The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters has gone off on a play date. This is more madness from my tiny little mind. Continuing on from the events in Looking at An Annoying Little Mirror it's now time for…
Cobra Commander's Adventures In Babysitting
"Listen up! I am Cobra Commander! I am the most feared leader of the most feared terrorist group in the world!" Cobra Commander hissed. "I have brought entire countries to their knees!"
"Then it shouldn't be that hard for you to watch the kids," The Countess said as she strapped on a gun holder to her leg and put her laser gun in it. She and the rest of the adults were arming up and getting ready to go on some mission.
"Oh come on!" Cobra Commander shouted at the group. "You're all going out and doing whatever plan you won't tell me about! I want to go out too!"
"No chance," Destro said. "Someone has to stay here and watch the offspring of the Countess and Rescindar."
"Can't we take them with us?" Cobra Commander asked. "We could use the extra manpower! Uh kid power…"
"Don't you just feel the love?" June the twelve year old girl with red hair remarked. She and her siblings were in the adjoining living room playing a video game.
"Why do I have to watch these brats?" Cobra Commander snapped. "I am a leader of men! Not a nanny who watches children!"
"Well since you don't have any men to lead, you are watching them!" The Countess snapped. "Someone has to stay here and make sure they don't run away or burn down the house while we go out and earn some actual money!"
"Again why don't you or the father of these children watch them?" Cobra Commander snarled. "You know someone with actual biological ties and whose responsibility it is to raise them?"
"Because we need to get away from both them and you," Rescindar said. "And this was the most convenient way."
"It's not convenient for me!" Cobra Commander shouted. "I'm a terrorist for crying out loud! That doesn't exactly scream role model!"
"You don't have to be a role model," The Countess said. "Like I said just make sure they don't run away or burn the house down."
"Again wouldn't it make more sense if I went out on this heist which by the way I should totally be in on as the leader of this organization!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Leader? He still thinks he's the leader?" The Countess gave the others a look.
"Just let it go," The Baroness waved. "It's not worth the extra headache."
"I am the leader and I want to know why I have to stay behind and babysit!" Cobra Commander snapped. "I am the head of Cobra! Not the head of Daycare! Why do I have to stay behind?"
"Have you already forgotten the debacle that was Bangkok?" Destro gave him a look.
"Oh that was a long time ago," Cobra Commander waved.
"It was two weeks ago!" Mindbender snapped.
"Actually it was twelve days, six hours and thirty five minutes," Xamot said.
"Give or take a few seconds," Tomax added.
"Cobra Commander don't take this the wrong way but we don't trust you at all," Rescindar folded his arms.
"Oh but you do trust me with your children? Bad idea!" Cobra Commander said.
"Yeah, well we're not that worried about them as much as we're worried about you screwing up our chances at a successful mission," Rescindar shrugged.
"I never spent any time raising my own child! What makes you think I know anything about raising yours?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Okay first of all…You actually managed to reproduce?" The Countess was stunned.
"I know, it stunned me too when first I heard about it," Destro sighed. "Long story short, his son hates him and wants to kill him."
"Okay that answers my second and third question," The Countess nodded. "This leads me to my point. You do not have to do that much work. Most of them are pretty self-sufficient."
"Growing up in this house we had to be," May called out.
"There are microwave meals in the freezer. They're home schooled and don't have to go anywhere. The twins' bedtime is at eight. The girls are at nine and as long as Derek doesn't pass out in his own drool he's fine," The Countess said.
"And what am I supposed to do with them in the meantime? Read them a bedtime story?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Forget it," Tim snorted.
"That's what Kindles are for," Tom agreed.
"So what do I do when they misbehave? Can I hit them?" Cobra Commander asked.
"No, you can't hit them!" The Countess snapped.
"Well how about Tasers then?" Cobra Commander asked.
"If I'm not allowed to use Tasers, then neither are you," Rescindar told him.
"That stands to reason," Cobra Commander said. "So how the hell do I discipline these little hellions?"
"Just be firm with your commands," The Countess said. "They'll get the message."
"Be firm with my commands? Without using violence?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Yes," The Countess gritted her teeth.
"Oh yeah that will work," Cobra Commander grumbled.
"See, even he gets it," Derek said as he pointed to Cobra Commander.
"Look it's only for a day," Mindbender said. "We will not be long. Come Mr. Peepers!"
A Capuchin monkey carrying a little knife in its teeth leapt up onto Mindbender's shoulder. "Good boy," Mindbender beamed.
"Wait! You're taking the monkey and not me?" Cobra Commander screamed.
"Only because the monkey is actually useful," The Countess said.
"This is an outrage!" Cobra Commander yelled.
"This isn't exactly our idea of a good time either," May, the older of the two girls snapped. "There is a party tonight I want to go to!"
"Yeah Stacy Keeble and her brother Shawn throw some great bashes," Derek spoke up.
"No parties! You're grounded!" The Countess snapped. "Both of you! And Stacy and Shawn Keeble are delinquents whose parents are degenerates! I mean what kind of parents let their children have unsupervised parties for the night?"
"The same kind that run off with their lovers for over two months and leave their children unsupervised?" May snapped.
"We did not do that deliberately! We thought that tramp of an aunt of yours was watching you," Rescindar said as he finished polishing his gold mask on his head.
"Don't call my sister that!" The Countess snapped.
"Well what else would you call a woman who shirks her responsibilities for a stranger online?" Rescindar snapped.
"Liz has always been a bit flighty," The Countess sighed.
"She's always been a tramp," Rescindar grumbled.
"Watch your mouth around the children," The Countess snapped.
"I am. That's why I only called her a tramp!" Rescindar snapped.
"We'll be back later…" Destro sighed. "Much, much later!"
"I can't believe this!" Cobra Commander was stunned as the other adults left.
"This isn't exactly a dream come true for us you know?" Derek rolled his eyes.
"Look you don't want me to be here. I don't want to be here," Cobra Commander turned around and glared at them. "But the fact is that we are here and we might as well make the best of this situation. And by we I mean me."
"Oh boy…" June rolled her eyes. "Here it comes."
"As your de facto babysitter I am in charge!" Cobra Commander began to strut around the room. "You will do as I say without complaint or question! You will be quiet and do whatever it is children do until it is time for you to go to bed! When it is time for you to go to bed you will do so! Otherwise the consequences will be severe! I warn you now, do not provoke my wrath!"
"Where did Mom find this tool?" Derek muttered under his breath.
"I can be a generous and reasonable person," Cobra Commander turned to face them. "But cross me and it will be the last mistake you ever made! Any questions?"
"Yeah I got one," June said. "Do you really believe what you just said or is that just a desperate attempt to retain control of a situation that is completely out of your capabilities to handle?"
"Just stop with the sass and do as I say! Understand?" Cobra Commander snapped. "I am in charge and there is nothing you can do about it! You hear me? Nothing!"
"Get him," May ordered the twins.
"AAAAAHHH!" Cobra Commander screamed as he was tackled by the twins.
"This is gonna be fun," Derek snorted.
"Grab the camera," June told him.
"Way ahead of you," Derek pulled out his cell phone and started recording.
Meanwhile outside the house.
"Aren't you concerned about leaving your children with Cobra Commander?" Destro asked as the group headed for the docks where their ship was docked.
"Not really," Rescindar said. "Once our children set fire to a police station and drove away in a police car. As long as they are alive and the house is still standing…"
"AAAAAHHH!" Cobra Commander was heard screaming. They looked at the window and saw him banging on the glass. Then they saw Cobra Commander being tackled by the twins and dragged under out of sight.
"He'll be fine," The Countess waved as the sound of something breaking was heard.
"But…" The Baroness began.
"Just keep walking," Rescindar said as he followed his wife. "Just keep walking!"
"WHAT IS THIS ON MY UNIFORM?" Cobra Commander was heard screaming. "AAAA! GET OFF OF ME YOU LITTLE BRATS! OWWW! STOP BITING ME! HELP!"
"And to think," Destro said to the Baroness. "You once wanted that!"
"Boy did we dodge a bullet," The Baroness remarked as they left.
"We certainly did," Destro agreed.
Several hours later…
"It's official…" Cobra Commander staggered to the kitchen. He was covered in silly string, glitter and feathers. "I'm in Hell."
"Nah you're just here in my house," June was reading a magazine. "Same area code though."
"And to think I once thought the Dreadnoks were maniacs!" Cobra Commander groaned. He went to a cabinet and took out a bottle of scotch. He poured himself a drink and drank it using the straw in his helmet. "By the way…Thank you for unsticking me from the wall."
"No problem," June went back to reading her magazine. "You kind of clashed with the décor anyway."
"What was that?" Cobra Commander shouted as the sounds of breakage was heard overhead.
"I find it best to ignore sounds like that," June said casually. "Less chance of you breaking any bones that way."
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
"Now what are they doing?" Cobra Commander stormed out of the kitchen and went upstairs.
As he went upstairs he saw May on the phone. "So what time is the party?" May asked. "Uh huh. Yeah as soon as I ditch the latest jerk my parents stuck me with."
"You are not going anywhere young lady!" Cobra Commander pointed. "You are grounded!"
"Just because you don't have a life, doesn't mean I don't get to have one," May said as she put her hand over her cell phone.
"YES IT DOES! AND I HAVE A LIFE!" Cobra Commander yelled.
May went back to her phone. "It was nobody. So is Jeffrey coming to the party?"
"You are not going to…" Cobra Commander began. Another crash was heard. "Oh for crying out loud!" He stormed away to investigate.
"Pow! Pow! Pow!" The blond twins Tim and Tom were running around a large bedroom, jumping on furniture and knocking things. They were playing shooting with fake toy guns.
"What are you little hooligans doing?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Stop it! You're making a racket!"
"It's okay, this is our Mom's bedroom," Derek snorted as he leaned against the wall.
"I would think as the oldest male around here you would help me watch them!" Cobra Commander spat.
"I am watching them," Derek said casually. "I'm watching them run around and do whatever they want."
"That's not what I…WILL YOU BRATS STOP JUMPING ON THE BED BEFORE YOU BREAK IT?" Cobra Commander snapped.
"You're no fun at all," Tim climbed down from the bed.
"Bam! You're dead!" Tom 'shot' him with his imaginary weapon.
"No, I'm not! I'm wearing a bullet proof mask!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Now all of you get out of this room and go to bed!"
"Bam!" Tim pretended to shoot him again.
"I said go to your room!" Cobra Commander snapped as the twins kept shooting imaginary bullets at him. "Stop shooting at me! I am your parents' boss here and you do as I say!"
"Boy you have no clue how things are around here do you?" Derek snickered. "You seriously think you're still in charge? You're a babysitter for crying out loud!"
"I am not…" Cobra Commander stopped for a second. "I don't think of it as babysitting…"
"Good because that is not what you are doing," Derek remarked as he watched the twins jump around. "Look at them dude, they're out of control!"
"You want control? Fine! KNOCK IT OFF YOU LITTLE BRATS OR ELSE I WILL SHOOT YOU OUT OF A CANNON!" Cobra Commander screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Ow! My ears!" Tim held his ears.
"Way too pitchy," Tom agreed.
"AND THIS IS HOW YOU FIRE A LASER!" Cobra Commander took out his own laser and shot up the room. One of his shots hit the bed and it caught on fire.
"Cool," Derek snorted.
"Oops," Cobra Commander blinked.
"You're gonna get it," Tim said.
"How was I supposed to know your mother's bed was so flammable?" Cobra Commander snapped.
"I'll get the fire extinguisher," Derek rolled his eyes and calmly got one out of the closet. He put it out but also sprayed Cobra Commander as well. "Ooops. Sorry Dude."
"Not as sorry as you are going to be dude when your mother gets home!" Cobra Commander screamed. "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
"Geeze you don't have to yell," Derek grumbled as they walked out of the room.
"So what are you wearing to the party?" May asked as she walked by using her cell phone. "I think I'm going to wear my new jean jacket."
"No, you are not!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Your mother already had one daughter run off! There's not going to be another one on my watch!"
"Rude much? I'm on the phone!" May snapped she went into her room.
"Now listen young lady! HEY!" Cobra Commander snapped as May slammed the door in his face. "Well…Stay in there then!"
He went back downstairs to the kitchen. "Oh this crap is all over me!" He grumbled as he tried to wipe away the foam.
June was still reading. "Poured you a glass," She pointed to the glass of scotch with ice on the table.
"You read my mind!" Cobra Commander said as he took the glass. He activated the straw in his helmet and drank from it.
"That's a handy gadget to have in a mask," June remarked.
"You know…"Cobra Commander paused. "I am starting to have a new respect for teachers. No wonder so many of them are leaving the profession and going into a career where they get more recognition and better working conditions. Like road construction and garbage men…"
"True that," June nodded.
"That's what teachers need! More support in the classroom. And by support I mean the right to hit their students!" Cobra Commander said. "Fear is a great motivator and a great way to keep discipline!"
"Interesting theory," June said.
"I can understand the no spanking thing," Cobra Commander said as he used the straw in his helmet to drink from the glass again. "Knowing half the little degenerates out there they'd like it!"
"Speaking from personal experience are we?" June asked.
Cobra Commander shrugged. "Well you're not wrong. But at the very least teachers and babysitters should be allowed to use some form of electricity! Come on! A little mild shock never hurt anybody!"
"Uh huh," June said.
"Don't take this the wrong way but you seem to be the only one that's half way normal around here," Cobra Commander said.
"No offense taken," June shrugged. "It's pretty simple. My older sisters are boy crazy with hormones. My older brother is a moron and my younger brothers are the future psychopaths of the world. Anyone would look normal compared to them."
"Well not anyone," Cobra Commander grumbled. "I can think of a group called the Dreadnoks that might give your siblings a run for their money."
"They're like the Trepidation Patrol aren't they?" June asked.
"If you mean they are a bunch of Australian maniacs then yes," Cobra Commander took another drink. "Actually I think one of them is from New Zealand. But you get the idea."
"The Trepidation Patrol is mostly made up of Americans," June told him. "There's one Canadian but for some reason they all liked to talk with fake Australian accents. Very annoying."
"Huh. Interesting," Cobra Commander blinked. His glass was empty. The straw went back into the mask. "Okay where did the scotch bottle go?"
"I put it back in the cabinet," June pointed.
"Well what did you do that for?" Cobra Commander snapped as he went to open the cabinet door. He found that not only he couldn't open it but his hand was stuck. "What the…?" He tried to open the other side but not only wouldn't it open, his other hand got stuck as well.
After a few seconds of struggling he stopped. "Ah, that's why you put it back in there," Cobra Commander looked over at June. "The old super glue on the door handle trick."
"Sorry Commander but we have a party to go to," June left the room. "PLAN STICK IT TO THE SNAKE IS A GO! MOVE OUT!"
"Ah, that explains why she was so normal," Cobra Commander groaned. "It was her cover! Should have known!"
"Let's move it!" May shouted as the kids ran out the door.
"You are not going anywhere! Come back here!" Cobra Commander strained against the door handles. "You have severely underestimated me!"
"See ya around Lame O!" Tim was heard laughing.
"Lame-O am I?" Cobra Commander strained against the cabinet. He managed to break the hinges and tear the doors off the cabinet. He accidentally knocked the scotch off of the shelf and it fell to the floor breaking.
"THAT IS IT! NOW I'M MAD!" Cobra Commander managed to pull his gloves off his hands, revealing his blue skin. "Big mistake! This isn't the first time someone's pulled that trick on me!"
He ran after the kids out the door. "Now you are gonna paaaayyyyyy!" Cobra Commander screamed as he tripped on a skateboard strategically left on the front step. He fell down rather ungracefully.
"Time for your nap Commander," Tim held a large bat over his head.
"Say night, night!" Tom agreed as he also held a bat.
"Oooohhhh…" Cobra Commander could swear he heard birds chirping. "That is gonna hurt in the morning."
Derek was driving a large car out of the garage and stopped it. "Come on!" June opened the car door. "Get in before he regains consciousness."
"Deal or not we will leave you here," May snapped.
"We're coming!" Tom shouted as they jumped into the car.
"Don't even think of leaving us behind!" Tim added as he closed the car door.
"Floor it," May told her brother.
"We're gone sis!" Derek laughed as he put the pedal to the metal. "See ya around Commander Lame-O!"
"Wait for meeeeeeee…" Cobra Commander barely lifted himself up and crawled after them. But the car was too fast and he ended up passed out in a blast of dust. The last thing he remembered was the sound of a car and the cackling of the children as they escaped.
Several hours later…
"Ohh…Where am I?" Cobra Commander looked upwards. He seemed to be in a strange desert like environment.
"Okay…Don't panic," Cobra Commander said to himself as he sat up. "You have experienced blackouts before. Of course I don't remember them now but I know I must have at some point…"
"Time to retrace my steps…" Cobra Commander got up and started to wobble around. He walked around in a circle three times. "Well that didn't work."
That was when he saw a kangaroo nearby. "Oh yeah. I'm in Australia," Cobra Commander blinked. "What the hell am I doing in Australia? Think Commander! You must have had a plan!"
"I've got it! I remember!" Cobra Commander said. "Yes, it's all coming together now! I was making a machine that can manipulate the weather anywhere on Earth! With that machine I can force the nations of the world to do my bidding! I can dominate them! That's what I'll call it! The Weather…"
Then he stopped. "Oh wait…That's too far back."
"Let's try this again…" Cobra Commander wandered in a circle some more. "Nope. Not a clue!"
"Great! I'm lost in the freaking outback with no idea what I'm doing here! AAAH!" Cobra Commander yelled at the top of his voice.
"Oi mate! No need to shout! I can hear you!" Someone called out.
"I'll shout if I want! I'm Cobra Commander. Who the hell are you?" Cobra Commander asked as he looked around. "Where the hell are you?"
"Over here," The Kangaroo waved. "Name's Bruce."
"Bruce the Kangaroo…" Cobra Commander blinked. "Wait…Why do you sound exactly like Torch?"
"Torch? Red hair? Crazy guy who has a memory problem?" Bruce asked.
"That's the one," Cobra Commander said.
"He's my second cousin on my father's side," Bruce said.
"Oh. For some reason that does not surprise me," Cobra Commander wandered over to him. "You wouldn't happen to know why I'm here do you?"
"Why is anyone here? Other than the fact to find ways to make the world a better place by dominating them," Bruce said.
"Exactly!" Cobra Commander agreed. "I was just saying that to…somebody the other day!"
"Well it's not that hard a concept to come up with," Bruce said. "The whole world is in a bloody mess and it needs a strong dictator with a snake theme to get it right again."
"You are exactly right!" Cobra Commander said. "You must be one of Torch's smarter relatives."
"That goes without saying," Bruce said. "I was just saying to Rocco the Wallaby the other day. 'Rocco', I said. 'Rocco why doesn't the world get it? Why don't the world just give control over to one guy and everything will fall into place and be right as rain?'"
"You are a very perceptive kangaroo," Cobra Commander said.
"Hey! You should take over the world!" Bruce said. "You seem like the type of guy who can get the job done!"
"I am! That I am!" Cobra Commander said. "But does anyone listen to me? Nooooo!"
"Well they are all a bunch of losers," Bruce said. "What about your family? They listen to you?"
"Since most of them are dead, not really. Actually I do have one son," Cobra Commander sat down. "That I know of anyway."
"Oh that's nice," Bruce said. "You close?"
"Not exactly," Cobra Commander said. "He wants to kill me."
"Oh that old story," Bruce waved his paw.
"Now that I think about it, it is partly my fault," Cobra Commander sighed. "I should have taken him away from his whore of a mother and gotten a qualified nanny to raise him. Instead of sending his mother into the slave pits and abandoning her before he was born."
"Eh, everyone makes mistakes," Bruce said. "The important thing is that you learn from 'em! Ain't I right?"
"You're right! Just because I'm down now that doesn't mean I have to stay down! Cobra will rise again! Bruce with you by my side I can begin again!" Cobra Commander shouted as he stood up. "We will rebuild Cobra and be undefeatable!"
"Now that's the spirit! Let's go take over the world!" Bruce said. "Hey can I be in charge of the koalas?"
"Why?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Because koalas are annoying little pricks," Bruce snapped. "Everybody thinks oh koalas are so cute. So cuddly! They ain't cuddly pal! Ever feel a koala's claws? Sharper than a Ginsu knife! And they use 'em to stab you in the back when you ain't looking!"
"Is that so?"
"It's true. And you know that story how they can only eat eucalyptus leaves? All lies," Bruce said. "Take it from me. They can eat other stuff. They just don't want to because they are too picky!"
"Really? I had no idea," Cobra Commander said. "Well Bruce if you get me out of this place I'll not only make you in charge of koalas…I'll make you my second in command!"
"Well that is right nice of you that is!" Bruce said. "Let's go take over the world!"
"COBRAAAAAAAAA!" Cobra Commander cackled.
Meanwhile at the house…
"Well that was a bust," The Baroness grumbled as the raiding party returned late the following morning.
"I am not taking the blame for this!" Mindbender spoke up. "I specifically heard Rescindar say it the gold shipment was at dock Number Twelve! TWELVE!"
"Yes, I should have said ten," Rescindar gritted his teeth. "I admit it! All right! My bad!"
"How could you mistake ten for twelve?" The Baroness glared at her lover.
"I looked at the wrong list okay? It was a mistake anyone could have made!" Rescindar snapped.
"Yes so it is not my fault that we got into a shootout with security over a shipment of ball point pens!" Mindbender snapped. "I admit they are nice pens and write well but still…"
"I should have left you with the children!" The Countess snapped. "Even that idiot Cobra Commander would have been better off!"
"Not much better," Destro sighed. "Trust me on this."
"So you guys are back?" Derek asked. He and his siblings were casually eating breakfast around the kitchen table.
"Yes with the same usual success your father creates wherever he goes!" The Countess said. "Derek it's before noon and you're dressed already?"
"Aren't those the same clothes you wore yesterday?" The Baroness raised an eyebrow.
"Actually they have a whole closet full of the same clothes so…" Rescindar shrugged.
"As long as there is no blood or vomit on them I don't care," The Countess groaned. "Less laundry to do."
"So you guys had no problems?" Rescindar asked.
"Nope," Derek said.
"All quiet," June said.
"No problems," The twins said.
"Just a night at home watching TV," May said casually.
"I do have one question about what you did yesterday," Destro spoke up.
"Yeah?" May raised an eyebrow.
"Why is Cobra Commander walking around the back yard talking to a stuffed kangaroo?" Destro asked as he pointed his thumb outside.
"He got wasted," June smirked.
"Did he get wasted or did he have help in getting wasted?" The Countess' tone was icy.
"He didn't need that much help," Tom spoke up.
"The man was already half drunk when June slipped him that mickey," Tim added.
"He was halfway through your scotch cabinet," June remarked.
"HE DRANK MY SCOTCH?" Rescindar yelled.
"And that is why the liquor cabinet doors are broken and the entire kitchen smells like a bar," Destro snorted in disgust.
"That also explains why the car is out of the garage and the marks on it," The Countess said.
"Yeah, he got boozed up and drove your car around," Derek said very casually. "FYI, he racked up a couple of parking tickets too. They're on the kitchen table."
"HE DID WHAT?" The Countess yelled.
"Just ran out screaming crazy stuff and left us here," June said calmly.
"All we know is that we woke up to a car honking," Tim said casually.
"And he was stumbling around talking to the kangaroo," Tom added.
"Oh yeah the beer bottles in the back are his too," Derek said with a straight face.
"Why does this not surprise me?" The Countess threw up her hands. "Even though he was already wasted you still shouldn't have given him that drug!"
"We were trying to calm him down," Derek said. "He set your bed on fire."
"HE DID WHAT? WHY THAT…" The Countess screeched.
"Oh well in that case…" Rescindar chuckled. The Countess glared at him. "Oh right. It was still very wrong. Sorry Destro…"
"It's all right," Destro waved. "We're not really that upset."
"Yeah he does that all the time so…" The Baroness shrugged. "We're used to it."
"So Cobra Commander setting things on fire when he's drunk is a regular thing?" Derek asked.
"Good to know," June smirked when no one was looking at her.
"Fine, next time I leave you home," She pointed to Rescindar. "And I'll take Cobra Commander with us."
"Or better yet just leave both of them home," The Baroness said.
"Look why don't we just call my friend on the black market?" Rescindar asked. "We have a crate full of stolen ball point pens that we can get something for! I mean I don't want this whole caper to be a total failure!"
"Fine," The Countess sighed. "But someone has to watch the drunk out there."
Everyone looked at the children. "How much do you want to keep an eye on him?" Destro sighed as he brought out his wallet.
"Depends on what kind of condition you want him in," June replied.
"As long as he's alive and mostly functional," Mindbender said. "If he ends up slightly burned or something it's no big deal."
"In that case you're going to want the standard flat rate," May said. "It's the cheapest with the least amount of work. Fifty bucks each for all five of us."
"Two hundred and fifty bucks just to make sure Cobra Commander doesn't kill himself?" Destro shouted. He stopped and though. "Still a pretty good deal."
"They're cheaper than Zartan that's for sure," The Baroness agreed.
Back in the imaginary Outback…
"Water…" Cobra Commander crawled around on his hands and knees. "Water!"
"Forget the water!" Bruce said. "How about some tequila?"
"That's even better!" Cobra Commander moaned. "Tequila…Tequila…"
May, June and Derek watched Cobra Commander crawl around the stuffed kangaroo in the sandbox. "Gotta admit the dude is funny," Derek laughed.
"Hey remember what we promised," May pointed out.
"Oh right," Derek nodded. He went over to a hose and turned it on. Then he picked it up and turned on the spray over Cobra Commander's head.
Cobra Commander lifted his arms above his head. "It's raining! It's raining! Bruce it's raining! I'm saved! I'm saved!" He started dancing around with the stuffed kangaroo wildly. "Bruce we're saved! Cobra will rise again!"
"We should get this on film," Tom said.
"Way ahead of you," May taped it with her cell phone. "I've got to send this to Justin! He loves stuff like this!"
"Can't believe our luck. We trashed the house. Broke curfew. Scratched the car and now we're getting paid for it," Derek snorted.
"We should have the Commander babysit us more often," June smirked.