Like It Never Happened
(1a – Alec's POV)
I was on my way to the training room, barely able to contain my excitement because I was really looking forward to the sparring session Jace had promised me earlier in the day. It seemed like such a long time since we had the chance to spar and I really enjoyed the challenge he gave me when we fought.
And, well, some small part of me might've enjoyed seeing him without a shirt on as well, but I generally ignored that part of myself. Like I was doing while I passed his bedroom, barely glancing at the partially opened door as I passed, but then I heard a shuffling noise coming from inside. I paused with a frown on my face as I turned back to his door. At first, I thought it was the cat, but it was actually something I had only ever seen in my dreams.
My breath caught in my throat, choking me and my first reaction was to turn away and forget that I had ever seen this because it was obviously a very private moment and—
It was one I was likely never to see again and, honestly, I don't know what made me stay. Well, no, that's a lie. I'm a teenage boy. I have needs. I'm curious and a lot of that curiosity is centered around Jace, and there he was: naked and laid out across his bed with his hand wrapped grasping, pulling and tugging on his erection.
I knew I should've looked away. I knew it. But, knowing it and doing it were two very different things when this Jace only existed in my fantasies. I stood there, against the wall outside of his door, grasping at his door frame while I peeked inside—while I watched him arch and buck into his own hand, his hips moving in such a delicious rhythm that I had to bite back an appreciative sigh.
The things I wanted to do to him…
… and the things I wanted him to do to me!
A shiver raced through my body at the thoughts and images that crossed my mind, my knees growing weaker as my pants grew tighter and I wanted. I wanted. I iwanted/i things I could not have.
But, this! This I could have.
I could watch. I could close my eyes and imagine him and I together when I was alone. I could touch myself, wrap my fingers around my cock and stroke myself while thinking about him—about his golden perfection consuming me until I cummed with his name in my mouth.
My groan was muffled by my hand as I sank my teeth into the fleshy bit beneath my thumb, still clutching his door frame while I watched him bring himself off with increasingly erratic pumps and thrusts. My other hand was pressed between my legs, my palm pressed against the thick bulge in my pants as my dick throbbed for release, Jace finally finding his own with the most wanton groan I had ever had the pleasure of hearing.
He relaxed against his bed, pushing a hand through his hair and that's when I realized that it was over. It was done. He was coming back to himself and if he just happened to turn his head slightly and really pay attention…
…my eyes widened in realization.
He'd see me. He'd see me and know I was watching him. He'd know and I'd have to explain to him, I'd have to tell him why I was watching him while he was getting off. I wouldn't be able to side-step this or brush it aside. He'd want to know and, and I'm afraid I might tell him.
I'm afraid that I'd spill everything. I'd tell him how I wanted him. How much I loved him. How much I wanted to be laid out beneath him and have his hands on my body, working me into a frenzy before he painted me with my own cum. I wanted him. I wanted him and, surely, he wouldn't feel the same way.
I could—I would lose everything. I'd lose him. He wouldn't want to be around me when he knew I had these feelings—these disgusting, abnormal feelings. I was shaking again, but this time it wasn't in arousal. I was shaking in fear as I backed away from the door and I fled.
I found myself in the bathroom, though I had no memory of that being my destination. I had simply ended up here with a locked door between myself and what I had witnessed. My chest heaved as I panted heavily, still caught in a panic—in terror over what I had done. I had watched. I could've been caught! Maybe I was caught! Maybe he was coming after me right now, and—
That was just silly, I told myself as I breathed deeply in attempts to calm my breathing. He could've had seen me. He would've said something, surely. Who wouldn't have said something if they caught someone watching them while they were…
…while they were…
The memory of Jace touching himself—of his muscled thighs clenching as he snapped his hips up into his hand, into his fingers ringed around his perfect cock—flashed across my mind, taking me by surprise, and I stumbled into the sink. I grasped its sides and, for a moment, just stared at the drain and faucet before reaching to turn it on, the rush of the water drowning out the pounding in my head.
It didn't drown out the memory, though. I could still see it. I could still hear every sound he made, every sound his bed made as he moved upon it. I clenched my eyes closed, trying desperately to push the memories away, but it was useless. I let out a whimper, almost a soft, pathetic cry before I cupped my hands and filled them with water, splashing it against my face in hopes of of cooling myself, but I was still hot.
My eyes opened and I watched as the water swirled down the drain before I turned off the faucet, a soft sigh leaving me as I looked up at my reflection, reading an accusation in my eyes that asked what sort of man watched his partner in battle, his brother, his parabatai with desire in his eyes?
I am a monster, an abomination. I didn't deserve to be in the same room as him, I didn't deserve him and if he knew about how I felt, he'd surely turn away from me. My feelings, my desires—they were wrong even though they were still strong inside of me.
I still loved Jace even though I knew it was wrong, I still wanted him, and my panic, my fears hadn't done much to diminish that. I closed my eyes and I could still see him; hot, hard and leaking precum from the head of his penis. I shivered, I shuddered, I shook with desire while I palmed myself through my pants as they became tighter and tighter.
I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't stop myself as my hips moved against my hand. I allowed myself to imagine that it was Jace's hand and he was pressed behind as he teased me, as he rubbed me to full hardness before unbuckling my belt, unbuttoning my pants and pulling my zipper down.
A soft groan left my lips as I pulled my erection free from the tight confines of my pants and I stroked myself, slowly at first as I watched with half lidded eyes. My hips rocking along with the movements of my hand, until soon, I was thrusting into the snug ring my hand made.
But, in my mind—in my fantasy it wasn't my hand I was thrusting into. It was Jace's. And his grip was strong. His movements sure. The pressure was just right, perfect, as he let me fuck his hand, whispering encouragements in my ear as I felt my release build inside of me.
My hand moved faster and faster as my body grew hot, my breathing ragged and broken with moans until, finally, my pleasure crested and I came with a soft cry of Jace's name. I sagged against the sink and, looking down, I noticed that my cum had stained the cabinet doors. I heaved a sigh and, with a soft curse, moved to clean myself and the sink.
I walked into the training room a full twenty minutes after I was supposed to be there, hoping beyond hope that I didn't look as ashamed as I felt when my eyes found him standing across the way, already punching and kicking into thin air to warm himself up. Again, I found myself quietly watching him as he worked out. I was hypnotized by the way he moved, by the way he bobbed and weaved through the air, his muscles contracting and stretching beneath his skin as it shined with a thin sheen of sweat.
Shamefully, I felt desire curl inside of me as though I hadn't stopped off in the bathroom and taken care of myself before coming here, before coming to him. I felt my cheeks heat and I turned away, just catching his smirk as he realized he was no longer alone. "Took you long enough," he said, his voice drenched in amusement. "I was beginning to think I'd have to do this alone."
I heard his footsteps on the stone floor as he left the practice mat and approached me, but I still couldn't look at him. I was afraid to, afraid that he might see what I had done. It felt like my sin was written across my face and Jace, who could read me so well, would see it.
"What kept you?"
I stuttered over the answer, because I couldn't tell him the truth. I could feel my face getting hotter as I struggled to answer him, but then I heard him chuckle. I frowned at him, immediately deflating and stopping all attempts to try and explain myself.
"By the Angel, don't hurt yourself!" Jace laughed, his eyes shining with mirth as he beckoned me with a wave of his hand. "Come on," he said before his lips curled up into another infuriating smirk as he turned. "Are we going to do this or what?" He asked as he started towards the mat, obviously expecting me to follow him.
I lingered for a few moments, calming myself before starting after him. I took up my normal position across from him on the mat, crouched low in a starting stance as I watched him for any slight flicker of movement that would betray his intentions.
But, Jace was good at masking himself. He had mastered his own body and knew how to shut himself down. I didn't know he was aiming for a tackle until his shoulder nearly rammed into my abdomen, but I grabbed him just in the nick of time and used his own momentum to flip him over onto the mat.
He hit the mat hard before looking up at me, his eyes were dark and his grin made my stomach clench and my heart skip a beat. I knew he wouldn't be down for long, I just didn't know what he planned to do once he was up and then, suddenly, he caught me off guard and kicked my feet right out from under me.
The wind was knocked out of me and, for a moment, I couldn't breathe as I stared up at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. "Don't lose your focus," he chastised, leaning over me, our noses nearly touching as his hair brushed against my cheeks.
My focus was suddenly all shot to hell. I turned my face to look away from him because he was entirely too close, but it didn't help. I could feel him breathing against my ear, against my neck and I closed my eyes as my hands curled into fists.
He chuckled again, the sound right by my ear and it made me shudder. He mustn't have noticed it, because he pulled away almost immediately after, tapping me on the shoulder as he stood up. "Come on. Let's have another go," he said and I stood up.
He had me locked in a hold before I even got to my feet. My arms were above my head, his laced between them with his hands clasped behind my neck. His grip was vicious. I could feel the pressure on my shoulders, just siding on painful, and I could feel his breath on my ear.
"Alec," he said softly, scoldingly as he shook his head slowly before pressing closer to me and I could feel his front all down my back. "You're not as sneaky as you think you are," he murmured against my ear before shoving me forward.
I didn't get very far. I didn't even have time to react before my arms were bent and pressing into my lower back, Jace holding them together with one hand while his other was resting against my abdomen. "Did you really think I had no idea?" He asked before chuckling softly and I could feel the force of my heart beats throughout my entire body. I could feel my body heat rise and panic start to set in.
Did Jace know? Had he caught me without me even realizing it? Is this the part where he made me pay for being such a sick person?
I felt his nose brush slowly across my cheek and he inhaled deeply, his chest raising and expanding behind me before I felt his lips follow the same path—not kissing, merely caressing but it was enough to make me melt and relax completely in his hold.
"W-what are you—" I stuttered, but he interrupted me with his lips against my ear again, speaking softly and clearly.
"So, Alec, did you enjoy the show?" He asked before he ground his groin against my ass.
I groaned softly, my eyes fluttering closed as I pressed back against him and then I was shoved forward again. This time, he didn't go after me and I wasn't paying attention—I wasn't focused and I fell forward onto my hands and knees.
"Get up," Jace said, his presence looming behind me, making my hair stand on ends as I watched his shadow grow over him. "I said get up," he repeated, his voice a little more vicious as he nudged the bottom of my boot with the tip of his.
I scrambled to obey, nearly tripping over myself as I rose to my feet and whipped around to face him, my chest heaving and my eyes wide with panic as I looked at him. He didn't look nearly as pissed off as I imagined he would. He looked…amused and, and he was looking at me like he looked at the waitress at Taki's that he liked so much.
"Jace…" I started softly, my voice shaking as his smile grew. "…I can explain…"
He spoke as though I hadn't spoken at all. "You didn't answer my question, Alec." The way he said my name—like it was a dare, a challenge—made my dick throb with renewed arousal. "Did you enjoy the show?" He asked as though he was speaking to a child.
I didn't have an answer or, well, I didn't want to say. He never gave me the chance to anyway, just moments after he had asked, he was coming at me again. But, this time, he was too quick for me to catch. He tackled me to the ground and caged me with his arms and legs as he loomed over me, smirking down at me.
"I think you did," he said, sounding sure of himself, his fingers wrapping around my wrists before dragging them above my head, pinning them to the mat before he looked down at me again. "I think that's why you were late," he continued, holding my hands with just one of his own, before sitting up.
He was straddling me and I could hardly hide my body's reaction. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to welcome it as he shifted around in my lap, grinding the bulge of his erection into my own. "Were you thinking about me?" He asked as his free hand slid underneath the hem of my shirt, making my stomach jump as his fingers crept up my torso. "Or were you thinking about us? About what I'd do to you? Maybe you were thinking about what you'd do to me…" He paused, tilting his head to the side in thought. "What would you do to me, Alec?"
He stared at me, clearly expecting an answer this time—an answer I couldn't give because I had lost the ability to speak sometime in the last few moments. The only thing I could say, the only noise I could make, was a soft whimper that made Jace smile broadly. "I'll admit," he said softly, leaning down to me again, my hands still trapped above my head as his nose bumped against mine. "I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to guys, but ithis/i—" He ground his hips into mine again. I could feel his erection against my thigh and his soft groan against my ear. "—feels great."
I could hardly believe this was happening, but I could feel his lips, teeth and tongue against my neck. He pressed harsh kisses to my skin using his teeth and lips—the sharp sensation of pain reminding me that this wasn't a dream—before his tongue rushed over to soothe the aches.
He kept moving, undulating against me and his destination was clear, his intention clear as he groaned my name against my ear and his hands rushed to touch every inch of my chest. He seemed frantic, almost erratic.
But, then again, so was I.
My cock was throbbing, begging for release as I moved against him in pursuit of it and it came upon me like a crushing wave—like I hadn't even stopped off in the bathroom and jacked off before coming in here. It crashed into me and my orgasm surged through me, messing my pants as Jace's teeth sank into my neck. I cried out at the pain and pleasure of it as his rhythm broke, and I realized that he had came as well.
He laid against me, having released my hands, for what seemed like a life time. His chest heaved against mine and his face was buried in my neck. I could still feel his mouth against my throat, though his teeth had abandoned my skin. Idly, I wondered if he had left a mark that I would have to cover or make excuses for.
Then he groaned softly, shifting against me before pushing himself up. He loomed over me again, an assessing look in his eyes as I felt heat rise in my cheeks again. "Spar with me," he requested softly before he pushed himself to his knees. "Come on," he said, tapping me on the shoulder before he rose to his feet and held out a hand for me to take.
I stared at him for a long moment as my heart thudded against my chest, wondering if this was how things were going to be now—was he just going to ignore what had happened? Wasn't he going to say anything about it? What was going to happen to us, to our bond? Could it withstand what had just happened?
The questions, I realized, didn't matter at that exact moment. I lifted my hand, grasping his wrist as he grasped mine and allowed him to pull me to my feet with a brotherly pat on the shoulder before we squared off and took up our positions again.
Some things, I thought, were better left unsaid.
…for the time being.