From: The E-Z Finance Company,

Tallahassee, Florida, Earth

December 8, 2154

To: Commander Charles Tucker III,

C/o NX-01 USS Enterprise

Dear Commander Tucker:

It is with regret that I must inform you that, due to your nonpayment on the 2151 Chevrolet Milky Way, license #: NCC-1701, we have been forced to repossess your vehicle.

The E-Z Finance Company is not unreasonable, and we recognize you are currently serving with Starfleet. However, all earlier attempts at our contact with you have been rebuffed or ignored, and we have been forced to take action.

Due to the deployment of the Xindi weapon, please note that our offices have temporarily moved, and we are currently operating out of Seattle. Kindly inform us of the location of the vehicle so that we may impound it.

Very Truly Yours,

James Grayson

Senior Collections Specialist, E-Z Finance Company

=/\=

Dear Mr. Grayson:

I would be happy to give you the location of the vehicle except that it was destroyed, along with my home, by the same Xindi weapon that vaporized your offices. I have been unable to attend to your correspondence as I was a little busy fighting the Xindi war.

Sincerely,

Commander Charles Tucker III

=/\=

Dear Mr. Tucker:

That is immaterial. You still need to pay the loan.

Very Truly Yours,

James Grayson

Senior Collections Specialist, E-Z Finance Company

=/\=

Mr. Grayson:

The vehicle was vaporized!

Sincerely,

Tripp Tucker

=/\=

Dear Mr. Tucker:

Our contract with you clearly states that acts of God do not absolve the client – that's you – of any and all payback obligations. Will that be credit or a cashier's check?

Very Truly Yours,

James Grayson

Senior Collections Specialist, E-Z Finance Company

=/\=

Grayson:

This wasn't an act of God, unless you're a member of that cult that's deifying the Xindi reptilian, Commander Dolim.

Exasperatedly yours,

Tripp

=/\=

Dear Tripp:

Alien attacks are considered to be acts of God. I refer you to paragraph 6, subparagraph (b) of your agreement (page 9).

Very Truly Yours,

James Grayson

Senior Collections Specialist, E-Z Finance Company

=/\=

Dear idiot,

My ATM card was also vaporized in the Xindi attack. If you can find it, help yourself to all the cash you need. Or, better yet, contact Commander Dolim and ask him. I believe you can write to him in hell, in c/o Beelzebub, AKA The Devil. Or just go visit him yourself. If you don't know the way, I'll be happy to point it out to you.

Kiss my you-know-what,

Charles Tucker III