It's been 3 years since I've seen her. After we broke up we agreed to stay friends after our breakup but we eventually lost touch. A while after the break up I moved to New York. I had planned to stay at Louisville so I could keep in touch with her but I felt so lost. I knew right after we broke up I had made the worst decision of my life. I heard things about her from time to time from Rachael but other than that we haven't contacted each other. Of course I wanted to keep in touch but after months without talking I would type out a text and just erase it because I didn't really know what to say. I miss you? I knew I couldn't do that because I just wanted her to be happy and she wouldn't be happy if she wasn't waiting around for me to come home on a weekend. I applied and moved to New York after I finished my semester at Louisville. I got in to NYU so now I am a junior majoring in music. I thought about getting a roommate but I ended up having enough money from my mom to live on my own. New York is everything I thought it would be.
*RING RING RING*
I look down at my phone and see that Rachael is calling.
"Hey Rachael, what's up?" I asked
"Hello, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up for coffee later?" She asked
"Maybe after class? I am walking there now." I said as I walk across campus.
"Yeah that works for me, I'll see you then. Text you the details in a few. Bye."
After a boring lab I walked out of class and looked at my phone. There was a message from Rachael saying where to at the Starbucks only about 10 minutes outside campus. As I walked there I wondered why she wanted to meet. Don't get me wrong, we are friends now and we hangout but rarely does she want distractions during the school week. I opened the door and immediately saw her. She was already sitting down with two cups of coffee.
"Hey Rach!" I said with a smile. She looks up and smiles as well.
"Hey! I got you a coffee just the way you like it." She said as I picked it up to take a sip.
"Thanks, you know me so well."
"That I do."
"Ok. Cut to the chase. What's up?" I raised my eyebrow at her.
"What do you mean?" She looked to the side, that's when I knew something was actually up.
"I know something is up...you never like to get coffee with me during the week unless you're done with class and you don't need to practice any performances." I said with a joking tone. Rachael looked really nervous. She couldn't even look me in the eye.
"Ok. Your right. Here's the thing...I...someone is coming to New York for a visit." She still wasn't looking at me.
"Ok...who is it? You dads?" I asked suddenly curious.
"Not exactly...it's um...brit...Brittany." She said in a barely audible voice. But fortunately for me I can read lips very well. I went cold. A flash of panic swept over me. Why is she coming here? Is she staying with Rachael? Is she seeing anyone? Why didn't she come sooner? I had so many questions but couldn't form any words so she spoke.
"I know this may be a shock to you and you must have a lot of questions so here it goes. She isn't exactly coming for a visit...she is going to be going to school at NYU...ummm I also told her she would stay with me."
I didn't know what to say. Why is she going to NYU? Does she know I go here? I just sat there absorbing all this new information. Then I spoke.
"Does she know I'm here?" I asked
"Yes. She found out you transferred to NYU from people in Glee Club. I don't know the whole story on why she is back but she is. Back." She looked for me to become visibly upset but I couldn't. We didn't end on bad terms so it's not like we are mad at each other.
"Wow. I guess we will all have to get dinner or something and catch up." I said cheerfully. She looked up at me shocked.
"Are you sure? I know when you moved here you cried a lot...and it will probably bring up some feelings...I just want you to be sure." She said
"Does she want to see me?" I asked curiously
"Like I said, we haven't really talked about that." She said
"So she just randomly transfers to NYU with no explanation? Give me a break Rachael, tell me the truth! Why is she here!" I started to raise my voice.
"Santana I'm sorry I can't tell you anything. She said she wanted to talk to you and for me to not tell you anything. She is very persistent on this, just talk to her and it will clear things up." She said
"Fine. Give her my number or something. I've gotta go so I'll see you later." I said softly as I walked out of the coffee shop.
I had so many questions and so little answers. I didn't know anything about Brittany now. I heard she was in LA for dance but other than that I hadn't heard any major news about her. Did she want me back? It took me 15 minutes to walk back to my apartment. By the time I got back I just wanted to sleep.
I woke up from the sound of my phone vibrating. I looked at the clock 7:36 PM. It was a number that I didn't recognize.
"Hello?" I asked a little confused
"Santana?" I would recognize that voice anywhere. My heart dropped.
"Brittany?" I asked
"Yeah, it's me." Her voice sounded so soft, just like I remember.
"Hi." I felt awkward. Rachael told me Brittany wanted to see me so I expected her to do all the talking.
"Hi. Sorry I had this whole thing planned out on how to ask you to brunch or something but that kinda went out the window." She laughed at the end of the sentence. God I miss her laugh.
"I could do brunch." Is all I could make out.
"Really?" She genuinely sounded surprised.
"Yeah why not? I haven't seen or heard from you in years, we have quite some catching up to do." I said softly
"Yeah. Your right we do indeed have some things to talk about." She said. I didn't really know what that was supposed to mean. "Some things we need to talk about." Was she mad? Did she miss me as much as I missed her? I was interrupted from my thoughts.
"Are you still there?" She asked
"Yeah, sorry, I'm here." I apologized somewhat embarrassed that I spaced out.
"That's ok; I'll text you the details later, ok?" She said
"Yeah that works."
"Ok, I'll see you then. Bye San" She used my nickname. My heart filled with joy. I hadn't heard that nickname in literally 3 years.
"Bye Britt." I could hear her smile over the phone before I hung up.
I couldn't contain the smile on my face. It has been a long time since I've felt this happy. Not even 30 minutes later I got a text from Brittany.
From Brittany: brunch tomorrow 11:00 work for you?
It made me feel better that she was just as anxious to see me as I was to see her. I waited a couple minutes to respond.
To Brittany: that's perfect. I know a local place that's good if you want to go there?
From Brittany: sounds good, you'll have to be my tour guide around the city :-)
Just seeing that smile at the end of that text made my heart flutter. Was she flirting? No I must be imagining things.
To Brittany: can't wait :)
With that I put my phone down and turned on the tv. Yes it's been three years since I've seen her but I'm excited. I mainly want to know what she wants to talk to me about, if she's seeing someone I guess I will have to deal with it. I broke up with her, I regret it but I still did it and if she is with someone I guess I have to be happy for her. I always wondered why she stopped keeping in touch. She was always the one to text or call me when we it had been too long.
I couldn't fall asleep. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement. I can't help but think this is either going to go really good or really bad. I finally fell asleep at about 1:30 and woke up at about 8:00. I'm happy she chose today because this is my only day off from class. I know we said we would meet at 11:00 but I couldn't help but get ready early. Obviously I wanted to look good, she probably looks amazing. I texted her the address at about 9:45 and told her I'd meet her there. I put on my best makeup and decided to straighten my hair. As I rummage through my closet I decide on dark blue skinny jeans, white V-neck, and wedges. My phone vibrates.
From Rachael: good luck with brunch. She's just as nervous as you probably are. call me when you can.
I close the message and grab my purse ready to meet Brittany. As I walk to the restaurant I get increasingly nervous. I approach the restaurant and open the door. I take in the aroma of bacon and coffee.
"Santana?" I hear her voice and turn around.
I gasp. She looks so grown up and much more beautiful than when we were in high school. She's wearing dark jeans and a white polo. She stands up to greet me. I don't know whether to hug her or shake her hand. Luckily she immediately goes for the hug.
"Brittany." I say welcoming. She smells so good. I miss her smell. I miss her. Why did I ever leave? She the perfect women and I through it all away because one girl flirted with me. We both sat down.
"You look really good." She smiled. I just gave her a questioning look.
"I look good? Take a look at yourself, you look beautiful. I guess dancing worked out for you." I didn't mean to let it slip that she looked beautiful but I couldn't help it. Beautiful was an understatement.
"Well, this place is really cute. I'm glad you chose, I don't exactly know my way around yet." She took a sip of her water. I wanted answers so I cut to the chase.
"Why are you in New York?" I asked nicely, I didn't want her to think I'm not glad she's here.
"Wow, you really get to it don't you?" She laughed
"As you know I transferred to NYU. I was at a dance school in LA and an opportunity came up here but it would only be possible if I transferred to a school here. I specifically chose this school because I knew you went here and I wanted to see you." She said the last part in a tiny voice. So many things are running through my mind. She wanted to see me? She moved to New York for me? What. Does that mean she's single?
"You don't have to respond yet just let me talk for a while. As you know we lost touch but I never stopped missing you. When you broke up with me I thought I was going to die. You were my everything. I was so lonely I started dating Sam but nothing happened and it didn't last long because I was still so in love with you. I didn't call because I didn't want to distract you from you school work and cheerleading. After I graduated I moved to LA and went to school for dance. It was fulfilling and I made a lot of friends but none of them were you. I missed you Santana. I tried to move on but I couldn't. When this opportunity came up I thought it was perfect. I was nervous, that's why I contacted Rachael. I asked if she thought you'd even want to see me and she said yes so here we are. In New York. At the same school. Together." She looked up at me. I was speechless. She really did miss me and she was very much single.
"I don't know what to say. I..Uh...ok. I will start with something embarrassing. The first year I moved here I cried every night..the whole year because I missed you so much." Brittany laughed in misbelief.
"I'm not kidding!" I laughed and then continued. "After we broke up I knew I made a mistake. Just because one girl hit on me. I was so stupid. But I thought it was better not just for you but for us because I was so busy. I'm not going to lie to you, New York has been a great distraction for getting over you. There is so much to do, I love it here. I wanted to thank you. You are the reason I went. When you said I should fulfill my dreams and go to New York that's what I did. There was always something missing though and that was you. I missed you Britt and I want to build our friendship again." I was so nervous. I wanted to be her friend or now. I also wanted other things...I mean can you blame me? I haven't slept with anyone since her. For now I just want to be her friend though. That sort if went out the window when she reached for my hand. I let her too. Friends hold hands right?
"I want to be your friend to. You're the only person in my life that I can't live without. I think a friendship right now is a great idea." She smiled at me. Damn it's been a long time since I've seen her smile like that.
"Good, because there are a few things I need to show you around New York." I noticed she was still holding my hand. "And..uh...um for now we should take things slow." I retracted my hand from hers. I immediately missed the warmth. "I don't think old friends hold hands..." I looked down a little embarrassed. She looked a little uncomfortable to.
"Your right. I'm sorry. I just missed you...a lot. She admitted
"I missed you to but we DO have things so discuss still...about how we feel, you know?" I asked
"I know but I thought I made it pretty clear I still have feelings for you..."
"So you do?...still have feelings for me?" I asked shyly
"Yes Santana. I always have and I always will have feelings for you. I understand that you want to be just friends right now and I respect that." She smiled at me again.
"Thank you Britt." I didn't want to admit that I still have feelings for her just yet. I need to know that she is here for good.
"And lucky for you I have the day off so I could show you around if you want?" I suggested
"I would love that." She said
We finished our meal which went by quickly and headed outside. It was so nice outside when we ate but now it's really cold out. I know for a fact Brittany gets cold easily.
"You cold? We can run by my apartment and get jackets if you want. I'm kinda used to the weather but I don't mind going back." I suggested
"Oh. Yeah it is kinda cold out but we don't have to go all the way back to your place. I'm going to have to get used to it sooner or later right?." She said shyly. I looked at her until she made eye contact with her.
"Britt. Don't be ridiculous. It's not a problem, plus you don't get used to the weather by not wearing jackets when it's 10 degrees out. It's not out of the way so follow me." I smiled and she smiled back. Honestly I want her to see my apartment. It's nice, 2 bedrooms 2 bathrooms, and really cozy. I decorated it all by myself I know she'll love it.
"If you say so, I mean I thought it would take a couple dates for us to go back to your place but this works!" She said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Ha ha. So what do you want to do first?" I asked
"Ohhhh I don't know...we haven't been intimate in a while...I could use some sweet lady kisses though." My eyes popped out of my head. Did she really just say that? Why is she being so flirtatious? I really do want to get my cuddle on but I don't know if I'm ready for that.
"Britt." I warned "You can't say things like that."I was stern. I hadn't noticed we stopped walking. She looked at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry. I just...sorry." She looked at the ground.
"It's ok. But I think you should stay here and I'll run up and grab some jackets." I was a little disappointed but I know if I went up with her I would get tempted.
"Oh..yeah..ok yeah I'll wait here." She smiled faintly at me.
I ran up to my apartment quickly and grabbed two coats then ran back downstairs. I saw her standing there waiting for me.
"Hey, you can have this one." I handed her a black north face jacket. It's one of my warmest coats. She took it gratefully.
"Thanks." She said
I put the other coat on and walked out of my building.
"So I was thinking we could go to Times Square first." I suggested
"Yeah that sounds good." She said in monotone. She looks really sad, I miss her smile already.
"Are you okay?" I asked
"Yeah. Sorry. I just...I know you said slow but..you know, when I came here I thought I wanted slow, but then I saw you and all my feelings heightened and I don't know if I can spend the day walking around New York and not do cuddly things to you." Tears started forming in her eyes. "I really want to take you on a date Santana. I want to do this right. I miss our relationship and what we had and I want it back. Please, if you don't want this then just walk away now because I don't know if I can be around you and not want to be in a relationship with you." She was full on crying now. I hated seeing her cry. I stepped forward and wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked up at me.
"Of course I want those things Brittany...but if you can't give me a little time here I don't know if this will work." I said honestly. I really do want to do this. But like she said I want this is be right. I want this to be different. Sure our relationship in high school was great but we also struggled...a lot.
"I'll give you time. I'll give you all the time in the world, you know that. That's why when you're ready; I'm taking you on an amazing date. We didn't really do that in high school so I have some time to make up for." She still had tears rolling down her cheeks. I didn't know how to make her feel better. If we were in high school I would strip down naked and take care of her, but I can't really do that right now.
"I'll go on a date with you." I stated it like it was a fact. She looked up at me fast and smirked.
"You will?" Her voice was tiny
"Yes, I will." I said
"So... Do you still want to see the city?" I asked
"If you're still up to it." She said
They spent the rest of the day together. I was happy Brittany didn't try to do anything cuddly. It was nice just talking to her and catching up on what we missed. Both our lives have been pretty boring since McKinley. After our day in the city I was starting to rethink the whole "slow" thing. It's simple. I'm still hopelessly in love with her. I miss being intimate with her. We were so sexually active in high school; it's hard to believe I haven't had sex with anyone since Brittany. Britt and I parted ways because we had to take separate taxis. I know Rachael said she wanted me to call her but I also know Brittany will tell her everything so I just want to go home and sleep.