Okay i have received pleads telling me to continue. The inspiration was great, and dully noted. I will continue. I did not think when i first wrote this story that it will become so popular, and that people will love it this much. Thank you guys so much for the support. So i was not going to post a chapter today because i went to see breaking dawn ( which by the way is awesome, i recommend it ), But my conscious took over, and i thought I'd put you guys out of your misery. Okay before you read i have one question for you guys, I have an idea for another story on fifty shades, and i was wondering if you guys think i should pursue it? Based on this story and now you've seen what I am capable of writing would you guys read it?
After that night with Anastasia I left and just drove. With no destination in mind, I just needed to fucking breathe. I fucked up, that I know. I can't take back what I did last night.
But Anastasia. She fucking tells me she will not sleep with anyone but does it anyway? I didn't promise anything, but after she tells me she won't she does it anyway?
She was MINE. I don't think I've ever been more hurt ever. It's like I can't look at her the same. I didn't want to look at her or Rosalie, or myself for that matter.
I can't even begin to explain the confusion, or the pain I feel. The level of shame and disappointment I feel in me but also Ana. The fact that I was the only one who had ever had the privilege to explore her is all gone.
That made our relationship so special, so pure. Now I can't help but feel like that specialty is missing, it's gone.
I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and talk to her. I can't think for myself right now because I know as of right now I am not in control of what comes out my mind.
That's why I need someone to be in control right now. That's why I contacted Flynn.
"I can't help but feel like you're out of your zone today."
"Is it that obvious?"
"Well yes seeing as how we've been sitting here for," He checks his watch, "About ten minutes, and I've earned no snarky remark from you, just uncomfortable one word answers."
"Anastasia isn't mine anymore."
"What do you mean she isn't yours? I mean other than the obvious?"
"She isn't mine john. As in sexually. She fucking gave it up to her so called friend. She was all mines, now I can't get passed the fact that she is his, whoever the fuck he is."
"How does this make you feel?"
"Are you really asking me that? Can you not see the fucking fury oozing out of me?"
"Well what I see on the outside is different from what I see on the inside. Plus I can't help but feel like there is more to the story Christian."
"I'm agonized, battered, enraged, fuming. I'm a ball of mixed emotions, and none of which are helping the fact of the matter right now."
"But I can't be upset with her."
"And why can't you be upset with her?"
"Because, because I slept with Rosalie."
"And why is this a problem Christian. Again if you hold out on me it is impossible for me to help you in any way."
"Yesterday Ana and I slept together. Well not slept, that would be an understatement. We made love. We ignited old sparks, and it was fucking amazing. I guess I was caught up in the moment, and never wanted to lose her again that I chased her away by asking her to marry me."
"She got overwhelmed, and started realizing all of the effects of our love making. She told me to take care of my relationship with Rosalie and she left. Then I fucking ruined it by not ending our relationship, but fucking her instead."
"Why did you feel the need to have sex with her Christian?"
"I don't fucking know, that's why you're here John."
"No Christian, I am here to help you unravel your problems not solve them. You are the only one who can solve your problems."
"Well I guess we have hit a dead end because I don't fucking know."
"Think Christian. Think of how you felt when you asked Ana to marry you, up until you had sex with Rosalie. Why did you do it?"
"I. Don't. Know."
"Did you do it because you don't care about Anastasia's feelings?"
"Or maybe because you really are heartless like everyone says you are. Or maybe because you don't really love Anastasia at all?"
"NO that's not fucking it."
"Then tell me why Christian or you are goanna leave me to ponder my thoughts, and come up with false accusations."
"I don't fucking know john. I guess because I felt like… Like I owed her that much."
"You see now we are getting somewhere. So you felt guilty. Why?"
"Because. Because she was there in my time of need. She was like a distraction, a replacement if you will. She filled the void that Ana left when I thought that she died. I owe her that much to give her what she wanted and I guess the guilt took over me."
"Guilt, or maybe love?"
"No john. Yes I love Rosalie, but it is nowhere compared to the love I feel for Ana. The love I feel for her, is a kind of love I can't even begin to explain. I'd say that guilt was the overriding feeling I felt while I slept with Rosalie."
"And how do you feel about Anastasia now that she is not fully yours as you say?"
"Again I really don't know. I can't even begin to put it into words. I feel like someone rained on my parade. I think my infatuation with her was based on the fact that I can truly say she belonged to me. She was my possession, it made me feel special. I loved that part about her most, that I got the best of her no one else. Now that was ripped from me. And the fact that that fucking scum of a friend, didn't even do much to get into her pants, and the fact that she left him hurts even more."
"Don't you think she may feel the same about what you've done? I mean I know you had experienced sex way before you knew her, but the fact that you slept with Rosalie, did you ever think that she is feeling the same way?"
"Yes john but you don't understand the pure joy it gave me knowing that Anastasia was TRULY mine. It's a fucking wonderful feeling, it's a indescribable sensational feeling that fills me when I have sex with her and know that I am the only one who has ever been there. That I am the only one that will ever be there. It gives me a sense of power, it gives me this rush, this unexplainable emotion, and It just made me love her even more. She was pure in my eyes, innocent, new."
"And do you think that your love for her or the way you see her is any different?"
I stare at John in confusion. My love for Ana honestly can never change. But do I see her any different now that she has been shared with another man? Now that another man explored my most prized possession and got a glimpse of what was only for my eyes?