A/N- Greetings! This is my first NCIS fic –look at me branching out!- and it's an experiment to see how people react. For some reason I'm supremely nervous about it. When I wrote my first Supernatural I wasn't this nervous. Either way …nervous ….yeah. I understand people ask for reviews all the time and just like them …I'm asking for them. I really want to know how I did with these characters. Depending on the reaction I could write a follow-up to this …I left it open-ended for a reason.
Let me know!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Donald Bellisario, Shane Brennan, Don McGill, Darcy Meyers, Frank Cardea, and Jack Bernstein. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Pairing: Gibbs/DiNozzo, Tony/Jethro, Tibbs (There are so many options!)
Rating: M (It's not explicit but still …I do write explicit though, just not this time.)
Summary: "Lying here though, in his half-built boat with a good quarter bottle of bourbon warming his stomach he really can't help but think about it. About him. About Tony."
He remembers it. Of course he remembers it. It's not one of those things you easily forget. It's more of a 'shove in this box and never think about it again' things. And if nothing else, Leroy Jethro Gibbs is a champ at shoving things in boxes and never thinking about them again. Up until it starts clawing its way out of said box and beating him in the head with a two-by-four. Which happened with this particular issue four days ago.
What caused it wasn't a surprise; a Petty Officer had been beaten to death outside of a gay bar and it turned out to be a hate crime. All things considered it was an easy solve, there had been a camera at an ATM across the street and it had caught the assailants. They turned out to be locals who had spent the two previous days protesting against the abolishment of DADT. The team caught them quickly and Gibbs barely walked into interrogation before the youngest of the four cracked and spilled his guts everywhere. It was probably the easiest case they'd had in months, maybe even years. Sure, it wasn't the first homosexual based hate crime they'd come across but it was the most vicious.
It might have been the violence, or the DADT situation or the combination of them both that made Gibbs start to think about that thing he wasn't supposed to think about. Well, not what he wasn't supposed to think about, just what he shouldn't think about because at his age this was the last damn thing he needed.
Lying here though, in his half-built boat with a good quarter bottle of bourbon warming his stomach he really can't help but think about it. About him. About Tony.
5 years prior
Tony is laughing, laughing like Gibbs has never seen before. It's all sharp edges and cut glass and somehow he makes that famous DiNozzo smile look so painful it almost makes Gibbs wince.
"You didn't know?" He finally gasps out, hand across his own stomach. "I thought everybody knew."
If nothing else in his life Gibbs hates being caught unaware. Being a sniper made him hyper sensitive of pretty much everything that goes on around him so not knowing about something that is so obvious now that he thinks about it, really just pisses him off.
"Shut it DiNozzo."
And Tony, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, who damn near cowers when Gibbs even gets near him, just snorts. "Whoa whoa whoa there cowboy …you came here. Don't get all pissed just because you didn't know something." He walks toward his kitchen and grabs a beer, popping it open and taking a swallow. "You want one?" He asks after a moment and Gibbs just nods mutely. Tony walks over with an open beer and hands it to his boss, guiding him to the couch with a sweep of his hand.
There are a few minutes of silence that seem to stretch out forever before DiNozzo laughs again. "Look Gibbs. This isn't some new thing that just happened. I swear, it's not gonna change anything about how I work with you."
"Don't' be an idiot." It never even occurred to Gibbs that their working dynamic would change. For all DiNozzo's inability to act like an adult he's a damn fine Agent and Gibbs knows that nothing short of being set on fire in the very bowels of hell could make Tony act like anything other than a professional when it came down to it.
Tony offers a smile and drains his bottle. "So you're just mad cause you didn't know."
"Fair enough, I know how you hate not being behind the curtain." He sets down his drink on the coffee table and yawns. "I guess even the Great and Powerful Gibbs can't know everything."
Gibbs shakes his head, still in shock. "But why?" He finally asks softly. Because the thing is, he's not really sure he wants to know, he always felt weird when Shannon would compliment him, call him handsome and good but …it's DiNozzo. DiNozzo. The same womanizing, chauvinistic, so very male, man who can't walk into a room without finding someone to flirt with.
"Because …" DiNozzo shrugs. "You're you." He laughs again. "Even I think that sounds like a line from a movie. I mean …you're attractive." Something must have shown on his face because Tony shakes his head. "Don't give me that shit, you are good lookin' I can appreciate that. But it's …" He trails off and shrugs and for a moment Gibbs thinks that's all he's gonna get and he's not surprised so much as a little –strangely enough- disappointed. Because when a man like Tony says he's in love with you, Gibbs guesses it's for reasons a little deeper then 'cause you're pretty'.
So he's shocked for the second time in two hours when Tony turns to face him head on, looking at him so closely Gibbs can actually see the different colors in those too green eyes. "You're amazing. You're crazy passionate about all the things people should be passionate about. You're really smart in this unconventional way and even though it's impossible to see sometimes you care about us so much it's impossible to not remember you do care even when I've only seen it like …freakin' twice." Tony smiles and looks almost bashful for a moment. "And you love so hard. I know you don't like talking about Shannon and I get that." Gibbs feels that familiar tug of pain flood his system and he almost gets up but Tony reaches out, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. It's not romantic in any way but for some reason Gibbs can't place, it feels more intimate than any other physical exchange he's hand in years. "But you still love her so much. I know people think it's because you can't let her go but I think it's because you're not ready to. You might someday and if you do …great. But if not, that's okay too because it's your choice."
Gibbs swallows past the sudden tightness in his throat he doesn't care to try and define and opens his mouth before Tony holds up his hand. "Don't. You don't gotta say anything." He scrubs the back of his neck and glances at his TV. "The game starts in like five minutes and I'm gonna turn it on but before I do and before we just leave this alone and not bring it up again, I know that nothing can happen between us. I don't think you're gonna suddenly develop feelings for me and we're gonna walk into the sunset hand in hand or something. I love watching movies …I don't think I'm in one. And I'm okay with that Gibbs, really. I'm in love with you, have been for years and I know that nothing will change in our relationship because I won't let it and you won't let it. Alright?"
Gibbs, at a loss for what else to do, just grumbles out an 'alright' and Tony turns on the Chargers game and that's it, end of conversation. Tony is right though, after the initial shock that wears off after a month or so their relationship is the same. There are cases solved and meetings in the elevator and an abundance of headslaps for Tony when he makes smart ass comments.
And if Gibbs' hand lingers a little longer then necessary in Tony's soft hair when it comes to the headslaps, neither one of them makes any comment about it.
Gibbs comes awake with a jolt, hand already curled around the cold steel of his gun. He points it at the basement stairs and shakes his head when there is nothing there. He pauses for a moment, listening to the quite of his house and lets out a sigh before hauling himself up.
His back cracks and he winces, casting a glare in the direction of his boat. "Piece of crap." He snaps and walks up stairs, still trying to shake off the dream he had been having about Tony at a train station asking his which way was 'right'. As he passes by the main window in the living room, he stops for a moment looking out the window and observing his quiet street and the snow falling delicately.
Suddenly he's so agitated he can't sit still.
Usually he likes the quiet, can sit in silence for hours on end and it never makes him uncomfortable but if he doesn't move in the next two seconds, doesn't leave the solitary silence of his house, he's going to end up breaking something. His shoes are still on from when he had gotten home a few hours earlier and with a sweep of his hand across the table by the door he's got his keys, badge, and wallet and he's out the door.
He pulls into a visitor spot in front of DiNozzo's apartment complex before he even knows where he is. After a grand total of two seconds of thinking about what a mistake this probably is he's pounding up the stone steps two at a time and rapping so hard on DiNozzo's door, it's nearly painful. When Tony doesn't immediately answer the door Gibbs knocks again, somehow making it louder and he hears a disgruntled 'wait a damn minute' on the other side.
"Open the door DiNozzo." He growls out and hears the other man curse in surprise before there's the sound of a dead bolt opening and a chain being slid open.
"Boss?" Tony asks, worry written across his features. "What's wrong? We got a case?"
Gibbs shakes his head. "Woulda called you for a case DiNozzo."
His reply doesn't make the worry go away though, in fact it only seems to make it worse. "Okay. What's wrong then?"
Gibbs doesn't reply, just pushes his way into Tony's apartment, going to the kitchen and downing a beer in three pulls. He distantly hears Tony shut the door and walk in behind him. "Okay ..come in …have a beer." Tony jokes lightly but Gibbs can still hear the worry and if he hadn't been mad before, Tony's concern just makes him see red.
"Stop!" He shouts and Tony draws back in surprise, hands held up in defense. "Stop doing that!"
"Stop doing what?"
Gibbs slams the beer bottle down, all too aware that he's slipping. His control is slipping because he can't take this anymore. Can't take that his Senior Field Agent is still in love with him after ten fucking years and Gibbs has ignored it for the past five, except in those rare moments when he can't. Like when Tony looked up at him from his hospital bed when he contracted the plague and agreed with him when Gibbs commanded him to keep living. Like when Tony pressed his hand against the glass of the car window he and Maddy were drowning in two minutes before he yanked Gibbs out after saving Maddy. Like when Gibbs gives him an off-handed 'Good job DiNozzo' after working his ass off on a case for thirty-six hours straight. Like now …
"Just stop!" He yells because he can't do this anymore, can't bear to look at Tony's open, vulnerable, earnest face every time Gibbs pays him the smallest compliment. Or that same expression he gets on his face when Gibbs catches him staring at him from across the bullpen every once in a while.
"Stop what Boss?" Tony asks, worry fading into puzzlement and Gibbs thanks God because he's not sure he can take that expression much longer. Now though, now Gibbs feels ridiculous because it's two o'clock in the morning and he raced over here for absolutely nothing. He must have been silent a pretty long time because DiNozzo is standing close enough to reach out and touch and that concerned look is back on his face. "Boss?" He asks carefully.
"Please Tony. Just stop …"
"Dammit Gibbs …I don't have any idea what you're talking about. What am I supposed to stop doing?"
Tony all but flinches at the look on Gibbs' own face. "Stop loving me Tony." He says softly and it takes a moment but Tony offers him an unexpected smile. It's wistful and so understanding it brings Gibbs back to the same feeling he had twenty minutes ago when he wanted to just break everything in sight.
"I can't." He tells Gibbs gently, shrugging, and in that one sentence he looks eons older than Gibbs himself despite being his ten-year junior.
And Gibbs, Gibbs is just desperate, so desperate to stop this snow ball of emotions flying through his body. "Please Tony. Please stop …I can't-" His face burns with embarrassment when his words catch in his throat and he looks away, wishing he was angry instead of …this.
"You don't have to do anything Gibbs." Tony assures him. "Why don't you come sit down and try to get warm? I just realized you aren't wearing a coat and I'm pretty sure it's still snowing out." He reaches out and places a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Just like that the anger is back, full force and Gibbs tears himself away. "No! Stop, right now DiNozzo. Stop."
Tony shakes his head. "Can't. Don't want to."
"Why not?!" Gibbs yells, hands in the air.
"Because I don't want to and I really can't. I've tried …for you because I know it must make you uncomfortable when you catch me staring at your ass but …" He laughs softly and shrugs again. "I can't."
A silence followed that, so deafening Gibbs can hear the blood rushing through his own veins. "But I can't give you what you need."
And Tony looks so sad …so sad for him. "Gibbs I don't want anything from you."
"No." Tony holds up a hand. "I don't want anything from you. I don't need you to give me anything Gibbs."
"But-" He's cut off again when Tony steps into his personal space and grabs his shoulders.
"There isn't a 'but' Boss. I don't expect anything from you." Tony somehow manages to maneuver Gibbs through the kitchen and to the couch, sitting him down gently. "I didn't five years ago when you found out and I don't now. Nothing has changed and I don't expect anything from you. I know there can't be anything between us other than friendship," He smiles. "Well …friendship someday anyway, and I'm okay with that. I made peace with it years ago."
Gibbs tightens his jaw but refuses to look away from the other man, he owes him this much at very least. "Don't you want to be happy?"
"I am happy." Tony assures him a little too quickly and Gibbs glares. "Most of the time." He shoves a hand in his hair and sits forward, elbows resting on his knees. "Not that I think you really think about this stuff, well I didn't anyway up until you showed up at my apartment at two in the morning pounding on my door telling me that I need to stop feeling feelings I've been feeling for the past decade anyway-"
"Right Boss." Tony gives a sheepish smile and headslaps himself, which only serves to make Gibbs shake his head in amusement. "I don't sit here night after night pining for you. I go out, I drink, I watch movies, I have sex …I do everything everyone else does but I just …" He trails off, trying to search for the words. "There's just a part of me no one can touch that's yours. Jeanne came close and I did love her but …she couldn't reach that part of me." He shrugs. "She even asked me to choose between her and NCIS and really I didn't choose her or NCIS, I chose you."
Gibbs doesn't know what to say about that directly so he avoids it. "So the sex with all the women …"
"Mostly true." Tony shrugs. "I mean …we all embellish a little 'cept maybe you but …" Another shrug. "I'm male, I like sex …so I have it. It's just sex though, I get off, they get off …it's good for both parties so there are no issues."
"What about men?" The question sounds a little hostile even to him but Tony ignores it or doesn't catch it.
"Rare. It's happened, not recently, but it's happened." Tony sits back and throws his legs on his coffee table. "McGee asked me once why I didn't brag about that but some people are really closed minded about that crap and I know you always got my six but wouldn't it just be my luck to get stuck with some homophobic ass just when I needed someone to have my back. Anyway …sex is just sex."
Sure Gibbs is a man and he's had sex outside of his own relationships but he knows he can't be so cavalier about it like Tony is. "So it doesn't matter to you who you have sex with?"
Tony looks a little taken aback by the question but doesn't seem offended. "Well, there's got to be the whole physical attraction thing but for the most part, yeah."
Gibbs has got to be honest about this whole situation, he just doesn't get how Tony can be in love with him and still have sex so easily. After Shannon died he couldn't be intimate for years and despite his better judgment he somehow manages to tell Tony that through clenched teeth all the while avoiding eye contact. It's bad enough he's discussing the subject of sex with anyone, much less Tony, but to bring Shannon into it …a distant part of him wonders how he even can but dwelling on that would send him into a rabbit hole of questions he's not even mildly prepared to deal with tonight.
"Intimacy and sex are two entirely separate things in my book Boss." Something shows on his face again and Gibbs wants to curse Tony's ability to read him a little too well. "Sex is …getting off. A warm body to be next to for a few hours. But intimacy? It's …closer." Tony finally, finally, starts to look a little uncomfortable discussing this but as quickly as it shows, it's tucked away. He does maneuver himself so he doesn't look Gibbs dead in the eye though. "It's kissing someone's knee when you undress them. It's being able to order for them at a restaurant because you know what they like without having to talk about it. It's not having to talk at all because sometimes things don't need to be said. And it's …falling asleep with someone." He offers a weak smile. "I've never actually slept with someone before Boss. I can't sleep around other people, it makes me uncomfortable and I always end up in this half awake, half asleep limbo for hours. Even when it's not sexual. Like when Ziva, McGee, and I end up on one of those notoriously fun stake outs together …I don't sleep. I just sit there with my eyes closed and doze."
"But you fall asleep when we are on stake outs all the time DiNozzo." What he says processes a moment after he sees the hurt flash across Tony's face.
"Yeah. I know." Tony whispers and Gibbs watches him swallow heavily. But again that talent for hiding comes into play and an expression Gibbs has never been able to name locks into place. "Like I said, I don't pine after you night after night but sometimes …." He shakes his head. "Sometimes it hurts so much I can't breathe." Almost unconsciously Tony brings a hand to his chest. "Because I know I'm not what you need, what you want." The last words come out ragged and Gibbs' heart gives a vicious twist at the pain in his SFA's voice.
There's silence and Gibbs doesn't know what to say until Tony takes a deep breath. "But then I remember that I'm lucky."
"What?!" Gibbs can't help that the words comes out as a shout and all but scowls when Tony smiles at him gently, turning to face him and placing a warm hand on his forearm.
"I'm lucky." Gentle fingers brush along his skin and Gibbs eyes widen when he sees Tony shudder at the contact. After another second he moves his hand away and Gibbs ignores the pang of loss. "Some people go their whole lives not loving any one. Not knowing what it's like to want someone's happiness more than your own, not knowing how gratifying it can be to see the person you love most in the world just …smile. It sucks all the time knowing I'm not the one who can give you what you need but if someone else can …" His smile is so genuine Gibbs' chest constricts under the weight of it. "Then I want that for you. Because you deserve that Gibbs …Jethro."
Gibbs feels something light up inside him at the sound of his name from the other man's mouth.
"I've always wanted to call you that to your face." Tony grins before sobering again. "You spend so much time punishing yourself for all the things you've gotten wrong that you can't see all the things you've gotten right. So I guess I lied before …I do want something from you." Tony reaches up a hand that's shaking and hesitates a moment before stroking it down the side of the older man's face. "I just want you to be happy now Jethro. It's time for you to be happy."
And in that moment Gibbs is sure that no one has ever looked at him with such understanding and compassion as Tony is right then.
Tony pulls away and Gibbs practically has to sit on his hands to stop himself from reaching out to pull Tony back. "Alright." Tony says. "It's pretty late and if I keep talking about this emotional crap I'm gonna ruin the manly image you have of me." He stands up and leaves for a moment before coming back with a blanket and a pillow. "You can crash here for the night because we gotta be up in about three hours and as much fun as you are when you get no sleep, McDork would make a so sad attempt at kicking my ass if he found out I was the reason you were so grumpy." He yawns and covers his mouth with his arm. "You want the bed or the couch?"
"What?" Gibbs asks, still a little thrown from …well everything.
"You want the bed or the couch?" Tony asks again, smiling.
Gibbs frowns at the smile, just knowing Tony is mentally teasing him. "Couch is fine."
"Mkay. I've got boxers you can borrow in the morning …it'll be a little walk-of-shame-like at work tomorrow when you walk in in the same clothes but I promise to keep my hands to myself no matter how much I might want to make it legitimate." Gibbs has no idea what he's talking about and knows Tony knows that when he laughs softly. "Get some sleep Boss. I'll see you in the morning ok?"
"Night Tony." Gibbs concedes and toes off his shoes before grabbing the blanket and pillow, setting up his makeshift bed and lying down. He lies down and closes his eyes. "You want a picture DiNozzo?"
"Don't tempt me Boss man." Tony quips and Gibbs almost cracks open an eye when he hears the other man retreat and throw soft 'Goodnight Jethro' over his shoulder.
Surprisingly Gibbs drops off to sleep very quickly.
Unsurprisingly he wakes up a grand total of an hour later, heart pounding, mouth dry, and a dizzying vision of Shannon and Tony talking about Humphrey Bogart in a sandbox. He lies on his back for a moment, staring at the ceiling letting the dream trickle away from his consciousness before hauling himself up and making his way toward the kitchen. He's pretty sure he tells his feet to go to the kitchen anyway but somehow he finds himself standing outside of Tony's open door, watching the younger man sleep.
It's not that Tony looks old when he's awake but he's always carried around this weariness around his eyes that's gone for the moment. He's lying on his stomach, arms curled around a pillow to support his head and he's snoring softly. Gibbs smiles when Tony's whole body twitches, probably responding to a dream, he makes a little noise and shifts, tongue peeking out to slide across his bottom lip.
Gibbs is surprised to feel lust pool in his stomach at the small gesture and doesn't listen when his head starts telling him that he needs to leave now. Because now …now all he can think about is crawling up Tony's body and seeing just what that bottom lips tastes like.
Gibbs jerks when he sees Tony's eyes open and for one insane second he thinks Tony knows what he's thinking but it goes away when Tony pushes himself up and rubs an eye with the heel of his hand.
"Somethin' wrong Boss?" Tony mumbles sleepily.
He's by Tony's bedside before he can realize it and curls a hand around his bicep, jerking him up and to his knees on the soft mattress.
"Gibbs?" Tony asks, green eyes wide and a little frightened.
His brain has gone from a mantra of 'getoutgetoutgetout' to all out screaming 'getthefuckout'. His gut though, his infamous, never wrong gut is quiet, save for the fluttering of arousal and the perfect rightness of the whole situation.
"I gotta know Tony …" He whispers just seconds before he slants his mouth across the younger man's. For full three seconds Tony doesn't respond, he just kneels there unmoving until Gibbs swipes his tongue across his bottom lip, teeth biting gently. That seems to kick-start his brain because suddenly there are hands is in Gibbs' hair pulling him impossibly closer and Tony's mouth is working frantically against his own, little sounds of want and need spilling from his throat. It's all harsh passion and nipping teeth until Gibbs slows down, putting a knee on the bed and making Tony scoot back, whimpering in loss when the action makes them break apart.
"Move back." Gibbs commands softly and Tony instantly complies, arms still wound around his neck. The older man climbs onto the bed completely and strokes a hand down Tony's bare side, fingers playing against the smooth skin. They move back up and dance across his stomach and up his chest, mind still trying to understand what he's doing. The experience itself is different from kissing a woman. Tony isn't soft or shapely, he's all hard planes and smooth muscles covered with a dark smattering hair that, while strange, only serves to turn Gibbs on more.
That voice in his head that was screaming only moments ago has given way to curious encouragement because Tony is making all these noises that are doing an amazing job at kicking Gibbs' libido in the ass. Gibbs moves his mouth away, shushing the other man gently when Tony whimpers at the loss, and drags his lips along the rough edge of Tony's jaw. It's another strange sensation given that Gibbs hasn't ever kissed a man but the fact that it is a man, that it's Tony sends another thrill along his spine. Tony tastes clean and sharp, a little like his after shave and that spicy cologne he wears every day. Underneath that though, it's all skin and something most definitely male.
Tony's arms have unwound themselves from Gibbs' neck and his hands wander along Gibbs' still clothed chest, achingly cautious.
"Touch me Tony." Gibbs growls against his ear, words hot and wet and heavy. One of those delicious little sounds catches at the top of Tony's throat and he curls his hands into Gibbs' shirt before ripping it open and sending buttons flying everywhere. Gibbs pulls back, a little surprised and judging by the look on Tony's face he's not alone in it.
"I- I'm so sorry. I just-" Tony starts and Gibbs' blood heats. The idea that he can make Tony lose control just by kissing him sets off another firework of lust along his spine.
"Don't apologize." Gibbs says and takes Tony's mouth again, plunging his tongue inside and stroking against Tony's own. His hands wander for a moment before heading to the long, clean line of Tony's back, smoothing along broad shoulders and tangling in his thick hair. Tony groans into his mouth when Gibbs tugs at the soft strands and Gibbs pulls a little more roughly, growling when it earns him another guttural moan.
Tony's hands are timid for a moment, such a contrast to their size and heat it makes Gibbs pull away momentarily, mouth resting against Tony's. "Come on Tony. Touch. Me."
"Oh fuck." The younger man whimpers a moment before he glides his hands along Gibbs' chest, thumbs smoothing along his collar-bone. It's not as though Gibbs hasn't heard Tony curse before but in this context, with their mouths fused together the way they are, it makes Gibbs just burn.
His right hand moves back down to curl around the firm globe of Tony's ass and he squeezes roughly, freezing when Tony makes a sound like a wounded animal and spills himself inside his sweats. That alone nearly makes Gibbs come and he smooths his free hand down Tony's quivering chest, kissing his neck gently, and pulling back to watch the pleasure play across Tony's face.
"Ride it out for me." Gibbs mumbles and Tony jerks at the words, hands clinging to Gibbs shoulders a moment before he hides his face in Gibbs' neck, whimpering in pleasure as the last of his orgasm hums along his body. It takes a few minutes for Tony to calm down, leaning heavily against Gibbs own.
"Well that's embarrassing." Tony laughs out weakly and Gibbs smiles.
"No." The older man says, helping Tony lay down on his back. He looks at Tony, expecting to feel strange about the situation but at the look of apprehension on Tony's face, he just smiles. "I'm actually pretty flattered."
Tony's mouth drops open. "I can't believe you just said that."
Gibbs laughs softly and shrugs. "What? Wouldn't you be?"
The younger man scowls but his eyes are still dancing. "Ass." He quips and things fall silent for a moment. Gibbs is pretty sure there should be panic, should be some realization that what they've just done is wrong, wrong, wrong but nothing happens. He's still hard enough to cut diamonds and Tony is still leaning into him, skin warm, muscles still loose from his orgasm. In that moment, with Tony looking so genuinely happy Gibbs knows that he couldn't let this go, whatever it is, for anything. Not for Rule twelve. Not for NCIS. Not for anything.
But suddenly Tony is pulling away and the panic Gibbs should have been feeling is written across the younger man's face.
"Nope." Gibbs says and yanks him back, wrapping his arms around Tony's shoulders. "You aren't running."
"I'm sorry- I just-" Tony begins and Gibbs hauls back a hand, intending to deliver a hard enough headslap to rock them both but his fingers end up smoothing along Tony's thick hair.
"Don't apologize. I kissed you first, I did this, I want this."
"What?" Tony croaks out and Gibbs pulls away just far enough to rest his forehead against Tony's. For a moment he's distracted by their closeness, God how did he miss this? This connection they have? This feeling that's been humming under his skin since Baltimore all those years ago. Tony feels like home. Like shelter and warmth and a freedom Gibbs didn't know he was missing.
"I want this." Gibbs says again, voice clear in the quiet of the room. Tony looks like he's caught between wanting to cry and wanting to laugh and Gibbs can't really blame him. He's secure in what he wants and knows Tony wants the same thing but still …there's always uncertainty lurking under that too bright smile.
And for the millionth time since he met Tony he wants to go back and time and kick the living hell out of the person who's made the younger man feel all this insecurity all the time.
"But you …" Tony tries but whatever's he's trying to ask won't form in his mouth and he shifts for a moment before settling along Gibb's side. They are quiet for a few minutes, Gibbs taking everything in and Tony most likely still trying to figure out what's happening. "My pants are starting to stick Boss."
Gibbs lets out a surprised bark of laughter and maneuvers Tony off of him before getting up and heading to the bathroom for a washcloth. When he returns no less than a minute later he finds Tony standing by the bed fidgeting from foot to foot.
"Tony." Gibbs says gently, nearly wincing when Tony's head snaps up to meet his eyes. "Lie down."
There is so much to read in the expression that Tony gives him that Gibbs doesn't even give a half-hearted attempt at it. "You're not supposed to want me though." The younger man whispers after a moment.
Despite his heart twisting at the words Gibbs moves towards Tony and helps him lie back for the second time that night, brushing a feather light kiss along his brow. "I'm not supposed to do a lot of things Tony, you ever known me to follow any rules but my own?"
Big green eyes look over his face for a moment before he sighs heavily, the sound seeming to come from the very bottom of Tony's soul. "No." He relaxes back against the comforter, tensing again when Gibbs drags his sweats down his long legs. The older man wants to explore, wants to see what else he can do to make Tony twitch and writhe under his fingertips but he holds himself back, wiping Tony down quickly but gently and sending the washcloth over his shoulder in the general direction of the bathroom.
After a moment's hesitation Gibbs leans forward over Tony's bare thighs and presses his lips against the dip of his knee, smiling at Tony's intake of air. He stands, rolling his shoulders to let his shirt fall off and steps out his pants and boxers, feeling more than seeing Tony's eyes roam across his nude form. He smirks and climbs into the bed, helping Tony out of his shirt before settling down and dragging the younger man on top of him.
Tension rides along Tony's spine and Gibbs grabs his arm, pulling it across his chest and pressing a kiss to his sweet smelling hair. "Tony, I promise you we will talk in the morning but for now …just sleep. I won't let you go, you're safe." There's another kiss to his head before Gibbs' fingers wander up to lift Tony's chin up so the older man can take his mouth again. "Safe." He repeats and Tony breathes out, entire body relaxing into Gibbs'. Tony tangles their legs together and nuzzles into the older man's neck.
"Tomorrow?" He asks sleepily, worry still obvious in his tone.
"Tomorrow Tony. I promise."