The Adventures of Drunk Kurt: Part 1

Author: GleekShip

Spoilers: Set During Season 2

Summary: Kurt comes into school drunk one day and Rachel ignores him as she drags him to an emergency Glee meeting where he tells everyone what he thinks of them.

Pairings: Kurt/Everyone!Friendship, Finchel, Quinncedes!Friendship, Tartie!Friendship, Slight Puckurt

The Adventures of Drunk Kurt: Part 1

Kurt groans and squeezes his eyes so they stay shut. Light is trying to seep in.

"Wake up Hummel." He feels a poke in his side.

"Not so loud." Kurt mutters before cringing.

"Just take this." The voice mutters before Kurt feels something pressed to his lips.

Kurt opens his mouth and accepts the pill. Immediately following is a straw.

I could be drinking poison for all I know.

Kurt shrugs internally as he slowly opens his eyes. The sunlight is quickly replaced by a figure blocking the light out.

"Thanks." Kurt mutters as he flexes his eyelids, letting his eyes getting used to the light around him. He freezes when he sees Puck sitting over him. "Oh god." Kurt groans.

I must have done something bad for him to be here.

"What happened?" Kurt asks as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"What do you think happened?" Puck's husky voice chuckles above him. "Come on Hummel, tell me what you remember."

Kurt sighs and opens his eyes. "I . . ." He gulps as he notices the short distance between himself and the other boy. "I don't remember much. Just waking up . . . the last thing I remember is going into my kitchen." Kurt finally looks at Puck. "Why? What happened?"

Puck chuckles as he reaches for something on the floor. Kurt's eyes widen when he sees the bottle in Puck's hand.

"Recognize this buddy Hummel?" Puck teases.

Kurt groans, "Oh God. How bad was it?"

"Oh." Puck chuckles. "So you know how bad you are with alcohol?"

"Only around Tina." Kurt answers as he closes his eyes. "But she's usually drunk too so she can fire back as much as I give." Kurt opens his eyes. "And I'm guessing that since you're here . . . it was bad?"

"Terrifying." Puck laughs as he sets the bottle back on the floor. "I thought you were never going to stop."

Kurt sighs. "Who and where?"

"Almost everyone in New Directions." Puck smirks as he shifts himself on the bed next to Kurt. "And in the choir room."

"God." Kurt groans. "How'd I get to school then?"

"We're guessing you walked since you have no bruises from a car wreck." Puck says seriously. "We'll see after school."

"After . . ." Kurt trails off as he turns his head. "Why am I in the nurses office?"

"Because-" Puck reaches out and turns Kurt's head back to look at him. "You passed out dude. Didn't even hold your hands out to break your fall."

Kurt tries to look down at his nose, but ends up going cross-eyed. He bites his lip before reaching up and touching his nose. His nose is suddenly throbbing with pain, not much, but it's there.

"Ow." Kurt says softly as he moves his hand back to his side.

Puck chuckles above him. "Yeah. It'd be hurting a lot worse if it wasn't for some pain killers."

"So . . . how long have I been here?" Kurt's tired voice asks.

Puck lets out a breath as he checks his phone. "About three hours."

"Three hours?" Kurt's eyebrows shoot up. "What-"

"It's cool dude." Puck says he presses against Kurt lightly to prevent the boy from getting up. "The nurse thinks you have a killer headache. You're covered for the rest of the day."

Kurt catches his breath. "You mean she doesn't know that I was drunk?"

"Nope. Once you passed out, I brought you here claiming that your head was hurting. Thank god she's so old she couldn't tell that you were passed out." Puck chuckles at the memory. "So I gave you some pills for you're hangover and here we are." Puck explains.

Kurt lets out a relieved sigh. "Well thank you Noah. Very quick thinking on your part."

"I've had my share of drinking at school." Puck winks before sighing. "Feeling any better?"

"Yeah." Kurt mutters as he tries to move into a sitting position.

Puck moves so Kurt can move his feet out and hang them over the edge of the small bed. He then moves so he's sitting next to Kurt.

"You said that you brought me here?" Kurt asks softly.

"Yeah." Puck nods.

"Why?" He stops when he sees Puck's glare. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean why didn't Finn or Mercedes? Or were they not there."

"Oh they were there." Puck chuckles under his breath before looking up at Kurt. "They're not here because half of them are trying to kill you-" Kurt's eyebrows shoot up. "-and the other half are stopping them from killing you."

Kurt lets out a frustrated sigh. "So who's out to murder me?"

"Rachel and Quinn." Puck shivers. "Finn might be , after he prevents Rachel from killing you though."

Kurt groans. "Alright then . . . what happened?"

"Should I-"

"Start from the beginning." Kurt cuts him off. "I want to know how bad it was and how much I need to pay."

Puck chuckles. "Well where to begin. Okay . . . Rachel ordered us all to show up for an emergency glee rehearsal this morning."

"Seriously?" Kurt whines.

"Yeah." Puck grumbles. "Everyone was quiet this morning until Rachel drug you in. You looked . . . a bit off, but no one was awake enough to see why." Kurt's nose twitches. "Anyways, you started yelling at Rachel. And then it just got funny because you got up and walked over to her, ranting, and you had a bottle in your hand. It was awesome."

"No." Kurt groans. "I can't believe I drank."

"Trust me dude, it gets worse." Puck teases. "And then you started yapping about her clothes, and then . . . you started stroking her."

"I didn't." Kurt looks dead-panned.

"Oh yeah." Puck laughs. "On her shirt, but then you did something and she started . . . moaning." Puck says with disgust. "I couldn't really see you with your back facing me."

"Hang on." Kurt turns so he can face the boy and holds a finger up. "I . . . I, Kurt Hummel, made Rachel moan."

"Yep." Puck smirks.

Kurt chuckles. "Well that's great." He says sarcastically. "And I'm guessing it gets worse."

"Yep. Because then you started picking on Finn." Puck laughs. "You were saying how he shouldn't have sex, or walk and think. It was hilarious. It looked like you broke him."

Kurt can only keep a straight face for a second before he's laughing. "I might have."

"It was epic." Puck agrees. "And then you went to Artie and Tina. Don't worry." Puck adds when Kurt's smile drops. "You're rants at them wasn't bad. Pretty much . . . just to man up and get confidence. It was pretty tame compared to Rachel and Finn's."

"Well that's good." Kurt smiles with relief.

"And then it got bad again." Puck says, loving how Kurt's expressions are able to change so quickly.

"God." Kurt curse. "come on, get it over with."

"Quinn." Kurt cringes at that one name. "You told her that she needed to die."

Kurt's mouth drops open.

Dang you alcohol. Why do you turn me into a monster?

"Is . . . how'd she . . ." Kurt can't find the words.

"She was a bit in shock." Puck says slowly. "I think she was mainly surprised that someone stood up to her like that."

Kurt groans and lets his head fall back onto the wall. "Kill . . . me . . . now."

"It's fine dude." Puck says seriously. "And then you ended up being relatively nice to Mercedes."

"That's it." Kurt risks asking.

"Yeah. Only a few bad remarks, but that's about it." Puck says with a small smile.

Kurt sighs in relief. "At least Santana wasn't there. It'd be blood shed."

Puck laughs. "Yeah . . . yeah it would."

Well at least it was only my friends. But what about . . .

Kurt rolls his head to look at Puck. The boy is staring off into space with a small smile.

"What about you?" Kurt asks.

"What about me?" Puck asks as his lip quivers, still not looking at Kurt.

"Did . . . did I do you?" Kurt's eyes widen at his choice of words as Puck breaks out into laughter. "Oh god."

"Oh god the irony." Puck manages to say between laughs. "We already had a conversation like this."

"You . . . about . . . doing it." Kurt's voice goes up a pitch.

Puck nods. "Something about handcuffs . . ." Kurt's face flushes red. "Oh yeah. You also sat on my lap and told me that I was the hottest sex god you've ever seen."

Kurt groans as he pulls his knees up to his chest. He starts banging his head on his knees.

I'm so going to die. He's going to kill me, and then I'm going to be dead.

"Relax Hummel." Puck's hand comes down on Kurt's tense shoulder. "I didn't mind it."

Kurt's head snaps up and his eyes narrow at the boy. "What?"

Puck shrugs. "I'm flattered that I"m appealing to both sexes. Just more for the Puckzilla."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Never. You can't judge me on anything I did or said while I was drunk."

"So you don't want to sit in my lap again?" Puck winks at Kurt.

Kurt's mouth drops open.

Please let me still be drunk.

Ta-da. What did you think? I know it's shorter than the previous chapter, but it's meant to be a small afterwards. Now, I will post Part 2 after I do another big story. That way I have time to think and breathe. So let me know what you think with a nice long review.