"Ah…perfect!" I said to myself still drying off my blonde hair with a white towel in the kitchen. I grabbed a nice, cold, fresh bottle of milk from my fridge to start my long day off. Beating up low-lives who can't pay their debts AND dealing with that obnoxious flea can wear anyone out, so milk is a main priority for me.
I held the glass rim to my lips and sipped a bit of the creamy liquid, and immediately I knew something was off. It had a type of…I dunno…weird taste. I poked an eye into the glass and turned it to look at each side.
"What the hell? It couldn't be spoiled…" I pondered. I just bought the stuff last night when I got off from work.
Just to be sure, I picked up the carton to find I still had a week before it expired. Something in the back of my head told me not to drink it, but I eventually shrugged it off. The taste was just weird, but that didn't mean it was bad. I gulped down the sweet content and licked the milk mustache off my mouth. I sat there for about two minutes to make sure that there was really nothing wrong with the milk. It may have been my abnormal strength and immunity, but I felt nothing peculiar and went back to my room to change clothes.
Throwing the towel on my bed, I put on one of my white dress shirts and my bartender uniform. I went to the bathroom to spray on a good dose of cologne and brushed my hair. It was already 9:14 and I didn't want to keep Tom waiting for long, so I slipped on my shoes and headed towards my door.
However, the second I moved, a strange and queasy feeling spread throughout my whole body. My vision began to get a little blurry, and my legs were starting to give out.
"What the…?" I said leaning on to my couch for support. I had no idea what was in that milk, but now it was officially confirmed that I was a dumbass for drinking it. I finally got the strength to sit down on the cushions, but I felt myself getting…smaller. And somehow…fatter. I stared at myself with wide mocha eyes as I began to shrink. My legs, arms, face, everything on my body (yes, even the symbol of my manhood) was getting tinier and chubbier.
"The fuck?!" I yelled, then closed my mouth. My voice had gotten higher as if I sucked out helium from a balloon. My clothes were draping all over me, and soon, I was about as big as your average Pikachu plushie. I trembled while feeling and probing on myself, then realized what that goddamn milk did to me when I looked at my living room mirror.
"I'm…a baby…?!" I said aloud.
My body was covered in baby fat, especially my cheeks (on my face) which turned rosy and smooth. My eyes felt two or three sizes bigger, and my blonde hair felt silky to my touch. I was just sitting there, butt naked on my own couch, wondering how in the hell this happened.
My first thought confronting Tom, who would then start laughing his ass off once he saw me. No, worse: if IZAYA saw me like this-
I punched downward on the cushion of the couch, pissed off by the infuriating thought, and I was surprised to find that a hole went right through it. I put my miniscule hands by my temples and tried to think this situation through logically.
"Okay, "I squeaked, still a bit pissed at how ridiculous my voice sounded, "I can still speak, I still have my strength." Then I wondered just how many years old I've reverted to and tested that theory by sliding my bare butt off the couch on onto the ground. I wobbled when my feet hit the floor, but I was still able to stand. I made slow paces back and forth and learned that I could still walk. I took a deep breath and looked down, and luckily, my manhood wasn't affected TOO much by the transformation, but it was still embarrassing…
I sighed, "Well, that's a relief…wait…I'm still a damn baby! How is that a relief?!"
I grabbed the nearest object I could find and slammed it into my head for being so stupid. Said object happened to be the remote control, and a kids' channel popped up on the television. My anger slowly diminished by all the bright colors and happy music that came from the mesmerizing box. I teetered over to the TV set and placed my palms against the screen. After watching the nonsense, I suddenly let out an adorable giggle, which snapped me out of my trance, and I pressed my finger against the ON/OFF button. The way I giggled just…scared me. It sounded too cute, and Shizuo Heiwajima is NOT CUTE.
I sighed, "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
If I used the phone, whoever I called would think it was some prank by a juvenile, and I can't go out of my apartment because 1) I can't reach the doorknob and 2) I'm naked. I growled at my current situation and sat on the floor. I crossed my arms and poked my lip out. Then it hit me: I still have my strength…bust the door down!
"Easier said than done, "I noted, "And my clothes…?" I glanced over to the paper towels on the kitchen counter. I bombed Arts and Crafts in elementary school, but fashioning a diaper out of such simple material shouldn't be too hard, right? I replayed my plan several times in my head and went to the trash can next to the kitchen counter. I took me a while to finally shimmy up to the top, but when I got to the lid, I tipped the roll of paper towels over, making it fall and unravel on the floor.
I tore off a group of two sheets and folded them over. I was kind of stuck at phase two, but I finally made something that looked close to a diaper and slipped my lower half into it. The only things I had to worry about were the "diaper" coming off and soiling it as a last resort.
I patted my backside. Paper towels are good for a lot of things, but there just not comfortable when it comes to diapers. I braved up to the irritating feeling and moved on to my second step: Get out and find the bastard who caused all of this. Seems easy enough now.
I walked to the door and glanced up to see the mocking doorknob just hanging there. I rolled my eyes and pounded the wood with my small fists. No avail, so I lifted my leg and kicked it as hard as I could. It made some splinters and a hole was visible, so I punched around that spot at least a dozen more times. Eventually, the door fell out into the hallway. I froze thinking that a neighbor might've heard the noise, but I didn't notice anything and moved on. My leg ached from using so much force, so I decided to put aside my dignity and crawled.
"This is so humiliating…!" I swore under my breath. I tried to assure myself that this was normal baby behavior and if someone walked by, they'd think nothing of it…at least I hoped. I put off my worries and focused on getting to the end of the hall. Good news is that I finally made it, now for the bad news: it led to a staircase.
I facepalmed, cursing to myself, "How the hell could I've forgotten about the stairs in this building?!"
Well, there was only one way to go if I had to get this problem fixed, so I ignored the pain in my leg and stood up. I linked an arm to the railing and put one chubby foot in front of the other as I went down. The short staircase, which normally only took me a minute and a half to get down, took five minutes to reach the main floor. Exhausted already, I got back on my hands and knees and crawled out automatic doors.
I was greeted by sunlight and dozens and dozens of peoples' feet walking on Ikebukuro's streets. I felt so…puny, and it made me feel even more puny the way no one noticed me. I was pretty much back to where I started except I'm outside.
I tried to think while crawling some ways down the street, attempting to look at the passing pedestrians to locate my boss, "'Kay, try to find Tom…and don't get squished on…I think I can handle that."
Yeah, right. I was practically lying to myself. I couldn't see over peoples' knees, let alone see a man with dreadlocks and glasses.
I sat on my butt and pouted again. Now what?!
To answer to my question, I suddenly felt a huge shadow loom over me, making the air around me cooler as it blocked the sunlight. Then I heard an all-too familiar voice.
"Oh, my, what a cute little baby~!"