Hello. This sort of came out of nowhere. It's really pretty pointless, but there's a lack of CrissColfer fics out there, so I thought I'd share :)
The titles is from Daniel Bedingfield's song, "If You're Not The One."
Chris never considered himself lonely. He wasn't, really. He had many friends and had already experienced many things that someone of his age could only dream about. He was proud of his accomplishments, and grateful for the opportunities he'd had. However, he was inexperienced in the one area everyone else seemed to know so well. He'd had as many relationships since moving to Los Angeles as he had in his homophobic hometown. Zero.
Despite his lack of experience, he found himself with a date for the following Friday night, and he was beyond nervous. He didn't know where to go or what to do or what to say. He'd never had to know before. Chris knew he needed help, but there weren't a lot of people he felt comfortable asking.
Asking the guys of the Glee cast wouldn't have gotten him anywhere. Sure, they knew about the physical part of relationships, but the only one actually in a relationship was Cory, and he and Lea never went through the awkward "first date" phase. None of them could help him with the romantic part of his date. For a brief moment, he considered asking the girls, but soon shot that idea down. The only thing he'd get out of them was a few squeals and the constant need to know all about this mystery man.
After a lot of thinking, Chris knew there was only one person he felt comfortable enough to ask who would also be some sort of help. Darren.
During his downtime on set on Monday afternoon, Chris went to Darren's trailer and quietly knocked on the door. He didn't want to disturb Darren, but he knew if he didn't talk to him now, he would chicken out and the date would end up being a disaster.
Darren opened the door, surprised to see Chris standing there. "Chris?"
"Hi, um… can we talk?" Chris looked over Darren's shoulder to make sure he wasn't interrupting anything."
"Sure." Darren stepped aside to let Chris in.
Chris nervously bit his lip and began fidgeting it with his phone, tossing it from one hand to the other as he anxiously glanced around the trailer.
"Did you need something?" Darren asked. He had just finished reading through his script for the next scene and tossed it onto the table next to him.
"Can we sit?" Chris asked, motioning towards the couch. Darren nodded and followed Chris over to sit down. He waited patiently until Chris was ready to speak. "I have a date on Friday night," Chris finally said.
Darren's eyes widened in surprise, but he trieed not to let his emotions and slight disappointment and jealously show through. "With who?"
"Curtis. I met him at the after-party last week. He was the one with the curly hair and glasses."
Darren noded in acknowledgement. He'd felt a weird vibe when he had met the guy, but if Chris liked him, he would have to push that odd feeling aside. "Chris and Curtis. It already sounds like it's meant to be." Darren forced a smile onto his face.
"I wouldn't say that quiet yet. I don't really know that much about him, but I'd like to have the chance. That's kind of why I'm here."
Darren cocked his head to the side. "You want me to talk to him or...?"
"Um, no," Chris let out a nervous little laugh. "I... actually, I wanted to ask. For your help. With my date."
"Oh," Darren looked away. Helping Chris out with his date with another man wasn't exactly on the list of things Darren had planned to do today.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Chris was quick to say, "but I didn't know who else to ask. Everyone else would be kind of useless, and I thought you might be able to help me figure out the right thing to wear and maybe recommend a good restaurant?" Chris did his best to avoid Darren's eyes. He was already nervous enough asking for help.
"Of course, Chris. I... I want to be here. To help you when you need me to." This time Darren genuinely smiled back at Chris and gave his knee a quick pat.
"Thanks, Dare. It... it means a lot to me, you know. I want this to work, but I don't have a clue what to do or what to even say to him to keep him interested or want to go out again and I-"
"Hey, Chris, stop." Darren laid a hand on Chris arm, trying to keep him from freaking out anymore. "Just be yourself, okay? If that guy can't appreciate how compassionate and funny and intelligent you are, then he doesn't deserve you in the first place, regardless of how much you may like him." Darren gave his arm a quick squeeze before pulling his hand back. "You're amazing just the way you are. Don't change that just so someone will fall in love with you when there are already so many people madly in love with you."
"Teen girls don't count, Dare."
Darren shook his head. "I'm not just talking about fans. There are other people out there who would do anything to call you theirs; you just don't know it yet." Chris met Darren's eyes and wasn't quite sure what to say. After a few more seconds staring at each other than necessary, Darren cleared his throat. "You leave the reservations and your outfit to me, okay? I'll find the perfect thing for you to wear and bring it to set on Friday morning, alright? And I'll text you the address of the restaurant so all you have to do is give it to the driver."
Chris sighed, suddenly much less nervous and slightly more relieved than he had been just minutes earlier. "Thank you. You have no idea how much I owe you for this."
"You don't have to thank me. Just promise me you won't do anything you're not comfortable with, and you won't act like you're someone you're not. It's just a first date. If it doesn't work out, the good news is you're not in too deep yet; you've just barely stepped foot into the water."
Chris stood, then, and made his way towards the door. "Do you think it will work out? I mean... did he seem like an okay guy to you?"
Darren looked at the apprehension clearly evident in Chris' eyes, and he didn't have the heart to let him down. "He seems like a great guy." Darren didn't want to see Chris get hurt, but maybe he wouldn't. Maybe the only reason he felt weirdly about Curtis is because Curtis was getting what Darren had been wanting for weeks. He only hoped Curtis knew how precious Chris was and how lucky he was to be given this chance.
"Alright, well... I'll see you in a bit."
"Yeah." As Darren watched Chris leave his trailer, the feeling in the pit of his stomach and the ache in his heart grew tremendously. He knew this day would come; the day Chris finally showed enough interest in someone to put his heart on the line. He just hadn't expected it to be so soon. It was crazy, really. Many men would beg to be with Chris. The only problem was Darren was too scared to lose what he and Chris already had to be one of those men. Instead, he watched Chris walk out the door, leaving Darren to plan Chris' date with another man when he wanted more than anything to be Chris' date on Friday night.
By the time Friday rolled around, Chris wasn't feeling any less nervous about his date if anything, his nerves had only grown.
Darren had brought an outfit to set that morning as promised and even forced Chris to change into it and do a little modeling in Darren's trailer. Darren had insured him it looked amazing, even better than he had thought, so Chris quickly changed back out of it in order to keep it nice and clean for his date later that night.
The date started off really well. Chris' driver took them to a small restaurant along the edge of Los Angeles and he was instantly pleased with Darren's choice. The place was quiet and intimate, easing Chris' fear of being recognized or struggling to talk over a crowd during dinner. Curtis even seemed to be enjoying the date which made Chris extremely happy.
While waiting for their dinner to arrive, they took some time to get to know each other a little more: talking about where they grew up, their hobbies, little pet peeves, and random experiences they had with their friends. Chris didn't seem to notice how often Darren came up in their conversation until Curtis finally had the courage to question him about it.
"So, Chris, I have to ask... is Darren an ex of yours?" Curtis wiped at his mouth after taking a sip of his wine.
"What? Oh, no. No. Not at all," Chris laughed nervously. "He's just a co-worker. A friend. There's nothing there, trust me."
"Are you sure? Because he's come up in just about every conversation so far."
"And you've mentioned Claire in every conversation, too," Chris pointed out.
"I live with her, Chris! She's my best friend. Plus, she's a girl, and I'm kind of into guys if you hadn't noticed."
"Well Darren is my friend, and I see him every day."
"I... I just want to make sure there wasn't anything for me to worry about before I let myself get in too deep." Curtis hesitantly reached across the table to take Chris' hand. "I really like you, Chris."
Chris stared down at their hands and a memory flashed through his mind—another hand, a little smaller, a little firmer, resting on his arm earlier that week. He pushed the image out of his mind and looked back up at Curtis. "I really like you, too. I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
"Good," Curtis smiled shyly and let go of Chris' hand when the waiter arrived with their food.
"Oh my gosh," Chris groaned after the first bite. "Remind me to bring Darren here soon. He picked the perfect place for us to come tonight." Chris took another bite and didn't notice the flash of annoyance and hurt that appeared on Curtis' face.
"Um," Curtis cleared his throat and took a sip of water to wash down his food before speaking, "you look really nice tonight. Blue is definitely your color."
Chris looked down at his shirt and scrunched his nose up a bit. "You think so? Thank you. That's what Darren said, too. He had me model it earlier today and apparently he thought he did pretty well with picking it out. I'll tell him you think so, too."
Curtis dropped his fork onto his plate and sat back in his seat. The sudden change of posture made Chris pause, his fork in midair.
"Is something wrong?"
"I just.. I feel like you're not completely with me tonight. Like your mind is somewhere else." Curtis adjusted his glasses and Chris had to force himself to forget about the way another man, with the same curly hair and perfect smile, would push his glasses further up his nose every time he was deep in thought while reading a new script.
"I don't know what you mean..." Chris said honestly.
"You may not think there's anything going on between you and Darren, but I can see it. You haven't been able to go two minutes without mentioning him, and I can't help but feel like this entire date he planned for the two of us was actually the date he wants for the two of you."
"He's only a friend. I promise there's nothing going on between us." Chris was desperate now. He wanted this date to be a success and in a matter of minutes, it had gone from enjoyable to... Well... This.
"I think you guys need to talk. Or you a least need a little time to sort everything you're feeling out." Curtis stood up and pulled a few bills out of his wallet to place on the table. "Thanks for asking me to dinner, Chris." Chris searched in his eyes for any sight of sarcasm, but he found nothing but sincerity. "I'll catch a cab home."
Curtis gave Chris a quick peck on the cheek. "He's a lucky guy, Chris. He really is. I just hope he takes good care of your heart."
With one last forced smile, Curtis walked out of the restaurant, leaving Chris completely alone and even more confused than before.
"So," Darren sat down in his chair next to Chris' on set the following Monday and opened his script, "are you okay?"
Chris closed his own script and leaned forward in his chair. "I'm okay," he nodded.
Chris had called Darren the next day to talk about the events of the previous night. He left out the part where Curtis had questioned whether or not there was something going on between him and Darren. Instead, Chris explained to Darren that Curtis felt like Chris wasn't fully into their date, and maybe he wasn't quite open to dating just yet. Darren had been supportive on the phone, letting Chris talk as much as he needed, and thirty minutes after they hung up, a small pepperoni pizza had been delivered to Chris' house, compliments of Darren.
"The guy's an idiot to let you go, you know." Darren rolled his eyes and looked down at his script.
Chris was frozen in place. He looked over at Darren, trying to make some kind of sense of everything he'd been saying lately. As he was staring, he noticed how much Darren actually resembled Curtis: the hair, the eyes, the way his forehead creased when he was deep in thought. It had to be a coincidence, of course. There is no way Chris had intentionally picked the one man who slightly reminded him of his co-worker to date.
"Chris?" Darren pulled Chris out of his thoughts. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Can we talk?" Chris blurted out.
"I thought we were?" Darren looked puzzled for a moment
"I mean later. After we're done for the day. Can we just... go back to your place or my place, either one, and talk?"
A few of the crew members began gathering the cast up to begin filming again. "Um, s-sure." Darren looked around the set and stood up, stuffing his script into his back pocket. "My place won't be empty, though, so if you need to talk in private, we should probably go to your place."
"O-okay," Chris stuttered a bit. He tried not to let his mind become too creative, not wanting to imagine the things he suddenly found himself wanting to do with Darren in an empty apartment. Where were these feelings coming from? He really needed to work on getting them under control.
"I can drive you home if you'd like me to," Darren offered. "That way your driver doesn't have to worry about picking you up once we're through here."
"Right. That sounds good," Chris nodded a little too eagerly.
Darren snickered. "Come on, honey. I think everyone is waiting for us. The director keeps looking our way." Darren placed a hand on the small of Chris' back and guided him towards the stage. They both tried—and pretty much failed—to ignore the little spark of electricity running through them as their bodies met one another. After all... There was nothing going on between them... Right
Once Chris finally arrived at his apartment later that night, he quickly slipped out of his shoes and fell into the couch with a heavy sigh.
"You look exhausted," Darren chuckled from the doorway. He pulled the keys out of the door and closed it behind him.
"That's because I am. It's been a long day." Chris lowered the arm he'd flung over his face when he felt the couch cushion sink below him. Darren made himself comfortable, leaning back against Chris' side and watching him with an amused smile. "What?"
"Nothing. I just can't help but feel like this is some kind of privilege. Getting to see Chris Colfer not doing anything for once."
"Shut up," Chris grumbled. "Not all of us can threaten to put the energizer bunny out of business."
"Chris, if you're really that tired, I can leave. We can talk some other time."
Chris sat up and pulled his legs into his chest. "No, you can stay. Please, stay."
Darren raised his legs up onto the couch and crossed them, turning to face Chris. "I'm here until you want me to leave."
I don't want you to ever leave, Chris thought. "Are you hungry? I might have some leftover spaghetti from last night. Ashley needed a night of stuffing her face and watching sappy chick flicks."
Darren shook his head. "Boy troubles?"
Chris nodded, then leaned back and sighed. "Maybe neither one of us should be dating right now. She gets stuck with guys as dull as possible and my lack of experience screws everything up." He buried his toes into the couch and allowed his head to fall against his knees.
"You didn't screw anything up, Chris." Darren lifted Chris' face just enough to look him in the eyes. "Is that what you wanted to talk about tonight?"
"Yes, and no. I just..." Chris looked away and hugged his legs even closer. "I need to figure a few things out, and I thought it might be easier if you were here while I did so."
"What do you need to figure out? Can I help in some way?" When Chris shook his head, Darren stood up. "Scoot over a bit." Chris dis as told and Darren slid in behind him, positioning himself snuggly between the arm of the couch and Chris. "Lean back a bit."
"Darren..." Chris was hesitant. Being so close to Darren wasn't going to solve anything. If anything, it would only confuse him even more.
"Come on. We're going to get comfortable and sit here for as long as you need, okay? There's nowhere else I need to be right now."
Darren held his arms open and Chris finally gave in. He leaned back against Darren's chest and relaxed when Darren's arms snaked around his waist.
"So," Darren began. He buried his face in Chris neck, and Chris tried not to let his mind wander. He tried not to imagine what it would feel like for Darren to place kisses all along his shoulder. To bite. To suck. To make him feel like he'd never felt before.
"Can you do something for me?" Chris whispered.
Chris could feel himself begin to blush and his heart pick up speed at the term of endearment. "Can you promise that whatever I say tonight stays between you and me, and that no matter what happens or what I say, it won't change anything?"
Darren hugged Chris tighter against his chest and nodded. "Of course, Chris. You can tell me anything." And there it was. The slight press of Darren's lips to the side of Chris' neck. Chris let out a quiet moan.
"Sorry," Darren force out a shaky laugh. "I shouldn't have-"
"It's okay," Chris interrupted before Darren could say something to crush every ounce of Chris' hope. "I just didn't... I wasn't expecting it."
"Um, why don't you tell me about your date. Maybe we can figure out how to make sure it goes better next time."
"Well, I thought it was going pretty well at first. We talked the entire way to the restaurant. It was surprisingly easy with him. I mean, it wasn't as easy as it is with you, but it was okay." There he went again. Comparing Curtis to Darren.
"We got to the restaurant and it was really nice. You did a great job picking it out, by the way." Chris turned his head back to give Darren a thankful smile.
"I'm glad you liked it. I haven't been there myself, but the reviews have been nothing but the best since it opened."
"I told Curtis I would have to take you sometime. Actually, I talked about you quite a bit," Chris admitted.
"He didn't like that. He seemed fine at first. We were looking over the menu and he mentioned how much he loved salmon, and-"
"You didn't," Darren groaned, already knowing where this was going.
"-I started talking about the dinner we had the day we met. I told him the restaurant was a little shady with that man running through screaming in German and that couple at the table behind us who wouldn't stop staring."
Darren buried his face in Chris' neck. "I wanted to take you somewhere nice, but it was all I could afford at the time."
"It was great, Dare. It's a memory I'll never forget. But anyway," Chris continued, "I mentioned how amazing the salmon was and that you ate HALF of it-"
"I had like three bites!" Darren defended himself, his mouth practically watering at the thought of it.
"Sure you did, sweetie. I think you ate more of my food than was socially acceptable between two people who had just met."
"We should go back there sometime. I promise to order my own."
"I'd like that," Chris let his head fall back even more, resting their cheeks together.
"Did anything else happen on your date?" Darren asked.
"Not really," Chris began running through the night's events in his head. "Um... Actually..."
"Yes?" Darren inquired.
Chris hesitated, but Darren had made a promise to him just a few minutes ago, and wasn't the point of him being there that night for Chris to figure out how he was feeling? "I guess he felt like there was something going on... With you and me."
Chris immediately regretted bringing it up when Darren didn't say anything else. "But I told him there wasn't anything going on. I-I don't know why he said that."
Chris opened his mouth to speak just as his stomach started to growl.
Darren patted Chris' stomach a few times. "Why don't we get you some dinner?"
Darren sat on a barstool and intently watched as Chris walked around his kitchen. He pulled a few plates out of the cabinet and took the leftover spaghetti from the refrigerator.
"Are you sure this is okay? I have some chicken in the freezer if you'd rather me make that.
Darren took the container of sauce from Chris and removed the lid. "This is fine. It sounds delicious," he assured him.
"It's not much. Just canned sauce and cheap noodles."
"Stop being so worried about dinner. I eat everything, remember?" Chris nodded and scooped some of the spaghetti onto his plate without saying anything. Darren grabbed his hand to still him. "Hey, Chris, if this is about-"
"It's not," Chris said quickly and turned away.
"Okay," Darren nodded and went silent. He took the container of spaghetti noodles from Chris and put some on his plate.
When he was finished, Chris put his plate in the microwave and pressed start. "I think I have some wine hidden in my room. I'll go get it."
"Chris, that's not necessary. I don't-"
"I'll be right back." Chris hurried out of the room before Darren had time to say anything else.
He let his face fall into his hands and groaned, burying his fingers in his hair. He wasn't wrong to not tell Chris how he was feeling was he? Darren wanted Chris to be able to decide how he felt about him on his own. He didn't want Chris to feel obligated to feel a certain way just because Darren did. Darren was certain what he felt for Chris was real, and he wanted to know that Chris was just as sure when the time came.
After five minutes had passed and Chris still hadn't returned to the kitchen, Darren decided to go find him and make sure everything was okay.
Chris gripped the side of the sink until his knuckles turned white and his hands went numb. The cold water he splashed onto his face didn't help the color disappear from his cheeks or his heartbeat to return to its normal rhythm.
He was stupid, really. Had he expected Darren to not pick up his conflicting emotions? And of course Darren was too nice to let Chris down in one quick sweep. He wasn't the type to put an end to anything Chris was feeling and then walk out on him soon after. No, Darren had to be the type to stick around. To force conversation and act as if nothing had shifted between them. But it had. Chris could already feel it, and he was scared the change was a negative thing. What would happen when they went to work and Darren couldn't look at Chris the same way? What would happen when Darren was afraid that everything he did would lead Chris on?
Chris could feel the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. He squeezed them shut, hoping he would be able to keep them from falling, to stop the inevitable. When that didn't work and the first tear rolled down his cheek, he stepped back and lowered himself to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. He buried his face in his hands and unsuccessfully tried to keep the years from falling.
"Chris, are you in here?" Chris could hear Darren calling from the other room. A few seconds later there was a soft knock on the bathroom door and Darren poked his head in. "Hey."
Chris wiped at his eyes and looked away from the doorway. "I'll be fine in a minute. Go eat your dinner while it's hot."
Darren shook his head. "It can be reheated." He walked up to Chris and knelt down on the floor in front of him. "Hey," he said, grabbing Chris' hands away from his face, "Chris, look at me. Why are you crying?"
Chris shook his head and tried to take his hands back, but Darren resisted.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Darren's voice was gentle and careful. He didn't want to upset Chris any more than he already was.
"Don't," Chris whispered. His voice sounded so hoarse, so pitiful, so pathetic.
"You were fine a few minutes ago. What happened?"
Chris took a deep breath and looked towards the ground between them. "I just... Curtis was completely wrong, wasn't he? There really isn't anything going on here, no matter how it looks on the outside."
"That's not true," Darren argued, still trying to get Chris to look at him.
"Right," Chris scoffed. "You can't say that when you provided so much encouragement before my date."
"I only want you to be happy, Chris."
"You make me happy, Darren." Chris pulled his hands away quickly and sighed, suddenly sounding a little frustrated. "You do. Not Curtis. Not anyone else." Chris took a few seconds to calm down before continuing. "But I get it, okay? I... You aren't obligated to do anything. To make this," he moved a hand between the two of them, "something it's not.
"And what if I want it to be something?" Darren took Chris' hands back in his. "What if I want to be with you the way some lucky man will get to be with you for the rest of his life. Why if I want to be that guy?"
Chris finally looked into Darren's eyes, needing to really see the answer to the question he was about to ask. He spoke quietly, his voice sounding a little defeated. "Why would someone like you want to be with someone like me?
"Because you're beautiful." Darren raised Chris' hand to his mouth and placed a light kiss to his palm. "Because you're way too wise for your own good." A kiss to his fingertips. "Because you would do just about anything for someone you care about." A kiss to his knuckles. "Because of how determined you are when you set your mind to something." A kiss to the inside of his wrist. "Because you're sexy."
Chris interrupted him with a laugh. "Right," he said with disbelief.
"What? You are. You're incredibly sexy!" Darren assured him.
"No, I'm not. Look at me. I'm an overly-emotional blubbering idiot. If this is what love is like, I don't think I want to be in love."
"It is emotional. It's a roller coaster of emotions. But it's also the best emotion in the world. There's no other feeling like it."
"You sound like you've been in love before," Chris sniffed.
"I am," Darren said honestly, not breaking eye contact with Chris. "Will you do something for me?"
Chris shrugged. "What?"
"Can you show me that bright, Chris Colfer smile? The one I love? The one I saw an hour ago?"
Chris looked up then, his eyes beginning to shine a little bit more, and a small smile pulled against his lips.
"There it is. Gorgeous." Darren grinned. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Darren spoke again. "I'm going to kiss you now, okay?"
When Chris nodded, Darren slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to Chris'. His hands instantly went up to cup his face and wipe away any of the remaining tears. He didn't want to see them anymore, and he definitely didn't want to be the cause of them.
Darren pulled away after a few seconds, wanting the kiss to be everything Chris needed, but not too much. "Totally worth the wait," he grinned.
Chris bit his lip and shyly looked away. "That was better than I imagined it would be."
"I love you so much, you know." Chris opened his mouth to speak, but Darren began shaking his head and cut him off. "I don't want you to say it back because you feel like you have to. I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I want you to be sure of how you feel. Saying 'I love you' is a big deal. It shouldn't just be empty words."
Chris bit his lip and nodded, his eyes still teary but for a completely different reason now. "But I do love you." Chris was sure of it. He'd suddenly never been surer of anything in his life. "I love you, Dare."
Darren kissed him again, this time a little more forceful and a little deeper. Chris wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him closer. When Darren leaned into him, Chris lost his balance and tumbled back into the tub.
"Oh my gosh, Chris. Are you okay? Darren stood and leaned over the edge to help Chris sit back up. He was happy to find that Chris was actually laughing.
"Leave it to me to fall into a bathtub during a kiss. Maybe this is part of the reason why I'm single."
Darren began laughing along and shook his head. "You're not anymore."