This is my first Parenthood fic, I'm still pretty new to this. I've only done a couple other fics. I'm just so much in love with Sarah and Hank it's ridiculous! Let me know what you think!
IT WASN'T NOTHING
His clock read 5:04 am. He usually had a hard time sleeping but when he went to bed that night, after his encounter with Sarah in the darkroom, he knew he probably wouldn't be sleeping much. He tossed around options in his head, calling is sick was always one. He knew it was cowardly but he couldn't face seeing her. It was a risky move kissing her in the dark room but he went for it anyway. Since that moment he couldn't stop replaying the kiss and the moments that followed in his head. He took a risk, and he never does that. He leaned into kiss her and for a brief moment it felt like she was kissing him back, and he soaked it all in. He spent years building up a wall to everyone around him and in just a few short weeks she had broken it down…hell she smashed it down and she didn't even realize it.
He felt her hand on his chest. She was pushing him back.
"Yeah…..yeah" He threw his hands up defeated and dejected. In that moment he immediately started building his wall back up. What on earth was he thinking? He knew better. He knew better than to let his guard down, but Sarah…there was just something about her. He wasn't sure what he was hoping would happen.
She whispers, "Hank"
He cuts her off, "Ok," He continued on " Now it goes in the stop draft. Now it just stays here for like two minutes. .." His mind was rushing but he had to keep talking about something, anything other than what just happened. "Good, good job." His sad smiles speaks volumes. He's hoping it's dark enough that she can't see it. He let his emotions get the best of him and he never does that. Since he and his wife divorced, all of his feelings were kept tucked away in a box in the back of his mind. But when she walked into his office that morning he immediately knew this woman would cause him trouble.
He was hoping and praying that the 'conversation' they had in the dark room would be the last of it, the wall was going back up at an exponentially faster rate than ever before. He should have known better. He should have known she would want to talk about, that's what girls do, talk about stuff. So when she started asking him at lunch he knew she was chipping away at the wall and he knew that was a problem because the cement pillars weren't yet formed.
"It was nothing." He doesn't for a second believe that, and he knows that she doesn't either. She wants an answer though.
She chuckles, "You can't help yourself? I know I'm delightful…"
"Come on, come on cut it out. You're not all that." Being rude and cranky was a defense mechanism he had all but perfected, but as soon as those words left his lips he regretted them. That was a low blow, even for him. He can see it in her eyes.
"Good, now I know that I'm not…"he had to cut her off before she finished that sentence because he couldn't stand to think of what she might had said to finish that sentence. She was all that and so much more. Why did he even say that? He didn't for a second mean it and now he desperately wished he could take it back. It's not something you take back easily though, sorry just doesn't cut it.
"Can't I just eat in peace please?" He was silently begging her to stop this conversation.
"Can't I just eat in peace? Can't I be in the darkroom in peace? I don't know what's going to happen..."
"FINE OK, it wasn't nothing, ok? He had to tell her, he normally doesn't explain himself, but with Sarah it's different.
"Well no, that's not what I meant" He knows he doesn't have to explain it, but there is a small part of him that needs her to know.
"It wasn't nothing. You're funny, you're pretty, you're nice. I like talking to you. And I know you have someone. So let's just leave it at that? When she started this conversation that's probably not the answer she was looking for, but it was the truth.
He meant every word he said, Sarah was one of the first people in a long time he actually liked talking to. Most people he just tolerated. She had a unique charm about her and he had caught himself almost smiling.
Lunch was pretty uneventful. Sarah tried to make small talk and he just nodded to most of it. After they finished lunch, he decided to send Sarah home early that day, saying there wasn't much else to do. He knew she didn't buy it, but was thankful when she pretended she did.
So the next morning when he wanted to call in sick he didn't. Because calling in sick actually meant calling her and telling her he wasn't feeling good. That could be disastrous, what he she wanted to bring him soup at home? No, that was a risk he didn't want to take. Maybe he could just keep the doors locked and send her a text? He decided against that too. So at 5:45 am he made the decision to start his day. It was only a little after 6am and he was already showered and working on his first cup of coffee. He needed to get his mind off of everything that happened in the last 24 hours. So decided to go to the one place that was his refuge, his place he could go where no one would bother him, the darkroom. He certainly wasn't going to let the events of yesterday ruin his sacred place. He poured his coffee in a to go mug and headed for his car. For years he has found comfort in this place. He would put his music on and the world would fade away. He loved being a photographer in this modern age of technology but there was just something about watching your print develop before your eyes. He never got tired of seeing that. It dawned on him, since he hired her, he found himself in the darkroom less frequently. He wanted to be around Sarah as much as possible. Her ocean blue eyes captivated him and her laugh made him smile, and he couldn't get enough. That's part of the reason he decided to do the wedding, to be around her. He hated weddings, but he liked her. Driving to work he thought about the night of the wedding. He could have just left when they were finished with the photos, because frankly he hated wedding cake more than he hated weddings. But he couldn't give up the chance to spend more time with her.
"I'm proud of you, congratulations."
"Thank you." He couldn't help but smile at her when she said those words. He also couldn't help but let out a small laugh when she said, "You think the world's your oyster…you're wrong."
In that moment, just for a brief second he envisioned himself all dressed up in a tux and Sarah on the opposite dress in an ivory dress. As soon as he thought it though, he shook his head and forced that thought to the far edges of his mind. He came back to reality when Sarah started talking again.
"I thought I was going to be married forever."
He didn't talk about his personal life, maybe it was just the champagne talking. "Well of course, that's what you think right? That's what I thought." He was getting into some dangerous territory, this isn't what he does, talk about his life with other people. He had to switch it back to Sarah, "But now you're going to do it again?" Unfortunately, he knew the answer, and he certainly didn't want to talk about it, but then again he wasn't ready yet to reveal any more details about himself.
"Well yeah, but this time it's going to be different. This time it's going to be forever. It does happen ya know?"
He just nodded his head and added, "Yeah."
He had been a jaded man for a very long time, he didn't believe it could happen, not for him anyway. At least that's how he felt before Sarah.
As he drove to work early that morning he decided he was going to do everything his power to put yesterday far, far in the back of his mind. He certainly wasn't going to bring it up and he hoped with every fiber in his body that she wouldn't because he was still working on rebuilding his wall. It would only take one mention of that kiss to destroy it into a million pieces again. Then again, he thought, maybe walls are meant to be broken.
Alright there it is! I was considering making it a multi-chapter depending on how this does and what happens on the show. Any thought and suggestions would be much appreciated!