Nobody Said It Was Easy
Summary: Following "The Breakup" Kurt and Blaine must discover where their relationship is going and if it will survive even as they face new problems. MPreg. Slash of the Klaine variety. Major spoilers for 4.4.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Okay, so everyone and his brother have written a post-breakup story, but I hope this one will be unique (in other words, there's Mpreg in here, so it's definitely not canon). I haven't been writing much lately, but this story hit me hard and had to be told, so here it is. There are 9 parts and I will post one each day until the story is told. Also, the title was taken from a line in "The Scientist" by Coldplay. I'm sure you can all guess why I used it. Hope you enjoy the story! Jules
Kurt knew it had been a mistake to sleep with Blaine after their fight. It just made everything even more complicated. He needed time to figure out what he should do and Blaine had agreed immediately because he felt so freaking guilty over what he had done that he would have agreed to just about anything. And that was where their discussion was supposed to end. They were supposed to go to sleep and Blaine would go back to Ohio in the morning and Kurt would get his time and space to think.
But lying in bed with Blaine, after two months of being alone every night, had proved more temptation than Kurt could withstand. No matter what Blaine had done, Kurt's body still responded to his closeness, his smell, his heat. And so, in the middle of the night, with pillows to muffle the passionate noises from the other occupants of the loft, Kurt and Blaine had made love.
Which meant that Blaine left the loft the next morning confused about what was going on between them and Kurt felt guilty for using Blaine for sex. It had been befuddling and irresponsible and yet so perfect that Kurt couldn't really regret it. Every time with Blaine was perfect, even when it wasn't.
In the days that followed Blaine's departure, Kurt had tried to think rationally about everything, but he soon discovered rationality was impossible when one was dealing with matters of the heart. On the one hand, he knew that Blaine loved him and that he loved Blaine. On the other hand, he was hurt and his trust had been broken.
"The question is," Isabelle said one day over lunch when Kurt was once again agonizing over what he should do, "can you rebuild that trust? And do you want to? Is he worth giving a second chance?"
Kurt sighed and set down his fork, his salad almost untouched. "Blaine is the most honorable boy I've ever met. That's why this came as such a shock, I guess. Every other teenage boy… well, I've seen enough high school romances go south because of cheating to know that it isn't uncommon. I guess I just expected more from him."
"Honey, nobody is perfect," Isabelle said gently. "The fact that he came clean with you says a lot about his character, don't you think? And I can tell that you still love him. You are a very smart man, Kurt. I can't imagine that you would give your heart to anyone unworthy of such an honor. Take the time you need to get past the anger and pain, and then talk to him."
Kurt sighed. "I was planning on going home for a couple weeks over Christmas."
"See that," Isabelle said. "That would be the perfect time to talk to him. In the meantime, you should at least give him some indication as to where you stand. If he thinks it's over, he may just move on and all of this will be for nothing."
The thought of Blaine moving on—not just making a one-time mistake, but actually falling for someone else—was like a physical blow. "I'll email him."
Blaine read over the email for the tenth time and sighed. It wasn't the forgiveness that he wanted so desperately, but at least there was hope. He swore he wasn't going to do anything to screw it up if Kurt might possibly give him a second chance. He would do everything in his power to get Kurt back again, even if that meant waiting another two months to speak to him.
"You finally hear from Kurt?" Tina asked Blaine. She had taken the seat beside him at the library table while he'd been lost in thought.
Blaine glanced down at his phone again before shutting it off. "Yeah. He wants time to think about everything and he said we can talk when he comes home for Christmas. In the meantime, we're still in limbo. Not together, but not really broken up, either."
"Sorry," Tina said sympathetically. "Not knowing has to be hard. But at least there's still a chance. I'm not sure I'd give you a second chance if it was me in Kurt's shoes. No offense."
"None taken," Blaine sighed. "I screwed up. I know that. There's nothing I can say or do to justify what I did."
"But that doesn't change the fact that you're hurting right now," Tina said knowingly. "Or that you still love him."
"More than anything," Blaine agreed.
"Well then, until Kurt comes home, we keep you busy," Tina said. "And out of trouble. You get tempted to do something stupid again, you call me. Just remember when Ross and Rachel were on a break and he slept with someone else, it took her years to forgive him. Just because you don't know where things are going to end up with you and Kurt doesn't mean you shouldn't be faithful. Prove to him that he can trust you again."
Blaine gave a half-hearted laugh. "Since I walked out on Eli, I haven't had any desire to even look at another boy. I just want Kurt."
"I still say you should have told Kurt that you didn't sleep with him," Tina said.
"It doesn't make a difference," Blaine said. "I still cheated. So what if I stopped before things got that far. I went over there with the intent, and I made out with a boy who couldn't hold a candle to Kurt just because I was feeling lonely."
Tina suspected that there was more to the story, but Blaine wasn't the type of guy to share every detail. He also wasn't the sort of guy who ran around on his boyfriend for no reason. Something had to be going on beyond him missing Kurt. But Blaine hadn't shared and she didn't think he would. No matter how close the two of them had gotten since Kurt and Mike had left, Blaine was still a very private person.
"Well, you don't have to be lonely with me around," Tina said. "Kurt has Rachel and now you have me, your very own fag hag."
That, at least, made Blaine laugh for real. "Thanks, Tina."
Kurt had been tired a lot in the past few weeks. It shouldn't have been a surprise, since he often suffered from insomnia when he was really upset. But he'd been sleeping like a log, at least nine hours every night, and usually a nap after work, too. And he was still tired every morning and was developing bags under his eyes.
As if being tired wasn't enough, sometime in early December, he started to get sick. At first it was just a bit of nausea when he smelled particularly strong odors or perfumes. Then he started feeling sick for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Finally, about two weeks before he was supposed to leave for Ohio, he had to rush from an important meeting to lose his lunch in the nearest men's room.
He wasn't surprised that Isabelle had followed him, or that she wiped the sweat from his forehead with a damp paper towel. "I think it's time you stopped making excuses for your obviously declining health and go to see a doctor, don't you, Kurt? Your health insurance kicked in two weeks ago; I checked with HR. There is no reason to avoid the doctor."
Kurt sighed. Isabelle had been trying to get him to go to the doctor for a couple weeks and he just kept hoping that things would get better. Instead it just kept getting worse. "I'll go," Kurt said weakly. "Know a good GP?"
Three hours later, Kurt was being ushered into the office of one of the best GPs in Manhattan. How Isabelle had gotten him an appointment at such short notice, or at all really, was a mystery that Kurt wasn't going to question. He felt too miserable to question anything. He'd already been examined and had blood and urine tests. This doctor had his lab work done in-house and had a rush put on everything. So, two hours after arriving, he was sitting in the doctor's very expensive and chic office waiting for the results.
"Mr. Hummel," Dr. Jorgenson said as he entered the office, still reading over the chart in his hands. He took a seat behind the desk and finally looked up at Kurt. "Well, all of your tests came back normal. You are perfectly healthy."
"Then why do I feel so crummy?" Kurt asked.
"Because you're pregnant," Dr. Jorgenson said with a smile. "Congratulations."
Kurt stared at the man with stunned disbelief. "That… that isn't possible. I was tested for the carrier gene several times and they always came up negative. I can't get pregnant."
"Those tests aren't always accurate," Dr. Jorgenson said kindly. "In fact, the chances of a false-negative are almost 25% until a patient is completely out of puberty."
"Which I'm still not," Kurt said.
The doctor nodded. "Probably not for another couple years. As a rule, we cannot rely completely on blood tests for the carrier gene until a male is in his mid-twenties. But a pregnancy test is pretty conclusive. I take it that this was not a planned pregnancy. If you wish to terminate, I can refer you to a rather good clinic. They treat their patients' privacy as sacred."
Kurt put his hand over his belly and shook his head instinctively. "No. I… I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know that I can't do that."
Dr. Jorgenson smiled at him. "In that case, my colleague, Dr. Ramos specializes in male pregnancies. I've conferred with her and she has recommended several vitamin and hormone supplements and has agreed to take on your case. She would like to see you within the next couple weeks for your initial exam, so you should make an appointment before leaving today."
Kurt thanked the doctor and accepted several pamphlets and prescriptions—one of which would help with the nausea—before making his appointment. When he finally stepped back out onto the sidewalk, Kurt was still in a daze. He automatically began walking the two blocks back to and was still lost in thought when he reached his desk.
"Kurt?" Isabelle said when she saw him pass her door. "I thought you were going home after seeing the doctor?"
Kurt finally broke out of his pensive state. "I…" Kurt shook his head. "I didn't really…"
Isabelle ushered Kurt into her office and forced him to sit down. "Tell me what the doctor said."
"I'm pregnant," Kurt blurted out. "I didn't even… the tests were always negative, but he said… false-negative." Kurt looked at her with wide eyes. "I didn't know."
"Okay, Kurt," Isabelle said soothingly. "It's okay."
As if her words of comfort had opened up the floodgates, Kurt collapsed into a sobbing mess in her arms.
Kurt couldn't quite remember making it back to the loft, but he knew that Isabelle had called a car and had ridden with him. She had even walked him up to the loft and come inside to get him settled into his bed. He curled up in the blankets that no longer smelled like Blaine and cried quietly while he listened with half an ear to Isabelle explaining everything to Rachel. Kurt had to hand it to his friend; she took it better than he would have thought.
At some point, he must have drifted to sleep, because when he woke, it was morning. He tiredly shuffled out of his curtained off space and went for the coffee pot.
"You should stick to tea," Rachel said, nearly shocking Kurt into dropping the pot. "I've been reading these pamphlets and they say that excessive caffeine is bad for both you and the baby."
Kurt closed his eyes and when he opened them again, nothing had changed. Rachel was still sitting at their second-hand table and watching him carefully. He set the coffee pot back down and went to sit across from her.
"What else do they say?" Kurt asked timidly.
"That male pregnancies can be harder than a female, simply because your body isn't used to the hormones," Rachel said. "That getting on a hormone supplement is very important. Which is why I went to the pharmacy last night to pick up your prescriptions."
She handed him the white bag containing several pill bottles and then got up to turn on the electric kettle. A few minutes later, she had made them both cups of herbal tea. Kurt sipped at the brew and let the soothing effects take over for a few minutes before hoisting himself up and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Once he sat back down again, he carefully read the instructions on all the bottles before taking the pills one by one.
"What are you going to do?" Rachel asked once all the pills were gone.
"I have no idea," Kurt admitted. "I'm still… processing it all, I guess."
"It's a lot to take in," Rachel agreed. "You really didn't know you could get pregnant?"
Kurt shook his head. "I was tested, but the doctor said that those tests aren't exactly accurate until after a man is completely out of puberty, which lasts longer for males than it does females. Some men aren't completely finished until their early twenties. That's why guys still grow in their late teens and early twenties while girls stop a lot earlier."
"What about Blaine?" Rachel asked.
Kurt gave a rueful half-laugh. "He tested positive, so he's been on birth control since last year. Apparently, they don't see many false positives, just false negatives. But none of that really matters in the end. I'm pregnant and…"
"And you're going to keep it," Rachel said knowingly. "So that means we have to figure out how to do that and still keep your career on track. Isabelle seems like she'll be supportive. She was really concerned about you yesterday."
"I'll have to talk to her," Kurt sighed. "She talked to the dean of admissions over at FIT last week and got them to agree to not only accept me as a student but use my work at as course credits. I'm supposed to start classes in January. Now…"
"Now, nothing," Rachel said with determination. "You can still take classes and work and do what you need to do. It may be a bit harder, but you certainly won't be the first pregnant college student. You can do this, Kurt. I know you can."
For the first time, Kurt truly looked hopeful. "You really think so?"
"I know so," Rachel said. "If anyone can have it all, it's you."
Kurt gave her a tearful smile. "Thanks."
She smiled back at him and for a few minutes they drank their tea in silence. Of course, Rachel couldn't leave it alone and had to bring up another touchy subject.
"What about Blaine?"
Kurt sighed and hefted himself up from his chair. "I'm going to stick to the original plan and talk to him when we go home in a couple weeks."
"What are you going to tell him?" Rachel pressed.
"I don't know," Kurt admitted. He rummaged in the fridge for bread and peanut butter. He was feeling really hungry for the first time in a long time and a peanut butter and banana sandwich sounded really good right then. "I'll have to tell him I'm pregnant, but I… I still don't know what to do about our relationship."
"You still love him," Rachel pointed out.
"You still love Finn," Kurt shot back.
Rachel sighed. "Finn and I… we never had the relationship that you and Blaine had. I mean, we both loved each other, but we didn't share things the way you two used to. Finn and I were always having problems. You guys talked about everything and the only times you really had problems came from not talking enough."
"I know," Kurt said as he cut his sandwich in half and then took a bite. Swallowing the salty sweet morsel, he smiled at Rachel. "I think that was the problem this time, too. I stopped listening. There was so much going on here and I stopped being available to him. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it does explain it a little. I think back and I can tell he was trying to talk to me about something, but I just never had time for him. Now, I wonder what was going on. It had to be more than just missing me. Something was wrong, and I didn't bother to find out."
"You made a mistake," Rachel said. "You both did. But you can still fix it."
"I hope so," Kurt said. "Because this whole pregnancy thing would be a lot easier if I knew I had Blaine's support. But I don't want him to stick around just because of the baby, either."
"So work everything out first," Rachel shrugged. "But do not leave Ohio without telling him."
Kurt nodded his understanding. "So, on to other topics. I have an appointment with the obstetrician next week and I don't want to go alone."
Rachel grinned at him. "Of course I'll be there. Just tell me when and where."