Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC Jackie Walker


Rule #251

It is strongly advised not to look to take your Zodiac signs all too serious

("How you deal with heartbreaks based on your zodiac sign")

("These are the best fall fashion for you according to your zodiac sign")

(Having Bucky walk around in Ugg boots? Sure why not)

("Read this to find out about your future! According to your zodiac sign!")

(Apparently I'm gonna die alone with five dogs)

(Sounds good to me!)

(... Did Thor just went to buy chocolate because that's what he's supposed to do to make his girl happy based on his zodiac sign?)

(Wait wait wait does anyone even know what's his sign or when he has birthday?)

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Rule #252

We are not allowed to point at a random person and say "Yo Peter guess what he's gonna be the next Spiderman"

(He's trying to play it off cool but I can see it in his eyes he's scared it might really happen)

(Aw don't worry Peter, you'll be the only true Spiderman for us)

(Although Tony joked that Tom Holland would make a good Spiderman...)

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Rule #253

Me and Bucky are not allowed to call each other nicknames across the room and act all couple-ish

(Apparently it doesn't sit well with them that we do)

(Their explanation is that he is old enough to be my grandfather)

(To which I point out the years spent frozen does not count, he would still be 27-ish)

(Which quite honestly doesn't make it any better because that's still a huge age gap)

("Jackie Doll, hand me the sugar will ya darlin'?"

("Of course Bucky Bear, everything for you my love!")

(Just between you and me, it's a quite useful asset to get the others leave the room)

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Rule #254

The 99th Precinct of the NYPD in Brooklyn does not exist and no we can make our own detective squad or whatever

(Hands down Natasha could be Rosa Diaz)

(Bruce Banner would be Terry Jeffords)

(I don't even have to say who'd be Captain Holt)

(I wanna be Gina but apparently I'm not narcissistic enough)

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Rule #255

Following the previous rule, quoting Brooklyn 99

("We don't need guns. I have a lighter, okay, we get some hairspray, make some flame throwers. Let's fry these bitches")

(Guess who said it)

(Me)

(Always carry a lighter with you!)

("Who doesn't bring their phone with them into the bathroom? That's like the whole reason to go in there.")

("I told Clint about how I approved about your strategy for breaking up with that girl, and he said that we were 'sociopaths'")

(Eh, been called worse)

("Start taking care of yourself again! I miss those gross, overly large muscles!")

(Tony to Steve)

("Jackie, is that a talking raisin?")

(What a rude thing to say to our new pet mascot how dare you Tony!)

("That's the title of a sex tape")

(Apparently it's not the best thing to say as a reply to a question.)

("Hi, Tony Stark, the human form of the 100 emoji.")

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Rule #256

Maybe, just maybe watch out what's coming our of your mouth sometimes?

(Because people are gonna think you're dumb as hell)

(I'm already clumsy I don't need Steve to think I have an IQ of 90 down south)

(""For someone with such an intense need to be liked you'd think I would have figured out how to be less of an asshole")

(That was Tony)

(Wow he admitted he needs to be liked)

(I'm impressed)

(""I feel dead on the inside, I wish it was the same on the outside too")

(Bucky everytime when a dog dies in a movie)

(Me too buddy, me too)

("Hey, what's the number for 911 again?")

(Oh Clint.)

("Moral of the story: Wear comfortable shoes, sure your shoulders, and walk like you've been sent to murder captain America")

(Bucky on the question why everyone makes a free path for him when he walks down the hallway)

(That's... a really smart thing to do when you're running late)

("You know I make a lots of threats for someone who is short and can't even do one pushup")

("My bladder is as big as your betrayal.")

(Peter still peed into his pants because he refused to come out of the room)

("No drinking before twelve, unless you have been drinking the day before and haven't stopped. Otherwise all drinking after twelve is fine.")

(I... Might have been drinking with Natasha and Clint at a super weird time during the day)

("I would be a morning person, if morning happened around 1 PM.")

(Well Peter, maybe you should take a night off and sleep for once?)

("I'm like 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, but honestly it's really a solid plan.")

(According to Falcon Steve actually said that during a mission)

(Which is quite concerning because if Captain America doesn't have a good plan then what is gonna happen to the rest of us?)

("The Winter Soldier doesn't care if you're fat.")

(Bucky actually said that to me and Natasha when we were slouched on the couch and kept squeezing our stomach rolls)

(So sweet)

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Rule #257

Mass Effect has been banned from the base

(Since I've bing played all three parts I kept pestering Thor about taking me to the Citadel because I want to see my bird-reptile-husband)

(To which Thor keeps insisting that the Citadel is not real)

(Sure Thor, tell me about how the MARVEL universe is not real)

(Also we should not yell "The Reapers are attacking!" everytime we are under attack)

(Apparently Vision doesn't take it well when we look at him, then sigh and say 'why couldn't JARVIS get a body like EDI did")

(And no we are not allowed to rename FRIDAY to EDI or change it's voice to hers)

(I know Steve will deny it to his grave, but he secretly really liked to play female Shepard)

(I mean who doesn't that's the only way to romance Garrus!)

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Rule #258

For the last time, we are not Youtubers and never will be Youtubers

(Although, Thor did manage to get over one million subscribers on Youtube)

(I think his channel is called "On Asgard We Do It Better")

(He basically films what he's doing daily on Midgard and from time to time there are guest appearances from the other Avenger)

(According to Bruce he also get's a lot of collaboration request)

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Rule #259

Asking Falcon if he can take you to College because you are running late is not recommended

(He's an even worse drop off than Tony)

(I had to run to the bathroom ASAP and empty my breakfast)

(That was the first and last time he takes me to college)

(Steve says it serves me right for not getting up on time)

(Sometimes I hate them so much)

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Rule #260

Past experience taught me not to go to IKEA with the Avengers

(First of all, Thor will brag about his absolute perfect pronunciation of the furniture names)

(Secondly. a pun war will ensue between Tony and Clint to see who can make the best/worst pun with the IKEA names)

(And thirdly, Bruce tends to test out the beds at the showrooms and somehow falls asleep on them)

(To which we then need an assistant to make an announcement that we lost a friend of ours)

("Goodbye, you little shit.")


ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

smoke bombs away for the next two years