A/N: This romp is probably going to end up being around five chapters long. I hope you enjoy the ride!

Also, for those of you that don't know: 'twat-swatting' is the female equivalent to 'cock-blocking' :)


Chapter 1: Twat-Swatted

Sigh. She had no choice. She was just going to have to kill the mayor.

It had been exactly 4 days, 6 hours, and 33 minutes since she had kissed Regina Mills.

And she couldn't stop thinking about it.

So that meant she either had to do it again, and soon, or kill her now so the feelings would stop. The latter seemed like the less complicated option at the moment.

"All this pent-up frustration is making me twitchy," Emma thought to herself as she rapidly twiddled a pencil against her desk at the sheriff's office.

The mayor had been conveniently 'swamped in paperwork' for the past couple of days and had refused to answer any of the sheriff's phone calls. The brunette had undoubtedly been spooked by the prospect of being discovered in the throes of passion with another woman; especially with a woman she was supposed to hate. But Regina had clearly been enjoying herself the other night (up until the moment of discovery at least) and Emma couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there had been something in the way Regina had pushed Emma out the door of her home that made the blonde believe Regina had really wanted her to put up a fight to stay.

"Ugh," she groaned, hitting her head against the desk. Storybrooke had the smallest crime rate in the entire state of Maine and today was even more unusually slow, and so with nothing to distract her, Emma's thoughts kept flitting back to that night now exactly 4 days, 6 hours, and 34 minutes ago.

She relived the scene in excruciating detail; by now she had every minute movement memorized. It had been running through her subconscious all day, every day since it happened and she could now see the whole thing unravel in her mind's eye with perfect clarity.


As a last resort, Regina had called Emma to see if she could watch Henry for a couple hours that night. It turned out that the nuns had gotten into some frivolous scuffle concerning the Miner's Day festival and being the mayor, they had called for an impromptu meeting she was obligated to attend.

Emma, of course, had jumped at the chance.

Hours later, after playing countless rounds of Mario Kart with Henry, Regina had waltzed in through the door and announced it was time for bed. Ushering Henry upstairs, Emma had begun to gather her things together to leave when the mayor's voice had floated down through the ceiling, asking if she wanted to bid Henry goodnight. Emma silently thanked a higher power that the meeting had gone so well as to put Regina in this gracious mood, and not wasting another stolen second she dumped her belongings on the couch and raced up the stairs.

Regina had permitted her one kiss to Henry's forehead before she shushed her out the door.

Emma shifted awkwardly outside the room, not knowing if Regina would want to talk to her afterward or if it would be better if she left before the brunette returned. Ultimately her curiosity got the better of her and she decided to stay, pressing her ear to the door in an attempt to hear the bedtime story Regina had been reading for the last couple minutes.

She couldn't really hear anything interesting; the muffled words of the tale were barely making it through the wall. So instead Emma closed her eyes to focus on the dulcet tones of Regina's deep-set voice, not caring that the sounds didn't mean anything to her ears.

It took a minute for Emma to register that Regina had reappeared in the doorframe and when she realized she'd been caught spying she quickly righted herself, guiltily looking to the mayor and expecting a snarky insult to be launched her way.

But Regina merely arched an amused eyebrow at her and shut the door quietly behind her back, leaving them standing unnaturally close together in the hallway.

"Thanks for letting me say goodnight to Henry," Emma offered. "That was really nice of you."

"Well don't get used to it Ms. Swan. This was a one-time offer. Henry's bedtime routine is an exact science and I won't have you in here ruining it every night."

Every night? The thought flashed through Emma's mind as they stood there squaring off. They were standing much too close together, but neither of them made to move away, each subconsciously deciding that the first to move was the loser of the unnecessary argument.

Regina was glaring at the blonde with her manicured nails resting impatiently on her own hips, her power stance clearly in play, daring Emma to say something inane and stupid so she could dismiss the sheriff properly. The tension between them was growing increasingly uncomfortable and Emma silently begged for someone to say something, anything, to break the silence hanging in the air.

Emma's gaze flicked over the woman in front of her; Regina's hair was perfectly quaffed and she was wearing an exquisitely tailored suit which molded perfectly to her curves, the ensemble undoubtedly constructed specifically for her. Gold bracelets draped her delicate wrists and her eyes were somehow glistening in the light of the chandelier hanging above the foyer.

The thought floated unbidden to her lips and ghosted out on a slightly awed breath. "You look really pretty, Regina."

Regina's lips softened from the thin line they had been pressed into and parted slightly as she sucked in a tiny inhale, obviously a little taken aback by the compliment. That was not anywhere near what she had expected Emma to say.

Her eyes seemed to sparkle for the briefest of moments, and then suddenly Regina launched herself forward, wrapping both of her arms around Emma's neck, and crushed their lips together.

The force of the kiss sent them stumbling backwards until Emma's back hit the banister flanking the ridiculously high ceiling of the foyer. Regina pressed her hips into Emma's and Emma's back bowed slightly, pulling the brunette along with her. The weight of Regina pressing against her like this felt sinfully good and her hands immediately flew to the mayor's waist to steady her.

Regina's insistent mouth was hot and open on hers and Emma moaned into the orifice, completely lost in the sensations jolting through her body at the mayor's touch. The blonde's hands pressed desperately into the back of Regina's satin shirt underneath her swanky suit jacket, willing herself to eclipse any space left between their bodies.

One of Regina's hands snaked up to clasp the back of Emma's neck so that when she broke the kiss abruptly she could still hold Emma firmly in place. Regina stared hard into the blonde's eyes, both of them panting heavily and breathing in each other's air, their lips mere centimeters apart. Regina's eyes were searching Emma's for something, Emma's still not quite sure what, but she seemingly found whatever it was she was looking for because the brunette suddenly smiled. Granted, it was a small evil smile that one would expect the devil to make if you ever invited him to visit a church with you, but coupled with the lust glittering in the dark orbs in front of her, Emma would take it.

Never breaking eye contact, Regina wrapped her fist in the front of Emma's t-shirt and slowly began to pull the blonde with her as she inched backwards, hunger twitching at her upturned lips.

Emma swallowed thickly when Regina's back hit the door of her bedroom. She heard the soft 'click' of the doorknob being unlocked behind the brunette's back and then she was swiftly being pulled over the threshold and into the lioness's den.

Emma kicked the door shut behind her and was instantly stripping the mayor of her clothes.

They attacked each other's mouths, biting and bruising, teeth occasionally gnashing together, never parting except to steal air in a rare moment of pause. Regina's hands were wound tightly in Emma's curls and Emma's hands were yanking viciously at the mayor's finely tailored suit, determined to get this uptight woman out of her uptight clothes and definitely out of the upright position.

The mayor's jacket was shoved off of her shoulders, the pristine cream blouse wrenched over her head, and as Emma sunk to her knees, her suit pants were jerked over her hips, down her impeccable legs, and thrown emphatically over the blonde's shoulder.

Emma's gaze didn't have time to linger over the toned abdominal muscles twitching under the brunette's perfect olive skin or on the flawless collarbones gracing the mayor's sternum, but she definitely took notice and promised to remember them in vivid detail later. Because right now her eyes were transfixed by the sight of Regina expertly unclasping her bra above her while she simultaneously kicked off her expensive panties.

And then Regina was stark naked in front of her, flushed and panting, her eyes near black with lust as she forcefully threw her bra across the room and licked her lips.

It was the hottest thing Emma had ever seen.

Lunging forward, Emma assaulted Regina's mouth with her tongue and pushed her backwards onto the bed, with Emma falling fully on top of her.

The feel of Regina's naked body squirming underneath her was euphoric, her still-clothed form doubtlessly sending shivers racing up the brunette's spine. The friction of the cotton rubbing against her silken skin was driving the mayor crazy, her nipples stiff against Emma's as their breasts brushed past each other. Emma's hands came to rest at the brunette's sides; her fingers tickling at her ribcage before she, suddenly hesitant, moved them up to lightly palm Regina's breasts.

Regina gasped at the skin to skin contact and arched her back, pushing her erect nipples fully into Emma's hands and wordlessly giving Emma the answer she needed. That what they were doing was more than just okay. That she was good at this.

And Regina liked it.

Regina's impatient hands tugged at Emma's t-shirt until it was flung over her head and onto the floor, breathless to feel more of the blonde's skin under her fingertips. Emma shifted her weight into her right hip and bore down on the brunette below her, her jean-clad leg thrusting once between the major's naked thighs. Regina moaned loudly and scratched her nails down the blonde's back, leaving long angry marks in their wake and forcing a whimper to spill from Emma's throat.

Suddenly there was a knock on Regina's bedroom door and a frightened and unsure voice rang out through the haze of lust surrounding them.

"Mom?" Henry called out uncertainly.

The pair froze and immediately white hot panic shot through them both, their heads simultaneously whipping towards the door. His mother was currently pinned, completely naked, under his other mother, who was sans her shirt by now and clad only in a black bra.

Regina shoved Emma off of her roughly and Emma nearly leapt off the bed as if it were made of hot coals. Regina ran to the chair at her dresser, which had a black silk robe slung over it and hastily tugged it on, calling out "Just a minute Henry!" before she hurried over to the door. Emma watched her wide-eyed and open-mouthed, not knowing what to do, left stuttering in the middle of the mayor's bedroom.

Regina twisted the door handle but not before she shot a glare over her shoulder at the gaping blonde.

"Closet. Now."

Emma dove for the closet, stumbling inside and tripping over numerous versions of pointy-toed high heels before she managed to shut the door, not-as-quietly-as-she-would-have-liked, behind her.

In the darkness of the closet Emma could just make out the muffled assurances that everything was fine… no mommy was not screaming… no she was not sick or hurt… you thought you heard noises… you must hearing things Henry… but I'm glad you came to check on me… that was very thoughtful of you.

Out of all the moments, in all the days, that Henry could have picked to care about his mother; he just HAD to pick this one. Curse him and his damned curious mind. God she loved that kid dearly but right now was one of those times that she just wanted to throttle him.

After the door was reshut and Henry had been safely tucked back into bed, the doors of her wardrobe prison were thrust open and she was left to blink up into the ambient light filling the room and two blazing russet eyes.

The rest was just a blur of mortified hands shoving her clothes at her and an angry door slamming behind her back.


"Twat-swatted by my own kid," Emma thought glumly, absent-mindedly fingering the healing scratches on her back made by one very infectious brunette.

Her body thrummed at the memory. She needed to get out of this office. Every piece of furniture in the room brought a new dirty fantasy to the surface of her mind, each one just begging Emma to have her way with Regina on top of it.

The jail cell. Roleplaying with herself as the arresting deputy could be fun. She would handcuff a very naked Mayor Mills to the bars of the cell, spread her legs open wide, and then fuck her standing with one of those old-fashioned police batons until the brunette's knees gave out beneath her and she pleaded to be released, promising she'd be a good girl.

The office desk. She would bend the brunette over it, pull her hair and grind her pelvis into Regina's ass until the mayor screamed her name. The force of her orgasm would shake the desk back and forth, spilling the pens from their cups and cause paperwork to fly everywhere, surrounding them in a false white cloud.

Hell, just the thought of Regina standing in the middle of the barren office space in lingerie turned her on.

She'd come walking in here wearing only a black trench covering her shapely form. Then she'd strut in front of my desk, making sure she caught my attention with a knowing quirk to her lips, before she let the coat slip from her shoulders and pool at the ground, revealing a leather corset perfectly fitted to her rounded breasts, perfect handfuls nearly-spilling over the top of the outfit. She'd wear a garter belt attached to the lace stockings that stretched over firm thighs and wrapped around lean calves until they disappeared into black stilettoes. Would she have a riding crop? Yes, yes she would…

Emma's mouth started to water at the image and she found herself licking her lips. She let herself indulge in this particular fantasy for quite a while before a car horn honking outside snapped her mind back to the present. She REALLY needed to get out of this office.

She checked her phone. Again. Still no texts from Regina. The mayor was definitely avoiding her.