"Damnation" By Luke's Dragon
…Strange really how things sometimes just run away with you isn't it? Anyway my feeling is "Damnation" has reached the end of its life, the whole idea was a slightly depressing look at darkness, redemption and finding your place in the world. Anyway I think that is just about done, throughout the course of this fic I think he has reached a place where "Damnation" isn't a suitable title anymore. So therefore this is going to be the last chapter of this fic. Thing is I really want to give it a happy ending, but I can't bring myself to do it, so I've gone for a sort of ambiguous ending, where it sorta finishes this but leaves it open to do another fic following on from this one…Kinda like "Star Wars" or something. If you enjoyed "Damnation" then check out "Brave New World" which is the follow up fic to this.
I'd also like to take this chance to thank everyone who has either reviewed or e-mailed or both (you know who you are) Thank you, it's because of people like you guys I didn't end at chapter 4.
Yeah, we all know it isn't mine…we do don't we?
Chapter IV – Angel of Darkness
"That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that there still exists a right and wrong, that decency will somehow triumph in the end" ~ Lisa Hand
I am home. The events of the past few months blur into a hazy recollection of a memory. I am at peace, the voices that for so long had tortured my mind are silent and the physical wounds I bear have all but healed leaving not even the faintest trace of a scar. And still I cannot shake the unsettling feeling that something is deeply wrong. Although this place looks like home, and feels like it when the wind blows or the sun beats down on my back, there is something unsettlingly wrong about the place and I cannot put my finger on quite what it is.
I am alive though, and that is all I need to know, I have the gift of life and the chance to do whatever I see fit with that gift. I had wanted to find those children and help them out, even after the demise of Oikawa there is sure to be some new threat, but strangely enough no one I have asked knows anything about Oikawa, the dark vortex or the Digi-Destined. It is strange indeed, as are most of the Digimon, creatures I have never seen the likes of before wander around and the creature I expected to see are conspicuous by their absence. Yet I am sure this is the Digital World, I am positive that I know where I am. But everything has changed so much in such a short space of time, it seems all I have done is overcame on set of obstacles only to have another larger one placed in my path.
Though I should fell happy to be given another chance I am still confused. After everything I have been through it has come to this a sense of nothingness. So much wandering, so much pain and I feel as though I have gotten precisely nowhere at all. Sometimes I wonder why I have survived this long. But that is just a foolish thought, striking me in a moment of weakness, but I cannot help wondering if perhaps my freedom to do as I wish is just another way of trapping myself.
So what can I do now? I suppose the most accurate answer is anything I want to do…and there lies the rub I have nothing left that I wish to accomplice. For so long I defined myself by my search for answers and for my role in this world, after defeating Oikawa I do not feel as if there is anything left for me. Almost as if my life was scripted to end that day, and somehow my destiny has been altered and now I am just being swept along as though in a raging river.
No, I have fought too long and hard just to be swept along by the tides of destiny. I owe it to myself to do something with my life, no matter how long I have left, It doesn't really matter if it is days, weeks or years I must live, and live well. With the strength I was created with, and the soul that I have found along the way I must continue onwards. Forever onwards, and yet…and yet I feel so very alone.
Allies, Companions…Friends. When I think back that is actually what has made me come this far, maybe it is the Digi-Destined or Wargreymon or whoever, it has always been that little part of me inside that has told me to fight for the 'good guys.' Hell knows it would have been so much easier on me to have taken the Digi-Destined out on that very first day I was created, or sided with Oikawa at that final battle. But every time something inside of me made me say 'no.'
Pride that I wouldn't obey someone weaker than me? Maybe at first but later, no I don't think so.
The voices in my head…no because I don't think they could ever tell me something I don't already know.
So maybe it was my soul, or heart or conscience or whatever else you choose to call it…But I guess whatever isn't good enough something so important that it shapes so much of my life and the lives of so many other people deserves a name. So what would you call it? I don't know, but I know I have time to find out.
There is so much I want to find out, but I could certainly start by finding out just what the hell has happened to this world and why everything is so strange, and I suppose if I am honest with myself I would quite like to see his face again.
His face? Who?
You should know by now
I do not
Huh… All this time and I thought you knew me
After all, you are me, or at least a part of me
Huh, Why do I feel as if I have been chasing shadows, the most important thing was always right in front of me.
No, if you don't know by now you never will
And so I am back to where I began, older and wiser, but still searching, always searching for the answers, and when I find them I know there will be more questions. But that is fine too, my purpose, if indeed anyone has such a thing is to find those answers.
And I will.