
THE SAKE RAMEN SPECIAL
(A miso ramen with lots and lots of sake. Found only at Ichiraku's. Is a great favorite of the Godaime Hokage, Senju Tsunade.)
Sasuke stared. They. Named. A. Ramen. Flavor. After. Him.
AND THEY CALLED HIM DUCK-BUTT-TEME FOR JASHIN'S SAKE!
Even Uchiha Itachi had his name on his special. And Itachi wasn't insulted in the process. But Kakashi-sense-no, just Kakashi, had "Lazy Perv" for his. But it fit, and, knowing Kakashi, he probably went to get a bowl everyday for the Icha Icha.
This, time, Sasuke used a Suiton jutsu in hopes that the ink would become too blurry to read.
Five days later, the diary appeared again, this time with a new title:
"THE GALLANT JIRAIYA'S SUDDEN INSPIRATION"
followed by an extremely graphic picture that made Sasuke want to never reproduce.
The dairy was Raiton jutsu-ed.
A week later, the diary (although it couldn't be called a diary anymore) appeared again, this time with some weird name. The title, well at least it seemed like a title, looked a lot like this:
"THE EPIC LIFE STORY OF MONKEY D. LUFFY, GREATEST PIRATE IN THE WORLD"
Sasuke briefly wondered if this was some kind of story Naruto wrote. Judging by the contents, Sasuke hoped it was. He didn't want to see another Naruto in this world.
He left the poor diary alone this time...sort of. He threw it over a cliff.
The next day, Sasuke found the diary next to his head. He screamed a girly scream. There was a new entry on a fresh page. It said,
"Hello, foolish little brother. You are very foolish to try to destroy this diary. Ha. Ha. Ha. And you screamed a girly scream."
Sasuke briefly wondered if Itachi was stalking him.
"No, little brother, I'm not. I found your chakra signature, and, since I was bored, I am currently sitting in a tree outside waiting for you to come out."
Sasuke now wondered if Itachi was reading his mind.
"No, little brother. I am not reading your mind. I am simply predicting your reactions."
So...if Sasuke jumped up and down and imitated a monkey, then it would be unpredicted right?
"I expect you to jump up and down and imitate a monkey soon. After all, you have been doing that for quite some time."
Sasuke Fuuton jutsu-ed it and buried it.
Despite his efforts, Sasuke again found the diary, this time with a title of,
"THE DAY TO DAY EFFORTS OF SOUSUKE AIZEN"
Ok. Who the hell was Aizen?
Sasuke gave up and simply stuck the diary to a rock and sank it in the sea.
"THE WONDEROUS LIFE OF SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS, DEMON BUTLER TO CIEL PHANTOMHIVE"
was the next to appear. It seemed that this "Sebastian Michaelis" liked cats, hated some weird thing called a hellhound named Pluto, was a demon, but acted as a butler to some guy named 'Ciel Phantomhive" who was the "Queen's Watchdog", whatever that was, and thought that "Meirin, Bard, and Finn" were "complete and utter idiots who were at the same time destructive".
After that, there was something like it.
"THE WONDEROUS LIFE OF GRELL SUTCLIFFE, BEST SHINIGAMI IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD"
Sasuke decided that this guy was definitely gay. Period.
About a year later, Sasuke thought he had gotten rid of that pesky diary for once and for all.
Sasuke stared in horror as Tobi gave him a battered book that had "The Super-Sexy Karin's Diary", "LIST OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF RAMEN", "THE GALLANT JIRAIYA'S SUDDEN INSPIRATION", "THE EPIC LIFE STORY OF MONKEY D. LUFFY, GREATEST PIRATE IN THE WORLD", "THE DAY TO DAY EFFORTS OF SOUSUKE AIZEN", "THE WONDEROUS LIFE OF SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS, DEMON BUTLER TO CIEL PHANTOMHIVE", and "THE WONDEROUS LIFE OF GRELL SUTCLIFFE, BEST SHINIGAMI IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD" crossed out and "PLANS TO CAPTURE THE KYUUBI" written over them in black Sharpie.
It was slightly amusing that every single title except the first was in capital letters, including Tobi's.
The diary turned evil when Sasuke was fighting Naruto and the diary came out of nowhere and hit Sasuke on the head.
Naruto caught the diary and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, wasn't this the one where I wro-OH KAMI WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
It seemed as if Naruto had read the more recent entries.
However, instead of trying to get rid of it, Naruto somehow opened a portal ("Fuuinjutsu", he later said) and threw the diary into a random universe.
Hence ended the tale of the diary of Team Hawk.
"Erza! Erza! Look at this!" a pink haired dragon slayer held up the battered thing.
"NATSU! GET RID OF THAT, QUICK!" shouted Erza after she read through the contents.
"Fine..." muttered Natsu, but not before running away and quickly scribbling down some doodlings of him fighting against Gray and winning.
And after that...
"EH! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM!" Haru, the second Rave Master, jumped in fright at seeing a diary appear out of nowhere.
Ellie shrugged, before speed reading through it and grabbing a pen.
"I'm gonna leave my mark on this!"
"Hey!" shouted Haru. "So do I!"
And after that...
"Hey, Harry, you think this could be one of Voldemort's horcruxes?"
Three wizards stared at the battered thing.
"Nah, maybe not," said Ron as he read through it before suddenly getting a giant nosebleed. Harry picked it up and turned to a fresh page and hastily scribbled down some insults to Voldemort.
"Ok, all done, Hermione, Ron, let's go!"
And after that...
Gaara stared at the diary.
And threw it into the desert.
"GAAH!" Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, jumped in fright at a book.
Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, picked it up, looked through it, and got a giant nosebleed. Riza Hawkeye took one look at the picture, flipped to a fresh page, and wrote down a long lectured to this "Jiraiya".
And for some random reason...
Ian Kabra stared at the offending diary that had fallen flat onto Amy's head. Amy picked it up and looked through it, before saying,
"It's in Japanese."
Ian, skilled in Japanese that he was, read through it - and promptly wished he hadn't.
But before he could toss it, Atticus Rosenbloom grabbed it and read it before falling and laughing and barely managing to translate it to Dan, who also collapsed laughing.
Byaku thought she had done a pretty good job.
The path of the diary has not yet finished...it's currently somewhere in the anime universe. I'll track it down later.
So, for the last time in this story, I bid you farewell.
And don't forget, you can speed up production of Konoha Mishaps by sending me complicated sciency word!
Byaku~ and Itachi (who is trying to put a belt on Sasuke right now)