AN: You guys NEED TO KNOW THIS IS AN AU! Happy new year and well. I'm posting. yippie.
psdt- does anyone still believe YJ season 3 can happen? legacy anyone? just comment what ya think,
There's a reason why Alfred does the shopping at the Wayne Mansion. Actually there are five reasons. It was pretty obvious he was the only reasonable bat-familiar with the social abilities to interact in the normal world. Tim tried the first time, he was silent and cold, and Bruce had trusted his abilities judging by the way he seemed way more mature than Dick and less irritable than Jason. The family had agreed that Timmy should do the grocery shopping of the week. And by agreeing it meant Bruce bat-glaring Damian, Dick, Timmy and Jason. No one wanted to go at first, well Dick wanted to but Bruce wouldn't let him go unsupervised by Alfred and said old butler was on a trip. In the end they solved everything how it is supposed to be solved.
"Okay, one, two, three!" Dick yelled as referee. Jason had his hand fisted; Damian had his fisted too, only Timmy had his index and middle finger out. "Timmy you know the rules." There was a shallow mumbling about why they solved things with paper scissor rocks. He hated his brothers just then.
The silent sixteen year old knew he could go to wall mart, but analyzing it Bruce never liked the media attention and considering he was known as the Wayne heir he supposed keeping a low profile was best. So here he was, in a local convenience store at Gotham. He hadn't come in the limo as Dick had insisted but decided to walk for a change. He had his hands in his pockets as the cold air conditioning of the local flushed his cheeks.
Apparently no one in the Mansion except Alfred was reasonable enough to make a list of what to buy. Of course. He walked with a shopping cart passing through the vegetables. He supposed they needed those for something. He took a lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli (only so Damian would suck it up), eggplant and cucumbers. He didn't bother taking fruits except apples. If they were going to go ahead and let a sixteen year old buy food for the elder he would take whatever he wanted.
As it was, everything was going on fine. He walked along the pasta section and knew how Jason loved Macaroni and Cheese. He purposely avoided those. He tightened his hold on the cart as he inspected a cheese. He didn't even know what to bring he couldn't cook! Well he tried to crack an egg on Damian's head once but that didn't count. He broke his concentration as a delicate looking girl with blonde hair bumped into his cart. "Ouch!" She shrieked. He noticed her pink lips and round cheekbones. 'Cassie' he breathed out. "Excuse me?" She frowned, her now clear blue eyes studying him attentively. "Do I know you?" Shit! This was the one rule, ONE RULE, protect identity.
He coughed awkwardly fisting his hand to his mouth while stumbling back. (He never stumbled.) "N-no I think you've confused me." He smiled apologetically hoping her good nature and usual social awkwardness would drive her away. Why did he go out without shades again? He miscalculated. "No, I'm pretty sure I heard you say my name and I don't think I told you…" He wasn't sure, but if his cheeks were as read as his neck he was in trouble. Where were Bruce and his Casanova tips when you need them? Oh yes, being a jerk at the mansion of course. He hadn't realized it but he was no longer in the cheese section. She really had a strong will.
He was babbling, his voice didn't even come out of his dry throat. Timmy had a thing for panicking. He was like an anxious little mouse. He also had a weakness for pretty girls who smelled nice. But she, she wasn't only pretty; she could be as bold as she wanted to and could kick his ass anytime. "No, wait I know!" She yelled determined, a smirk forming in those perfect plum lips and- get a grip!
"You're Timothy Drake Wayne, heir of Bruce Wayne; I knew I'd recognize that perky nose anywhere!" She smiled before realizing she had spoken without thinking. A nice blush adorned her cheeks. Now it was her turn to babble. He let out a sigh, not realizing the breath he kept all the while. He notices until then how she only carried a basket with a few cereals. "So, uh, I got to get my grocery car-" He stopped talking because another blonde beauty was inspecting his cart. She looked amused and a tiny bit upset. Beside him, Cassie eyed the other girl with a serious face. "Um. Can I help you?" Tim asked trying to be polite but sensing Cassie's uneasiness.
Everything felt like a time bomb countdown afterwards. "No but I can help you handsome." She smiled clearly flirting. He wasn't used to girls, oh God he would never be used to them. Sensing his nervousness the girl stretched her hand to him "I'm Stephanie Brown." Tim couldn't even reach out to her because Cassie, who had somehow controlled herself to not confront the girl intervened "I'm Cassie by the way." He didn't like the glaring either, had enough at home. He chuckled trying to ease the cold air now seeping through his blood. "Oh my God! You go at Gotham Academy too? Timmy?" Stephanie said trying to ignore Cassie's now angry face. Before anything could happen, a petite girl, also blonde, with beautiful eyes approached the group. "Steph should we leave?" her voice was mellow but slightly annoyed. "Sure Cissie, but first come meet this guy! He goes to my school-" Timmy couldn't follow what happened next.
Maybe Cassie blew up and pushed first, or maybe Cissie got out a crossbow was that? Maybe Stephanie was suddenly a kung fu master, all he knew was he would never go grocery shopping again. At least not there, he was banned.
The next day Bruce Wayne was sipping his black coffee as he walked to the front door to pick up the newspaper. Timmy expected the knock on the door. He opened only to be received with a Bruce-glare (still as intimidating). "Timothy Drake, explain why the front page of my newspaper reads Young Billionaire has a thing for blondes!"
No one ever questioned Tim's reclusion to his room the next week. They did argue as to why there were no macaroni and cheese in anything he managed to salvage from the shopping fiasco. This week, Jason was the chosen one. Somehow Bruce's best decision as he would find out later. Jason hadn't even bothered dressing up like a normal billionaire playboy's son, not even like a normal and civilized person. In fact he was in his pajama pants (with little green arrows just to fuck with Bruce), an old, tattered and stained hoodie, and obviously crocs. Crocs were the universal symbol of someone who doesn't give a fuck. Of course he wore crocs. He looked more like a hobo with his wild untangled and long brown hair.
They gave him money; he might as well prank the old Bruce-man. He paced lazily through the crowded halls. He just had to come a Saturday, the day families decided they would bring those disgusting booger throwing pests. Or what they called children. He didn't count Damian on the children category mainly because he was scarier than batman. For some reason Jason and kids didn't go well. He finally arrived to the wines section. Yes, the prank. He would fill the Wayne mansion with illegal liquor for once. What, he was almost twenty, but he would pass as older.
The point was Bats annoyance. An eight pack of beer would do. Some girly margarita mix, for Dick of course. Peppermint schnapps to get devil Damian crankier…
He stopped emptying the market's liquor shelves when fluffy reindeer slippers crossed his view. Jason grunted promptly avoiding the hall and roughly turning his cart to the sugar sections. What would go best with the schnapps…
The slippers invaded his sight again. It was a pink nosed kid carrying a dirty sock teddy. "What's your name?" The redheaded asked tauntingly as if she fed on his annoyance on purpose. "Fuck off." He said slowly not caring his two hundred hours in lessons with Dick on attitude. "That's a weirwd name." She slurred clearly being new on her vocabulary. "Fuck Face is mowre like it." She gave a toothless smirk. Jason sputtered surprised but now pissed off.
He decided the best way to go now was ignoring. She kept pace really fast compared to her tiny frame, giggling here and there when she stepped on his toes. Jason tried to keep his teeth from grinding. He heard echoes of someone halls afar and decided it was best to leave now. He turned to shoo the kid away but she was nowhere in sight.
Still wary he stepped on the line for cashier, exasperated. At least he lost the weird girl. A sharp pain invaded his knee. He groaned angrily, anyone near was more than intelligent to run away from him and his rage war yell. Except the kid who kicked of course. He pulled her pink overall until her feet were dangling and they were nose to nose enough to hiss a menace "Listen kid, I normally don't hurt girls but… you are…"
"Jason?" A silky and raspy voice intervened. "A- Artemis?" He blushed cursing. She was curvier than what he remembered, taller and leaner. "Lian?" She cocked her head to the side raising an eyebrow and looking at the little read headed reproachfully. "We've talked about this." Lian giggled, squirmed away from Jason and ran to grab the blonde's leg. Wally sprinted when he spotted them and didn't waste a minute on grabbing his girlfriend's waist when he saw Jason. Just in case the brunette decided he was going to be bold again.
"Sorry Jason." Artemis excused tiredly. "We're kind of babysitting." –"Again…" Wally mumbled. The couple left in their usual banter unaware of Lian's little escapade to kick Jason and whisper a quick 'bye fuck face'. "Bye…" Jason said looking to the floor glaring at his hurt legs. Until then he noticed his green arrowed pajama pants. He slapped a palm over his eyes embarrassed.
In the end Bruce was more than glad for the wine supply since his lover champagne reservoir was almost empty. Dick was happy too. Let's just say he didn't manage to get Damian to even taste the schnapps. Meeting Artemis's niece though was the highlight of it all because deep inside he would never confess little Lian was in his 'not a child' list.
Jason was never forced to grocery shop after that. Not even Bruce wanted to confront the guy, because he knew everything. He was Batman. So when the boy came tumbling with tons of vodka bottles and a slap mark on the face no one asked. It was expected.
Now, Damian wasn't allowed to go alone. Not because of his age or his height. Not even because of his bloody language miss use. It was because of Dick. He had a tendency on pushing buttons for people. (even the great batsy) For example on a normal basis the rightful example of a billionaire playboy would encounter either a girl who he had fucked, would fuck or wanted to fuck. Stupid cashiers loved to flirt with Dick, and it got annoying to a point. Then there was the part where he liked to 'bond', the reason why Damian wasn't allowed to go alone. Because Dick freaking Grayson had convinced Bruce that Damian was in nature just a kid. 'Just a kid'. The words repeated in his mind like a psychotic echo.
He sat inside the cart leaving no space for food. He used his ps3 and headphones to tune out whatever disgrace came out of his temporary 'guard'. Pushing his hoodie up to cover up to his eyes he was determined to ignore the situation at hand. Richard inspected the Cereals. He was deciding between Froot loops and Trix. Damian would go for plain regular cornflakes. He didn't actually voice this to not hurt Dick's feelings, but didn't realize the small annoyed sound he made from the thought. His older brother though did, and smiled before asking "Is something wrong?" Damian blushed and tried avoiding him returning to his game.
He kicked his foot, and from his position inside the cart he looked like a caged cheetah. Dick smiled and pushed him as if rocking a baby in a crib. He sat inside the cart so comfortably. Dick liked this time, even if he knew Damian loathed seeing him flirt, he knew Damian would relax the most with him. He took secret pleasure in knowing that. "So you want the Froot Loops?" Dick pleaded shifting from one foot to another. Damian noticed his brother's antics and liked the fact he could be mature and silly at the same time.
Damian was still intimidating even when sweet brotherly thoughts ran in his head. Dick was the only one who read his expressions right, but wasn't exactly sure if it was a happy expression because he was enjoying the bonding or because he had already figured out how to get back at him in the most painful way possible. Damian grunted in disdain. Dick sighed and threw both boxes in the cart, hitting the boy's kneeled legs. The boy didn't budge, barely pursing his lips to concentrate in the game.
Happily humming a jolly ginger approached the brothers as he saw them argue over cereal. He didn't dare to question this. Food was always an important dilemma. "Bro, long time no see!" He yelled slapping his hand on Dick's back. Dick laughed like he used to do and bro fisted his friend. Damian growled. "Seriously? You saw him yesterday!" Damian snarled.
Wally was in fact scared, with the whole hoodie covering his eyes he looked like some sort of sect killer. "I missed him damy poo, but you're still number one." Richard cooed ignoring the murderous look he got from both boys. "Whatever man, Artemis is waiting for me at the parking lot, so see ya" Wally waltzed his way out of the hall of cereals happily chuckling at the way Damian perked up in the mention of the moron's girlfriend. He admired her so much (really how did Wally get such a cool girl) since he saw her beat Dick in a one to one combat training. Maybe he could sneak out of this situation if just…
"Wait!" No one believed Damian had yelled this words but he had. Wally stopped comically slipping with his squeaking sneakers. "I'm going with you" The small boy stated without looking for someone to approve. Dick gaped. For the fastest man alive Wally was processing the whole interaction slowly. He let the boy jump out of the cart and stomp before him. Wally had never been more paralyzed when he saw Damian so interested in his girlfriend.
So Dick was left alone. Bruce didn't even let them finish the story when they got to that part because there was a reason why everyone had fervently insisted on not letting Dick go alone. Everyone paid the consequences that week. Aside from only getting two boxes of cereal, Batman's secret identity almost revealed and an angry mob of fan girls attacking the mansion, they had a flushed Damian sitting on the table for breakfast. That was totally worth it, everyone agreed.