AN: So, I was bored and couldn't sleep... this idea came to mind. I thought it'd be funny and something to do every once in a while as a stress reliever. This is just going to be a fun story and has no real plot so I'll update randomly and take suggestions. Hope you like!
I own nothing.
Fury was furious; no pun intended. He was currently leaning against the door to his bedroom in Avengers Tower. Pacing before him was Agent Hill and a very distressed Pepper Pots. The SHIELD director didn't know how it happened or why but it needed to be undone. He was not qualified for this kind of work.
"I'm still not sure I understand sir," Hill said. The look on her face suggested she thought Fury had lost his mind.
"I think I was pretty clear," Fury said. "Now I ordered you to the lab. Get our techs working on a way to reverse this."
"I'm sorry sir, but unless I see it with my own eyes, I just don't believe it." Hill placed her hands on her hips and glanced at Pepper who was now wringing her hands nervously. "Aliens I can believe. Other realms, that was a stretch but okay. But this? There's no way."
Fury ran a gloved hand over his face and stepped away from the door. "All right, Hill. See for yourself." Fury pushed open the door.
Hill's eyes landed on a scene of complete chaos. It was like Fury had contained a war zone in his bedroom. Tables were turned over, the bed clothes sprawled across the floor; but that wasn't the oddest thing. Running around the room, were several small children who looked all too familiar.
"Oh my god," Pepper gasped, peeking into the room over Hill's shoulder.
Running rampant around the room were the Avengers, plus Loki. Only, they weren't really the Avengers. Well they were; they were miniature replicas of the super heroes and their arch nemesis. In one corner of the room, a tiny Bruce Banner was coloring on the walls. On Fury's bed, a child-sized Thor was hitting a young Loki on the head with a hammer. Loki was of course fuming, whacking his elder brother with one of Fury's pillows. A crash from the other side of the room caught everyone's attention. Landing in a heap on the floor was a baby Barton; an arrow stuck in the ceiling with a rope swinging from it. He had obviously tried to construct a swing for himself and failed miraculously. Laughing from Fury's desk was Tony. He had taken apart Fury's alarm clock and had transformed it into a spring loaded gun. Steve Rogers, smaller than ever was running away from the tiny genius, his shield balanced on his back, protecting him from Tony's fire. Last but not least, sitting in Fury's arm chair was little Natasha. A gun was in her lap and she was cleaning it expertly.
"What?" Hill gasped. "How? I don't even…"
"I told you," Fury sighed with exasperation.
Pepper shrieked with despair and pushed past Hill into the room. She snatched the gun from Natasha and pried Tony's makeshift weapon from his tiny little hands. "You left them in here unsupervised? With… weapons?"
Fury shifted uncomfortably. "I am not qualified for this line of work."
"Work? They're children!"
Hill shook her head. "Okay, explain what happened again."
"Loki was up to his usual tricks. I dispatched the team. Something happened, I don't know what. Loki did some kind of magic and now they're all a bunch of kids."
"What are we going to do?" Hill asked. She stepped out of the way as Steve ran by, chased by Thor who had grown bored of picking on Loki.
"I need you to go to the lab. Get the techs working. Find a way to fix this mess." Fury answered. The director dismissed Hill then called across the room to Pepper. "Miss Potts."
Pepper looked up from where she was tending to a paper cut on Bruce's finger. "Yes?"
"I need you to do some press control. A lot of people saw what Loki did. If word of this gets out… I don't even want to think about it."
Pepper nodded. "But who will watch the kids?"
Fury shrugged. "I was planning to leave them in here until we found a way to fix this."
Pepper laughed. "They're kids, Nick, you can't just leave them here unattended. And… for god's sake, they're not just children, they're superhero children. They need to be looked after."
"What are you suggesting I do, Miss Potts?"
"Well, since SHIELD's biggest threat is also a five year old right now, I'd say it's safe for you to step down as director and look after the kids until this is fixed."
"What?" Fury gasped, the color draining from his face. "Me? This is vastly outside my line of work."
"Someone needs to watch them Nick, might as well be you." With that, Pepper left the room, already tapping away on her smartphone, tending to the damage control. She shut the door behind her, leaving Fury in a room full of children he couldn't hope to control.
"Clint, Clint." Fury hefted Loki over his shoulder. He had just pried the baby god of mischief off of baby Bruce who was crying uncontrollably. Now, he made a beeline for the other side of the bedroom where Clint was holding Tony in a head lock. "Barton, get off of Stark."
"But Furry, he made fun of my shirt," Clint pouted, tightening his grip on Tony.
"For the last time, my name is Fury, not Furry." The director bent down and scooped up Clint with his free hand. Meanwhile, miniature Loki pounded his tiny fists on Fury's back. The god of mischief may have been only been a few feet tall, but his still retained his god like strength. "Loki for the love of… what is the matter?"
"Put me down you insolent buffoon. How dare you lay your hands on me? I am a god!"
"Loki, Loki," Thor had waddled up, the handle of his hammer dripping in slobber. "Be nice to the kind Mister Furry. He has so graciously allowed us to stay in this play room." As soon as he had finished speaking, he stuck the handle of his hammer back in his mouth, sucking on it like a baby might suck of a pacifier.
Fury repressed an angry growl. "FURY, not Furry. And this is not a play room!"
"Mister Furry, sir, can I go play with the pretty girl?" Clint asked. He squirmed in Fury's grip, trying to force his way down to the floor.
Fury sighed and dropped Clint down on the carpet. "Yes, fine. But keep your hands to yourself." He watched as Clint tottered off to the bed, where Natasha and Steve were pouring over a coloring book. Turning away from the miniature spies and the baby soldier, Fury plopped Loki onto a chair in the corner. "You are in time out. Hitting Bruce is not acceptable."
Loki's pudgy little face twisted into a pout. "He pulled my cape."
"Yes, but Bruce… Bruce has a temper. You are not to hit him. Understand?"
"You are beneath me foul creature!" Loki leapt up on the chair, a tiny horned helmet appearing magically on his head. He jumped at Fury who easily caught the god and placed him back in the chair.
"Loki, don't be a bad boy. I'll tell Father." Thor sat on the floor beside the chair, twiddling his hammer between chubby fingers.
"Father isn't here you dummy," Loki spat.
Fury shook his head, leaving the bickering brothers alone for the moment. When he turned to survey the rest of the chaos, his eye widened. "Natasha!" Fury briskly walked over to the bed. Clint was laying face down, crying. Natasha was on his back, sticking her saliva moistened fingers in his ears. Steve sat at the edge of the bed, giggling behind the coloring book.
"Mister Pirate," Steve said, scrambling to a standing position. He bounced back and forth with excitement while Natasha continued giving Clint wet willies. "Don't yell at Tasha. Clint pulled her hair."
Fury ran a hand over his shaved dome. "Clint, I said no touching."
"But she's pretty!" Clint whined. Then he yelled out in pain while Natasha bent his arm backwards.
Fury swept in and separated the two former assassins before either of them got hurt. "All right," he called to the room in general, "New rule. You are not to touch anyone but yourself. Understood?"
Little Tony stomped up to Fury. "You're not the boss of me."
Fury cocked an eyebrow. Even as a child, Stark was a pain in the ass. "Do you want to join Loki in time out?"
From across the room, Loki called out. "I will escape from this vile prison!" His voice was muffled as he was wrestling Thor on the chair. The young god of thunder was trying desperately to hold Loki in place.
"No, brother, you must serve your punishment."
Tony made a face. "And sit with the freaks? No thanks." He stomped back off to Fury's desk where he had formerly been trying to hack into Fury's laptop before Barton had tackled him for making fun of his purple shirt.
Before Fury could stop Tony from messing up his laptop, there was a knock at the director's door. Fury eagerly rushed to the door, opening it just a crack and sticking his head out. "Thank god, Pepper."
Pepper held up a hand from where she stood in the hallway. "Oh no. I've still got reporters to deal with. I just thought the kids might be hungry." With her other hand, she offered Fury a tray of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies, and glasses of chocolate milk.
Fury huffed with irritation but took the tray. He shut the door and turned back to what used to be his bedroom. At the sight of food, he was nearly trampled by the tiny heroes and their archenemy.
"I require food!" Little Thor bellowed. He snatched a sandwich from the tray and began smashing it with his hammer before scarfing it down. Meanwhile, Tony and Loki were fighting over cookies. Steve had already spilled chocolate milk on himself and was crying. Fury sighed as he felt a tug at his trench coat. Looking down, he saw Bruce.
"Mister Furry, can I have another cookie?"
Fury was about to oblige when a sticky piece of bread smacked him square on the eye patch. He hear a small "Uh oh," from across the room and just saw Clint as he vanished under the bed.
"Clint started a food fight!" Natasha tattled. The other half to Fury's sandwich was on top of her head.
Heaving an exhausted sigh, Fury began to take control over the situation. He peeled the jelly covered bread from his face, then handed Bruce a cookie. Next, he separated Tony and Loki, giving each of them their own cookie, sandwich, and glass of milk. Then, he slipped off Steve's soaking shirt and pacified the distressed soldier by giving him a new glass of milk. He then convinced Thor to eat his lunch without smashing it into the carpet before he finally pried Clint out from under the bed and made him apologize to Natasha. It took far longer than it should have, but finally, all of the Avengers and Loki were seated quietly, eating their lunch.