Because Rachel. Oh, and this is FOR Rachel. Oh my Gosh, Rachel why.
Just to make one thing clear: I'm totally not making fun of people who are not bilingual. I actually live in an non-English based country and our accents show the most when we try to pronounce something from another language (even in English) and it comes off as heavy or strange to English speakers. Like in English, I have a tendency to say Pepsi as Bebsi. It's because in the Arabic language, that's how it's literally written as on the bottle. I can safely say I've never said "Pepsi" in my life and I am supposedly a good English speaker and I know people from different dialects, regions and countries and usually when an non-Arabic speaker tries to emulate Arabic words, it will sound wrong to me because I grew up around Arabic. For example, my name by every foreign person in this world is said in a wrong way (yes, Sam is an actual short version of that) and I've learned not to stress on it. Poor people haven't grown up with the Arabic alphabet like me. This kind of thing is implemented here.
Not only is Sebastian French, but he actually doesn't know English in this bit, so yes, when he is going to speak in English, he will sound like a child. It's not to pass him off as uneducated. He is trying to learn a whole new big different language so of course, he's not going to get it in a snap of a second. :) actually, most of this is based off seeing actual non-English and non-Arabic speakers use improper grammar and words in either languages because they don't know the actual language. They only know fragments of the language. It makes them sound like they're uneducated but in reality, they know what to say but poor things can't find a word for it.
With that out of the way…considering most of the Sebandler fandom knows French (HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE), I think you don't even need to look down for translations. Anyway, my French is rusty so I asked a friend to do most of those bits. I'm more of a…well, I can't speak French and if I do, it's really slow and inaccurate and will probably make you laugh, BUT I'm more of the person that understands it when I hear it. Considering that most of my food is also written in French and I'm a vegetarian, I'm obligated to know a LITTLE French. Else I'd be in serious trouble if I'm debating whether or not I just ingested chicken or tuna or fish or meat or whatever. Oh my God. Somewhere out there, someone is laughing at my inability to write French. TWO LANGUAGES IS ENOUGH OKAI I don't need a third one.
ANYWAY. SPECIAL THANKS to the awesome fantassbulous Dreamy-Pikat for helping me with correcting my French! ;) an angel, really!
Title: The Art of Getting By
Summary: AU. Chandler Kiehl is an artist that had gone off to Paris to study and meets a boy that had managed to swoon him completely, but the problem is: Chandler doesn't know how to speak French and Sebastian doesn't know how to speak English. I wanted a Sebandler with a bottom Sebastian okai. It's possible okai. Trigger warning for abuse and rape.
Chandler Kiehl was thirteen years old when he found out how to use acrylics.
He spent most of his day painting. He spent all of his allowances on canvases and paint. He spent three weeks planning out a piece before he did it. He evaluated why he did it. Any practice was done in his sketchbook. He wrote and analysed colour schemes. He had a page explaining different colours. He knew every shade of the spectrum and what it meant. Chandler believed that the most important question he can ask was what a person's favourite colour was. Every colour had its own taste, its own personality. Without colours, things were morbid—they lacked recognition. Chandler always wore black and he always wore white, and when he worked, he'd be splattered in colours for the most bit.
He stepped off the airport completely decked in colourful splutters of yellow across his black shirt. It looked so messy, and accident. He had just been painting the background for his new piece. His paintings were already shipped and Chandler had gotten them. He lived in an apartment near his college. His college was one of the arts and design. He wanted to create things. People said that his ambitions were senseless but senseless made him happy.
Paris was beautiful. He thought it couldn't get any prettier than he saw a model – no, it was just a boy but he looked like a model. Chandler had just been getting breakfast from a local bakery, when he'd seen that boy walk in. He was tall, the kind of tall that left Chandler breathless, and thin, the kind of thin that people can only crash diet and hope for. Chandler's eyes wandered to his face, as the boy had taken off his sunglasses, and then he saw the most beautiful green eyes in the world. Green was a part of this earth, and his hair was a nice brown, also an earthly colour, and how could something that was supposed to represent all earthly things seem so out of this world?
Beside the boy was a shorter brown-haired boy with soulful blue eyes. The taller boy was smug-looking and walked like he owned the world. Chandler was completely swooned, because in Chandler's eyes, that boy did just own the world at the palm of his hands. He was remembered of his first project, the first time he used acrylics – and how magical the colours seemed. That looked like nothing now. Chandler had never felt a larger urge to paint, to paint things that can be just as beautiful as what he'd seen at that moment. The taller boy ordered a croissant and it seemed so fitting. The other boy was pondering calories for a second, and the taller boy had told him to shut up and ordered him the same croissant. Chandler stared and as the taller boy passed him, Chandler looked down, flushing completely.
Chandler's heart was racing and his hands were sweaty. Then, the boy spoke. Chandler's stomach twisted into knots and he felt butterflies punching in his stomach. Only then had he realised that the boy was speaking in French and Chandler couldn't understand a singular word that the taller angel was saying.
"Arrête de me regarder. Qui penses-tu être, putain ? (1)," the angelic tall boy looked like he was angry. His eyebrow was raised. Chandler was amazed he got any bit of that French spat out of the pretty boy's mouth. He heard every syllable the taller one enunciated but understood none of it, which made his blush as adamant as possible.
"I don't speak French," Chandler finally said. The taller boy must've heard that statement far too much to not know the meaning of, as he'd rolled his eyes. "But I'm sorry. I stared at you because you're pretty."
The shorter blue-eyed boy looked so appeased by this, and the taller boy nudged him just so that he can get the shorter boy to explain the other bit of the statement, or so it seemed. The blue-eyed boy finally spoke, "I'm Kurt Hummel. This is Sebastian Smythe. He barely understands any English at all. I'm not originally from here and the only reason I know French is because I took it in school—well, you can tell that I'm not from here by the way I enunciate things I suppose." He placed his hand up in the air, causing Sebastian to sigh erratically. Apparently, he did not like not understanding a word Kurt was saying.
Kurt then turned to Sebastian and finally said, "Il dit qu'il te regarde parce que tu es jolie (2)," he translated to Sebastian.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Jolie?" he repeated and started to say something quick and full of fury. Kurt was trying to calm down with a mixture of French and English, and Chandler had caught bits of 'I'm sorry I forgot' and something like 'je suis désolé' when Sebastian spoke too fast for Chandler to catch any of the words but he knew enough that when that voice was used, it was definitely said in irritation. Chandler blushed as his beating heart raced. He looked down. All he knew was that Sebastian was really pretty, though from what he got was that Sebastian was angry when Kurt had called him 'belle', so he looked that up on his iPhone anyway and realised it was probably because Kurt pretty much implied that Sebastian was a girl and challenged his manhood. This made Chandler chuckle a bit. Kurt probably literally translated his statement, which was cute. Apparently, after a lot of apologies, there was silence.
Sebastian then decided to speak, "Je vais t'acheter le petit-déjeuner comme je l'ai fais pour la prostitué assise a côté de moi (3)."
Kurt looked offended but then told Chandler, 'he wants to buy you breakfast in a polite and gentleman-like manner." Kurt snickered softly at the end, making Chandler believe that wasn't really what Sebastian said. He knew that Sebastian said breakfast anyway. Le petit déjeunerwas written on his menu, so he knew for a fact that was some kind of food or some kind of meal. Apparently, it probably meant breakfast. Chandler perked up. At least in two days, he'd picked up one single word of French, which wasn't bad considering Chandler didn't know French at all. He hoped he can remember that next time though. He didn't want his photographic memory to fail him.
Kurt still seemed to be angry about what Sebastian had said, because he turned to the taller boy and finally spat out. "Je ne suis pas une prostituée contrairement à ta mère. (4)"
Sebastian looked angry, but then smirked, which made Chandler think he had a good comeback. "Fais gaffe. Il n'y a que moi qui puisse appeler ma mère une prostituée."
When Chandler got the attention of a person, he had pointed towards the bakery selection because he didn't know any of the words and he was afraid he'd sound laughable when he'd say a French word. He can bet that if Chandler even tried to speak a lick of French, Sebastian would burst into laughter. With that thought, he thought that if Sebastian tried to speak in English, it would sound so cute. The thought made him happier, light. Maybe one day he can convince Sebastian to speak in English for him or to say something in English. When Chandler got back and Sebastian paid for him for whatever he'd gotten. It seemed as if Sebastian had pushed some coffee towards him. Chandler was not stupid. He did not need Sebastian to tell him that he got him coffee and he can definitely see it.
Thinking of seeing things made him happy and he pulled out his sketchbook. He pointed to his camera and Sebastian shrugged, seemingly not caring at all. Chandler snapped a picture of Sebastian when he was eating and without even trying, Sebastian looked effortless. By that time, they had gotten Chandler his own croissant. He loved how Sebastian snapped off the ends off his croissant. He ate it so eloquently. He liked that about Sebastian, that he had so much self-respect. He was just so dazzling.
"Chandler," Kurt was about to say something when Sebastian had cut him off.
"Chandler," Sebastian said, voice thick with his lovely accent. The way that he said his name made Chandler want to swoon. It sounded so perfect. Chandler's chest tightened. It was just so perfect that Chandler can't even believe how perfect Sebastian sounded. It was the kind of voice people got lost in.
Sebastian glared at Chandler coldly as Kurt laughed. Apparently, they'd come across whatever problem Chandler had given them before.
"Vousprononcer monnom incorrect." Chandler raised his eyebrow when Sebastian had said those words as Kurt translated.
"He says you're pronouncing his name incorrectly," Kurt finally said, rolling his eyes. "You said it as She-bas-chen," he explained and then Sebastian had cut off Kurt.
Sebastian had enunciated his name apparently in rage, "Seh-bass-tee-uhn," he raised an eyebrow towards Chandler. He grabbed his sketchbook, opening it at the last page and picking off a pen from Chandler's bag without even asking, writing Sébastian with the accented e – é – that Chandler despised so much.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "I pronounce his name wrong too." Kurt then looked at Sebastian whom was angry at not understanding what Kurt was saying, and Chandler found it adorable. Chandler found it humiliating that he was in France and didn't know French, but Sebastian apparently got angry when he didn't understand part of the conversation. Kurt turned to look at Sebastian, speaking to him. "Tu prononces mal mon nom moi aussi je prononce mal ton nom. Je n'ai pas d'accent et quand j'essaie de le prononcer 'correctement', tu te mets a rire. (6)"
Sebastian chuckled at whatever Kurt had said and had turned to look at Chandler. "Où habitez-vous?"
Kurt rolled his eyes and translated. "He asks you where you're from."
Chandler smiled weakly at Sebastian's keen attempt at keeping up a conversation. "I'm from Ohio."
"Oh, like me then," Kurt finally said. "I was also in Ohio but then I got pushed too far and I met Blaine who suggested that I go with him to France for the summer for about a week. Guess who ended up staying here for far more? Blaine visits sometimes though not much. Anyway, Sebastian is glaring at me so…"
Kurt turned to Sebastian, translating. "Il dit qu'il vient d'Ohio (7)."
Sebastian seemed to stare at whatever Chandler was wearing. Chandler seemed self-conscious now of his tightly fitted colourful violet blazer, dark pants and checkered colourful shirt. He did stick out in his absurd flamboyant coloured clothing but he didn't think of it until now. "Êtes-vous un artiste? Vous portez beaucoup de couleurs et motifs différents."
Kurt smiled and translated that bit to Sebastian. "He's asking you if you're an artist because you wear many different colours and patterns."
"Oh yes! I definitely am," Chandler looked excited enough that Sebastian can guess what he'd said then.
Kurt had smiled warmly, translating to Sebastian, "Il dit être un artiste (8)."
Chandler grinned widely at Sebastian realising even through his clothing that he had some artistic ability. Or was he flirting? Chandler would never know. To Chandler, everything Sebastian said sounded so seductive and flirtatious, which probably wasn't true, but he can't help but feel as if that was the case. Kurt and Sebastian were talking to each other for a while and Chandler didn't realise Sebastian had abandoned his croissant for favour of looking from the sketchbook. Chandler smiled and then picked up another notebook. He drew a small heart and showed it to Sebastian. Sebastian seemed to understand he loved that he was flipping through his work, because he pointed towards one of his recent paintings and then pointed towards the heart. I love this. Chandler didn't need a translator to understand Sebastian's indication and body language, though his body language did suggest seduction as did his intoxicating eyes and the way he moved his eyebrows. Chandler blushed even more when he realised that Sebastian was flirting with him.
Sebastian finally said. "Je ne parle pasanglais."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "He says he doesn't speak English, which is quite bluntly obvious." Then Kurt turned to look at Sebastian and finally said. "Bien. Il ne parle pas français. (9)"
Sebastian shrugged carelessly as Kurt looked back at Chandler. "I believe that you are the perfect duo. Two people who don't understand each other's own native language. Lovely really." He rolled his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. Sebastian can apparently read enough (aka recognised Kurt's sarcastic tone enough) to know that he probably wouldn't like what Kurt what Kurt had said so he had nudged him slightly. Kurt looked up from his plate just to glare at Sebastian, whom was shrugging and then produced an award-winning smirk.
Sebastian was staring at Chandler for some time before he finally said. "Je déteste les étrangers (10)," staring at Chandler.
Kurt rolled his eyes.
Chandler then finally asked. "What did he say?"
"He said he likes foreigners," Kurt finally pitched in, causing Chandler to grin. Just with that grin, Sebastian shot Kurt a glare, knowing he had most definitely not told Chandler what he'd said and manipulated something else. Kurt just shrugged innocently as if he can't help but be a horrendous translator. Chandler then picked up his sketchbook, and then he hummed slightly, before he had drawn on it. He had simple made a small cat and curled up towards Sebastian.
Sebastian rolled his eyes as he looked down at the small adorable picture. "C'est un chat (11)," Sebastian finally said.
"Cat," Chandler tried to teach him, smiling warmly.
Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows, as Chandler wrote down the word: cat underneath the painting. "Cat," Chandler repeated again. "Say that."
"C-at," Sebastian deliberately broke down the word to taste it and really enunciate it. Chandler adored it. Sebastian was so cute with his accent weighing heavily on syllables of the word. Chandler felt happy and turned to draw again, pointing at the objects and telling Chandler the words in English and Sebastian saying them in French, with an eye roll. Chandler adored it. He adored that he can use his art to help someone understand something. It was nice. Chandler watched Sebastian take a pencil and draw scribbles on his sketchbook and point to it. Sebastian pointed to Chandler, pointed to the drawing of two animated cartoons kissing and then to him.
"Uh, does he mean that he wants us to be together?"
Kurt turned to translate that into Sebastian's ear though Sebastian shook his head and had said something that Chandler barely caught the words of. Kurt finally said and then asked him. "He asks if you want him to be together with you," Kurt asked.
"Oh my Gosh, yes!" Chandler excitedly said. "I'd so want to be together with you even if I don't know you and I should stop speaking because I guess you don't know a word that I'm saying and—"
Kurt stared at him like he was crazy. Sebastian nudged him for a translation and Kurt looked up at him with a glare and simply declined it. That would probably drive Sebastian insane. Chandler was far too elated to speak. He picked up a pencil and drew a small illustration of a date. He pointed to himself and then to Sebastian, and then drew a small heart. Sebastian grimaced. Kurt fell over laughing. Sebastian then shook his head. He picked up the pencil and drew something else. He drew a stick figure that Chandler pronounced as himself, as he had a beanie and huge glasses and a taller one that was Sebastian, and another stick figure. Chandler thought it was Kurt until Sebastian drew a small heart in the middle of stick figure Sebastian and unidentified stick figure.
"Oh," Chandler's voice was soft. "You're together with someone?"
Sebastian can read the disappointment in Chandler's voice enough to know that he got it. Kurt glared at Sebastian. "You're still together with that douchebag I won't even believe—"when Kurt caught himself speaking in English, he translated his fury in French. Chandler was too heartbroken to try and pick up any terms. His angel already had an angel! Chandler didn't know why he felt so disappointed. He barely knew Sebastian and plus, it wasn't like he had a chance with him anyway. Kurt didn't seem to like the other guy anyway, but Chandler really thought he had a small shot with the angel and now, it was gone and the croissant tasted less appealing than it did.
Sebastian was talking to Kurt, and Kurt seemed sad for Chandler. Chandler didn't know what to feel until he felt Sebastian's hand on his own, and those eyes looking at him seductively. Sebastian said something but Chandler couldn't process it. Kurt finally broke in Chandler's thought process and said, "he says that if he was single, he'd definitely have sex with you," Kurt rolled his eyes at Sebastian's statement, whom just shrugged as innocently as possible whilst still keeping that smirk on his face. The smirk melted when a boy walked inside of the petite bakery and Sebastian stood up, walking towards him. He smiled at him and the boy smiled back. Chandler stared at them in pure envy as Sebastian talked to him for a few moments. Sebastian slapped the other boy's ass and they left together after they laughed. Chandler was empty. He had no idea what to feel anymore.
Chandler had been in Paris for about three months, three weeks and six days by now. It would almost be four months. He'd made really good friends with Kurt because it was far too easy for them to communicate, but as for Sebastian, he'd picked up a bit of English from them at some point. He'd gotten annoyed and frustrated for the most bit that it was definitely a two-sided conversation between Chandler and Kurt. Sebastian knew enough English to understand maybe about ten percent of what they were saying. Another thing Chandler liked to do was draw for Sebastian at least when they did meet so that Sebastian didn't feel so neglected, though Kurt did tell him it was impossible for Sebastian to feel neglected. He'll talk to someone else, or make inappropriate quips in French, but Sebastian would always be the centre of the universe as long as they met up – Kurt's words, not his. Chandler liked drawing for him anyway and Sebastian studied the sketchbook. Chandler drew sketches of things he'd see and write the word in English. Sebastian wrote them in French, though it helped him catch up with the English for the most bit.
Most of all, Chandler liked Sebastian's handwriting so much. He liked how neat and cursive it was. He sometimes ran his fingers across it when Sebastian gave him back his sketchbook. Chandler looked down and saw that every letter was individually written down so precisely. Kurt called him perpetually insane, but Chandler couldn't help staring at Sebastian's handwriting. Chandler had a hard time catching up with French, and didn't have the drive. He didn't mind if Kurt and Sebastian started to talk in French and he didn't understand anything but Sebastian took it like a personal challenge when they started to speak in English. Chandler found it to be the most adorable thing in the world.
Chandler watched his agile beauty walk towards them with cups of coffee. Sebastian was his inspiration and even though he'd only known him for about four months, his close friend. Sebastian stared at them and then gave Chandler the coffee. Kurt glared at Sebastian and Sebastian just shrugged meaninglessly. Chandler smiled. When Sebastian would get coffee, he would only get two and now, he had to choose between giving Chandler and Kurt. He alternated for the most bit, and every time he gave Chandler a cup of coffee, Chandler fangirled in complete and utter glee for being recognised by his butterfly.
He stared as Sebastian drank. That was when Chandler noticed the blue-purple bruising on Sebastian's wrist. Chandler pointed to it and Sebastian looked down. He picked off the pencil; drawing a cabinet and making the motion of his hand fly backwards, making it appear as if he hit something. "Hit," Sebastian finally stated what he was trying to emulate.
"You hit a cabinet," Chandler finally said, understanding what Sebastian meant. "Oh. Ouchie. Did that hurt?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes at Chandler's question and then shook his head. Sebastian learned what 'hurt' meant when Chandler used it to describe pain. He knew that much. "Where the hell were you?" Kurt finally asked Sebastian. "Yesterday, you completely ditched me for that horrific boyfriend of yours. I despise Franco so."
Sebastian smirked. "Fucking," he ended up responding. Kurt did not find it funny that the first thing that Sebastian picked up from English was the swear words and every inappropriate thing in the world. Sebastian stared at Chandler for some time, before drawing a pair of eyes on the sketchbook. Sebastian said something to Kurt and Kurt scrunched up his nose.
"Sebastian wants to go dance," Kurt had told Chandler. "I'm not even wearing the proper shoes—"
Sebastian glared at Kurt. Chandler also found it completely and utterly hilarious that Sebastian knew every clothing article possible in English because of Kurt's repeated exclamations about clothing. Whenever Kurt mentioned one of them, Sebastian just glared at him, because he knew that either it was a complaint, or it was an indication that they were going shopping due to said complaint. Sebastian nudged Kurt angrily.
"Do not give a damn," Sebastian said, enunciating every syllable. It sounded much more harsh coming out from Sebastian's mouth than it did from Chandler's or Kurt's. Chandler found this adorable as well. Scratch that. Everything about Sebastian made Chandler want to melt. Sebastian pulled Chandler up. Chandler drank a bit more of coffee as Sebastian stared at his face as if there was a malformation. Sebastian mumbled something in French and Kurt caught it.
"He says you have nice eyes," Kurt finally said, which caused Chandler to look like he was going to die.
"Oh my Gosh," Chandler hyperventilated. "You said I have nice eyes. I want to die."
Kurt rolled his eyes. Sebastian glared at Kurt, waiting for a translation. "Je pense qu'il a dit "Oh mon dieu, tu as dit que j'avais de beaux yeux. Je veux mourir."(12)"
Sebastian just stared at Chandler for some time, but then smirked, nodding his head. "I know."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "He thinks he owns the universe. He likes being around you because you boost his ego."
Sebastian glared at Kurt for either speaking too fast or using words he didn't understand. Kurt just shrugged. Somehow, as Sebastian wished, they ended up in some club. Kurt did not appreciate this, but apparently, Chandler liked it – if only a bit. There was something wrong about it all in its essence for Chandler to be out like this. Sebastian had moved to Chandler, staring at him with glittery eyes. "Vous-vous danser avec moi?" Sebastian asked, and Chandler strained to think of what the hell that meant before Kurt finally said.
"He asked if you wanted to dance," Kurt translated to Chandler, making him blush.
"Like right here?"
Sebastian shook his head as Kurt explained. "He wants to go to a club," he rolled his eyes and Sebastian understood the word club, because his eyes were still lit with that colour that made Chandler's heartbeat accelerate—Sebastian was just anticipating Chandler's reaction now, and Chandler was slowly nodding his head.
"But I don't dance good," Chandler murmured.
Kurt turned to Sebastian, noting Sebastian's confused face and before Sebastian can ask, Kurt spat out, "Il dit qu'il ne danse pas bien (13)."
Sebastian snorted. "On s'en fout (14)." He said after a moment, his eyes shaking as he grabbed onto Chandler's wrist, pulling him towards the direction of the sidewalk. They stood there for a moment as Sebastian called over a cab just because Chandler didn't like sitting in Sebastian's car – it was messy and full of horrific wrappers. Kurt's car made Chandler nauseated for some reason, maybe it was just too scent-based for Chandler's sensitive nose. That was how they ended up in a cab, with Kurt rolling his eyes. That was how an hour later, Chandler was standing near the table Kurt was at, watching Sebastian dance with his boyfriend for a bit, and then pull Chandler towards him when Chandler least expected it. Chandler tried to emulate Sebastian's steps but ended up breaking Sebastian's foot more than anything, though Franco did not seem to like this about Sebastian.
Franco's eyes darkened as he pulled Sebastian in a near forceful manner by his bruised wrist. Chandler was shocked and his eyes filled with confusion, not knowing what to do or how he was supposed to react. Franco's face completely softened then as he demanded, "Embrasses-moi (15)." Whatever that meant, Chandler watched as Sebastian stood on his toes as Franco was at least six-foot-seven and Sebastian looked so short compared to him. In the beat of the dancing, the colours and the technicolour lights, Chandler hadn't expected Sebastian to kiss Franco. Franco had pulled Sebastian close by his hip, and was kissing him as hard as ever. Chandler hadn't seen such an intense five minutes of kissing to the point where both of their lips were swollen just from the quick, but mindless make-out session.
Franco pulled Sebastian away and by then, Kurt was angrily standing up and had spat out a lot of French that Chandler didn't catch. Franco spat back words as ferociously as Kurt, and in the end, Franco had left with Sebastian. Chandler was puzzled as Kurt looked back at Chandler, knowing he got none of that but by the look of how angry he was, Chandler realised he probably didn't want to know what any of that was or meant, but Kurt had explained it anyway. "It's Franco. He always does this. He always takes Sebastian away so he can have sex with him," Kurt snorted darkly. "I dislike it and it upsets me."
It worried Chandler for the most bit. Sebastian didn't look like he wanted to go, but just that he left out of reluctance. Chandler couldn't miss that quick glance Sebastian gave him as if he was leaving, as if he was sorry that he was leaving. His big green eyes were full of some unidentifiable vulnerable he hadn't seen in Sebastian before and to be honest, it scared Chandler to see Sebastian so small and so hurt. Chandler asked Kurt if he knew where Franco even lived, and Kurt had mentioned his address. Chandler dropped the subject of Franco afterwards, and Kurt didn't seem to realise that Chandler was running over his address in his mind. In an hour, Chandler was at home, trying to draw but unable to. He had a horrendous art project that he had to do, which consisted of the research bit, a process page, a reflection page, and a final piece page, and Chandler was not even a fifth through his project and it was due in a week. Chandler panicked slightly, but the panic wasn't over his incomplete project, but rather Sebastian. He thought of his gorgeous brown-haired angel again and that was what led him to find a cab and spit out the address he'd memorised as his mind had played it in a constant loop.
Chandler realised that the house was empty, but the Mother invited him in. Chandler lied and said he needed to pick up a notebook Franco borrowed, knowing from Kurt that Franco usually borrowed books for college subjects to copy notes. Chandler had opened up the door slightly, just to see that the room was empty, that Franco wasn't even there, but then he realised that there were many tapes on the dresser. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen stacks of them and each one of them were labelled with just one name: Sebastian.
Chandler had shoved one of them in his bag and then left, saying that Franco wasn't at home then. He had gone off back to his small shitty apartment complex, and then he played it. As the scenes unfolded, Chandler had never been so disgusted. It was a sex tape, and the way that Franco was holding Sebastian down worried him. It was so rough and not endearing at all. The next day, Chandler returned back to Franco's home, which Franco was yet again absent for and picked off three other tapes. Chandler walked them too. It seemed as the number increased, the roughness in their sex just got worse. By the fourth tape, Chandler had seen Sebastian speaking in French about something Chandler had no clue about but he seemed to be completely and utterly upset. The voice was fuzzy and he couldn't catch any of the words if he tried. Franco sat down, pulling Sebastian close and apparently, trying to comfort him. Sebastian had all but nudged Franco just a bit, before Franco had grabbed his wrist, and then pulled it over Sebastian's head. He moved to kiss Sebastian and the kiss was nothing more than viciousness.
Sebastian had pulled away and shook his head. Just as Sebastian stood up, Franco grabbed Sebastian by the sleeve of his cardigan and ripped it. Sebastian looked furious, as Franco grabbed onto Sebastian's wrist, and whacked it against the bedside. Chandler's mind remembered the bruising on Sebastian's wrists now and it revolted him. He felt the need to throw up. Franco was pushing Sebastian against the bedside, and dropped down his belt from his pants. Chandler had to literally stopped himself from screaming. Sebastian was trying to push away Franco but Franco seemed to pin him by his wrists, not caring at all about his boyfriend's opinion. Chandler didn't need a translator for this. He pushed out the tape and burned them. He didn't care if Franco would realise they were missing. It made Chandler's stomach coil in anger, and sadness.
He did the only thing he could do. He drove over to Sebastian's house, which Nathalie greeted him with an encouraging smile. Chandler didn't care at all about her but managed to smile back and stomach the five cookies she practically shoved down his throat. Chandler had opened the doorway, finding Sebastian sitting down on the bedside. Kurt was apparently filing Sebastian's nails. Usually, Chandler didn't like to introduce on Sebastian's Monday nights, those were only Kurtbastian's nights in Chandler's mind, even though Kurt had invited him on several occasions.
Chandler looked down at Sebastian's nails. "You should do this more often," he said to ease the tension as he tried to think of a way to bring up what he knew.
Sebastian understood this enough to roll his eyes as Chandler said. "We need to talk about Franco." Sebastian raised an eyebrow and nodded with a look of pure inquiry on his face.
"D'accord, mais…" Sebastian finally said, and Chandler understood what that meant: Okay, just… Kurt finally seemed to notice how nervous Sebastian was being, and had tapped his shoulder. Sebastian shot him an aggravated look but it wasn't as cold or as hard as they were before.
Chandler shut his eyes. "Franco does things to you – he hurts you," he didn't know how to put it in any other way that Sebastian would understand in. He didn't teach him what abuse meant, he didn't teach him what rape meant, and he didn't even think it would ever be a topic of conversation. Even Kurt seemed to be confused, as Chandler looked through his bag, and picked up the notebook. Their notebook. Chandler gestured for Sebastian to sit beside him on the bed. Sebastian did, his eyes wide with confusion, and his eyebrow raised in near what the fuck are you doing, Chan? way and then, Chandler opened up the last page. And he drew. He had never drawn rape or abuse before, but he'd done it in panels, sad panels, just to get his point across. It seemed the more Chandler drew, the more Sebastian's skin turned into a ghastly pale. Kurt stared at Sebastian as if trying to decipher how hard his eyes were, his eyes that were shielding all sorts of pain.
Before Chandler can finish the final sketch, Sebastian tore the book from Chandler's grasp and chucked it across the room. He had crossed his arms like a child with a temper tantrum. Chandler had a small heart attack but placed a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "Bas, please…"
Sebastian shook his head. "No," he said with spitefulness in his voice. "Shut up, Chandler."
Chandler shut his eyes and moved towards him even more. "He hurts you," Chandler said, gesturing towards the bruises that were still on his wrists. Sebastian retaliated, locking his hand into a fist as he turned to hit Chandler. Chandler, whom usually squealed or shielded himself at the sign of any pain, did not even move one inch, which caused Sebastian to pause. "I don't think you'd hit me," Chandler finally explained his lack of response, causing Sebastian to shrink away.
Kurt picked up the notebook and looked at the page, and his face paled. He spoke out in a mixture of French and English, his voice starting off as in rage, and then wavering off to sadness. Chandler didn't catch any of the words, French or English and he didn't think Sebastian did either. Kurt had sighed at the end of his outburst, and moved towards Sebastian, sitting beside him. Chandler knew very little French, but he understood just from Kurt's eyes that he was confronting him about the issue. Sebastian didn't answer the question and then spat out in a hoarse voice, addressing Chandler too considering he was talking in English, "Leave me the fuck alone."
Chandler looked at Sebastian. He had a thousand words and he didn't know how to say them in a way Chandler would understand, so he picked up a notebook. He made a new fresh page and drew out a sharpened pencil from the front of his bag. He started to draw. Chandler's first drawing was of a house, and Sebastian's arms were still crossed over his chest, but he peered into Chandler's drawing.
"C'est un maison," Chandler nodded his head, understanding that Sebastian was just pointing out that it was a house.
"House," Chandler chimed in, as he drew a rainbow on top of the house.
"C'est un arc en ciel," Sebastian murmured and Chandler nodded his head again. "Rainbow." He translated.
Sebastian had stared at the drawing unravel, from the small house with the rainbow, with a drawing that Chandler was sketching that was Sebastian. Chandler knew Sebastian understood these drawings more than he'd ever understand the sadness or urgency of any of his words. It was just a small house, a rainbow, and Sebastian sitting there by the porch. It didn't look special or any different, but Sebastian can tell it was supposed to be calm or some shit. Then Chandler coloured it all in. Sebastian had never seen someone make his eyes shine the way they did, emulate the twitch in his smile perfectly, he'd never seen someone bring in things photographs couldn't – some sort of profound meaning hidden behind every shade. Chandler didn't move for the next five hours, focused on trying to present what he meant as he showed Sebastian the final piece, which was just of Sebastian on that porch, just staring down with a small on his face, as the rainbow shined against his floorboard. It was almost as if the beauty of the rainbow could not swoon Sebastian or the beauty of everything around him, because he was in thought, because he was thinking of something else, something more beautiful, and something he'd never have if he stayed with Franco. Chandler didn't know if Sebastian understood that, but he stared at the drawing, blinking.
"Je me sens triste. Je me sens malade (16)," Sebastian finally said, looking indeed paler than before. Chandler remembered what that vaguely meant from hearing a few children say it before in the streets, and he stood up from the bed to let Sebastian sleep. Chandler watched Sebastian curl up in that bedside, his head pressing against the fluffy pillow. Sebastian's eyes never left Chandler's.
Chandler stared at him with a soft smile on his face and then he realised that he didn't even need drawings or words, because Chandler's eyes filled with tears at that moment. Sebastian nodded his head. They didn't need words for that. Or any translation. I know how you feel, and in that moment, Chandler saw that Sebastian's eyes were glittering and suppressing hot tears. I'm hurt too.
Chandler and Kurt couldn't stop Sebastian from seeing Franco at all. It was like Sebastian was too blinded by false intentions to see that clinging onto Franco would be nothing but damaging. Chandler heard a woman say that sometimes, people who truly love another would do anything to keep him happy. Chandler figured Sebastian was probably doing that. Sebastian must've truly loved Franco, and he clung onto what they wanted to be. That was his first complete piece in his design, a black and white painting that was of Sebastian and Franco sitting on bed. The hardest part was trying to remake Sebastian's eyes, because he'd never seen something that hurt even more. Chandler then realised that all of his paintings had Sebastian in them in one way or another. Some of his paintings were just about Franco and Sebastian, the high and mighty mug of coffee versus the shattered one, and two hands on a table, one gripping far too tightly for comfort whilst another had a wedding band on the finger. Some of them were just drawings and emulated scenes of them, the dance, mentions of the rape, and abuse, mentions of Sebastian's state now.
Some of them were happier ones. He remembered how much Sebastian liked having cereal for breakfast. He actually did not enjoy croissants, but apparently, Kurt was obsessed about them. Chandler drew the bowl just as how he remembered it, blue lined with white, a lot of soymilk – a shade too dark to be normal milk, and the half-eaten bowl of cereal on the table with some contents of it splashed against the counter. Chandler remembered how Sebastian always used to fill his bowl and ate only half of it before getting completely tired of it. Kurt found this frustrating.
Some of them were just fantasises. Sometimes, he just wanted to see Sebastian at his happiest. He had to make that. He hadn't seen Sebastian truly be happy the way he wanted him to be. He was always sad, always brought down by Franco, the pain and strain of their relationship but never quite letting go. Too afraid to let go, Kurt said, just in case Franco changed into that 'compassionate' person he had been before. Some of them were of his life before in Lima, and the memories of his parents.
In two years, Franco would be dead. Sebastian could not cope. Kurt always told Chandler he would get better. Sebastian was snippier and more irritable. He barely slept and his eating habits were questionable. His beautiful angel's skin had turned into a deathly pallor; his green eyes bore no emotion and made Chandler think of flimsy paper. His angel looked like he'd been to Hell and back, his once proud shoulders sunk down, like a child that had been turned down after devising a 'plan' he thought was completely full proof. Sebastian's Father died the same week. Chandler had asked him if he wanted to go to see her grave. Sebastian laughed and said he didn't think dancing on his Father's grave would be so appropriate in the funeral.
Chandler didn't understand how Sebastian can love his abuser, Franco, so much and not care if his Father had died. Chandler didn't think he wanted to understand. Sebastian's eyes were always rimmed red from the lack of sleep, bloodshot. Sebastian did not eat his bowl of cereal in the morning anymore, and barely ate enough as it was. He always complained of it being too fucking cold, as he buttoned his coat. This was from lack of food too. His angel was disappearing into sadness. Chandler had forgotten long ago if Sebastian can smile. The last memory Chandler had of Sebastian was of him drinking coffee on Kurt's porch, then he didn't see him again. He hadn't seen him in a year now. The twenty year old Chandler was heartbroken that his angel was missing. Sebastian didn't 'believe in college' and had a small job in a bookshop he quit. Sebastian had disappeared off Kurt and Chandler's radar.
In three years, a twenty-one year old Chandler had a very small spot in a grand gallery. Nobody even glanced at his paintings. They didn't know his name. He was told to choose one piece, so he chose his favourite – which was one of Sebastian on a swing. All of his happy Sebastian paintings had the same theme, a rainbow would be shining, the grass would be green, there would be flowers and beautiful things all around but Sebastian's eyes were looking down because what he had was more beautiful than nature itself. Chandler realised he'd constructed a delusional fantasy. Kurt couldn't come. Chandler stayed there the longest. He stayed there even when ninety percent of them were gone. In his hallway, he was alone.
Chandler's spot was near a window. Chandler had moved towards the window, just to see the rainfall. He hated the sound of how chaotic it was out there. Nobody was going to come. He might as well go home instead of standing for another two hours before the guards kicked him out. Chandler had so much to say about his work, so many lovely things. He wanted to inspire someone, make them happy because he knew he couldn't make Sebastian happy.
"Tu es très passionné (17)."
Chandler turned at the source of the voice, which was his angel. He couldn't tell anything from Sebastian's state. He should have wanted to ask him where he had come from, where he'd gone but he honestly did not give a damn about it, the most important thing that his angel was there, his angel was safe, and his angel was staring at what Chandler did because of him.
"Pourquoi es-tu venu à Paris ? (18)" Sebastian had asked, raising an eyebrow.
Chandler swallowed. "To paint everything," he whispered. "I wanted to paint, and then I saw you and I've wanted to paint just you because you…you were everything…Sebastian, tu es tout pour moi (19)." He probably sounded like shit to Sebastian, or innocent, the way Sebastian sounded to him when he tried to talk in English but Sebastian was home-schooled, Chandler remembered. He didn't know English at all because his Mother was French and his Father, an Englishman, was barely there, so Sebastian learned all the French from his Mother and none of the English from his barely there now deceased Father.
"Je veux apprendre a peindre comme toi (20)."
Chandler shut his eyes. He'd learned enough French in the last few years to piece Sebastian's sentences together. For once, they did not need Kurt to translate any of their words to each other – Chandler thought it was one of the greatest gifts in the world.
Sebastian had moved towards Chandler, decked into a huge coat. His eyes weren't bloodshot like before. He was glowing better in this light. "Je veux mourir parfois. J'aime saigner parfois. (21)."
Chandler had wished he had never heard his angel say those words, as he shut his eyes. "Why?" he finally asked.
"Je veux le comprendre (22)," all Sebastian ever wanted to do was make sense of things. Chandler realised now, Sebastian thought that Franco had loved him, completely and utterly, and was just wondering why his love would ever hurt him. Sebastian wanted answers for questions he could no longer ask. Why he did not care about his Father's death, why he was breaking apart, why he was standing there staring at Chandler. Chandler understood the glitter in Sebastian's eyes, he remembered – it was the glitter Sebastian had in his eyes when he told Chandler something he hadn't told Kurt. It was in that moment that Chandler realised that Sebastian had gone off to Chandler first, to talk to him after his disappearance, and not Kurt.
Chandler stared at Sebastian as it rained. Sebastian approached Chandler, near the window. "You want to understand?" Chandler whispered, and Sebastian nodded his head.
Chandler had no answers, but he can ensure and confirm thing to Sebastian.
"I can't give you anything," Chandler whispered. "But I want you to know, Sebastian…I…ever since I met you…you were…" he can't find the words in English the way he could before. "Tu me rends heureux (23)," he finally stated with shining eyes.
"Je pense que je t'aime. (24)," Chandler confessed. He was about to turn away, when Sebastian had grabbed him by the shoulders. The rain had stopped by now. Chandler stared back at Sebastian, as Sebastian gripped tightly around his shoulders. Chandler moved in closely, wrapping his arms around the angel's waist, as their lips finally met. Chandler told him in that kiss things he couldn't put in words or paint, that Sebastian needn't make sense of things. He didn't have to understand his pain, or the things he did. He did not have to learn how to paint to be beautiful. Sebastian did not have to do anything at all because Sebastian himself was the paint, the beauty, all the senses in the world to Chandler and in that one moment, everything was too clear.
Outside, the rain had finished. Kurt had pulled off his sunglasses to look at the sky, enchanted. It was the first time he'd ever seen a twinned rainbow, two separate arcs of rainbow forming after the rain. Kurt had never seen something more beautiful or captivating in his life.
Inside of the gallery, Chandler and Sebastian had slowly pulled away. Chandler was stunned, and his eyes slid towards the window to stare at the astoundingly strikingly beautiful twinned rainbow outside. He'd never seen two rainbows before and he probably never will. But Sebastian – Sebastian's eyes never left Chandler's. Chandler had given him all he'd ever wanted from Franco, from his Father, from anyone he'd ever loved, a promise that if Sebastian would love Chandler, Chandler will always return that love. Sebastian could not stop looking down to stare into Chandler's face, his glittering blue eyes that were still in some kind of lovely awe, even if five rainbows appeared and the stars collided, Sebastian would not look away, because Chandler's love for him was the most beautiful thing in the world.
(1) Stop staring at me. Who the fuck do you think you are? Or anything along those lines is nice. L tells me that 'le bec' is a bit awkward and used another form of slang that might not work in France but works in Canada. :P I'm just using what she gave me.
(2) He says that he stared at you because you're pretty. Kurt is a literal translator by the way. Yes, he honestly did call Sebastian the female form of 'beautiful' – which is used for girls. That's not a mistake. It's just to show that Kurt has a tendency to literally translate. It's a way of creating not so funny yet still funny in some aspect humour.
(3) Literal translation: I'm going to buy breakfast for you like I did for the prostitute sitting beside me. Apparently, there is no French word for 'whore' so I'm inclined to use prostitute.
(4) Literal translation: I'm not a prostitute but your Mother is. Again, look at note number three.
(5) Literal translation: Watch it. Only I can call my Mother a prostitute. Look at note number four which leads you to look at three. :P
(6) I pronounce your name wrong too. I don't have an accent and whenever I try to pronounce it the 'correct' way, you start laughing.
(7) He says he's from Ohio.
(8) He says he's an artist.
(9) Good. He doesn't speak French.
(10) I hate strangers—the translation that is used to mean I hate foreigners though. Both would work!
(11) That's a cat.
(12) I believe he said "oh my gosh, you said I have nice eyes. I want to die."
(13) He says he does not dance well.
(14) Fuck that.
(15) Kiss me.
(16) I feel sad. I feel sick.
(17) You're very passionate.
(18) Why did you come to Paris?
(19) You're everything to me.
(20) I want to learn how to paint like you.
(21) I want to die sometimes. I like to bleed sometimes.
(22) I want to understand this.
(23) You make me happy.
(24) I think I love you.
Oh my Gosh, fluff overdose much? I've been working this bit by bit every week. Do you think I can handle all of these warm hot chocolate feels? Anyway…
xo Peanut Butter/Sam