So, none of this is real. I am a sick pervert. This is called enjoyment. Originally wrote this on Tumblr, but I thought it's be nice to put this train wreck here too. How many fetishes can a person fit into one fic?
Phil and Dan had never really delved into the kinky side of their relationship. They were happy just the way they were. But Dan did think they could try to make their sex life a little less vanilla. He didn't think that Phil would be into handcuffs or leather whips, but Dan also had no idea what Phil might actually like. So Dan decided to look up a list of kinks and work his way down; Phil would have to, at least, enjoy one of them.
The first fetish on the list was Acomocliticism- the fetish of a partner having hairless genitals. Dan didn't think that that would be hard to achieve, he had never been too hairy in the first place. The next morning Dan sat in the bath with a razor and a bottle of shaving cream. Okay, actually, this was a little scarier than Dan would've thought. He's shaving his most valuable asset. What if he nicked one of his balls and it fell out? But that didn't matter, Dan was doing this for Phil.
After managing to only nick himself once on his thigh, Dan left the bathroom to find Phil lying on their bed. He would have to avoid sexual contact with his boyfriend until tonight; he wanted his smooth crotch region to be a surprise. Phil had woken soon later and the rest of the day went along as normal... they did absolutely nothing. As they were getting ready to lie down for the night, Dan took off his jeans and revealed his genitals to Phil.
Phil looked at them as if they were a hairless cat. He petted them and cooed at them.. and not in a sexual way. Fuck. Dan would have to move on to Fetish B. Altocalciphilia- being aroused by high heels. But he guessed he could do two in one. Gynemimetophilia- the fetish of being aroused by a male impersonating a female.
For the past few years Dan had dressed up as a woman numerous times, for videos only of course. Though usually he just drew fake boobs on his chest and stuffed his shirt with socks. But today he had to go all out; Dan had to go to the dreaded Walmart. It turns out that picking out woman's clothes was a little more difficult than he had originally intended. Would you want to explain to a changing room attendant why you wanted to try on a bra?
4 hours of Walmart later... Dan had picked out a pair of black, pointy high heels, a bra, cotton padding,a large supply of makeup, a knee length pink skirt, and a purple wrap thing to go around his top half. Once he got back to the flat, he snuck past Phil who was sitting on the couch with his laptop and then locked himself in the bathroom. After putting on all of his outfit, Dan didn't think he looked half bad. The heels were going to be a problem though. And so was the makeup since he had no idea what any of that shit was.
Dan had finished his makeup, he looked like a clown. Maybe he could add Coulrophilia - being aroused by clowns, to this set of kinks. Dan was also not conquering the high heels, he was already tall; it was even harder to walk after adding another three inches. Dan walked (stumbled) out of the bathroom and down to the den. He really hoped that Phil didn't like this one, it was really uncomfortable.
As he entered the living room, Dan called out in a high voice, "Hi, honnnneeeyyy." Phil jumped from where he was seated on the sofa. And then he started laughing and laughing and laughing.
"Dan! What the hell are you wearing? Halloween is still weeks away. Are you going to be an evil clown stripper or something?" Phil laughed some more. Dan was actually really, really glad that Phil didn't like this one.
The next fetish Dan knew that Phil would like. Or at least have fun with. Choreophilia - the fetish of wanting to dance to achieve orgasmic release. Time for Dan to put on his tap shoes.
That night, Phil and Dan were jamming out to some Madonna. They were jumping up and down and all around. Dan knew this would be the perfect time to execute his next fetish mission.
It didn't work out as planned. Dan had crowded himself to Phil as they jumped up and down. He had then grabbed Phil's crotch which caused a chain reaction. Phil was surprised, Phil lost his balance, Dan lost his balance, they both fell down, Phil hurt his face, and neither of them were aroused. Well, at least Dan could check another one off his list: Algolagnia - being aroused by pain.