Howard: "Waiting for the verdict…that was just dreadful. The worst bit was that I knew we'd done our best. What if our best wasn't enough? Then what?"
Interviewer: "Then Vince wouldn't be coming home…"
Howard: "Don't even say it. There is no home without my little man."
Howard and Vince: An Interview, Mad-cap Daily
Saturday nervously chewed on her fingernails and watched Howard pace back and forth. She'd long ago learnt not to second guess juries but a jury of fictional characters drawn randomly from the madcap comedies? Who could know how they would react. Lost in thought she didn't even notice that Naboo had returned until he spoke, "They're calling us back. We have a verdict."
"They can't do it!" Howard whimpered, "They can't take my little man away."
"Howard," Mr Gumby said kindly patting his back, "C'mon pull yourself together. We'll go in and hear the verdict and we'll take it from there, okay?
Howard nodded meekly. Vince's main support team, Naboo, Mr Gumby, Saturday, Bollo and, of course, Howard all went into the courtroom together.
Sedgewick glared at them contemptuously as they entered the courtroom. Vince, sitting calmly in the dock smiled reassuringly at Howard. The judge, still looking disturbingly like John Cleese, managed to silly walk his way into the courtroom in a manner that only added to the already tense atmosphere. He sat, banged his gavel for quiet and announced, "Jury, I believe you have a verdict?"
The juror whom Saturday recognised as Tim from the Goodies stood, "Yes we do."
Saturday felt like her guts had been ripped out but then he continued…
"no wait! What's the other one? The one that means he just goes home and we all forget all about it?"
The judge sighed, "Not guilty?"
"Yes, that's it. Not guilty."
"Are you sure?"
Tim looked around at the other jurors who were all nodding vigorously, "ah, yes. We're quite sure, yes."
The judge banged his gavel, "Well there we are. Vince Noir you are found not guilty by reason of insanity. You are free to return to the Mighty Boosh and snog Howard Moon as much as you like whether or not it is in the Script."
Saturday breathed a sigh of relief. She began to laugh.
"No!" Sedgewick howled his anguish and fury cutting through the celebratory cheers, "No! You are sodding well not. You bloody crazies think you can do whatever you damn well like, flouting logic, ignoring laws, living with ludicrously inconsistent backstories. Well you're not going to ignore the Script…that's going too damn far. If I had my way I'd destroy the whole damn lot of you."
The entire courtroom looked furious. The pepperpots on the jury whispered to each other angrily.
"Would you really?" the judge laughed, "Well thankfully, my dear, this is my courtroom and I've already warned you. Sedgewick, you are in contempt of court and I sentence you to teach llamas how to knit while sitting in a bowlful of treacle. You shall not be free until they produce a small scarf…"
Instantly two beings dressed head to toe in black fabric and wearing Greek masks descended, "We are the Protectors of Visual Moving Media. You have been found in contempt of court, Sedgewick."
"No!" cried Sedgewick as he was dragged away, "No! It doesn't even make sense. They don't have opposable thumbs!"
As he was pulled free of the courtroom Vince stood nervously, "Umm, so I'm free to go then?"
The judge nodded, "Yes, Vince Noir you are free to go."
"And snog Howard Moon as much as I like?"
The judge laughed, "As you wish."
Howard stood and strode forward to the front of the courtroom confidently. He nodded at the judge and said, "Thank-you, sir," before lifting Vince right out of his seat, "I'm taking you home, little man."
As he strode out of the court, Vince giggling in his arms the entire courtroom cheered.
Later that day Saturday, Naboo and Mr Gumby were back at Nabootique enjoying a cup of tea. Howard and Vince were cuddling on the couch, whispering sweet nothings in each other's ear. Suddenly, Saturday found herself laughing so hard she nearly spluttered her tea everywhere. She managed to swallow but continued to chortle terribly. Naboo an eyebrow, "Alright, Saturday?"
Eventually Saturday managed to stop giggling, "It's just, Sedgewick was right about one thing."
"Llamas really don't have opposable thumbs...He's going to be in that bowl of treacle a long time."
Mr Gumby smiled, "Yes I expect he will be. Thanks to you…"
Saturday grinned widely at this, "It's been fun. If I can ever help out again…"
"Oh, we'll be in touch, certainly, Agent Saturday Week. It would probably be best to return to the Real World for now though, eh?" Mr Gumby answered.
Saturday nodded, "Yes, as much as I'll miss you all a bit of real life would probably do me good."
Vince and Howard detangled themselves from each other and came over to Saturday to say goodbye. Howard shook Saturday's hand seriously, "Thank-you for helping me save my little man, Saturday. You are welcome here anytime."
"Thanks, Howard. It has been an honour."
"Yeah, cheers Saturday!" Vince added his face breaking into a big, sunshiney grin, "And not only did I get away with it but the judge said that I can snog Howard as much as I like. Even if it isn't in the Script! Vince Noir, Script-bender…"
Everyone laughed as Vince flicked his fringe and grinned at Howard cheekily, "I think we could get away with a bumming next time…"
"Vince!" Naboo and Mr Gumby instantly yelled together as Howard blushed furiously.
Vince laughed hysterically, "I'm only joking. Bumming is strictly for Between-Episode time."
Naboo and Mr Gumby both let out sighs of relief, "Well mind you remember that, Vince" Naboo said shaking his head.
"Of course," Vince replied, leaning towards a blushing Saturday Week to explain, "if it is during Between-Episode time it'll only spark a fanficition and that's okay…only perverts read them."