Holes. Damp and empty holes. Holes in her dreams. Holes in her memories. Holes in her life. And a gaping hole in her heart.
These holes added up and ultimately made her a less complete person. Terra, of course, knew that nobody's life was complete. She knew that everyone felt empty in one way or another. She knew that a intrinsic part of life was feeling worthless at times. It was an accepted fact for her. She just didn't expect life to be so cruel to her. Nobody does.
It was a typical Saturday night. The restaurants were crowded. The theaters were packed. A drunken party was going down at the Smith's house. And everyone who was anyone had 'big plans'.
Terra was the exception to this rule. Although by no means unpopular or a loner, she decided that she wanted to spend this particular evening prowling the streets alone. Her friends were baffled by this decision, but they didn't say anything about it. Except one, whose comment was: "I guess she just doesn't want to have fun tonight."
I guess she just doesn't want to have fun tonight.
The words played over and over again in Terra's mind like a broken record player. They were partly true, Terra supposed. But they still became another hole in the tattered banner of her happiness. Terra kicked a pebble on the sidewalk. It bounced into the street and fell through a storm drain. The roads were so empty of cars and the night was so still, that Terra was able to hear the pebble plop into the sewer waters.
"Out on an evening stroll, I see."
The silence-piercing words startled Terra at first, but she turned and saw that it was just him. The crazy green fellow who introduced himself as Beastboy and insisted that they use to know each other. Terra kept on walking.
"Leave me alone," is what she said.
Beastboy, as boys are wont to do, paid little attention to what she said and chased after the pretty girl. When he finally caught up to her, he didn't even know what to say. However, he was a boy, so he opened his mouth anyways.
"Um," He said while fiddling his thumbs. "I just thought that since you're walking alone and all... That maybe I could accompany you. After all, it is night time and...Well, you know. That's the time when mass-murderers, serial killers, and pickpockets are out and about."
Terra gave Beastboy a look over. She knew his type. Good intentions, but way too stupid for his own good. Sure he was funny, but if Terra wanted a good laugh she would have spent the night with her friends.
"I don't need an escort, thank you. I'll be fine by myself." Said the girl.
But the boy just saw a girl whom he loved, so he kept walking with her. Terra resented Beastboy's decision to do that.
She was spending the night alone precisely because she wanted some space to think; time to herself so she could contemplate important issues. She knew she couldn't think straight with her friends distracting her, and she certainly couldn't think with this guy around. So with the firmness of a drill instructor, she ordered him to give her some space. Beastboy complied. In fact, he made sure that he was following from a distance of at least five feet at all times. This annoyed Terra at first.
However, when she turned to ask, "Why are you still following me?"
Beastboy retorted with, "Because this is America and I can do what I want."
And Terra decided to leave it at that. Not only would it be pointless to argue with someone like him, but it also couldn't hurt to have a cute hero acting as her bodyguard. Just in case there did happen to be any dangerous pickpockets lurking in the shadows.
Terra looked up. Up towards the stars. She remembered learning stories about how lost people would use the stars to find their way. That's kinda how she felt at the moment. Stuck at the crossroads between a blurry past and a distant future with no idea where to go. That must be why Terra was gazing at the stars that night. She was hoping for answers. Should she leave the past behind? Or embrace it and forfeit her future? As her mind was searching the skies for answers to these questions, Terra suddenly felt something tugging at her arm. She turned around.
"What were you looking at?" Asked a bewildered Beastboy.
He had noticed that Terra was looking at something in the sky, but he only saw stars when he looked up. He wondered, why could Terra see something up there that he couldn't? So he ran over and asked her; Completely forgetting that she wanted to be alone.
"Nothing, nothing at all." Replied Terra.
Beastboy, being the delightfully dim-witted boy he was, believed her. He figured that he must have just imagined her looking up at the sky.
With a dorky smile on his face, Beastboy said. "Oh, Okay then."
Then he gave a nervous cough and stepped back a bit. "Do you want me to give you some space again?"
Terra gazed back up at the stars for a moment. Or maybe she was rolling her eyes at Beastboy. Either way, a smile had crept onto Terra's face by the time she responded.
"No, you can walk near me if you want."
Before Beastboy could burst with joy, she added. "But you have to keep quiet. I still want to think about a few things."
Beastboy, only too eager to agree with anything Terra might say, bobbed his head up and down in reply. He also motioned that his lips were sealed. Terra chuckled to herself and the two teenagers started walking.
They roamed about the city while the moon roamed about the sky. Neither of the two kids ever stopped to interrupt the harmonious silence. Beastboy enjoyed watching the the starlight reflect off of Terra. It was much better than listening to himself tell some stupid jokes.
As for Terra, she was too busy grappling with the holes in her life to speak.
She thought about the holes in her dreams, the holes in her memories, and the hole in her heart. She also thought about how she should fill these holes. It was strange. Although Terra was by no means unloved, she still could not help but feel uncertainty about where she truly belonged. Should she stay with the new friends she made? Or return to the half-remembered friends she left behind? How could she possibly make the right decision?
Terra glanced up at stars again, but deep down she knew that even they could not solve her problems. Perhaps that's why Terra looked at them. They reminded her that nobody holds all the answers. They showed her that even the darkest of nights were not completely black. For they were filled with millions of stars; Tiny holes in the black sky. Making the darkness incomplete. Just like her.