Sexy Daria: Sexesteemsters

As the Morgendorffer's new Lexus sped down the streets of their new hometown of Lawndale, Jake Morgendorffer first glanced to look at his youngest daughter Quinn, wearing her usual pink-tshirt with a happy face, fashionable jeans and shoes, and her flawless makeup and hair done up to be casual, yet fashionable.

He then glanced up at the rearview mirror to check on his eldest daughter Daria, who was wearing her usual ensemble of a red strapless top, very low cut which showed up her ample cleavage and those two red cherries she had had tattooed on either breast.

Her midriff was bare, which revealed her rhinestone dangling belly piercing, her even lower cut jeans and white sandals showed up her pretty feet and painted toes, which matched her nails.

Daria had styled her beautiful auburn hair and her makeup was minimal, yet alluring, even more so with her very unique red heart-shaped glasses.

The Morgendorffers had long since given up fighting their eldest daughter on her provocative appearance, it just wasn't worth it.

"Girls," Jake began, "I know that moving to a new town can be difficult, but look on the bright side, in this new place you can become something new… someone new."

"We moved?" Daria asked in her breathy voice, yet the bite of cattiness was clearly present.

"Ha." Jake laughed and then looked around nervously at his surroundings as if he wasn't sure himself.

Quinn then decided that the merciful thing would be to shut them both up before it got any worse, so she turned on the car radio and turned it up.

Daria then began to sing along to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", which in her lusty voice sounded even more obscene than it had to Tipper Gore when Cyndi Laupner sang it.

Jake then did the even more merciful thing and turned the radio back off and ignored Daria's complaint of, "Hey, I was singing to that!"

The rest of the drive was silent, neither Jake nor Quinn wanted to deal with Daria, and she didn't particularly care to speak to them.

They pulled up in front of the new school where Daria and Quinn would be attending as a Sophomore and Freshman respectively.

Quinn stepped out first and within five seconds had already attracted a crowd, but Daria just smirked and said, "Wait until they get a load of me."

She completely ignored her useless father and stepped out of the car, while Jake took one look at Daria from behind and sighed at the sight of her latest tattoo, which was a pretty little pinup of Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

As he drove off, Daria did what she did best, she strolled on by the crowd around Quinn, letting her rolling hips and her rose scented perfume do the introduction.

It only took a few seconds for people's attention to be drawn away from her annoyingly shallow and prudish younger sister and focus on her.

"And like, who are you?" some snotty so-called popular girl asked.

"I'm Daria," Daria answered in her most breathy of tones, "Daria Morgendorffer."

That was enough to have the popular girls eyeball Quinn, who wilted under their gazes, Daria grinned as Quinn began to deny being related to her.

"I'm Quinn's older, better sister." Daria added and gave a very pretty grin as she got the reaction she was looking for.

Quinn screamed and ran off crying towards the school.

Daria then turned her attention to what mattered at the moment, the boys.

"And who are you stranger?" Daria asked the guy that had been the first to talk to Quinn.

"I'm Corey." He said stuttering at the sight of the Goddess that had appeared before him.

Daria smiled and strolled on closer to him with her thumbs cocked into the pockets of her very low-cut jeans.

"That's cool." Daria said once she was a few inches from him, she then took his hand into her own and raised it to her lips and then said, "I'm sure we'll get to know each other better soon."

Then she gave his middle finger a lick from her tongue.

That was what sent the poor lad over the edge, Corey passed out and from the stain that grew on his pants it was obvious that he had reached climax as well.

Daria just laughed and gave all the guys a winning smile (and ignored the ice cold glares of the girls) and tweaked what she had just said a little bit.

"I'm sure I'll get to know everyone better soon enough."

Then without another word she took her usual strolling stride into Lawndale High for the first time, letting everyone get a good look at her rear assets.

And the pretty Alice pinup that dangled oh so prettily over her ass crack.


Daria suppressed a sigh of boredom while she, her sister, and four other students reached the end of a very dull tour conducted by Lawndale High's Principal, Ms. Angela Li.

"Wow," Daria thought to herself, "She really believes her own bullshit." As the Principal finished her introductory speech, while invoking the name of the school as if it was the Vatican.

This was going to be bad.

It got even worse once Ms. Li concluded with, "…and that's why you'll be taking a small psychological exam to spot any little clouds on the horizon as you sail the student seas of Lawndale High."

When she reached the words 'little clouds', the oriental woman in the grey pantsuit had taken the opportunity to issue another thinly veiled death-glare at Daria.

Daria simply folded her arms in front of her ample chest and ignored her, Ms. Li's first reaction at meeting Daria had been a mix of shock, horror, and disgust that had been very amusing.

Of course the two guys in the group, the nerdy one and the one who looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo had immediately offered to carry her backpack, get her something to drink, and pretty much anything and everything she could require.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the conservatively dressed girl had sniffed and held her nose up high and gone out of her way to give Daria the cold shoulder.

Quinn had almost immediately joined her, and began chatting with her, despite that girl being someone she would normally never associate with.

But the other oddball girl, the one with red hair and wearing an ankh had simply taken a step back and was clearly playing the role of bemused observer.

It was a role that Daria often played in her head, even when most people just assumed she didn't have a thought in her head at all.

But back in the present, Quinn had heard the word 'test' and immediately panicked, "No one said anything about tests?!"

Daria gave a small, cheerful smile, (which coincidentally caused both Shaggy and the Nerdy Guy to nearly have small seizures) and said in her breathy, "Don't worry Quinn, someone like you is exempt."

"Phew!" Quinn breathed with obvious relief.

"Those tests only work on people with functioning brain cells." Daria finished, her breathy voice a touch more cold than it had been before.

Daria's smile grew as Quinn and Ms. Li both gave her dark looks, the two guys laughed even though they didn't understand what the joke was about, and the red headed girl wearing the ankh simply smiled and gave Daria a respectful nod.

"What's your name?" Daria asked her quietly once Ms. Li's focus shifted back to taking them to their next destination.

"Scarlett LeVey." She answered while one of her hands strayed up and began playing with the ankh.

"I'm Daria Morgendorffer." Daria answered quietly as the group reached a quiet strip of hallway and were brought to an area with an office door that said "M. Manson: Student Guidance Counselor"

Daria took a seat on one of the chairs leaning next to the door, wondering what she would have to put up with next.


Daria and Quinn found themselves being taken in as a pair, since everyone else had gone in as groups of two, they were forced to sit next to each other in front of an older woman wearing a doctor's coat.

However Daria noted that there hadn't been an actual M.D. attached to her name on the office door and within five seconds was convinced that M. Manson was putting on airs.

The 'doctor' held up a Rorschach card of a man and woman talking and asked Quinn to make up a conversation based on the picture.

"But I'm exempt!" Quinn complained, which caused Daria no small amount of amusement.

To her credit, Mrs. Manson manipulated Quinn into doing what she wanted by saying, "Don't worry, you won't be graded."

"Uhm… Ok!" Quinn exclaimed before making up her conversation.

"They're having an argument about how despite having gone steady for a week, he keeps staring at her older sister. The girl is telling him, 'Look buster, just because she's the town tramp doesn't mean that you can eye hump her whenever she's in the damn room. Are you listening to me? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

Quinn roared the last in a rage, having internalized this conversation, and while Mrs. Manson blanched, Daria couldn't hold it in anymore, she laughed at both their expenses.

Manson gave the other girl, the one her file said was Quinn's sister, and clearly the tramp that the younger Morgendorffer had been referring to a cold look and said.

"Ok Quinn, that was… Good. Now Dora."

"It's Daria." She replied, the breathiness vanishing from her voice, clearly annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Daria, now what do you see?"

"Hmm…" Daria said while putting a perfectly manicured red nail to her chin, "A herd of pretty ponies running across an open field."

Manson looked a little worried at this obvious airheadiness and said, "It's isn't ponies, it's two people."

The vampy girl pouted and frowned, "The last time I did this test they said it could be whatever I wanted!"

"That's a different test." Manson explained with her own annoyance obvious even to Quinn.

"Oh," Daria replied in much more breathy tones, "Ok then… It's two people and they're talking about… a herd of pretty ponies running across an open field."

Daria then drank in both Quinn and Manson's discomfort with obvious pleasure, letting one of her pretty nails tap the table top with a pretty tinkle-tinkle pattern.


Jane Lane, she of the red coat, black jeans, combat boots, pierced ears, and the ever present sketch pad glanced a blurry gaze upon the new student who just walked in and did a double take.

"Oh, this must be the new girl that everyone's talking about." Jane realized, the vaguely heard rumors that were already swirling about the new sex kitten reentered her weary brain.

Mr. DeMartino in the meanwhile was clearly planning one of his 'trial's by fire' for the new girl, his right eye bulging out of it's socket, making him look even more demented than before.

"And so class," he said, "we have a new STUdent joining us today. Please welcome Daria Morgendorffer. Daria, raise your HAND, please."

Daria raised one of her hands and gave an embarrassed smile at the rest of the student body, three seconds in and the guys all had the look of having just been hit in the foreheads with hammers, the girls were giving their very best death glares.

With two notable exceptions, an overweight Goth girl who was currently asleep, and an artsy looking type who just looked tired.

The teacher, Mr. DeMartino then gave a very evil laugh and said, "Well since you HAVE your hand UP Daria let me ask you a question, and while it MIght be unFAIR to ask a new STUdent a QUEStion about our PREvious assignments… Let's see what you know."

"Ok!" Daria said in a breathy, perky voice that reminded everyone of the cheerleader Brittany Taylor, who was giving Daria the same death glare that the other girls were.

DeMartino's smile grew even more twisted.

"Ok then Daria," he replied, "Last week we did a unit on westward expansion, so could you tell me what the Doctrine of Manifest Destiny was?"

At that, Daria allowed her own smile to grow and she said in her most breathy of tones, while leaning in a way so her cleavage was a touch more visible.

"Manifest Destiny was the idea that it was God's will that America expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean, regardless of little things like other nations and peoples who already dwelt there."

Daria kept her pretty face frozen in a happy smile as dead, absolute silence filled the room, in one fell swoop she had stunned and amazed and it had only taken a minimum of effort.

She glanced at the teacher who stood like a statue, his plan to humiliate the tart having fallen to pieces and leaving him looking like a complete jerk.

Daria then shrugged her shoulders and walked over to the only empty seat in the room, not bothering to wait for DeMartino to start talking.

Next to her was the artsy girl, and a punk kid in combat boots with a nose chain and blue hair, they and everyone else in the room had turned their heads to look at her like an exhibit at the zoo.

Daria simply smiled and opened her book, wondering when the teacher would snap out of it and resume the class lesson.

"This might be awhile." Daria thought to herself while flipping through her history book, noting that it was very outdated.

And it was, awhile before DeMartino pulled himself together and resumed teaching, or as much as he could considering the other idiots in the room.


The rest of the day went by in a very enjoyable blur for Daria, since word spread that the new 'School Slut' had showed up Mr. DeMartino and revealed a very impressive intellect as well.

Every single teacher that she had encountered that day had tried to put her to the test, and she had had fun toying with every single one of them.

"Oh Ms. Barch, I was just showing Brittany how to dissect her frog, I mean I finished mine a few minutes ago and the poor dear needed help… Unless you wanted Upchuck to help her instead?"

"Mrs. Bennett I don't think you articulated the concept of Keynesian Economics properly, now the key thing to remember about the subject is…"

"Well I have done gymnastics before Coach Morris, but this reminds me more of cheerleading, which I don't do myself…"

On and on it had gone, in each class her reputation as a genius grew even as the popular girls struggled to find a way to bring her down.

The rumors of Daria's alleged sexual escapades and venereal diseases had grown to biblical proportions by the start of lunch.

Daria held court at an empty table that filled in a matter of moments with boys, lots of boys, in fact so many boys that the ones who arrived after the first wave began fighting each other in order to get a shot at sitting at the same table as Daria.

Daria simply sighed and opened up her pretty little white purse and pulled out a whistle and put it to her red lips and blew into it, hard.

The harsh, discordian piercing sound echoed across the entire Cafeteria, bringing everything to a screeching halt, and caused Kevin Thompson to run out of the cafeteria, thinking that football practice had started.

"Fellas," Daria said in a voice that carried very well, and in tones much less breathy than before, "I don't need you all fighting over little, old me. I think to prevent this sort of thing I'll set up a schedule for who can join me and when, sound fair?"

Pretty much every single guy nodded their heads in approval, thinking that it was very fair and that surely they had what it took to win over Daria.

"Just write down your names on some paper and make sure I get them by the end of the day." Daria said with a small grin, "I'll sort things out as I get to know you, and see who can make the cut."

Her smile grew even more when she took note of the glares from the (formerly) popular girls, who now realized that they were effectively sunk.

"And poor little Quinn…" Daria thought to herself with joy, "I wonder how she's taking all of this."

At the first signs of the fight, Quinn had in fact run out of the cafeteria and went to the bathroom to cry her eyes out, again.

Unnoticed by Daria at the moment, Jane Lane had watched the entire episode play out before her like a pay-per-view match and couldn't help but ask herself.

"Ok so she's scary intelligent, I mean hell! She's shown up every single teacher she's come across so far, so why the Superslut act?"


"And so I was offered positions in quite a few clubs and groups and stuff, until Daria showed up and ruined everything!" Quinn complained over her lasagna while giving her sister, Daria a dirty look.

Daria simply ignored her and picked at the salad that she had prepared for herself, preferring to make her own food most of the time than live off of lasagna like the rest of the family.

From the other side of the table, their mother, Helen Morgendorffer asked, "Well Quinn did you join any extracurriculars?"

"Well," Quinn began a bit more quietly, "I did join this group called the Fashion Club and they made me Vice President, since it's for, you know, girls that respect fashion, and themselves."

Quinn had turned her gaze back to Daria as she said the last bit, but Daria continued eating her salad without missing a beat.

"What about you Daria?" Helen asked, hoping to head off another fight that would result in Quinn freaking out again.

"Hmm, what?" Daria said, "Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"Have you joined any activities?"

"Well I was offered membership in, well, quite a few things, but I'm going to keep my options open for the moment, get a feel for the place first."

Daria noted the look of worry and concern in her mother's face and decided to make her feel a bit better by adding, "I'll decide soon enough, don't worry about it."

Her father, Jake Morgendorffer finally bothered to look up from his newspaper and issued a random "That's great!"

Daria couldn't resist a small grin as Helen decided to take out some frustration by snapping at her husband, the dynamics of her family certainly did make for some twisted entertainment.

The conversation then began to turn to a more general discussion about school when the phone rang and Helen got up to answer it.

Daria finished her salad in the meanwhile and took her bowl and silverware to the sink and by the time she sat back down and opened up her dog-eared copy of Nineteen Eighty-Four Helen swept back in the room and asked.

"Did you two girls take a psychological exam today?"

Quinn immediately complained that she had been told that they wouldn't be graded by the Councilor.

Daria just kept her focus on the book, she'd rather deal with a fictional Big Brother than a real one.

"Well sweetie, you two didn't fail but they think that you both have… self-esteem issues and they want you both to take a special class, then they'll test you again."

"I don't have self-esteem issues!" Quinn moaned bitterly, "I have 'slutty sister' issues!"

"Quinn…" Helen said sadly, but she didn't fight her daughter on the issue, especially since Daria was still wearing the same outfit she had worn to school for her first day.

"I don't have self-esteem problems either," Daria said quietly while reading her book.

"That's great kiddo!" Jake issued once more while buried in his newspaper, latching onto the positive words that Daria had said without any understanding of the conversation.

"It's everyone else that has issues with me." Daria said very flatly, almost completely without any emotion whatsoever.

And that killed the conversation at the Morgendorffer dinner table.


Angela Li skimmed the reports, the files from Highland High, Ms. Manson's notes, and the assessments from every single teach on the girl that had caused quite the splash on her very first day.

"She's a freaking genius!" Li breathed as she double checked the grades and came up with the same results, "But the way she acts… Eek!"

The girl, Daria G. Morgendorffer had had some of the best grades in the State of Texas, had tripped up President Clinton during a campaign Q&A, wrote for her school newspaper, even published some articles in the local paper.

But on the flip side, she had a reputation as a heartbreaker, a manipulator, and if half the gossip gathered from the popular girls through the bugs was true, a complete whore!

"Well the Self-esteem classes should sort that out." Ms. Li said to herself with a proud snort, "She clearly is compensating for a complete lack of self-worth, I can't imagine how screwed up her home life must be to produce someone like this."

At least her younger sister, Quinn, was trying to conform, she just needed a boost as well, much easier to sort out.


Quinn had left the house early and well ahead of Daria, knowing by instinct that if she lingered and had to go to school with Daria in tow that something would have happened that would render her miserable.

She was quite correct in this regard as Daria's newest pets, Jamie White, Joey Black, and Jeffy Grey, otherwise called the Three J's had run up to the most beautiful girl they had ever encountered and offered to carry her bags, pencils, or what have you.

Daria was nearly tempted to force the blond one (Jamie) to carry her purse, but thought better of it.

"You can make them useful, with a little training of course." Daria's inner voice whispered to her, dishing out very good advice.

So instead Daria pulled out a packet of gum from said purse and gave it to Jamie to keep an eye on.

Then she had to remind them a couple of times that she didn't like fighting and held up the whistle as a reminder.

"Besides," Daria said in very breathy tones, "There's plenty of me to go around…"

She had all three boys, hook, line, and sinker.

Her arrival at Lawndale High for her second day was indicative of the new tone, the bulk of the girls held up their noses and acted like Daria was scum, the boys swarmed around her like the Queen Bee that she was, which caused no shortage of traffic disruptions in the hallways.

The girls who were attracted to other girls looked at Daria as if she was Heaven sent, but most of them thought it was a vain hope.

"Oh how wrong they are," Daria thought to herself as a black girl in a white shirt didn't even bother to hide her ardent desire and blatantly stared as Daria walked past, "I play for both teams."

Daria asked her suitors which of them were in Ms. Defoe's art class during her hour, then after spending a few minutes sorting out who was tell the truth and who was lying, she got the ones who were to carry her things and headed off to her class.


Daria Morgendorffer was already fond of Ms. Defoe, since she was the only teacher at Lawndale High that hadn't tried to put her to the test, but had instead treated her as if she was any other student.

Granted Daria did have fun in proving that she was good with drawing and painting during yesterday's lesson, that fun hadn't come at the expense of the teacher.

Today's official lesson involved perspective, which Daria demonstrated by drawing the required cube and earned Defoe's praise.

"Impressive Ms. Morgendorffer," the hippie holdover said cheerfully, "You've created a shape that truly bursts from the paper, it's the illusion of depth done correctly!"

"Oh Ms. Defoe," Daria replied in her usual breathy tones, "If I wanted to create illusions of depth I'd go into politics."

This earned her a hearty laugh from the teacher who then glanced at the other occupant of Daria's table, which was a very unusually unhappy cheerleader named Brittany Taylor.

"Maybe you should try again." Ms. Defoe said wearily as she handed Brittany a new pencil and paper.

Daria glanced at Brittany, the pretty, perky, blond cheerleader, and felt bad that someone so happy was so dejected.

"Even if she's a few bulbs short of a Christmas tree." Daria snarked to herself within her mind.

Then the cheerleader noticed that the slutty, but smart girl from her history class was both A) Sitting next to her, and B) had already done the assignment correctly.

"Um… Daria is it?" Brittany asked hesitantly, not sure if she would catch something sitting so close to a girl so… so openly sexual.

"Yes?" Daria replied with her breathily seductive voice.

"Can you help me with this?"

"Sure Brittany, no prob." Daria replied and seemingly joyfully spent the next five minutes creating a little story for Brittany as she did the drawing for her.

"Yea!" Brittany cheered once Daria finished the story, and presented her with the drawing, "You know Daria… I'm having a party in a couple of nights and since, well, you know you helped me and all, would you like to come?"

"Sure Brit." Daria replied kindly, glad that her moment of charity had yielded some results with one of the girls.

Then Brittany clearly had some second thoughts since her demeanor shifted towards less than perky, Daria guessed it was about her… reputation.

"Don't worry Brittany, I won't do any man-stealing, I'm in the mood to party, not cause drama."

"Oh that's good!" Brittany replied while twirling her hair, visibly relieved.

"Though I will need to find a date… Otherwise I think we'll have fights in the halls." Daria thought aloud.

"Just don't steal my Kevy!" Brittany warned her with a wag of her finger.

"I won't," Daria promised sincerely, since she had already seen Kevin Thompson in DeMartino's class and was… "Less than impressed." Was Daria very polite conclusion to that.

Brittany cheered again, and accidently spilt water on her new drawing, ruining it.

Daria just sighed and grabbed some more paper, already thinking of a new story to tell Brittany to distract her.


The rest of the day went by in another fun filled blur, even at lunch a new hierarchy had been established, Daria had picked some random guys from a hat to join her table, though one seat was reserved for a potential friend, Scarlett LeVey.

"How do you put up with all this?" Scarlett asked her quietly once everyone was settled.

"You get used to it." Daria replied with a sweet smile as she eyed the school food with slight disgust.

The J's had joined her, as had a popular rich guy named Skylar Feldman, though he was a bit full of himself, but the guy who got the honor of sitting to Daria's right, since Scarlett was at her left, was a football player named Robert Tavare.

"His memory is very poor, but he's very polite, and it isn't just because he's after the obvious thing." Daria noted to herself about the to-be-determined ethnicity of Robert, who was easily the biggest football player at Lawndale.

There were some other guys present, a couple of them even talked to Scarlett, though it was obvious they were just being polite rather than actually interested in what the weird girl with the ankh had to say.

Several people issued her invites to this and that, but Daria had to wave them away, "I'm stuck in some insipid class after school, they think I have self-esteem issues. Ha!"

All of the guys instantly agreed that Daria didn't have any issues with her self-esteem whatsoever and offered to try and get her out of the class.

"Guys…" She said softly over the clamor, and then was forced to wave the whistle around to get their attention.

"Don't worry," she said very softly and warmly, "If there's a way out early, I'll find it."

That was enough to get all the guys beaming in joy, though Daria suspected that she wouldn't be so happy after her regular classes were over.


The Self-Esteem Class really was as bad as Daria suspected it would be, a half a dozen students were scattered about the room while her 'Language Arts' teacher, the extremely emotional so-called 'New Age' type, Mr. O'Neill prattled pure drivel.

Daria sighed, which coincidentally made her chest heave-ho oh so beautifully, breaking the teacher's concentration.

Quinn did her best to ignore this, having seated herself on the opposite end of the room and towards the back as far as she dared to go.

Daria began to raise a perfectly manicured hand up to ask O'Neill what the hell he was talking about when a voice emerged from behind her.

"Don't bother, he's just reading a prepared speech, he doesn't know this stuff at all."

Daria turned to see who was speaking to her, and discovered it was the artistic girl with whom she shared several classes but had never actually spoken too before.

"How would you know that?" Daria asked out of pure curiosity.

"I've done this six times now." Was the reply.

"Really? Why not just get out of the class then?"

"I like having low self-esteem, it makes me feel special." Jane Lane replied, testing her theory to see if this girl really was on the same wave length as her.

The small, sardonic grin that Daria Morgendorffer gave her was answer enough.


Daria Morgendorffer waited until she was absolutely sure that the two men in suits had left before falling down into a nearby sofa to give an exhausted, nervous laugh.

"Well since they didn't deliver the letter, they can't say that you can be legally evicted within thirty days yet Ms. Lane." Daria said in between laughs.

Jane tried to brush all of this off, but her extreme fear and worry was painfully obvious, "I'll have to dig for my parent's checkbook and do some forging."

"Do it now before you forget." Daria advised, then realizing that this wasn't something you could easily forget.

She began to apologize, but Jane just said, "No it's ok, I'll be right back." Then she moved in a near sprint up the stairs to what Daria presumed was her parents' bedroom.

"I wonder where they are?" Daria thought to herself, feeling like she had just fallen down a rabbit hole and not sure if she'd wind up in Wonderland or not.

Then she heard a sexy, drawling voice begin to sing and play the old Nirvana song, "Come As You Go" from up the stairs.

Daria raised a beautifully maintained eyebrow up and let her legs follow the sounds, the guitar playing was good, the voice beautiful, and she hoped that he could do more than covers.

Whoever he was.

Her legs led her to an open door, which led her to the messiest room she had been in since she had last been in Beavis and Butthead's house in Highland.

And on the bed, playing a beat up Fender guitar, making music issue from worn out strings, was a scrawny but toned sex god with piercings, tattoos, shaggy jet black hair, a soul patch, and big brown eyes.

Daria sucked in a breath, he was beautiful.

When she exhaled and stepped into the room, the scent of her rose perfume filled the room like the manna of heaven, drawing the attention of the guy, who stopped his playing to turn and see who had entered.

His drooping, tired eyes came wide open and he said in an alluring drawl, "Um… Hi."

"Hi back." Daria managed to say back.

The pair then just stood there like deer's in a set of headlights for nearly two minutes before Jane came running down the hallways back towards the living room before her brain registered the sight of Daria's back in Trent's room.

Jane then made a couple of slow steps back and then cleared her throat and nearly laughed at the cartoon panic reactions of the two of them.

"Oh Daria this is my brother Trent, Trent this is Daria Morgendorffer. I met her in O'Neill's Self-Esteem class."

"Oh," Trent replied, "Are they still making you do that?"

"Yeah, it's a total joke, right Daria?" Jane asked while poking an elbow in Daria's very visible side.

"Yeah, it is a total joke…" Daria then trailed off as she tried to think of something cool to say, then she had a brainstorm, "You know if you already know all the coursework, let's just take the stupid test and get out of it before we both lose our minds."

Jane nearly said that they wouldn't be allowed to do it, then she remembered O'Neill's reaction to Daria's breathing, heaving chest.

"Hmm… Not a bad idea Morgendorffer. Not bad at all…"


Daria was a bit late getting back to the Morgendorffer's new home, after her stay at Jane's she had gone to the local mall to pick up a few things, and had spotted Quinn slipping out of Cashman's with even more bags than Daria carried in three months' worth of shopping.

"Hmm… When the credit card bills come at the end of the month remember to have a camera handy." Daria noted to herself at the time, at least she stayed within budget whenever she did her shopping.

"Not that they would appreciate it at the moment." Daria thought to herself with a sigh as the guy… Zachary she thought, pulled up in front of her house.

"Thank you for coming for me," Daria said in very friendly tones, "I wasn't sure how I'd make it home otherwise…"

"No prob…" Zachary began before Daria cut him off with a kiss, which she ensured lasted for a few minutes before breaking it off with a white lie of "I think my parents heard us."

Then once her bags were in hand, Zachary (or whoever) sped away, feeling like a million bucks and under the delusion that he was a step further towards getting in Daria's pants.

Daria quietly stepped in and saw her father at his vigil, which meant he had been watching sports, drinking martinis, and reading a newspaper and had passed out within five minutes on the couch.

"Mom's at work pulling another twelve hour shift apparently." Daria noted since if Helen had been home, she would have woken Jake up at some point to either sleep with him, or go to bed.

Daria didn't bother leaving a note, her father would forget everything in the morning and mother would be distracted by something at work or by her new boss Eric to care.

"And Quinn wouldn't dare call attention to how late I was lest she risk me spilling the beans on her latest shopping trip." Daria thought with glee as she quietly crept up the stairs with her bags and entered her very cool room.

The previous owners had had a scizo shut in for a relative, so the walls were padded, the windows had had bars until her parents had hired people to saw them off.

Daria Gianna Morgendorffer wouldn't let her mother redecorate this room for anything in the world, it was perfect.

Some of things Daria had picked up were to augment her current collection of 'pretties', others were a bit more demure, all of them would look amazing on her.

At this point it didn't really matter what she wore to school, the image she wanted imbedded in people's minds was firmly in place.

"Hell I could dress as a Nun and everyone would still see me as Daria the Sex Goddess." Daria said to herself while pulling out clothes and hanging them up in her closet.

Then she wondered if she should invest in a Sexy Nun's habit for Halloween, then decided to put it off until October rolled around.


At the breakfast table, Daria enjoyed some toast and apple butter while her father and mother sucked down coffee from the pot like a teat, Quinn was eating carrot sticks.

Quinn's mindless chatter served as white noise until Daria heard some actual words relevant to her jump out.

"And I was invited to the party of course, since I'm, you know, one of the popular girls!" Quinn said.

"That wouldn't happen to be Brittany's party would it?" Daria asked sweetly.

"Yeah… why?" Quinn replied, already dreading the answer.

"Because I got an invite from Brittany herself." Daria said even more sweetly.

"WHAT?!" Quinn screamed, causing Jake to spit out his coffee and Helen to jump in shock.

"I was invited by Brittany Taylor to her party Quinn." Daria replied kindly.

"Why that's nice," Helen said while trying to calm herself down, "It's good to see you making friends with the girls Daria."

Quinn immediately tried to pull out all the stops to get Daria kicked out of the party by her parents, but wound up revealing that she was paying Daria to do her homework for her.

"Uh… I have to go, fashion club business!" Quinn said, making up a lie on the fly and then using flight to get out of Dodge.

Daria in the meanwhile just sat very primly and finished her toast and wiped her face with a napkin, just in time to hear a horn sound outside.

"That's my ride, gotta go!" Daria said cheerfully while grabbing her nearby Teddy Bear backpack and moving just as quickly as Quinn before her parents tried to engage in actual parenting.


Daria arrived at Lawndale High in Skylar Feldman's very nice jet black sports car, wearing a very nice looking lime green baby doll dress, matching shoes, a white oversized bracelet, her usual white purse, and her teddy bear backpack slung over a shoulder.

She was wearing more fabric than normal, but still oozed desirability and sex appeal, and still had the boys eating out of her hand, and a plan to get out of Self-Esteem class early.

Life was good.

It got even better when she introduced Scarlett to Jane and within five minutes managed to get both girls to figure out that they and Daria were on the same wave length with some good old fashion snark.

Directed at the creepy guy from Daria's science class who had headed up to them with a, "Hello ladies!"

"Hello Upchuck." Jane replied, clearly wanting him to go away.

Daria took a step back, despite being the object of Charles Ruttheimer III's intentions and made a quick assessment.

"Ok so, he has a sharp mind, ok looks that need improvement, but it's hindered by his very smarmy and sleazy attitude." Daria thought to herself as she watched Jane, Scarlett, and Upchuck engage in verbal sparring.

Daria would have joined in, but they were saved when Ms. Barch rounded a corner and Charles fled in unholy terror.

Lawndale High's resident science teacher and man-hater, Ms. Barch stared at Daria for a long time before departing, clearly struggling to figure out how she should be reacting to her.

"Will she wind up cheering me on, wanting to recruit me as an apprentice, or hate me?" Daria pondered to herself, thinking that it could go any which way and would make for some interesting times in Science Class.

The bell rang and Daria moved with the rest of the herd to her first hour class, pondering how the day would progress.


Mr. O'Neill felt his heart stop when Daria Morgendorffer approached his desk after the end of Self-Esteem Class, he didn't even notice Jane Lane right next to her.

"Uh.. Did you need any… Clarification!" O'Neill stammered, thinking that he could feel Daria's body heat from a foot away between him and her and that damn desk in between them.

"Oh no Mr. O'Neill," Daria replied in her most seductive tones while tapping a lime green nail on the desk in a very pretty pattern, "You see, Jane and myself are feeling very good about ourselves and we'd like to test out early."

She dragged out the word 'very' in such a sultry way that O'Neill felt himself tent up in his pants like a teenager, he was now thanking his lucky stars that the desk was there to hide his shame.

"Uh… sure!" O'Neill stammered and then stammered even more when he read out a test question.

"'Self-esteem is important because..."

"Why because it will stand us in good stead for the rest of our lives." Daria replied in very breathy tones.

O'Neill sucked in a breath and tried to read the second question, he really did try, but Daria had leaned in in just a subtle way to make everything around her chest seem even more… chesty.

"Uh… I think that covers the bases… Yes it does!" O'Neill added emphatically, wanting to head off any questions and fully intending to forge the rest of the answers to look good.

"You sure sugar?" Daria asked sweetly.

"Why yes Ms. Morgendorffer." The teacher answered in a complete flushed rush, why I've never met a student so… so… wonderful… I mean so transformed by my class!

"Jane as well?" Daria asked quietly and indicated towards her friend who simply waved like an idiot behind a news reporter on TV.

"What about her…" O'Neill began before seeing the look of annoyance on Daria's face and then flipped to, "Sure no problem! She passed too!"

"Great sugar plum!" Daria replied, really turning on the charm, then she put her index and middle fingers together, kissed them and then pressed them on O'Neill's forehead.

"Something to remember me by sugar-pie!" Daria said in very sultry tones before strolling out of the class with her hips rolling in a very inviting way.

O'Neill then realized that he'd need a change of underwear, but that came much later, after about ten minutes of staring at the door where Daria had left with Jane in tow.

"What a wonderful girl…" O'Neill said to himself, fully intending to never wash his forehead ever again.


After getting out of Self-Esteem Class for what would hopefully be the last time, Daria and Jane headed on off to their next adventure, which involved calling Scarlett from a payphone, then giving her the address to Daria's house.

It only took about half-an hour to for Scarlett to arrive, just in time for the start of Sick Sad World.

"Nice digs," Scarlett said while taking in the very nice upper-middle class living space of the Morgendorffers.

"Meh, it's better than the old house in Highland." Daria said dismissively just before Jane shushed her, the episode was playing.

While Sick Sad World did an expose on the dangers that lurked for those who conduct affairs with multiple members of an inbred Royal Family, Scarlett, Jane, and Daria munched on popcorn.

"They clearly don't get it," Scarlett commented in between salty greasy goodness, "You'd have to be basically without any senses whatsoever to sleep with all those… ugh!"

Daria felt a small half-smile form on her face, and added, "I wonder where you'd find someone like that?"

"Anyone that lives in Scottsdale Arizona? Because to live there you'd have to lack the ability to feel, anything at all." Jane replied with her own ironic grin.

The show then cut to commercial, which allowed Jane and Scarlett to quiz each other a bit on their personal lives, Daria already had some inking of each of them from talking to them separately over the last couple of days.

But never the less, Scarlett learned that Jane lived with her brother Trent in a big house nicknamed 'Casa Lane' and had basically raised each other while her parents worked, all over the world, to make ends meet as 'Starving Artists'.

Jane mentioned having older siblings, but it was clear that she didn't like them, or talking about them for that matter.

Scarlett's background was a tad less severe, her parents had died when she was young, leaving her to live with her Aunt in a small apartment, they had moved from St. Paul when her Aunt got a better job offer.

Her only companion there besides her last blood relative was a pet mouse she had gotten a month ago.

"I named him Roger." Scarlett added.

"Why Roger?" Daria asked out of curiosity.

"Why not?" was Scarlett's cryptic answer.

Then Scarlett switched gears by asking for a blow-by-blow account of what happened after Self-Esteem Class, knowing full well that Daria and Jane had cooked up a plan.

Within a matter of seconds, all three girls were enjoying a hearty laugh at how easily O'Neill had become putty in Daria's hands.

"And then, just to put a cherry on top, I kissed my fingertips like so," Daria then repeated her actions from earlier, "And put them on his forehead like… this!"

Then she quickly tapped Jane's forehead and snapped right back, which had Scarlett laughing even harder at the look of shock on Jane Lane's face.

Jane then shook her head a bit and joined in the laughter and added, "Yeah, after that it looked like O'Neill was going to be out for the count, so we left, and thus ends our need to treat our Self-Esteem."

"Hey that rhymed!" Daria noted with an even bigger grin, then her merriment began to sink as she heard the front door open and her mother, Helen Morgendorffer walked in several hours earlier than normal.

"Dari-a!" Helen called out looking up the stairs, expecting her daughter to no doubt be in her room, hopefully by herself and not with someone… It didn't bear thinking about.

"I'm over here." Daria said flatly from the living room, startling Helen who then stared at what she was seeing and not quiet believing it.

"Daria… With two girls… snacking and watching TV… oh. my. GOD! She's made friends!" Helen's brain squealed at her.

But the hard as nail's lawyer in Helen managed to pull her out of the tailspin and back on terra firma, "Congratulations Daria, you've made some friends! And special congratulations are in order for graduating your Self-Esteem Class early."

"How'd you know…?" Daria began to ask before her mother told her that O'Neill had called her at the office in order to tell her about it.

"And he said that you'll be getting your certificate during a special addition to the Student Assembly tomorrow."

"What?!" Daria said in total shock, her eyes doing the raccoon-thing behind her heart-shaped glasses.

"And he asked that you wear something more… formal for at least the ceremony." Helen added, avoiding a sniff since her eldest daughter was at least wearing something with more material than normal.

"So I'm going to take you to Cashman's to pick up something fetching, what do you say?"

Then when she noticed Daria hesitating, she threw in a sweetner, she threatened (very politely) to send her there with Quinn.

"Ok then, Check and mate." Daria replied flatly, "Uh I'm sorry guys but duty calls."

"Gotcha amiga." Jane replied, while having taken in the entire show from a semi-objective point of view.

"We'll meet at school tomorrow then." Scarlett added hopefully.

Daria nodded at that and showed her mother that she could be very courteous and showed her friends out.

Then prepared herself for a round of torture at Cashman's.


By some twist of fate, Daria had spotted inspiration early once she and her mother had arrived, but was forced to play a little game of cat and mouse, dressing up in different outfits for her mother to critique until she reached the one that would work for her half-baked plan.

Daria stepped out of the dressing room wearing a very nice white blouse, long black dress pants, black high heels, and had a couple of gold bracelets on her right wrist.

"What do you think?" Daria asked in oh so hesitant and yet hopeful tones.

"I love it Daria." Helen replied, feeling weak in the knees at seeing her normally trampy daughter look so…

"Elegant." Was Helen's thought on the matter.

"Ok then, I'll take it." Daria replied with a happy smile, "Just let me change real quick."

She slipped into the dressing room and was out in a matter of minutes, the clothes were paid for and the mother/daughter duo were out of Cashman's in minutes.

As they walked out of the mall, Daria wondered who would find the clothes she had worn to please her mother left in a pile in the room.

"Poor Helen forgot my little rule," Daria thought to herself in a mocking sing-song tone, "I always go a size smaller, it makes me look slimmer… And with some tweaks no one will see what's coming."

"Until it's too late."


The next day, Daria arrived in one of her usual outfits, but had one of the J's (Jeffy) carry a dress bag for her and made a quick beeline for Mr. O'Neill's and asked him if he'd keep an eye on her clothes for the assembly.

"I do want to look my best after all." Daria told him sweetly, while her tiny baby blue belly shirt, even smaller jeans, and pretty pink tennis shoes made her seem the sweetest dream.

O'Neill squeaked a small "Sure!" and gave thankful prayers for sturdy desks that can hide things, like a teacher's thing for instance.

Then she just relaxed and tried to enjoy her time in school, which mean snarking about her fellow students with Jane and Scarlett, talking to the boy's, laughing at the latest rumors about her, and having to answer the teacher's questions when none of the other's students could.

Which was happening with shocking regularity.

After the fifth time that Mr. DeMartino asked Kevin or Brittany a question and wound up screaming and asking Daria instead, she was sorely tempted to just tell him point blank to direct all questions to her to save everyone the hassle.

"Nah amiga," Jane replied once Daria told her about it after class, "Let the masochistic have his fun, besides if no one asked Brittany and Kevin anything, we couldn't make fun of them behind their backs."

"Hell we could do it to their faces, it wouldn't make a difference." Scarlett added, bringing much joy to Daria and Jane's lives.

But sadly the assembly was coming up prior to lunch, which did have the advantage of cutting Economics short, it spared Daria the migraine of trying to follow Ms. Bennett's drawings compared to the words coming out of her mouth.


It had taken Daria only a few minutes to change, but it had been enough of a delay to avoid being seen by Ms. Li prior to the start of the Student Assembly, she wanted this to be a surprise, for everyone.

While Ms. Li prattled on about a bake sale, Daria and Jane sat in between the football coach and Mr. O'Neill, both of whom were doing their best to stare at Daria through the corners of their eyes.

The rest of the student body didn't have to do that from their positions, they had a bird's eye view of the stage, their focuses riveted upon the Angel in their midst.

Daria Morgendorffer sat in a relaxed, casual position, only shifting to whisper something to her friend (and who was she everyone now wondered), she was wearing the latest in evening casual wear from Cashman's, a very nice white blouse that was fitted to show off all her curves without looking salacious, black dress pants that hugged her legs to the point that they almost looked painted on, golden bracelets shinned in the stage lights upon her wrist and her black high heels completed this perfect dream of a look.

Ms. Li wrapped up her speech with the threats of DNA tests and turned around and the mic picked up the sound of her sucking in a breath when she saw Daria.

"Wow!" Angela Li breathed out before making a space so that Jane Lane could make her speech, all her previous thoughts and worries gone.

"I still wish I had had time to grill them before this." Ms. Li thought, still regretting being delayed by all the paperwork involved in getting Biometric scans for the staff toilets.

Jane then did what she and Daria had come up with in Homeroom, she fake a panic attack midway through her speech and ran off the stage, O'Neill ran after her, for reasons known only to wimpy New Age touchy feely types.

Daria then strode the stage like a catwalk, and took to the mic, suppressed her nerves as best she could, and plunged in, using her best breathy happy voice.

"I would like to say that getting over a sense of low self-worth doesn't happen alone… Even though I myself have to confess to something very small, just a teeny tiny thing."

"I never had low self-esteem."

She had everyone's attention now, and not just on her beautiful looks or charms.

"I just have low esteem for anyone who doesn't like me for who I am," Daria then formed a small smile on her lips, "A smart, beautiful, multifaceted, young woman, trying to survive the rigors of High School as best she can."

"But I would like to thank those in my life who do understand me, all my friends and family, and the supportive and wonderful staff at Lawndale High, you're the best! "

"And to my little sister Quinn," Daria added sweetly, causing Quinn who was sitting in the audience with the Fashion Club to freeze dead in her tracks.

"Even though you're still in the Esteem Class, I promise to help you actualize your potential, and find a sense of self-worth!"

And after Daria finished humiliating her sister and using all of O'Neill's buzzwords that she could stand. She concluded the speech with thanks and got a standing ovation from all the boys and a few of the girls.

Daria caught sight of Quinn in the crowd, sitting perfectly still with the Fashion Club circling in, no doubt hissing things to her, the look on Quinn's face was absolutely priceless.

"Payback is a bitch isn't it Quinn?" Daria thought to herself, having taken yet another pound of flesh for herself, and that little girl in the nerdy glasses of yesteryear who had endured nearly 13 years of being ignored, pushed aside, and always told to be 'more like Quinn'.

"But I'm not Quinn," Daria had told herself on many occasions, and then when she hit puberty she figured something out that had transformed her life.

"I'm not Quinn, I'm better than Quinn." Daria had told herself once she had truly seen what was emerging forth during her thirteenth year of life.

This was Daria's mantra as she strode off stage, owning every single inch of the wood beneath her feet, already thinking of plans for Brittany's party later that night.


Meanwhile, out in the departing crowd, a dating couple of African-American students, one a boy who was the Captain of the football team, muscular, with dreadlocks, and handsome features named Mack Mackenzie.

The other a stylishly, yet conservatively dressed girl with beautiful hair, a studious nature, and incredible beauty named Jodie Landon.

Both of them had been moved by what they had just seen, they had seen Daria around the school and heard the rumors, some crazy, some scandalous, even ones about her being a genius.

They hadn't trusted the last, keeping their distance from the latest Queen Bee to stride Lawndale, but after this…

Their mutual thoughts were of "Wow!" and then both Mack and Jodie noticed that the other one was also stunned by what they had just seen.

"I heard she was smart, but I didn't believe it." Mack managed to spill out.

"Yeah I know," Jodie replied, doing her best to hide the butterflies in her stomach.

"We should talk to her, you know get to know someone like that better before, you know… Idiots consume her." Mack said, also trying to hide the butterflies in his stomach.

"Sure!" Jodie said, and then worried that it was too enthusiastic, but Mack wasn't paying attention to that.

For which she was very thankful.


Unlike Quinn, who had spent the last three days fretting over what she was going to wear, Daria had already picked up what she wanted at the mall and set it aside for this particular evening.

Her choice was a black satin backless halter top, very low cut blue jeans with fashionable fraying and a hole in the knee, and nice black flats since she fully expected to wind up dancing, the only accessory other than her purse was a simple silver chain.

Daria then glanced at the clock and headed on downstairs to wait for her ride, which she had scheduled to arrive just about…

"Now." Daria thought to herself, but sadly she didn't hear anything and sighed, then a horn sounded outside.

"Late by a couple seconds, but not too shabby." She said to herself before strolling out of the house with her best foot forward, her ride for the evening was with Trent and Jane, and they had picked up Scarlett at her apartment complex.

"Hey Daria." Trent drawled in his oh so sexy voice.

"Hi." Daria replied, trying to keep her voice oh so breathy and hide her nerves and didn't quite pull it off.

"Hey Daria hop in!" Jane called from the passenger side seat, and Daria swallowed a sigh and had the rare experience of riding in the back of a car not driven by her parents.

It was a bummer that she wasn't up there with Trent, but she could talk to Scarlett.

"So how exactly are you getting us into this party?" Scarlett asked out of curiosity, having never crashed a party before in her life, or gone to one for that matter.

Daria just grinned and replied, "Leave that to me."

Up in the front, Jane Lane heard that and silently snickered, "Oh poor rent-a-cops of Crew Neck, you don't know what's comin around!"

She then realized that if she ever breathed that sentence to Trent that he would probably think it was a great lyric and then sing it for hours on end.

"Ok, that's something for the memoryhole." Jane noted, fully intending not to encourage her brother in any way that resulted in her having to listen to him 'practice'.


"Thanks sugar!" Daria said sweetly, her magic only taking about three minutes to win over the gate guard so she and her two uninvited friends could go their merry way to Brittany's house.

Daria rang the bell and lo and behold a few moments later the hostess of the evening, Brittany Taylor opened the door, oddly enough still wearing her cheerleading uniform.

"Hi Daria!" Brittany said in her sweetest, perkiest tones, "You brought friends?"

"Yes I did." Daria replied kindly, already having learned that the easiest way to talk to Brittany was to treat her as an overgrown child.

"Great!" Brittany cheered, clearly so hyped up on her successful party that she didn't noticed that Daria's friends were normally viewed as extremely unpopular.

Daria strode through the open door as if she owned the place, it only took a few moments for her rose scented perfume to start filling the room, causing people's heads to turn.

"Hi!" Daria said very sweetly, and though only some nearby people were able to hear her due to the music, she managed to make an impact as word quickly spread of who had just shown up!

"I guess Quinn didn't warn them after all." Daria noted to herself, not particularly caring why her nitwit of a sister would do such a thing.

It only took a few moments for the unattached guys to start swarming, and some of those who had come with dates as well.

Daria just smiled, and picked the red-headed J (Jeffy) and asked the other two J's to dance with Scarlett and Jane for a little bit.

Then she did her obligatory dancing with Jeffy for a bit, revealing a real talent for cutting a rug, and making those so-called 'popular girls' even more jealous, and putting yet another nail into their collective coffins.

Especially Quinn, who had followed Sandi, Tiffany, and a blond girl named Tori Jericho to the back of the party to try and create even more vicious and cruel rumors about Daria than they already had.

It was a tall order, but Tori was rising to the occasion with stories about failed abortions, syphilis, and a corker about how Daria's butt fell inside out once and a doctor had to shove it back in with a pencil.

Unfortunately, no one other than the others in their group was paying them any real mind, the guys were either all over Daria, fantasizing that their girlfriends were Daria, and their girlfriends were either glaring at Daria, fantasizing about Daria, or taking notes on how to be more like her.

But eventually Daria feigned tiredness and sent Jeffy to go fetch her some soda and snacks, Jamie and Joey followed his lead, eager to please.

"I have to admit that Joey is kinda nice, for someone so dim." Scarlett said kindly while she, Jane, and Daria found a couch to lounge on, chatting about the J's.

"Emphasis on the word 'dim' I take it?" Jane snarked, causing the three girls to snicker.

"I wonder what the latest scope is?" Daria wondered even though she clearly didn't care.

"Probably the story about you and the zoo lions or something." Scarlett noted with a snicker.

Daria just grinned, and then grinned wider when she noticed a scrawny boy with red hair heading towards them.

"Let's see what Upchuck is made of." Daria thought to herself, pulling a plan out of her ass and wondering if it would work.

"Hello Ladies…" Charles Ruttheimer III said in his sleaziest tones.

"Hello Charlie." Daria replied quietly, using a variation on Upchuck's name that she hadn't heard anyone else use.

"And a special hello to you Madame." Upchuck replied brightly and pronounced the 'Madame' with a faux French Accent. Being called 'Charlie' by a girl with a breathy voice was clearly getting to him.

"But who are your luscious friends I wonder?" Upchuck pondered while also taking in the sight of Jane Lane (whom he already knew) and a red headed girl in dark baggy clothes wearing an ankh that he had seen before but didn't know.

"Scarlett LeVey." Scarlett said neutrally, not sure how to react to the creepy nerd.

"Tiffany Duke." Jane replied with a cold bite.

Upchuck just responded with a sleazy, "Feisty!"

Daria gave him a grin that seemed slightly dark on a pretty face like hers, and for some reason unknown to science it caused Upchuck's hormones to race through his bloodstream even faster than before.

"Would you luscious ladies like a grand tour of this atrociously designed house? It's on me."

Daria began to think of a response but was interrupted by the arrival of Jeffy, who gave Upchuck the cold shoulder and presented Daria with a snack bowl and four different sodas.

"Since I didn't know what you would like." He replied like a happy puppy wanting to be acknowledged as the best.

Daria thanked him and said to Upchuck, "Maybe later, want to join us for food, it's on the J's." She said the last as she noticed the arrival of Joey and Jamie with more food they had snagged from the snack table.

"If you insist Madame." Upchuck replied, visibly pleased that a girl of any sort was letting him join her group.

Even for something innocent like a snack, which in his very hopeful mind could be the start of something more… Feisty!

Daria noticed some of the popular girls gawking at what they had overheard and gave them her warmest smile and batted her eyelashes, pleased that she had just blown their minds.


Much to their amazement, Jane, Scarlett, and the Three J's discovered that, once you got passed the sleaze factor, Upchuck… Charlie was actually a lot of fun to talk to.

He poked fun at the countless stuffed animal heads strung around the house and the so called 'stylish' décor, and did a running commentary on the antics of the other party guests.

"And that one girl over there, Tara, thought that nose job would make her more popular, turns out if you get a bad nose job it ruins you… And she used to be so ravishing."

Charles sighed at that, she had been adorable before, but alas she had fallen into the hands of some quack doctor.

"It's interesting to me that so-called 'popularity' isn't really about being well-liked, it's about having the cash to buy the things that make people think you're popular, even if everyone actually thinks you're a jerk."

That last caused the J's brains to actually process information, granted they all groaned about their heads hurting, but as Daria explained, "That's just because you don't use your minds a whole lot."

She then smiled and took the sting out of her words by continuing with, "The mind is kind of like a muscle, if you don't use it, then it atrophies." She then had to simplify the word atrophy to 'shrink'.

It caused Jamie to panic, thinking that his brain was turning into a grape, but Daria told him it was a metaphor, then she had to explain what a metaphor was.

She sighed after that and made the excuse of going to the bathroom and slipped away, but when she reached it there was an impressive line and an Asian girl in a blue dress, Tiffany Blum-Deckler, was pounding on the door, yelling, "Quinn… We… Need… To… Pee!"

Daria couldn't resist a small grin at the impressive spectacle before her, and decided that the best solution would be a dose of humiliation.

So she strolled over to the popular girl Tiffany and said in tones loud enough to carry across the room, and into the locked bathroom, "Hello Tiffany, I assume that Quinn is in there taking her sweet time right?"

Tiffany began to respond and several girls in line began making catty remarks, but Daria just kept going with, "Well I guess this is a perfect time to tell you the story about the time when we Morgendorffers were on a road trip to Utah and we were stuck in traffic for over four hours and Quinn really needed to use the bathroom."

Daria thought she heard a small gasp in the bathroom and her face twisted into an evil grin, "So after about three hours of her incessant whining, Mom handed her a plastic cup and told her to use it so Quinn began to unzip…"

At that point the bathroom door flew open and Quinn Morgendorffer rushed out, her face beet red, screaming incoherently.

Daria just grinned as her sister fled the scene, no doubt looking for another shady spot to sulk in, she simply turned to the other girls in line and gave them all a formal bow and strolled away, enjoying the looks of awe and shock on all their faces.

Daria then began to wonder where she should go, since the bathroom line would take a while to filter out, the J's clearly needed tutoring but she didn't feel like doing it tonight, and without her new friends at her side she felt out of sorts.

After a minute of wandering, she found herself in a quiet part of the Taylor's house, so she picked a random door and opened it, and found herself in an empty laundry room, the quiet was kind of nice so she sunk down onto the tiles, leaning on the washing machine and just allowed herself to decompress.

Daria lost track of time, though only a few minutes past by until the door suddenly opened and two black students she hadn't really spoken too before managed to get through the doorframe while kissing furiously.

Then they noticed they weren't alone.

"Oh sorry," Daria said apologetically, "I didn't realize this room would be taken…"

Mack laughed and replied, "Well this is the official make out room, were you waiting for someone?"

Daria laughed at that and replied, "No, I was just looking for some place quiet, get away from it all."

Mack just nodded and said that he could see that, Jodie however stood still, drinking in the sight of the extremely beautiful girl, and feeling her knees weaken and her bosom shake a little.

A strange tension filled the air, like the crackle of thunder before a powerful lightning strike, Mack and Jodie sank down to Daria's level, and while Daria tried to excuse herself, both of them immediately asked her to stay, then they both realized that the other had also said that as well.

At that point Daria noticed something truly interesting, "They're both interested in me." She thought and was momentarily floored by that revelation.

To try and break the ice, Daria opened the floor with the general questions asking who they were, what they were about, and answering their questions in turn.

Daria learned that Mack and Jodie had been an item for a while, viewing their relationship as both enjoyable and 'easy', though when Daria tried to press them on what easy meant they both gave very vague statements which failed to answer the question.

Mack was the captain of the football team, and if his ability to hold his own was any indication, a cut above the usual idiots that made up the Lawndale Lions.

Jodie Landon on the other hand, viewed herself as a 'model minority', which is the role she was assigned to by her parents, the quintessential overachiever, she was the head of most of the extracurricular activities at Lawndale, and spent quite a bit of time doing charity work, and getting good grades all in the name of a plan devised by her parents to get into a good school.

They learned quite a bit about Daria, a tad more than she had initially intended in fact, that she was the eldest of two siblings, that her parents were barely there workaholics, her mother a junior associate for a powerful law firm, her father a freelance private consultant, and her sister Quinn the very picture of the average teenage girl.

"A vapid, self-absorbed moron whose only thoughts involve color coordination and who can get her a table at the most expensive restaurant in town." Daria finished with a much colder snap than she had at describing her parents.

Jodie ventured to ask while drawing herself a bit closer, "Why do you not like your sister so much?"

"It's… complicated." Daria answered softly, "And a long story."

Mack grew himself a bit closer to Daria and Jodie as well and added, "You can tell us, I wouldn't spread it around and Jodie wouldn't either."

Jodie nodded very enthusiastically at that, Daria gave them both a small sad smile and replied, "Maybe some other time."

Daria then inched herself closer to the couple as well, and only then noticed that they were all within a few inches of each other, the air so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife.

"Instead I think I should ask… Are you two, interested in me?"

It was now all out on the table.

Mack and Jodie made some initial denial sounds while glancing at each other, then the pair realized what they were both doing.

There was a moment of silence, and then they both laughed.

"Wow." Mack managed to say after pulling himself together, "I didn't realize that you were… I mean I knew I was interested but wow Jodie, I didn't see this coming."

Jodie felt flushed but her face had a very large grin, "Well this is a first for me, I mean, I've been dating you for so long, and yes I'm completely yours Mack, but… I think Daria is… Hot."

The girl in question, Daria, just took this in stride and made a sound to get their attention, and got to laugh in turn at the raccoon eyes that they both made when Mack and Jodie realized that Daria was still in the room.

"Well, just so we are all on the same page here, I'm into both guys and girls."

Daria then leaned in a little closer to the two of them and, much more bashfully admitted, "Far from what you would expect, I haven't been with many people, and I've never done what… I think we're about to do."

Mack almost asked the dumb question, but managed to stop himself from asking it at the last possible second.

At this point the three of them were so close together you could barely squeeze molecules in between them, the heat was palpable.

Words began to fail them, their faces began to lean in towards one another, and just when Jodie and Mack's lips began to come into contact with Daria's, the door slammed open, bringing everything crashing to a halt.

"Woah!" Brittany Taylor exclaimed in her squeaky voice

"Hey, Awesome Mack Daddy!" Kevin Thompson said in total awe.

Daria, Mack, and Jodie snapped their faces forward and saw Kevin and Brittany, the stereotypical QB and Head Cheerleader couple at Lawndale in rumpled clothes, their faces wet with saliva, having come in to do their usual routine, and seeing the unexpected sight that had been unfolding in the make out room instead.

"Do you mind?!" Mack snapped at Kevin, and then added, "And stop calling me that!"

"Uhm… We should go Kevy." Brittany said in a much more embarrassed squeak, "Let's find another bedroom since mine's taken by Les and Tori."

"Cool!" Kevin said while Brittany turned and began leading him out, but he managed to glance back at Mack Daddy with his girlfriend and the hottest slut in school and gave him a big grin and a thumbs up before departing.

"Well that killed the mood." Jodie said bitterly while smoothing out her blouse.

Mack just sighed, trying to swallow his anger at how Kevin managed to bungle everything without even trying.

Daria just chuckled and added, "Yeah… Maybe later, and not in Brittany's laundry room."

This gave Mack hope for the future, Jodie on the other hand was now starting to feel confused about the whole situation.

"We should get out of here," Jodie said simply, "Before the gossip mill spins and more people come here to gawk."

Mack just sighed at that and got up and did the gentlemanly thing and helped both ladies up off the floor and gave Daria a polite goodbye before leaving with his girlfriend.

Daria stood for a moment in the middle of the room, and was only able to articulate a single response to the entire twisted situation.

"Dammit!"


Once Daria managed to find her way through the Taylor's twisted and macabre hallways, the animal heads looked almost menacing when distorted by night's shadows.

The first steps she took back into the center of Brittany's party was enough to confirm that the word of her near exploits in the make out room when she heard the distinct buzzing sound of gossips going into overdrive when the object of their gossiping strolls into the room.

"Ohmigod! Its her!"

"Like she was totally busted mackin on Mack and Jodie, they were like, totally doing it!"

"Mack Daddy is a GOD!" (this was Kevin)

"Daria was like, totally, lezboing out on Jodie, but she's got all the guys all over her, wazup with that?!"

These were the tidbits that Daria managed to pick up just before she came within the speaker's line of sight and they shut their mouths, but their eyes clearly conveyed their feelings on the matter.

Some were in awe, others lust, some disgust, a few seemed curious, but they call contained some level of judgment in them.

"Wow, these idiots really think I care about their opinions." Daria thought as she strolled on bye at her usual pace, as if nothing had happened at all.

But it didn't take long for her main court to find her.

"Daria!" Jane almost shouted as she rushed up to her friend with Scarlett in tow, the J's and Charles trailing behind them, confusion and questioning looks dominated all their faces.

"Hey Janie, what's up?" Daria asked in her usual breathy voice, giving no indication that anything unusual was occurring.

Jane hesitated, not sure how to bring it up, the J's and Charles were shuffling their feet, it was left to Scarlett to speak up.

"Uh Daria," Scarlett began hesitantly, "Everyone's been talking and… Well…"

Daria just smiled and said, not giving a crap who overheard her, "Oh, I suppose the little birds are a twitter, so I'll set the record straight."

"I went to find a quiet room to relax in, but then Mack and Jodie came in and told me what Brittany's laundry room was being used for."

Daria then laughed at that and continued with, "But they sat down with me and we just… Started talking and somewhere along the line we all got close and comfortable, and then we three started to kiss."

Daria then dropped the hammer, "But then Brittany and Kevin barged in, and managed to kill the damn mood!"

She then stomped a foot on the ground in disgust, "The bastards!"

"Daria," Jane began to ask, "So are you like…"

"I'm Bi." Daria stated casually, as if it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Cool!" Jamie breathed from the background, now even more in love with Daria than before, his jealously towards Mack completely forgotten by that simply revelation.

Not to be outdone, the other two J's also enthusiastically gave Daria their unconditional support and Upchuck said, "Feisty!"

Scarlett just smiled and said, "Neat, so now what next? Should we all get out of here and get some burgers or something?"

"Sounds good." Daria replied, "This place does put a person in the mood for animal flesh."

"I have a car," Charles said while coming towards the foreground, "I'll drive us there, though it will be a tight fit…"

"Well I don't think the J's will mind if they have a couple of girls sitting on their laps in the back, right Jane?" Daria asked the last while looking at her raven haired friend who had gone oddly silent.

"Uh sure, no problems here!" Jane replied, trying to shake herself out of her stupor, feeling oddly flush for some reason.

Scarlett just shrugged her shoulders, having discovered that Upchuck could be charming, if he dropped the slimeball act.

"You lead Charlie." Daria said to the nerd who beamed like a guy who won a million bucks, not even caring that he would be sharing company with the J's.

"They're not bad guys to hang around with," Charles Rutheimmer thought to himself, "Granted I'll be the one to win over this, Goddess, but… I think I can make them my friends."

And the thought of having actual friends to pal around with was nearly as good as fantasies of Daria Morgendorffer who had managed to prove herself to be more than just a pretty face.

"She truly is the Queen of Feisty!" Charles thought to himself as he took pride of place and lead the group out of the Taylor's palace of tacky and towards his car, "I think… I'm in love!"


Daria Morgendorffer woke up the next day feeling pretty good, the party had been a success, she had made Quinn miserable, met some interesting people, came out as Bi, and afterwards went to Cluster Burger for greasy food and got back home at a semi-reasonable time so her parents couldn't bitch.

Life was good.

But after changing into her usual clothes and perfume, and going downstairs she heard the sounds of hushing whispering and instantly smelled a rat.

The instant she entered the kitchen Daria got a sinking feeling in her stomach as she saw her parents snap their heads towards her with looks of shocked outrage, and Quinn was happy as a clam.

"I will get you for this you cunt!" Daria thought to herself as her mother began yelling at her, demanding an explanation of all the things she had heard from sources about her being involved in a crazy orgy at a party.

Daria simply gave a mental sigh and began to get to work to salvage the situation as best she could, all the while thinking of horrible things to do to Quinn.


Jodie Landon sat quietly at her desk in the room set aside for the Lawndale Lowdown, the school's paper, this was the first quiet she had had all day.

"Those gossipy bitches!" Jodie's inner voice sneered once more, "Don't they have more interesting things to talk about, like their eyeliner or something?!"

Sadly no, so they chattered about the now legendary (assumed) threesome she had had with Daria and Mack, even though in truth they hadn't even been able to share one, stinking, heat inducing, kiss…

Mack of course got the best end of the deal, he was now the big man on campus, his new nicknames ranged from 'Mack Attack', 'Mack Dynamite', to 'Mack the Rock', and everything in between.

Daria of all people had managed to get some good out this as well, now she had girls and guys all over her, the popular girls had spent the day ripping out their hair and gnashing their teeth at that.

Jodie on the other hand… Had had the joys of hearing everyone whisper about the good girl who it turned out was some sort of scarlet woman.

Jodie sighed while she looked at her work for the day in vain and caught the scent of Rose scented perfume.

She looked up and got to watch Daria stride into the room, causing everyone's heads to turn in perfect synch as she strolled her strolling walk towards the editors' desk (Jodie's) and said something.

"I'm sorry what?" Jodie asked, not having heard a word of what Daria had been saying.

"I said I want to sign up for the Newspaper," Daria repeated in her pretty voice, "You know as a writer for an extracurricular."

"Oh… Sure of course!" Jodie said much too quickly, causing people to snicker and she felt a fierce blush take over her face and her insides cringe with embarrassment.

Daria just smiled and replied, "Cool thanks Jodie, I won't disappoint you."

That was enough for Jodie to forget her embarrassment since everything was now completely right in the world and nothing bad would ever happen again since this Goddess was in the room.

The feeling would only fade after several hours and Jodie was in her bedroom, trying to get some sleep, and the strange mixture of confusion and desire filled her belly at the thought of Daria.

"Why does she have this effect on me?" Jodie asked herself for the millionth time, not sure of the answer.


At that particular moment, Daria was asleep in her own bed, snug as a bug, and still kinda pissed that she had been forced to sign up for an actual school activity, but she had needed something to assuage her mother's concerns about her excess of free time.

Plus it had been really funny to see Quinn's face once she remembered who was the Editor of the School Paper, and was unable to say anything to her parents at all about it.

Since she had been in the halls of Lawndale High and Daria had just left the damn newsroom.

"But it's not enough," Daria still thought, "I suffered for thirteen years, Quinn's only dealt with misery for a couple years now."

"She hasn't suffered enough yet, not by a long shot!"

The End

Notes: Some lines from 'Esteemers' and 'The Invitation'.