Title: Too Afraid To Love

Rating : M

Pairings: Kurt/Blaine

Warnings: Very strong language, sex, angst, self harm, physical abuse, non-con/rape and discussions/flashbacks of sexual abuse

Chapter 1: First Impressions

Kurt Hummel had a bad reputation and he knew it. He was the kind of person that fuelled rumours about himself because he found them hilarious. His personal favourite one was that he'd managed to seduce Principal Figgins to let him into the school, back when he was fourteen. He knew people talked about him all the time, yet he loved it. Kurt adored attention, whether it was on the stage or from people around him. Kurt's appearance was always immaculate – his hair was styled to perfection and his skin was clear. He was wearing his favourite leather jacket, a white t-shirt and skin tight red jeans, tucked into a pair of Doc Marten boots. He knew he looked good, and he often used it to his advantage.

"Look, there he is!"

"Where, I can't see him?"

"There, looking in the locker, next to the cheerleader!"

"Oh that's him! Oh my goodness, he's hot!"

"Don't even go there Amy, he doesn't date anyone."

"I bet I could change that!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow, smiling to himself. He knew, without turning around, that whoever was talking were freshmen. Everyone else at McKinley High knew his reputation. Kurt pretended to look in his locker for a little while longer, before pulling out his maths books. Then, he shut the door, slamming it with unnecessary force. He turned to face the speakers – two girls, barely old enough to be there. They flushed when he stared at them, leaning against his locker.

"Can I help you ladies?" He asked in a sweet voice. They looked at each other and squealed. One of them, presumably Amy, took a step towards him.

"Hi, I'm Amy Carter. I… I think you look nice. Do you fancy going to watch a movie sometime?"

Kurt was silent for a long time, deliberately making the girl uncomfortable. He smirked as she squirmed and finally spoke.

"Don't flatter yourself sweetie. As your friend said, I don't date – ever. You're barking up the wrong tree here."

Amy flushed again and started stammering. Kurt rolled his eyes and walked down the hall, a slight smirk on his face. There was no denying it, he was an asshole. But he loved the sense of power that it gave him.

"I don't want to go to this school, I prefer Dalton."

"You haven't even started yet Blaine."

"But it looks horrible already; there are so many people."

"That's enough!"

Blaine Anderson lowered his gaze. He didn't want to make his father angry – he'd done that the night before and… well, it hurt.

"I'm not paying for you to go to that school anymore, it's full of fags. I won't allow my son to be exposed to that nonsense."

"Dad, there's nothing wrong with gay people…"

His dad struck him across the face. Blaine closed his mouth. He opened the car door and walked away without saying goodbye, his bag slung over one shoulder. He pulled at his jumper in annoyance – the weather was warm, but he knew if he'd wore a t-shirt, his dad would be even angrier. He would say that it's necessary to cover his bruises. Blaine's father beat him on a daily basis for the smallest things – he'd brought a friend over without asking his dad, and when they were alone, he'd beat him black and blue. Another time, he had dropped a bottle of milk in the kitchen. On that occasion, his father had kicked him repeatedly, saying he was useless. His father also hated the way he dressed, saying he "looked like a fag". If there was one thing he hated, it was gay people. Blaine didn't see the problem with them – he even had a couple of gay friends. Despite what his father had told him about them being dirty and desperate, they were all lovely.

Blaine heard his father's car pull away and he let out a sigh. He'd been happy at Dalton Academy. He had friends, even though he was what people would describe as a nerd. They all liked him, even the Warblers did. But now he was being forced to go to a public school – he'd heard rumours about places like this, and he didn't like any of them. He took a step forwards, and then another. Before he knew it, he was at the main reception area.

"Excuse me?" He said in a timid voice. The woman on the other side of the desk looked up over her glasses. "I'm new, and I'm not entirely sure where to go. Can you help me?"

"Name?" She barked, making him jump.

"Blaine Anderson."

She typed something on her computer and after about a minute, she spoke again.

"Okay, your first class is maths. I see you've been put into the senior class for this. How old are you?"

"I'm seventeen, but I was in the advanced class in my old school."

She nodded and handed him two sheets of paper – a map and a timetable.

"When you get to the class, ask the teacher if she can get someone to show you around for the week, until you get used to everything." He nodded and she pointed him in the direction of the classroom. Blaine thanked her and walked quickly, trying to avoid attracting any attention. He kept his eyes low and ended up walking right into someone, dropping his books.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I-" He looked up and stopped talking. The boy he'd walked into was glaring at him, as though he was something unpleasant at the bottom of his shoe.

"Watch where you're fucking going," he hissed, turning around and walking away.

Blaine picked up his books and stared after the boy, his mouth slightly open. His eyes were… amazing – a light blue colour. They were like ice except they looked… warm. The ringing of the bell made Blaine jump. He straightened his bowtie and walked into his classroom.

"Are you the new student?" The teacher asked. Blaine nodded and began to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him. "Don't, I know. I'm supposed to assign someone to help you around for the week. Kurt, you can do it."

Blaine turned to Kurt and his heart stopped. It was the boy from the corridor.

"Why do I have to be the one to show the kid where to go?" He said loudly.

"Because I said so Kurt. I know the crap you pull with some of the other teachers, but you should have realised by now that it won't work with me. You'll do it, or you can go to Principal Figgins."

Kurt rolled his eyes. The teacher nodded at Blaine, who gulped. He walked to his seat beside the boy slowly and sat down.

"Don't expect me to talk to you," said Kurt, slamming his books onto the table, making everyone jump.

"I won't… I… I just need you to show me where my locker is, and where all my classes are this week."


The boy didn't speak for the rest of the lesson, but he didn't do much else either. Blaine, however, worked as hard as he could. By the end of the lesson, he'd finished all of the work, along with all of the extension tasks.

"How the hell did you do all of that? Aren't you only seventeen?" Kurt asked as they rose from their seats.

Blaine nodded. "I like maths… I'm good at it."

"No shit," he said, but not harshly. "Come on new kid, your locker is next to mine."

Blaine nodded and followed him down the hallways of McKinley. He couldn't help but notice that he got a lot of strange looks as they walked, although he wasn't sure why. He took the opportunity to study Kurt. He was gorgeous, there was no denying it. His hair was a light brown and shined, even though there was very little lighting. His dress sense was amazing – Blaine knew his father would never have let him dress like that, even if he did hate the things he wore now.

"Here's my locker, and there's yours," Kurt said after a while, pointing to a small metal locker. Blaine nodded his thanks and put the majority of his books inside. He studied his time table, a small frown on his face.

"Something wrong?" Kurt asked, noticing his expression. He wasn't even sure why he was asking. He didn't care… did he? This kid looked geeky – he was actually wearing a bowtie. Although Kurt had to admit, it was adorable.

"I have French next. They've put me in the advanced class again."

"You're in the advanced class for French?" Kurt repeated, raising an eyebrow. When Blaine nodded, he laughed. "That's my class as well, but I'm shit at it. I'm not even sure why I take it, I don't need to learn French; it's not like I plan on moving to France."

"I… I think French is romantic."

Kurt frowned at him. There was something… different about him. But this kid was smart, there was no denying it. That was something he could use.

"What's your name, kid?"


"I'm guessing you know my name?" Blaine nodded. "Thought so – everyone at this place does. Come on, I'll take you to French."

Blaine just nodded again and followed him. Kurt was lost in thought. There was something about Blaine that he liked, but he wasn't sure why. He was the complete opposite of him. Maybe it was how shy he is, or maybe it's the fact Blaine didn't stammer every time he said something to him. The majority of the people at McKinley did and Kurt couldn't stand it. It annoyed the fuck out of him.

When they got to the classroom, Kurt sat down. Blaine hesitated – it was only when Kurt nodded that he sat beside him. As the rest of the class entered, they stared, open-mouthed at Kurt and Blaine.

"Why is everyone-?"

"Staring at us?" Kurt finished for Blaine. "Because you're with me. I barely talk to the people at this school, so to actually see me sat with another person is confusing for them."

Blaine just nodded. There was no denying, Kurt seemed to hate people, but he wasn't sure why. Maybe he just preferred to be alone.

Kurt watched Blaine closely throughout the lesson. He was in awe. This kid was amazing at maths, and even better at French. He spoke the language with such ease and control, it was fascinating.

"Listen Blaine," he said halfway through the lesson. "I don't do this often, so you'd better say yes. But I need a tutor for French. I'm shit at it, and I need to pass the finals exam so I can graduate this year. You're amazing; I'm not going to bother lying. So I want you to tutor me." When Blaine hesitated, he rolled his eyes. "I'll pay you for it, don't worry. I don't expect you do it for free." This last part was a lie – if it was anyone else, Kurt would have made them do it for free. But Blaine was different; he looked so innocent, it would be unfair to take advantage of him.

"Sure," Blaine said quietly. "I'll do it."

Kurt smiled at him. They were silent for the rest of the lesson. Blaine wasn't in any more of Kurt's lessons, so he sat alone for the rest of the day.

When the final bell rang to signal the end of the day, everyone leapt out of their seats. Except Blaine. He got up slowly and walked through the halls, dragging his feet. He wasn't looking forward to going home. If he could, he'd sleep at the school. But he knew that was stupid. He went into one of the bathrooms and splashed his face with cold water.

"Come on Blaine, get a grip," he muttered. "Yes, your dad's an asshole, but he's still family."

He sighed and pulled down the neck of his jumper, examining the dark purple bruises. Then, he lifted it, looking at his torso. His ribs were black and purple and hurt like hell, but still. He had to grit his teeth and get on with it. He smoothed his clothes down and left the bathroom. As he was walking towards the exit of the school, he heard it.

"Come with me, and you'll be

In a world of pure imagination.

Take a look at you'll see into your imagination."

Blaine stopped walking, a frown on his face. He peeked into one of the rooms to see a group of people stood, reading lyrics off sheets. There weren't many of them, but their voices sounded beautiful together.

"We'll begin with a spin,

Travelling in a world of my creation

What we'll see will define explanation

If you want to view paradise

Simply look around and view it

Anything you want to, do it

Wanna change the world?

There's nothing to it."

"Wait!" Said a girl's voice. "There's someone watching us! He could be a spy"

The group of people turned to stare at Blaine, who froze.

"Who are you?"

Blaine bit his lip. He took a hesitant step in the room. He felt like he was trespassing.

"I'm Blaine. I… I'm new."

"Oh, aren't you in my maths class?" One of them, an Asian boy asked. Blaine shrugged.

"Guys, why have you stopped singing? You were sounding amazing! Oh…" The teacher caught sight of Blaine and gave him a warm smile. "Can we help you?"

"I… I just heard you all singing. You sounded good… I wanted to see what was going on." The teacher nodded, still smiling. "Are they any openings?"

"Um… well you'd have to audition, but… well, if you're good enough, I'm sure we can find a place for you. Have you done anything in show choirs before?"

Blaine nodded. "I was in the choir at my old school."

"That sounds perfect. How about tomorrow, during your lunch period?"

Blaine nodded again and left, feeling happier than he had all day. A show choir was perfect! They weren't like the Warblers, who did everything without backing tracks, but they sounded amazing together. Blaine was actually looking forward to school tomorrow.