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Chapter 3 - Rayna

I pulled up to the Bluebird and took a deep breath. I hadn't done this in years and the last time I did, Deacon and I had been in love, we actually planned on spending the rest of our lives together. Of course that was all before rehab. Rehab changed everything about us for awhile.

Once he got out, all the feelings that had been on hold or transferred to Teddy, came back. I'd already married Teddy though and convinced him that the baby I was carrying was his, not Deacon's.

I snapped back to reality and got out of my car to go and watch him perform his songs, songs that were written about me.

Sneaking in and noticing he was in the. Idle of a song, I stayed near the back, trying to be invisible. He noticed me of course and when he was done, I saw the ideas run through his head.

"Um, a little surprise. I got a friend out there tonight in the audience, really special and talented friend and I'd like her to come up here and - and do a number with us. Uh, please put your hands together for Miss Rayna James!"

Of course I went up, gave him a kiss on th cheek and tried to get comfortable on the stool. Deacon leaned over and whispered what song he planned on performing.

"All right." I told him. I wasn't really too thrilled with it, knowing our feelings when we wrote the song.

"This is actually a song that we, uh, first performed right here at the Bluebird. Um... It was abut, um, what twenty years ago?"

"Oh, no. That's um, I-I was - I was in preschool twenty years ago."

"We'll, we're gonna play it for you right now."

The first few chords rang out and I was immediately taken back twenty years. Deacon and I were in love back then, though having a few disagreements when we wrote this song.

"Don't you try to tell me someone's waiting

They're not waiting for you

Oh, and don't you try to tell me that you're wanted, that you're needed

'Cause it's not true

I know why you're lonely

It's time you knew it too

No one will ever love you

No one will ever love you

No one will ever love you like I do"

At first, I couldn't even look at him, too many memories floated through my mind. By the end though, I couldn't not look at him, and I noticed neither could he.

"Why you always looking for the limelight?

Ain't you satisfied with me?

Oh, for once why don't you get down off your high heels?

You're no big deal, can't you see?"

"I know why you're lonely

It's time you knew it too

No one will ever love you

No one will ever love you

No one will ever love you like I do"

"I'm all you got"

"I'm all you'll ever need"

"I'm all you'll ever have"

My mind wandered as we waited for our entrance. It wandered to when we wrote the song, why we wrote it, what happened because of it. It also wandered to "What if?" What if we'd said things, done things differently?

"No one will ever love you

No one will wver love you

No one will ever love you like i do

Like i do

Like i do"

Applause erupted around us and we both snapped back to reality, looking out toward everyone else on the room. I smiled, took everything in and came to the realization that we could pull off a small intimate tour, when Deacon took my hand resting on my knee. The gesture seemed almost reassuring.

When i looked back, I saw a streak of blonde slipping through the crowd and out the door. they may have wrotten a song together with everything that came with it, but she would never have what Deacon and I have. Even after over twenty years together.

An hour later, after almost everyone else had gone home, Deacon and I were sitting in his car. My mind was still racing with memories and what I thought and hoped we're long gone feelings.

"I wish we hadn't done that song."

"Now what are we gonna do?"

I didn't know how to answer him. Before, the feelings had been buried, disguised as acting for a performance, but now, I questioned my actions all those years ago.

Instead of answering him, I left. I left Deacon again and went home to my husband. I needed to live the life I chose. We both needed that.

But how do you let go of feelings stemming from over twenty years?