FAR FROM HOME

Steve

Now it is dark outside. I am here, sitting in what was once my father's desk with this blank sheet of paper in front of me. It had seemed a good idea to write a letter, somehow it seemed easier instead to talk to him. Now I'm not so sure. My mind is full of things I want to say, but I cannot knock out a single word. I think of the expression on his face tonight, when we left the office and it makes me smile. Danny. I know for sure that if I speak in person he would try to stop me, or worse, he would come with me. I cannot afford it, it's too dangerous. Absolutely don't want to risk his life. It's too precious. I cannot even imagine how I would feel if anything happened to him. Suddenly I'm reminded of the Sarin episode and I can hardly breathe.

Abruptly I get up and go out on the beach, staring at the ocean. As always, the sound of waves crashing helps me to calm down. I sit on the wet sand, with my knees up to my chest and I put my forehead on it.
It's something I have to do all by myself. I must know the truth. Joe has to tell me this time. I will not go back without answers. I need the answers if I want to move on with my life, because I cannot go on like this. I cannot.
I don't know how many time I spend there, then I get up and go back to the house. I'm at my desk and I start writing.

Partner,

I'm sorry I couldn't be there in person to tell you this, but I need to find Joe White. I think he lied to me about the identity of Shelburne, and I need to get the truth. Shelburne is the real reason because my father is dead and maybe even my mother and until I get these answers I can't do this job right. Danno, I gonna need you hold down the fort for a while, I'll be in touch. Mahalo.

I cannot think anything else. I know it sounds cold and distant but I'm not good with words. I really want to say more, but what I feel inside me is a tangled skein that he's the only one that can solve it.
And to do that, it would be enough for him, to look me in the eyes.
I put the letter in an envelope and write his name on it, then I take the car and go to the office. The building is practically deserted, the silence is deafening.
I put the letter on his desk. Tomorrow it will be the first thing he'll see.

H50 H50 H50

Danny

Partner,

I'm sorry I couldn't be there in person to tell you this, but I need to find Joe White. I think he lied to me about the identity of Shelburne, and I need to get the truth. Shelburne is the real reason because my father is dead and maybe even my mother and until I get these answers I can't do this job right. Danno, I gonna need you hold down the fort for a while, I'll be in touch. Mahalo.

Danny was in his office, he kept the letter in his hands and stared at it without seeing it really. When Chin entered his office, he folded it and put it in the drawer, getting up and following him out of the room.
He made the first phone call after a couple of hours, but Steve didn't answer and the call went straight to voice mail.

"Steve, it's Danny, I just want to know if you're okay. Call me back. "

He waited and received other calls but not the one that interested him more.

"Steve, just tell me if it's all right, I'm starting to worry. "

The morning passed without any news.

"Damn Steve, maybe where you are you don't have connection, but sooner or later you will come to a civilized place, call me."

While they were at Kamekona for lunch, Chin watched him pick up the phone and put in his pocket an indefinite number of times.

"Brah, are you be able to talk to Steve?".

"No, I tried to call him at least twenty times and I don't know how many messages I left ...".

"Are you worried?".

"What do you say? Of course I am ... ".

"Steve knows what he does Danny, trust him."

"But it is not a matter of trust, it's obvious that I trust him, is that after what happened in North Korea ..." and couldn't continue.

They stared into each other eyes and neither of them expressed in words what they felt. North Korea was still an open wound, to which they all revolved around without touching it. It was still too bad.

Now in the evening he had lost count of the number of times he had called Steve. It was dark and he was sitting in the car, without deciding to get out. Instinctively, he drove up in front of Steve's house and was now parked there, holding the phone. He dialed the number for the umpteenth time.

"Steve, please, I just want to know if you're okay. I'm worried. Please. Call me back. "
He lowered his head to rest his forehead on the steering wheel and closed his eyes, trying to slow his breathing. He felt his heart beating furiously in his chest. Steve would have done well to come back in one piece otherwise ...

H50 H50 H50

It was three days since he had left, and in those three days practically he had never slept. He was exhausted. At the end of the third day he found Joe White and now he was with him, in a kind of dump just outside Tokyo. The next day they would go together to take Wo Fat. At least that was the idea, everything was in succeeding. Too many times he had failed and he wouldn't create a lot of expectation, especially, in this moment, he didn't want to think about it. Joe slept on the bed next to his and Steve finally decided to turn on the phone.

As soon as he had the connection, he was aware of the enormous number of missed calls and the equally huge number of messages on the answering machine. Easily guessed who was the sender. Suddenly he realized that he couldn't wait one more minute without hearing his voice and decided to listen to them all.

"Steve, it's Danny, I just want to know ifyou're okay.Call me back. "

"Steve, just tell me ifit's allright,I'mstarting to worry. "

"DamnSteve,maybewhere you are you don't have connection, but sooner or later youwill come to acivilizedplace, call me."

"Steve, please, I just want toknow ifyou're okay.I'm worried.Please.Call me back. "

"Steve... I know what you're doing ...you'retrying toprotect usleaving usout of this... okay, I get it ...you cannot call, okay ... but at leastsend mean sms with an ok in it if everything is inplace ..."

"Please ...I'm going crazyright?If you don'tget yourself killedthere,I swearI'll do itwhen you get backif youdo not call me... "

"Steve...please ..."

He stopped to listen and turned off the phone. He stood with his head leaning against the wall behind him, his eyes closed. There's a pain in the center of his chest that took his breath away. Abruptly he stood up and went into the bathroom, closing in. He turned on the light and opened the sink faucet, bathing his face and neck with water. He stood there breathing heavily with his elbows on the cold ceramic until he was a bit calmed down. Then he raised his head and looked in the mirror. What he saw didn't please him at all, almost he didn't recognize himself and it had only been three days since he had left. Of course the dark circles and the beard didn't help to improve his appearance. He went back in the room and sat on the bed, sighing.

Then he picked up the phone and stood staring at him for a while. Even if he wanted to do it with all himself, he couldn't really call him, he risked to compromise the whole operation and this should be the right time, he didn't want to fail again. But a simple SMS would last a few seconds, maybe impossible to trace.
He rekindled, selected the icon and wrote. Ok.