The Trouble With Tribbles

Stardate... Bah, I give up!

My Crew has picked up a Priority One distress call from the nearby space station, K-7. I race towards it, preparing for the worst.

As I come within sensor range, my sensors pick up... nothing? The station's dull consciousness informs me of the same thing. Well, then, I wonder, why have I been summoned?

My Captain wonders the same thing as I glide into orbit around the space station. There is, apparently, a shipment of quatrotriticalie being stored there, in preparation for the colonization of a new planet. The overseeing authority on K-7 feels that the grain must be protected. I am annoyed when this comes to light. Are you kidding me? I want to ask. Summoning the Flagship of Starfleet for some grain?

Eh. At least my Crew gets shore leave. Oh, Captain, why are you forcing shore leave on my Engineer? He likes me better than that space station.

I watch my crew in the space station, still disgruntled. Hold on- my Communicator is being accosted by a traveling salesman. Greasy-looking fellow. He's selling a little ball of fur- ! It's alive?! It's got no defining features except fur, no indication of it being able to do, well, anything! But my Crewmembers find it adorable, so I will... tolerate it.


Despite the ignominy of being summoned for a false alarm, or near to it, I have calmed down. Or mostly. Another ship is on my sensors now-

Klingons! I should have known! They would break the treaty like this-

Oh. Wait. Their captain is on the space station. The Klingon ship is snide as she assures me there will be no attack.

The Klingon ship and I circle each other and K-7, each waiting for an act of aggression, both of us spoiling for a fight- her to try and take me down, me because I do not like having Klingons in my territory.

I decide that the ship will behave herself (or else) and tap into the Starbase's computers to monitor my Crew.

My Engineer and Navigator are in K-7's bar, resolutely ignoring the Klingons. I am amused at my Engineer and Navigator's friendly banter over their drinks.

My attention is drawn to the Klingons now, as one of them has, apparently, had a bit too much to drink. He's insulting my Crew now, and my Captain! Why, the nerve of him! My Navigator would like to hit him. Good, defending my Crew's good name- Wait, what? My Engineer is holding him back- well, that's to be expected. He's a rather peaceful fellow, my Engineer.

But sometimes I disagree with him- like now! That Klingon just insulted my Captain! And- me! A garbage scull? No, garbage?! How dare he?

My usually calm Engineer echoes my rage, as he hits that Klingon full in the face. Oh, my Engineer, my knight in shining armor, defending my honor!

I point the fight out to the Klingon ship- and how three of my Crew are soundly whipping several of her best warriors.

She sulks.

I am silently smug.


I look towards my Crew as they are questioned by my Captain. Oh, Captain, you know the Klingons deserved it.

What's this gathering in Rec. Room 3? That furball my Communications Officer bought has... multiplied? Hmm. I shall keep an eye on them. My Crew seem calmed by them- yes, even you, First Officer. No emotions, indeed.

The little things breed faster than Earth rabbits, quickly populating many of my Crew's quarters.

The Klingon ship seems almost anxious as I tell her about the creatures.


All right. Seriously. These little- tribbles, are they called? They need to be contained. They're running loose in Engineering, Sickbay, and my Bridge. Crawling up walls, trolling my Captain by sitting in his chair- really. This needs to- gah, they're in the air ducts, too?!


...

...

I am not happy. I am infested with these little creatures, these tribbles.

They're in all my systems, even the replicators- how do they get into the replicators?

They're even in the Starbase... in the quatrotriticalie.

...Damn.

My poor Captain. He's about as fed up with the tribbles as I am- as he investigates the space station he's buried by the creatures as he finds the grain devoured. Oh, Captain...

My Doctor finds that the grain has poisoned the tribbles, killing them as it would have the colonists it was meant for. And the Kilngons did it, I'm sure! True, there's been no proof yet, but...

Those Klingons are too bold! Demanding an apology from my Captain, after they instigated every problem we've had to put up with! It's no wonder the tribbles don't like them.

Aha! The tribbles! They hate the Klingons, and the feeling's mutual, apparently.

They like my First Officer, they like the Starbase authority (no taste there), but his assistant-

Is Klingon. Ha. Well, that's sorted out now, but I'M STILL TRIBBLE-INFESTED HERE, PEOPLE! It's getting rather tiresome!

Oh, the mutual admiration society has saved me. I take great pleasure in the Klingon ship's startled yelp as she goes into warp.


A/N: Ah! another chapter! Sorry if I got details wrong on this one, I didn't have ready access to the episode. And I will end the guilt-trip review requests, I think they were obnoxious and I apologize. But please review anyways!