The Total Drama series belongs to Teletoon, and Cartoon Network. Also, the Alphabet idea isn't mine. It belongs to Frank15. Everything I also mention that's copyrighted belongs to their respective copyrights. However, all my characters belong to me.
So… How do we begin again?
Outside the abandoned film lot, a certain someone is in front of a camera.
"Hello! This is Chris McClean, laying the newest season of Total Drama right here, right now!" Chris yells out. "…Soon enough. But this time, there's a twist! This time, however, our constants are tweens! So, if you're looking for any making out action a-la Geoff and Bridgette, man, you are watching the wrong season."
Chris then continues his speech. "The challenges are gonna be wild. If you like movies or video games, this is the season for you. 26 tweens, each representing a letter of the alphabet will join right here in this film lot. Cause we gotta teach the kids something, lousy soccer moms…"
"So, let the new season of thrills, spills, drama, and, most likely, romance, begin! On…"
(Cue I Wanna Be Famous)
Chris is standing in front of a bus stop. "Soon enough, we will meet the first of our 26 hopefuls. And here it comes now!"
A taxi stops, as a tween steps off. He had brunette hair, and a headband wrapped around his head… that looked like bacon? He was also wearing a t-shirt with purple sleeves, red sweatpants, and grey shoes. He was also eating a slice of bacon. "BACON!" the kid said.
"Why did you yell out bacon, Hambo?" Chris said.
The kid, now known as Hambo, just smiled. "I wanted my first words on national TV to be bacon. Just like my first words out of my mouth was "bacon". Although it came out as "bacononeah"… or something like that."
"Whatever… Stand over there, Hambo." Chris said, as Hambo left to wait for the other 25.
Another taxi stops, as what appears to be a young hillbilly girl steps out. She appears to be wearing a pink apron, a purple sweater, green pants, and sandals. Her hair was being covered in some kinda blue bonnet.
"Well, hi there, darling! Name is Gladys. Nice to meet you, Chris!" Gladys said, while smiling.
"Gladys! How's things in crocodile country?" Chris said.
"We don't even have any crocodiles. Other than that, things are fine. Is that right, Stunski?" Gladys said, motioning towards the cab, as a pet skunk ran out, and rubbed his head on Gladys' leg. Chris and Hambo were a bit shocked. "Don't worry, he can't spray anyone with anything. So cool your boxers, hons!"
Chris said nothing, and motioned her to go where Hambo is standing.
"Okay, that was weird. But, anyways, let's meet our third constant, Kira!" Chris said, as Hambo, Gladys, and Stunski got to the defensive.
"Chris? We heard horror stories about Alphabet-themed shows of Total Drama having K-Characters who are complete assholes…" Hambo said, before looking at Gladys. "Pardon my French."
"Don't worry, she isn't part of the Evil K's Club…" Chris said, as Kira stepped out of the taxi.
Kira looked to be a brunette, wearing a brown hat with a white K on it. She also was wearing a yellow shirt with a letter P and the number 4 on it. She was also wearing purple pants, and brown shoes She was also wearing glasses.
"Kira! Welcome!" Chris yells out.
" 'Lo!" Kira says back.
"Cool shirt! I think my brother plays Persona 4." Hambo said.
"Thanks, but I'm more of a fan of Persona 3, personally." Kira replied.
"Persona? Tarnation's that?" Gladys asked.
"You have a lot to learn, huh. Play any games?" Kira asked.
"I usually play Pokemon." Gladys responded.
"A-HEM! Let's get the show back to me, please?" Chris said. "Besides, we're about to introduce the next constant!"
A taxi stops, as a voice yells out.
"Now arriving at Movie Lot!"
"Welcome to Movie Lot!"
"Watch your step, ekk EKK!"
A young boy steps out, wearing what appeared to be a green Viking helmet with a leaf in front of it. Said leaf looked like it had a bite in it. He was wearing a blue shirt with the same leaf symbol, grey shorts, and he didn't have any shoes on. Or socks.
"Thanks, driver dude! Drive safe! Ekk EKK!" the boy said.
"Ivan! Welcome to the Movie Lot! How's the Animal Crossing fan doing today?" Chris said to the boy, named Ivan.
"Pretty good. Can't wait to… get…" Ivan started to trail off, as he saw Kira talking to Gladys about stuff. He Immediately went over to Kira's side, and was instantly nervous.
"H-H-Hi…" Ivan said to her,
" 'Lo!" Kira said to Ivan. "You a fan of Animal Crossing?"
"You got it! Coolest game around, in my opinion!" Ivan replied.
"It's time to meet Bitty!" Chris said, as a blonde girl steps out a taxi. She appeared to be wearing a purple shirt, a blue skirt, and had some jewelry on her.
"Why does that name sound familiar…" Ivan questioned to himself.
"Hi, Chris! Fashionable as ever!" Bitty replied.
"Thanks. Why don't you judge the other campers here?" Chris replied.
"I'll be more than happy to." Bitty said, as she walked over to Hambo. "The purple sleeves are a nice touch, but that headband? EUGH! Trash it!" She then walked towards Gladys, as Hambo glared at her angrily.
"Man, what burnt her bacon? My headband's fashionable…" Hambo said to himself.
"The Hillbilly look? Next!" Bitty said in disgust as she walked over to Ivan.
"At least I don't smell like roses most of the time!" Gladys replied, hoping Bitty would listen.
"Tsk-Tsk-Tsk… The Viking Look? It didn't work for Xyly from Letterama, and it's not gonna work for you!"
Ivan then realized something. "Wait a moment! Now I remember! Bitty was my most hated neighbor in Animal Crossing! She was a fat pink hippo, and as snobbish as ever!"
Bitty was fuming with anger now. "Fat…pink…hippo? FAT PINK HIPPO?!" She was close to Ivan now, with a glare that would even frighten a Drill Instructor. "You take that back!"
"Sorry, but it's true!" Ivan replied. "I can't help it that Nintendo took your name and gave it to a hippo!"
"This… Isn't gonna end well…" Hambo said to himself.
"Yeah, ditto." Gladys said to the bacon-loving tween as Stunski jumped into Gladys' arms and shivered in fear.
"Why you… I otta…"
Bitty didn't finish that sentence, as a blue dodgeball hit her on the back of the head. Said dodgeball had the word "Noun" written on it with marker.
"OWW! Who threw that?!" Bitty looked around, to see who threw the dodgeball. "Who tried to ruin my beauty?!"
"Whoever that pink hippo was, totally deserved it. But since I can't cross worlds...yet, I guess you'll do." A new face said. She was blonde, and had blue streaks in her hair. She was also wearing a green headband, purple sunglasses, and had hearts painted on her cheeks. She was also wearing a pink tie-dye shirt, blue bell-bottoms, and sandals.
"Welcome, Treela!" Chris said to the hippie-looking girl. "Nice throw, I would have loved to see you in the Dodgeball Challenge on Island."
"That Not-So-Groovy Duncan would have not stood a chance!" Treela said, as she picked up her ball, and went over to Ivan. "You okay, dude?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. I could have stood against her. But thanks for helping!" Ivan said, as the two shook hands. Bitty recovered, and was in front of Treela in moments.
"YOU… I never met you before, but I already hate your guts already." Bitty said with a scowl in her voice. "And your fashion. Ugh! Have you got the memo yet?! The 60's are OVER!"
"The 60's still lives on in most people's hearts, and besides, I don't see you judging that groovy nerd's clothes, so I will." Treela went over to Kira. Bitty looked at Treela with hatred in her face. Treela surveyed Kira's fashion choice, and smiled.
"Rockin' the Persona look! Plus, I really dig your glasses!" Treela said. "You look like you're ready to deal with those shadows!
"Cool!" Kira also said, as the two exchanged a high five.
"Okay, we seen enough of the hippie, let's move on to Zentaro!" Chris said, as a taxi pulled up.
A Japanese male stepped out, holding what appeared to be a fish tank of some sorts. Inside said tank, was a frog. Said male was wearing a frog hat over his raven-black hair, he had a green t-shirt, with a Kermit the Frog style collar, blue pants, and white shoes.
"RIBBIT! Nice to be here! I bet Tongue likes it as well!" Zentaro said.
"RIBBIT!" Tongue croaked.
"So, how's the frog-boy doing today?" Chris replied.
"Doing fine, Chris-Sensei!" Zentaro answered, as he surveyed what happened. "So, I missed something, huh?"
"Nothing major. Just Bitty getting cheesed off about having a dodgeball thrown to her by a hippie girl." Chris replied.
"Whoa…" Zentaro said, as he walked over to the group. "Hi, guys!"
"Cool frog! What's his name?" Kira said to him.
"Tongue." Zentaro replied.
Bitty just talked to herself. "Not liking the frog look."
"Next up, we have Nancy!" Chris said, as the taxi opened, and her belongings was tossed out.
"Okay, taxi-dude. Take off!" Nancy said, as the taxi sped off, with her skitching on the back bumper. As soon as the taxi picked up speed, she let go of the bumper, stood up, did a few tricks, and came back towards Chris.
"Pretty cool, huh?" Nancy said. She was wearing a black Baseball cap, with a Triforce design on the front. Her brunette hair was in a ponytail, with a purple streak in said ponytail. She was also wearing a black shirt with flames over a blue shirt with an ice cream cone. Her bellybutton was also exposed. She was also wearing blue jeans and sandals. She also had… piercings? Hambo spoke up.
"Wow… How much did it hurt to get those done?" Hambo asked.
"Actually, they're clip-ons. I would love to get some done, but the parents said, Not until I'm 16." Nancy replied. "Also, nice headband."
"Thanks!" Hambo replied.
"Pah, the skateboard look is O-U-T, OUT!" Bitty said.
"Are you gonna have a witty remark everytime a new person comes here, sugarmold?" Gladys replied to Bitty.
"Next up, we have Easter!" Chris said, as a tanned boy steps out of the taxi. He appeared to have red hair, and wearing a cap, like Kyle's from South Park. However, Easter's cap was grey with a Yoshi Egg in front of it. He was also wearing a green tie-dye, yellow pants, and blue shoes. But what really set him out of the rest of the bunch was… bunny ears and a bunny tail? He also had markings on his face, almost like bunny whiskers.
"Real nice to be here, Chris!" Easter said.
"Nice to have you here, Easter!" Chris replied. "So, where did you hide the eggs?"
"Not telling!" Easter said, as he walked over to the kids.
"Bunny ears were out then, they're out now." Bitty remarked.
"Hey, I liked these things…" Easter lamented. Treela stepped towards Bitty.
"Dude! You better say sorry, you most likely hurt his feelings!" Treela yelled at Bitty.
"Well, he has bad fashion, so BLAH!" Bitty said, sticking a tongue out at her. Zentaro walked up to Treela.
"Let it go, Tree-chan. It's not worth it." Zentaro said.
"Okay… But make fun of anyone else, I have the Groovy Mr. Noun ready for you, Bitty." Treela said to the fashionesta, referring to her dodgeball.
"Yeah, yeah, bite me." Bitty said in response.
"Next up, we have Danielle!" Chris said, as Danielle stepped out of a taxi. She… was wearing a animal outfit designed like a cat, like the ones you see at theme parks. Said outfit was a blue-furred cat, with pink hair on top. Said outfit was also wearing a yellow tank-top, and red pants.
"Uh… Nice to be here." Danielle said. "Hope we can get along with each other!" Danielle replied.
"An ANIMAL OUTFIT?! What passes for fashion these days, anyway? ANYTHING?!" Bitty said to herself, hoping not to feel Treela's wrath again. Danielle stood next to Ivan.
"Nice outfit. I don't care what the others say, especially Bitty, but you look cool!" Ivan replied.
"Aww, thanks!" Danielle said back.
"Ladies… Prepare to meet Vaughn! And he's a looker!" Chris said, as the taxi stopped. And out stepped a male wearing a black leather jacket, blue jeans, and had a particular hairstyle. Most of the ladies were looking at him, except for a few…
"Uh, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" Kira yelled out, without Ivan noticing.
"Hi, Chris!" Vaughn said. Chris smiled at him.
"Dude, you may be hot, even hotter than I am… How do you get that natural beauty?" Chris questioned Vaughn.
"Well, it's simple…" Vaughn started to say something to Chris. Danielle was looking a bit confused.
"Err… Why does he have Edward Cullen's haircut?" Danielle questioned herself. Ivan somehow overheard that.
"I'm not sure… Wait, you watched TWILIGHT?!" Ivan said in shock.
"Just a Best of Rifftrax of it. Crappy movie, but great Riffing!" Danielle replied.
"…And that's how you get my beauty!" Vaughn finished what he was saying.
"…Club a porcupine… Got it!" Chris said, hiding a sheet of paper in his pocket. "Now, stand over there next to the others!"
"Will do!" Vaughn said, then thought to himself. "These fools will be eating out of the palm of my hand by the end of the week! Plus, that blonde hottie's hot!"
"He's SOOOOO hot!" Bitty thought to herself.
"Time to meet Xylia!" Chris said, as a cab pulled up, and its passenger stepped out. She was wearing a green apron over a red-sleeved shirt, a green baker's, yellow sweatpants, and was barefoot. Most of her clothes were covered in spots of flour. Even her face had flour spots on it. She also had pink hair.
"Coolness! I'm here!" Xylia said. "Hi, Chris! Wanna cookie?" Xylia said, producing what… appeared to be a cookie… But it was charred black.
"Err… no thanks… But thanks, anyway!" Chris replied.
"Okay!" Xylia said with a smile, as she walked over to the rest of the group. Looking at Vaughn along the way, she commented to herself, "WOOOOW, liking the Edward Cullen hairstyle…not. Why not get some sparkles while you're at it…"
When she reached Ivan, she looked at him. "Wow, guess we're barefoot buddies, huh?" Xylia said to Ivan.
"A hater of shoes too, huh?" Ivan replied.
"Yeppers!" Xylia answered. "I soooooo hate those things!"
"Me, too…" Ivan said.
"Anyways…" Chris said, trying to get the attention back to him. "Here's Winter!"
The taxi stops in front of them, as a young male stepped out. He wore yellow glasses, and a red shirt with a yellow dollar sign in front of said shirt. He also wore blue jeans, and… pink shoes?
"Big Bucks, Big Bucks, Big Bucks, No Whammies, No Whammies, STOP!" Winter said, looking at the crowd staring at him.
"Wow, what a freak." Bitty said.
"Darnin' likes his game shows, huh?" Gladys also said.
"It's totally groovy that he knows the No Whammies chat from Press Your Luck." Treela said as well.
"What's with the pink shoes?" Danielle asked.
"...I misplaced my shoes, so I had to wear my sis' shoes…" Winter admitted, walking towards them. "Man, this is worse than getting five zeroes on Plinko!"
"Wow, you really have to be unlucky as crap to get five zeroes on Plinko." Treela remarked.
"Next up, Melody!" Chris said, as a female stepped out of the cab. She was wearing a dark red beret, had dark green hair, a plaid shirt covering a shirt promoting a band, tight blue jeans, and yellow sneakers with a touch of pink. She also had a nose piercing.
"Wow, this show… It's too mainstream." Melody admitted.
"Yeah, yeah, we know you're a hipster." Chris replied.
"So, who's the crew that's too mainstream for their own good?" Melody asked.
"Right over there." Chris said, pointing towards the cast. Xylia waved at Melody.
"Fair enough." Melody walked over to the crew, where Nancy ran up to her.
"Wow, you have a real nose piercing? Lucky!" Nancy replied.
"Well, huh. Nobody has ever complimented on my nose piercing before." Melody said.
"Coolness! These guys won't bite… Except for Bitty, but she's a jerk, so screw her." Nancy replied.
"I heard that!" Bitty yelled out loud.
"Next up, we have Roy, little brother of Omelette from Dictionary!" Chris said, as the taxi stopped.
Out of the taxi stepped a male with messy brown hair, dotted eyes, and wearing a blue shirt with a lightning bolt on it over a green sweater. He was also wearing green sweatpants and grey shoes, both stained by mud.
"Nice to be here!" Roy said. "I guess I have big shoes to fill if I'm following in my sister's shoes."
Roy then walked over to the other campers, where they were waiting to ask him questions.
"Is it true she's bi?" Hambo Nancy asked.
"Can my darlin' of a little bro have her autograph?" Gladys said.
"Where did you get your clothes? At a poor people's store?" Bitty replied.
"Yeah, I can see, and Bite Me." Roy answered all three questions in one go.
"Here's Opi, everyone! And if you're a fan of Yuki from Dictionary, you'll gonna love Opi!" Chris said, as the cab stopped again. Out stepped out a girl with spiked pigtails streaked various colors. She also had her bangs streaked pink and blue, and had blue and green streaks on the back of her hair. She was also wearing glasses, eyeshadow, a black t-shirt with a pink skull on it, purple sweatpants, and sandals. Her nails were painted various colors, and it appeared she had paint streaks all over her body.
"Wow, what a crowd of people!" Opi said. "If we weren't running tight on time, I sketch all of you on paper!"
"So, I guess you're the resident artist of this season, huh." Winter replied.
"BLEH! Why do artists always have such… gross hairstyles?" Bitty said in one of her now famous remarks.
"Well, they're a fan of color! Also, Yuki's hairstyle inspired me." Opi replied.
"Get ready to rumble, cause here comes Yawgmoth!" Chris replied as a tough boy came out of the cab. Said cab sped off quickly, but not before Yawgmoth smashed a taillight. He had spiky blonde hair, was a tad bit tanned, he had an earring in his ears, a black t-shirt with flames on it, red pants, and grey shoes.
"Sup, Chris McLAME!" Yawgmoth yelled out.
"Hey, I'm still not lame!" Chris said, as police sirens were heard in the distance.
"SCORE! I got him pulled over on purpose!" Yawgmoth replied.
"And what, may I ask, achieve?" Kira asked.
"Nothing. Except that fool got a traffic ticket now, nerd! HAHAHAHA!" Yawgmoth laughed mockingly. He then walked over to where Zentaro was standing. He glared at Tongue, then at Zentaro, and both of them froze in terror.
"And next up, we have Quant!" Chris said, as a woman that looked like she meant business stepped out of the cab. She had blonde hair, a brown sweater, and beige pants.
"Chris? I just gotta say… You suck. You're going to die a horrible death, and you won't be remembered for anything." Quant said to him, walking away from him, and standing in front of Hambo.
"So… what?" Hambo replied.
"Bacon's gonna make you fat, and you'll be forever alone." Quant said, before she left. Insulting every constant along the way, she then stopped in front of Xylia.
"Uh… hi?" Xylia said in a nervous tone.
"What's with the pink hair? Pink hair is a sign of evilness!" Quant replied.
"But… Tina of Dictionary has pink hair, and she isn't the slightest of evil!" Xylia said.
"Whatever, the point is… Your cooking sucks, you're gonna get insitutionized when you're older, and you're gonna die alone, and no one's gonna be at your funeral." Quant finished her insult. All of a sudden…
"M-M-Meanie!" Xylia said, with tears in her eyes.
"Okay, next up, we have Uzi! And he's related to another infamous camper of Dictionary fame, too!" Chris said, as a cab pulls up.
Out steps a man with blue streaks in his hair. He was wearing a sky-blue t-shirt with a Mario Star on it in 8-Bit. He also was wearing green pants, and… pink and purple sneakers?
"Hi, Chris! I'm ready to go retro…" Uzi said, as he noticed a teary-eyed Xylia. "Uh, why is the pink-haired girl crying?"
"Blame Quant, she's over there." Chris said, pointing to her. She was in the middle of insulting Nancy.
"…And body piercings are a sign of evil, too!" Quant replied.
"They're CLIP-ONS! Can't you take a hint?" Nancy yelled back.
"This is gonna be a long summer…" Uzi said to himself.
"Next up, Lily!" Chris said, as another taxi stopped in front of him, as an energetic girl stepped out. She had blue hair being covered up in a purple hat with a hurricane symbol on it. She was wearing a t-shirt that had a tornado crashing down on an open field. She also had green sweatpants, and pink shoes. She also had freckles.
"Today's forecast calls for a chance of victory!" Lily said, before noticing Xylia, about to cry. "And a bit of cheering up…"
Lily walked over to Xylia. "So, who made you cry?" She asked.
"Quant did…-Sniff-" Xylia replied. She wasn't in her usual mood.
"She did, didn't she? Well, she has a 70% Chance of a good talking to!" Lily said, stepping in front of Quant, ready to insult Gladys in her face.
"HEY! I'm not sure what you did to get that pink-haired girl all teary-eyed, but you better stop it!" Lily yelled at Quant.
"Oh, look! Another evil person with odd hair in the works! Whatever. You're not worth my time to mess with." Quant then walked off, and started to insult Gladys. A defeated Lily walked back over to Xylia to deliver the news.
"Sorry… I tried. Guess I'm wrong sometimes. Led me to my hairstyle." Lily said.
"-Sniff- Really? Coolness. Do tell!" Xylia said, having cheered up a little.
"Well… I promised the kids some snow, and…"
"Please welcome Seth!" Chris said, as what appeared to be a 12-year old beatnik stepped out of the cab. He had a black beret on, a purple striped shirt on, blue jeans, and sandals. He also appeared to have a goatee.
"Sup, Daddy-O?" Seth replied.
"Gonna invite people to a drum circle later?" Chris replied.
"You know it… Maybe." Seth replied, as he walked over to the group.
"Ugh, a beatnik? Like I said to hippie-girl over there, the 50's are over!" Bitty said to Seth.
"Next up, we have Felix!" Chris said, as an African-Canadian male stepped out. He had blonde hair, a purple shirt with a exclamation point on it, and red shorts.
"Hi, Chris! Nice to be here! Sorry I'm late; I wanted to test out a teleporter." Felix said.
"Whatever, go join the others." Chris said, as Felix walked over to where the other kids were at.
"Cool wrench! Is that a XKR 3000?" Hambo asked.
"Correct you are, my bacon-loving friend!" Felix replied.
"Next up, we have Peki!" Chris said, as a limo stopped in front of Chris. And out stepped out a girl wearing various jewels on her. She was also wearing a green shirt, and a blue blouse with diamonds embedded in them.
"Nice to be here, Chris! Then again, everyone already said so." Peki replied. "I'm gonna take my leave now." She then walked over to the rest of the campers.
"Finally, someone with good fashion!" Bitty said.
"I wonder if I can use her for my deeds…" Vaughn commented to himself.
"Next up, Cormano!" Chris said, as what appeared to be a cowboy stepped out of the cab. He was wearing a yellow cowboy hat, a brown vest over a blue shirt, a hankerchief, brown slacks, and grey boots.
"Howdy, pilgrim! Ready to get this game rollin'! More rollin' than a tumbleweed!" Cormano said, as he walked over to the others.
"Wow, lots of good hats around here!" Roy replied.
"Next, Allison!" Chris said, as a cab stopped in front of him. Out stepped a girl wearing a straw hat, covering her orange hair. She wore a blue sleeveless shirt with pink flowers on it, purple sweatpants, and green shoes.
"Really cool to be here, Chris!" Allison replied. "Also, I dig the frog dude's hat."
Zentaro looked up from his state of shock from Yawgmoth's glare to see Allison commenting on his hat.
"T-Thanks!" Zentaro said, as a cell phone rung.
"Yes… WHAT? The J Constant won't be here until tomorrow? What court hearing?" Chris yelled at his cellphone.
"What's going on?" Danielle asked.
"Joey, the J Constant, got arrested for robbing a store, and smoking pot in front of a cop! In said cop's house!" Chris answered.
"Wow… How DUMB can you be?" Danielle said.
"Anyways, he won't be here until tomorrow, so in the meantime, get together in a group next to that mud puddle, people!" Chris yelled out.
"I know how this is gonna turn out…" Felix said, taking out a device, and pressing a button.
Xylia looked a bit nervous. "Uh, Chris? We aren't gonna get all wet and soaking and wet, are we?"
"Nope! Now, on 3 say AlphaKidz! One, Two, Three…"
All of a sudden, a cab sped off and tried to splash the constants with water, but said water was bounced off, leaving the kids dry. Felix whistled an innocent tune.
"Uh, should we be all wet by now?" Ivan asked.
"And all the work I did to get the kids wet. Anyway, follow me, and I'll explain some stuff!" Chris said, before turning towards the camera. "And there you have it! We have our kids, though one of them is AWOL right now. What adventure will await them? Find out, after the break!"
And there you have it! All the constants, minus the J constant have arrived! But what will await our kids?
Next Time: The Kids go for a Speed Run in World 1-1 of Mario Bros!