a/n: dsgisgsg okay, don't hate me for not updating Save Me yet; I was attacked by the plot bunny hardcore with this one, and I just HAD to write it. Plus, who doesn't love some fluffy Jamille? These two drama queens were meant to be haha. So yeah, I hope you all enjoy! I don't own anything.
When you're all that I think about,
All that I dream about...
- Go Radio, "Goodnight Moon"
It was cold the last day he saw her.
She was walking around campus, and yeah, he was watching her, just a little. He doesn't like to admit that; he doesn't want anyone to think he's creepy or anything of the sort. But yeah, he was watching her. He was watching her curly hair fly behind her shoulders as the wind blew. He was watching her scroll through her iPod, probably looking for the perfect walking song. He was watching… beauty in motion.
Other than himself, of course. Because there aren't many more beautiful than James Diamond, but Camille Roberts… yeah there's no doubt that she is.
Again, not like he'd ever admit that.
But anyway. Yeah, James was checking Camille out. He had been doing a lot of that lately. They were both drama majors and had classes with each other twice a week, and in between memorizing monologues and pretending to take notes, James had taken an interest in Camille. Seeing her twice a week wasn't enough for him to go by on whether or not he liked her. And maybe, just maybe, he had been trying to avoid his feelings for her because he's seen what loved did to his mom; he didn't want to end up like his mom - bitter and alone. And maybe, just maybe, he wants to spend the rest of forever hooking up with girls instead of being tied down. But James can't deny it anymore, no matter how much he tries. He can feel himself falling for Camille.
And then comes the question at hand: is Camille falling for James? At first, he thinks, duh. Because he's James Diamond and girls are pretty much begging for his dick daily. So he thinks, there's no doubt she's feeling him to, right?
But James' voice of reason - which sounds oddly enough like Logan - reminds him that Camille's not like the other girls. She's quirky and silly. She speaks her mind and doesn't care what anyone thinks of her. She's smart - too smart to be thwarted by James' good looks, even he knows that. So yeah, that might be a slight problem.
He won't admit it, but he's afraid. He can play off those feelings good enough but deep down, he's scared as hell. Scared to talk to her, scared to fall for her, scared she won't fall back. The list goes on and on. But today, it's the last day before winter break and James can't afford to be afraid anymore. Not today.
So he braces the cold and walks over to where she's seated on a bench outside of the University Center, a book in her lap and he head hung low, focused on the word pages as James refers to them as. For a brief moment, he wonders if he should interrupt her; then he remembers that last week in class he smacked her book down when he realized she was ignoring his whole story on shampoo products. She wasn't mad at him, but she did smack him for making her lose her page. But whatever it worked. She paid attention to him for the good portion of the hour they spent together.
James blinks and licks his lips, coming back to reality as he walks closer and closer to her. He has a hard time looking directly at her - mostly because last week in class they had to come dressed in character and she had went for the Southern Belle look, complete with daisy dukes and pigtails, and James has had a few dreams about it since then - but he makes himself keep his eyes focused on her. And as he's walking closer and closer to her, his thoughts all short-circuit into god, she's so pretty.
"Hey, Cam." she glances up at him and smiles, immediately shutting her book. He relaxes. That's got to be a good sign. "You busy?"
"Not at all," she replies. "What's up?"
James shrugged. Honestly, he had no idea where to go from here. He was mostly proud of himself for actually going up to her. "Just wanted to see you before break." he says smoothly.
"Right, a whole month without your face. Oh, how will I go on?" she's oozing dramatics but part of him is hoping she's being just a little serious.
"You won't." he invites himself to the other side of the bench and sits. "But that's okay; if I had to go a month without seeing my face, I wouldn't know how to survive either."
She rolls her eyes but laughs.
"You're a dork."
"But I'm a cool dork."
"Yeah, that's true." she laughs again. James loves the sound of her laugh. It's like his favorite song playing on repeat. It makes him smile.
"Well," he continues, trying not to dwell on the small details and focus on their actual conversation. "Now that we've established that I'm the coolest dork on campus -"
"And the best looking," she cuts in. "Can't forget that."
James can feel his cheeks heating up at her words. "Of course." he confirms with a smirk. "Now about you."
"What about me?"
"Um… what are you reading?" he prompted.
Her eyes narrow. "The same book you smacked out of my hand last week!"
"You're still reading it?"
"Well you did make me lose my page!"
"Not on purpose! And besides, shampoo is more important than books!"
"I beg to differ!"
James liked it when they play argued like this. It was fun. "I beg to not differ!" he said and she laughed. "In fact, I'm going to write a book on how shampoo is better than books!"
"As sad as that sounds, I would buy that book." she said and he beamed. "I demand an autographed copy." she added as an after thought.
"But of course."
She smiled at him. "So, any big plans for over break?" she asked, changing the subject. Probably because she knew he was right; shampoo was more important than books.
James shrugs. "Just flying down to Minnesota to see my dad and his family around Christmas. Other than that, probably a lot of hockey and stupid things with Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. You?"
Camille mimics his shrug. "Not really. At least not right now. I might fly up to New York to check out this really cool performing arts school I really want to go to. It's the coolest thing in the world and my dream school."
"I applied to one of those schools. I didn't get in. They liked my audition but my grades weren't up to their standards."
"Damn that blows."
James shrugs. "What can you do? Besides, I like it here." and I like you. But he didn't say that. Not out loud at least.
Camille smiles. "Yeah, I like it here too. Especially the people, it's never a dull moment on campus."
"Any specific people?"
"Fishing for compliments again, Diamond?"
"Me? Fish? Never. Just being curious."
"Well that's for me to know and you to find out."
"Aw, that's no fair!"
Camille reached up to mess up his hair. Normally, he would freak out if anyone even thought of touching his hair, but for some reason, he really didn't mind Camille touching him. "Life isn't fair." she shrugged, then hoisted her bag over her shoulder seeing a car pull up along side the curb.
"Tell me!" he yells after her as she's walking away from him. And he fixes his hair. Of course he does.
She throws her arms up with a, "whatcha gonna do?" expression and then turns around to leave. James watches her go and smiles, even though he didn't get the answers he wanted and is now going to spend the rest of the night pondering if she likes him. But for now, he's just content with the moment they've shared.
She fails to mention it, but that's the last time they're going to see each other. Because Camille got accepted in some fancy arts school all the way in New York and once the spring semester starts, she'll be all the way on the other side of the country. James' head hurts when he thinks about how far away she'll be, and his chest (okay, yes his heart) hurts when he starts counting down the days until she's gone.
He won't tell anyone, but he's locked the last couple of text messages on his phone from her. It's right before her flight and for some odd reason, he's awake at the ass crack of dawn. But maybe it's because he knows what time her flight leaves and he wants to say goodbye. Maybe.
He texts her, how are you going to go on without seeing my face everyday.
She replies thirty seconds later - yes he counted - I have no idea haha I'll miss your face. He locked that message.
Even though it's stupid but he texts back, my face will miss you.
She sends him a sad face along with, stop you're going to make me cry.
James' eyes widen. He doesn't like when girls cry. He can't handle crying or tears or all of that mess. His fingers are flying and he says, why would you cry? Please don't cry!
She sends him another message worth locking. I'm going to cry because I'll miss you!
James had this feeling in his chest; his heart was pounding too hard. His fingers shook a little as he typed back, I'll miss you too. .
Hold down the fort in LA for me.
Haha, will do. Live it up in New York for me. And when you make it on Broadway, you'd better get me backstage!
He tried to calm his heart down but when she typed back, lol if I could, I'd have you on stage with me Diamond. It's where you belong anyway, it started pounding hard all over again.
Needless to say, he locked that one too. And maybe, he was reading it a little out of context, but she was right - he belonged with her. And now in addition to having a heart attack, he was sure had had some sort of ulcer now too.
"Logan, I'm dying!" he moans into the phone a moment later. He had to call Logan twice before he picked up.
Logan yawns in his ear and asks, "What do you mean your dying?"
"I think there's something wrong with my heart," James rubs his chest, worriedly as he says so. "It's going to pound right out of my chest. And my stomach - I'm going to puke. Logan, you've got to fix me!"
"Okay, okay, calm down." Logan tells him and James can hear shuffling on the other end of the line. He's getting ready to come over if he has to. "Just tell me what happened."
"I don't know what happened! One minute I was texting Camille and the next thing I know - boom, heart failure!"
"This has never happened before! I've text-flirted with girls before and I'm always fine; then she told me she was going to miss me and then she said I belonged with her and then it felt like was going to throw up, and - Logan, are you laughing at me?
Sure enough, Logan has the audacity to laugh at him and James wants to hit him with his own phone. "James, you're not having heart failure or dying." his friend tells him.
"Oh yeah? Well then what's wrong with me?"
"You really like Camille."
James' first instinct is to deny it and cling to the "I'm dying" fact, but he knows Logan's right. He really likes Camille. And now she's leaving him.
The last time James saw Camille was seven years ago.
He's almost twenty-five now. He wants to be on on every single "25 hottest bachelors under 25 list" and has another few months to dominate that list. He thinks that will make him happy.
He applied to Julliard and NYAD because more than anything, he wants to act and study acting. He wants to be on stage with adoring fans by his side, he wants to be in movies, he wants to be famous. But he didn't get accepted and as discouraging at it was, he kept working. And while he didn't graduate at the top of his class, he's got a nice degree that says he can direct films, and he deserves it after working his ass off for four years. So he's not acting like he wants, but he's directing films and he's getting up there. Short films at first, but now he's working on his first major motion film and the anxiety about it all keeps him up at night and has him on medication that he doesn't want to take. But it's still worth it. He loves directing and he wants to be up there with Michael Bay one of these days. He thinks that will make him happy.
But he hasn't given up on his first love - singing. He started off playing covers on YouTube instead of studying, and soon he became a solo act, performing local shows. As time passes, he's got quite a fan base now and he's taken more pictures with teenage girls than he can count. Even though he's not the next Justin Bieber, he's satisfied with what he's doing now. It makes him happy, getting signed will make him happy… or so he thinks.
He thinks he's happy but deep down, he's not happy though. There's something missing.
It took him seven years to realize it but when he saw Camille Roberts step into his office, he suddenly knew what was missing.