Apparently, an entire week is too much for me to go on without Homeland. So I'm doing this.
Oddly enough my favorite character on the show is Carrie... and this story came up from Brody's point of view. Which I found interesting but difficult, therefore I'm not so sure about it. Feel free to comment and tell me what you think.
Warning: Spoilers for 2x04.
Disclaimer: From what I've seen, that's not how it will happen. Yet, that's still how I wrote it. So, nope, I don't own anything and it's all for the best!
He was walking with firm steps towards the CIA building.
In spite of some unexpected incidents, everything was right on track. At least for now. He couldn't silence the voice in his head telling him that nothing ever goes according to plan. He had learnt it the hard way.
For now though, everything was looking good and he had great hope for the days to come.
Of course on the other hand was Jess. The children. He hadn't meant to hurt them in any way, same as he didn't want them to hold a grudge against him. Maybe he deserved it. Altough he couldn't have done it any differently. He didn't have a choice but they wouldn't understand.
He tried to make things work with Jessica, or at least make them better. Not only for his appearance, to show that he was a proud American, with values, with traditions. No, he sincerely wanted a family, his family. He loved his children more than anything else – how could he not, they were the reason he was still here.
He loved Jessica too... but things weren't the same. How could they be? He had changed. Everything had changed. It wasn't only his... "experience" but what he believed in now.
He was lying to her. Because she wouldn't understand. Because she would hate him.
So he tried the sex. He really thought it could help, it could make him remember. But it still remained different. And certainly not anything like it was with Carrie.
When the sudden vision of Carrie flashed through his mind, he shook his head. No. No. You can't go there.
From time to time, she'd make her way back into his mind and his fantasies... But she was part of his past. Nothing more.
Luckily, he managed to keep the journalists away from discovering he had been kicked out of home. His private life wasn't their favorite playground just yet. And he was grateful for that. Staying in this hotel room was humiliating enough. But it also gave him some incredible opportunities. Finally, he wasn't forced to hide from his own wife. No hiding, no lying, more freedom. Just what he needed.
He just had to convince Jess he wasn't giving up on them. And at the same time keep his safe place for a little while longer...
He was right in the middle of his thought when he saw her.
Leaving the CIA building.
What – what was she doing here?
She was looking straight ahead. She didn't see him. But he had to stop her, or he wouldn't get a chance to talk to her... Wait – why would he...
Her name was out of his lips before he could even think further. He had no idea what he was going to tell her or just how awkward this meeting would be. He just said her name.
His only intuition was that it was a terrible idea. That he also terribly wanted to talk to her.
"Hey." He didn't run at her, no matter how much giddy he suddenly became.
He wasn't really close to her but it was so much closer than the last few months.
She turned around and raised her arms, probably in greeting, certainly caught of guard. "Brody... Oh wow. Hey." She smiled at him. He knew that smile, it was sincere, shy, a little confused and without a doubt as seducing as it was back that night where she first broke all his walls down.
God - she was beautiful.
"How are you?" He didn't mean to sound arrogant but he wanted to be distant. He couldn't let her know that their unexpected meeting affected him. He wasn't trying to make small talk either. He really wanted to know, after... well, after everything. He wanted to ask her hundred of questions and wanted even more answers.
When she looked up at him again, he saw she was guarded, thinking about how much she should tell him – and he probably deserved it.
He felt knots forming in his stomach.
His heart had jumped when he saw her, it was undeniable. It was still beating so hard he was afraid she'd hear it. But now he was starting to get anxious.
Not like a teenager this time. Because this time he didn't know if she felt that too.
Would she ignore everything they'd been through? Could he?
He wished she would ask him to leave her alone. He wished she wouldn't.
He hoped she felt the same. And that she had felt it the first time they'd kissed, and every time they made love afterwards. Made love ? No – had sex. Deep and passionate sex. Nothing more, again.
He couldn't believe this. A few hours ago he was determined, focused on his mission.
Here he was now...
Nervous. Hopeful. Waiting.
Her answer snapped him out of his thinking. "I'm... good actually. Thanks for asking."
He felt disappointed she chose to tell him so little.
But then he saw her eyes – really saw them. And they told him enough. They betrayed all the attraction she felt for him, the fact she was not able to hide it from him.
"I've seen things are doing great for you. Pretty great even," she added, exaggerating the last sentence, with a small laugh. The tension began to be dispelled. He was relieved and felt something at the idea she'd followed his career and his moves. She hadn't forced herself to forget everything about him.
"Yeah, not complaining." He smiled back at her and laughed a little. It was his turn to betray himself, he knew it. All his emotions were on display through his smile. She had to know she was the only one who made him smile like that.
Like nothing else mattered.
However he could not forget the world around him, not now, not when the stakes were so high. He remembered his surroundings and...
What exactly was she doing here?
What if she hadn't forget about her suspicions?
What if she actually had something against him?
He knew her. He knew he'd have to be twice as careful if she was onto him.
If she was the enemy, how far could he go without revealing himself? Without her finding anything? ...With him finding enough?
It wasn't a good idea. But he could have it all. He could have her, and he could have informations.
He was risking everything.
He moved his head towards the building, never leaving her eyes. "Um, I really need to go right now..." He stopped, insecure for the last time. "But you wanna go for a drink tonight?"
Fin. (for now)
Thanks a lot to Kellie for her help.