Sorry about the long wait. This one is kind of really short but the next one will be longer.
Thanks for the help from my girlfriend and my PIC.
"Hey, I thought I lost you for a minute." She laughs which sends shivers down my spine.
"No, I'm still here." I take a seat on the couch and notice that Emily is no longer in the room. I don't even remember seeing her leave.
"Good." She pauses and just the sound of her breathing soothes me. "I hope you don't mind that Kyla gave me your number." She pauses again and before I could say anything she starts talking. "Not that I asked for it, but she insisted that I call you for some reason. And it's not like I didn't want to talk to you but it's been so long and I just thought it would be kind of weird. I told Kyla that but you know how she can be. She is very persistent." Ashley finally takes a breath and before she could say something else I quickly jump in.
"Are you done there, rambles?" I giggle at her.
"Yea, sorry. I'm just nervous." When she says that my heart swells and butterflies take over my stomach.
"You're nervous? You, as in Ashley Davies, are nervous?" I can't help but make fun of her.
She laughs along with me before replying "It does happen sometimes, you know?" She takes a deep breath. "It's just been so long since we've spoken, and I wasn't sure how it would go."
"I understand, but so far I think it's going pretty well." Better than I thought.
"I know. I wanted to call you before seeing you at the wedding because I figured it would be easier to talk on the phone before we see each other again." When she mentions the wedding, my heart sinks. For a second I forgot that she was getting married. I forgot that she could no longer be mine.
"Oh right…the wedding." I nearly choke on the words.
"Yea, you're still coming right? I mean Kyla said you were coming and…yea." Good going Spencer, you just made it awkward.
"Yea I'm still going. I'm just still in shock."
"I know me too, but it was going to happen eventually." Eventually? Did she already have her life planned out with Madison years ago? "Hold on, Spence."
Spence? Ugh, I hate that she can just say one thing and it will have me feeling like I'm on top of the world. Why do I have to have feelings for a practically married woman?
"Hey, sorry about that but I was just reminded that I'm late for a little breakfast date." Yea, yea rub it in my face.
"Oh, sorry to make you late."
"It's my fault, I called you, remember?" She chuckles in my ear which causes me to smile.
"Very true." I pause. "I guess I should let you go then." I say sadly into the phone.
"Yea I don't want her getting angry with me." I would not be opposed to that! "We should do this again sometime."
"Yea we should." I agree too eagerly.
"Sweet, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye Ash…ley" I hang up before I embarrass myself anymore.
I take a few deep breaths to settle myself before I go to look for Emily. I stop in my room to put on more comfortable clothing then head to her room.
I knock on her door twice before she tells me to come in.
When I walk into her room, she's sitting on her bed looking at the ceiling while soft music plays from her laptop. Well if I didn't already feel like shit, this is the cherry topper.
"Hey" I say as I sit down on her bed. "Look I'm sorry abo-"
"Just stop it!" I jump at Emily's sudden outburst. "I really don't want to hear anything you have to say right now." She sits up on her bed and looks at me.
"But I-" She holds her hand up and stops me before I could go on.
"Spencer I just sat and poured my heart out to you after all these years and you…you didn't even care." I can see how hard this is for her. "Do you know how hard that was for me?" She stands up this time. "And you didn't even say anything! Ashley all of sudden comes back into the picture and I'm forgotten. It was like everything I just said went out the fucking window!"
"I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't know Ashley was going to call." I tell her.
"I'm sure you didn't but that doesn't change the fact that you completely ignored what I said." She looks at me with gentle eyes after she takes a deep breath. "Just tell me Spencer. Tell me so that I don't have to hang on to this false hope that one day you might feel for me what I've been feeling for you."
I guess I should be honest with her and myself. I don't even know what I want. I don't want to string Emily along because she is my best friend. But if I'm honest, I never did get over Ashley. When I was with Emily, we did have fun but I didn't feel the spark with her. I didn't feel like I was finally complete and whole now that she was with me. I did feel that way with Ashley. But Ashley isn't available. I fucked that up a long time ago.
"Spencer." I snap out of my daze and look at her.
"Emily…this is really hard for me to say…" She hangs her head and I officially feel like an ass. I stand up and move towards her. "I don't want to lie to you and say that I feel the same way. I don't want to lead you on because that would be so much worse than what I'm doing now." I pull her down so that we are both sitting on the bed. "I love you. I think you're smart, beautiful, funny, and somewhat crazy." We both chuckle at this. "I'm just not in love with you and I don't think you're in love with me. I think that we both get the wrong idea about our friendship." I look into her eyes. "We have a great friendship. We can make a joke out of almost anything. We work well together…as friends."
I really hope she understands what I'm trying to say. I really don't want to hurt her more than I already have.
"I appreciate you letting me down easy." She laughs. "I might have misinterpreted our friendship, but I do have real feelings for you."
I open my mouth to respond but she stops me. "You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad we can still be friends."
We sit there in a comfortable silence for a minute before she stands up. "Well I've had enough of this emotion fest for the day. I'm going to go take a shower." And with that she leaves and it's just me and my thoughts.
Any comment and all comments are welcome.