The End Part Two: I Can't And Won't Say It
This time when Buffy woke she couldn't stand the feeling in her stomach, the time had come to say goodbye, they would get dressed and he would drive her to the school, making it there just before he knew her mom would arrive and he wouldn't see or talk to her until he saw her in school. Buffy didn't move, she wasn't ready to leave his side, this was just to perfect to be in his arms, he had purchased a diary for her, and it was filled with everything, from the lie to before the necklace, she would fill that out on the nights she wouldn't sleep, and there were going to be plenty of those, she had gotten too use to him underneath her.
Buffy felt empty they hadn't said a word of goodbye or anything and she already felt the tears form in her eyes, this was such a bad idea, she wanted to be with him, not just physically but with, she wanted to be his, to be considered only his, she didn't know what love was and she was sure that this was it, and she knew that not another would even come close to it. Her bottom lip quivered, her heart thumping hard against her chest and a tear falling to the man below, she felt his hands in her hair and looked up with a few more tears falling.
Giles held her tighter and she shook her head as he opened his mouth, she didn't want him to say a thing, this moment felt bad enough without even hearing the words she knew he was thinking. Buffy looked closer he held tears in his eyes as he set the hand that was in her hair to her face as she kept shaking her head in the same disagreeing way as she then mouthed the words. Giles coasted his thumbs over her tears, he wanted to shake his head yes, but he felt as if he didn't have the strength, not under her puppy dog eyes, he knew that he would never deny her a thing if that was the look she would give him.
Buffy placed her hand on his cut, more tears fell, his hand then rested on her necklace, he wondered if she would ever take it off, it seemed to be glued to her body the moment he set it around her. They stared at each other, tracing hands over small sensitive places, trying their best not to pass the point of no return and Buffy looked at him, her fingers tracing the 'B' over and over, "Giles."
He looked up from his movements upon her abs and looked her straight in her eyes as he then gestured with his head, still not saying anything, for her to continue. "I don't think I can live without you, you are the most important person in my life, you have to spend your life training, teaching, showing, helping me until you see fit, or I die, and who knows I could die tomorrow. So preferring you don't answer, I want to stay here, I don't care what people think, I don't care about school, I don't care about anything, but you, I can't live without you in my arms. I'm sorry Giles, but I'm never going to stop loving you, and I can't even think of moving on it hurts so much, I hurt all the time when I think that one day I won't wake to your face. I love you so much, I can't, I am sorry that if you do, but I can't let you go- I won't make it without you."
Buffy's tears were flowing, and she sunk herself deep in his chest, he held her tightly as she cried, he couldn't think of anything to say, how could he tell her that he too loved her more than life itself, that he hurt when he thought of this moment, that before he realized she was awake that he just couldn't move or let her go because he was scared that if he did he would die? He didn't know where to start. "Buffy."
This time she looked up at him, her tears flowing silently and he smiled softly at how beautiful she could still be even when her nose was red, and her puffy red eyes, he still found her enchanting. "I- I'm finding it difficult, everything, nothing, things were so simple before this trip. Love has been in my life before I assure you, but not like this, this is- consuming, I can't tell you enough how much it would kill me to see you walk away, so I decided I can't let you go either, and that's the thing, I'm never going to let you go Buffy, god I can't, I would die, I love you so much, that if I lost you I would lose myself… I don't think we could end this, not for anything, not even for the world. I love you, I love you so much, we'll never be able to say goodbye… You should never let go someone once you catch them, you must hold and cherish them as if they are the most valuable, delicate, possession you could ever own. You are my possession, and I'm gonna hold you close and protect you and love you, I will never let you go, I promise."
Buffy let more tears fall, he was now the same as her, flowing tears and a red nose, she sunk into his chest again as they both refused to let each other of their arms, today was defiantly going to be a long day. Buffy moved to his neck, kissed him there as he kissed her shoulder, still both never once faltering their hold on one another's bodies. "I love you Buffy Summers."
"I love you Rupert Giles."
"Lover." Giles kissed her harder, nibbling a bit on her shoulder as she then moved him inside of herself and he moaned, letting them both get completely lost in each others movements, when they finished they still held tightly to on another, their fingers intertwined with each others, the moment frozen, perfect again. Buffy rained kisses on him, her body still fully attached to his, she smiled at him brightly as he just returned the beautiful smile and received the slow kiss she gave him, he brushed her hair with his fingers, both had barley another word to each other, and this was it, the moment that would kill them. "We have to go Buffy."
"We have to get dressed."
"Yes." Buffy moved away from him and he moved away from her, he dressed in his full tweed suit and turned to her and she turned around and he saw the tears in her eyes. "I almost forgot, tweed."
"Yes, I do say it feels strange to me as well."
"You should loosen it up, rid the waistcoat." He removed the jacket and she helped him with the buttons of the item and slid it down his shoulders as he then replaced his jacket. "Better?"
"Much, still Gilesy, although you can still wear them if you want."
"Planned on it, but now I have something new, in a way."
"I love you."
"I love you too, let's get in the car." Buffy nodded and he grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers and she looked at him. "It's not goodbye yet." She smiled and walked a little happier to his car and got in, he drove them to the school, trying not to exactly be to fast and when he reached it he pulled round back and helped her with her things and waited with her, hands back together firmly. Buffy saw her mom pull up and she looked to him. "You are the first man I've ever loved, and I'll never stop loving you, even when I love someone else, and when they think they had the honor in sharing my gift, no that will always be yours, I offered it to you and you accepted. I'll be waiting, for as long as it takes, I will wait for you, so maybe again one day I could feel as happy as I did during the six weeks, I'll never love someone as much as I love you."
"I love you Buffy, thank you for sharing with me your gift, and for sharing yourself- handing over yourself to me, you're a very beautiful woman and I love you so much, never think otherwise."
"And you, will you love again?"
"Perhaps, but it won't ever compare to what we had."
"Have, what we have, I'm always going to love you like this."
"Okay, it will never compare to what we have." The car outside beeped and Giles looked up like a scared dear and looked back to Buffy stroking her hair once more. "You have to go."
"I'm not ready."
"Yes you are."
"I love you so much."
"I know," Giles gave her a kiss, deep and long unknowingly long and stopped when the car horn went off again. "Lessons are over, now the final exam."
"I failed, let me stay to learn more."
"You've leaned everything I wanted to teach you."
"I love you Buffy, never forget that, but your really going to hate me for this-" He turned and ran off leaving her stranded in the school when she then felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to her mother. "Buffy is everything okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, I never want to talk about it, I want to go home." Buffy cried as her mother then wrapped her arms around the crying girl. She helped Buffy to the car and drove her home as Buffy just went straight to her room and fell to her bed crying hard with no signs of possibility ever stopping.
Giles was in his shower, he wanted her smell off him, he had placed his clothes from the trip and it was now going through it's third wash. He tried to rid anything that would remind him of the woman he so desperately loved, it was impossible, he could still smell her on him, he could still feel her body pressed against his, he could, even under the water spout feel her soft lips against his skin. Giles tried everything, finally he gave up and left his house, he climbed up the side of Buffy's house carefully, he knew right where to find her, he needed her, he loved her, he planned on just taking her away, never to return, and he knew she would follow willfully. He looked upon the open window and made his way in quietly, her face was shoved in her pillow as she cried loudly, he had hurt her, this was the most painful thing he could ever imagine to see.
Buffy was in her head, every last detail, the things that made her ask him to take her there, bad idea, she never knew how much she actually loved him, this man had not a single flaw on him, every piece perfect. She could still feel him, his arms wrapped around her kissing her neck softly, hell she could smell him, then her Slayer senses went into overdrive, what she was remembering was real and she turned to him as he shook his head no and placed a hard passionate kiss on her lips. Once they parted, he brushed the tears from her face and let himself collapse to her body, he held her tightly as his sobs left his mouth muffled, his stomach getting untangled, he was alive again, and she wrapped her arms around him in response, actually being the one doing the comforting.
Giles looked at her, his eyes flowing with tears as he then stood taking her by the hand and lifted her up and started for her window when she held up her finger and wrote, Giles smiled as she signed it and set it on her bed, he pointed to it and she handed it to him and signed his name next to hers noticing she didn't sign Buffy Summers, but Buffy Giles. He smiled hugely and kissed her as she put the note on the bed and left out the window with him, wherever he would take her, it didn't matter, they were together and that's all she wanted.
Please understand that I love you, but I know you would never understand, so I have to leave, tell Willow and Xander I love them, be sure to know that this wasn't supposed to happen, I never expected to fall in love, but I can't live without him, he's my life, six weeks were supposed to end but they turned out for a lifetime, I love him mom, and maybe one day you'll come to understand why I left. You taught me so much these years and I love you, but I can't bare the thought of you not understanding what we have and dragging me away from him, I love him, more than life actually, I'll try and keep in touch, but only if you want me too, so sorry.
All our love,
Buffy Giles & Rupert Giles."