When did you leave? -SH

Yesterday morning. Remember? I packed, told you I was leaving (three times), and caught a cab. I'm at Harry's, remember? - JW

Right. I vaguely recall you leaving. How long will you be gone for? -SH

A couple of days. I left the fridge well-stocked, and Mrs. Hudson can get you anything else you need. Or, you could venture out yourself and get something to eat. It'll keep you from shooting holes in the walls. - JW

Eating slows me down. -SH

So does boredom. Now keep yourself occupied and try to destroy as few things as possible. - JW

I've obviously been busy, seeing as I've only just noticed you're gone. -SH

That's not being busy, Sherlock. That's being oblivious. - JW

I'm a detective John. It's impossible for me to be oblivious. -SH

Or humble. - JW

Nevertheless... -SH

Do you remember when Moriarty sent us a dead fruit bat last week? -SH

I wish I could forget. From now on, you open the post. - JW

Anyways, yes, I do. Why? - JW

No reason. -SH

Although, on a completely unrelated note, I think I'm sick. -SH

An experiment gone wrong again? - JW

No. -SH

What's wrong? Fever or something? I'm sure Mrs. Hudson will make you some soup if you need it. - JW

Yes. Fever. And I've been sleeping John. SLEEPING! ME! -SH

You've been sleeping? Then I believe you should go stand out in the rain and try to remain sick for as long as possible. Maybe I'll get some rest if you're not constantly shooting things and hollering at all hours. - JW

Fine. Don't even care. I'll just die here and you can come home and put my skull next to the other one. -SH

Besides it's not raining. -SH

Oh, I care, Sherlock. I care deeply. Mostly about my sleep, but I care. - JW

I'm kidding, Sherlock. Stop by the doctor's if you're not feeling well. I'll be back in a couple of days, but I'll keep texting to check in. If you die, then I might have to take up your role, and where would the world be then? - JW

Completely and utterly lost. -SH

But I'm not going to the doctors. They're all idiots. -SH

...Thank you, Sherlock. Thanks so much. - JW

You don't listen do you? I said 'they'. Of which you are not included in because you are not there. Although at this rate... -SH

Is it possible that you're even more annoying via mobile texts than in real life? I'll phone Lestrade and tell him not to bother you for a few days. - JW

No, I can still work. -SH

Sherlock, even consulting detectives are allowed sick days. Now go lie down, have some soup, and watch the telly. - JW


Mrs Hudson won't make me anymore tea. -SH

How much have you had? - JW

Does it matter? I'm sick John. I need fluids! -SH

Try juice! Sherlock, my sister is sick as well, that's why I came. I can't come back right now, but I'll see if I can catch the train tomorrow. In the meantime, do as Mrs. Hudson tells you, and get some rest. - JW

Juice? We have juice? And she's not sick, she's detoxing. And all Mrs Hudson is doing is complaining. She's making my headache worse! -SH

You're a big boy, Sherlock, you can handle this. I'm sure Molly would come over to take care of you if need be, though. You like Molly, right? - JW

Molly deals with dead people. She hardly has a bedside manner. -SH

Oh and what is your temperature supposed to be? -SH

37 degrees Celsius. Ish. Why? What's yours at? - JW

Oh. Not that. I'll try again though. It could have been an error. -SH

Fine. I'm coming home now. And I'll bring more tea. - JW

And what about your sister? -SH

She's doing a bit better. All she needs is rest now. Truth be told, Sherlock...I'm not feeling so great... - JW

Do you have a fever? -SH

Mine is 39.4 In case you were wondering. -SH

I'm not sure, haven't got a thermometer with me, but if I were to guess, then yes. - JW

And I get to choose what we watch on the telly. - JW

It's all crap anyway. -SH

Except for the reruns of classic 'Doctor Who' episodes they're airing tonight. - JW

So, what are your symptoms? - JW

Oh going to diagnose me are you? Well then. High grade fever, severe headache, muscle aches, joint pain, and exhaustion. -SH

Sounds like common influenza. Serious, yes, but not life-threatening. - JW

Right. Because Sherlock Holmes would be stricken down with the common flu. -SH

Right. Sorry. I forgot that you're not a human being like the rest of us, and therefore are incapable of getting the flu. - JW

Obviously. -SH

I think it could have something to do with Moriarty's little 'present'. Was Mrs Hudson here when we got that? -SH

I don't think so...no, she was getting her prescription for her herbal soothers for her hip. Wait, so you think it's some kind of virus? - JW

Good. -SH

And yes. You are the doctor remember? Think back to medical school... -SH

I...don't know. I was going into the army, and was a little focused on bullet extraction and quickly stopping the flow of blood to study which animals can give you a fever! - JW

No need to get huffy. Your loud texting is making my head throb. -SH

Perhaps you should call in some of your doctor favours. -SH

It would probably be best for Mrs Hudson if she went to her sister's for a while. So she doesn't die. -SH

Get a consult on the flu? I'd be a laughing stock, Sherlock, me! 'John Watson needs a second opinion on the flu'! - JW

But, yes, we'll send Mrs. Hudson to her sister's, just so she doesn't catch it. - JW

We've already been over this. I don't get the flu. You, sure. But not me. -SH

Perhaps you could have Molly come over to get some swabs to run tests. -SH

You want Molly to get sick, too? - JW

I mean, I know she'd do it quite happily, but... - JW

Tell her to come in a HAZMAT suit. -SH

And bring one for me, maybe? - JW

You're the one calling her, ask her whatever you like. -SH

... - JW

She'll be right over with two HAZMAT suits and a coffee. - JW

I don't want any coffee. -SH

I figured, but she offered, so... - JW

I could use some painkillers though. -SH

Okay, so it's not the flu. What do you think it is? Malaria? -JW

Possibly. Where are you? -SH

I don't have orthostatic hypotension, but it's not a must have for diagnosis. -SH

I've just stopped off at the Tesco for some medicine and some more tea. Do you need anything else? Do you figure it's typhoid fever then, perhaps? Do I need to phone an ambulance? - JW

Tesco's doesn't have morphine. And no ambulance. I will be perfectly fine in our flat. Perfectly fine being a relative term. -SH

No. No more drugs. If you want drugs, you can get them from the hospital. I'll be right there with the tea. - JW

Didn't you stop by the hospital? -SH

No. And if you want anything from the hospital, you'll have to go there yourself. Which, in my medical opinion, probably wouldn't hurt. Any new symptoms? - JW

I keep hearing this irritating voice. Probably irrelevant though. -SH

Are you sure it's not just Mrs. Hudson? - JW

No, it's distinctly masculine and doctorly. -SH

Is Doctor Who playing on the telly again? - JW

Oh, do you mean me? - JW

The sad part is you don't even know how dense you are. -SH

Mrs Hudson left me. -SH

Tea John. I need tea. -SH

I'm here, Sherlock. Just coming up the stairs. And I've got the tea. How are you doing? - JW

Dreadfully. -SH

Have you deduced what it is yet? - JW

Don't be ridiculous John, I'm not the doctor. -SH

No, you're the world's only consulting detective. I'm out of ideas...I need you to figure this out. - JW

You're so incredibly transparent. I've already given my opinion, which is to call up some of those colleagues of yours. Now you're mostly annoying me, probably just to check to see if I've overdosed on anything, or have otherwise dulled my mental capacities. -SH

What day is it by the way? -SH

Look, Sherlock, the only other things I can think of are incredibly rare... - JW

And it's Tuesday. - JW

And when did you get back from your sister's? -SH

And any of those would be quite fitting. Unordinary diseases... yes quite fitting. -SH

Just now, Sherlock. I just got back now. And I'm not good at chasing zebras. It could be any number of things... - JW

Oh. Then why are you texting me if you're here? -SH

Molly's not here with the HAZMAT suits yet. No offense. - JW

None taken. Although I was sure she would've rushed right over. -SH

So I take it you're feeling better? -SH

She texted. Caught in traffic. And not particularly, but I don't think whatever's wrong with me is life-threatening. Yours, maybe. - JW

I suppose I should feel happy about that then. In an odd sort of way. -SH