A/N: Hi! :) So. Here I am. I've returned from my Let Me Love You depression, and I'm ready to write some happy, sex filled Kames; yay! Because look, my ships are haywire at the moment, but in the end I always want to see my babies fucking like rabbits, and I miss that.

This was going to be a one-shot, but now it's going to be a two-shot. No longer than that though, I promise. Because there's no real plot.

This is quite different from anything I've ever written, because there's a girl in the mix. You'd think writing my own gender in a sexual situation would be easier... no.

So basically, Kendall and James go home with this girl to have a threesome. At first it's all about her, because James doesn't want to make this "gay" or awkward with Kendall. But when the girl orders James to do a body shot of Kendall... well that's when things shift. And turns out the girl loves to watch... (but seriously who wouldn't if Kendall and James were getting it on in front of you omfgkldng)


Oh and this is obscene and I have no smut filter with my brain, so be warned.

And be warned for me not proof reading at 4am and yes, the title is totally the name of the Lonely Island song.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the almost strobe light effect of the club that made Kendall feel like he was going to have an epileptic fit. Maybe it was the bass line so loud that the beat hums through the floor and courses right through every inch of his body. Maybe it was the fact he was a twenty-one year old who was getting to the point of wanting to bite the wood on his headboard due to sexual frustration.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that Kendall had actually wanted this for a long time.

But he'd never admit that.

Kendall put it down to being drunk, the music being far too loud and having the sexual frustration of a 15 year old who's just discovered what redtube is. He's not exactly sure how that works together to make him want to have his best friend slamming deep inside of him, so deep and hard his hands shake… but he'll go with it.

James is in his element here. He moves with the beat in a way that's almost hypnotic. Every pulse, every drum of the bass, every flash of the strobe light; James moves with them like a piece of an orchestra and he's the conductor.

Kendall had always known James was beautiful and perfect and talented and almost some God that was sent to earth to ruin man kind in nothing but jeans and a baseball tee, but there's a difference between knowing something and feeling something. You know that Top 40 song they play 100 times a day on the radio, but it's not until you listen to it 500 times in a row that you finally understand.

James is that Top 40 hit. Popular, bright, fun, infectious and sometimes so infuriating you want to smash your head into a wall just to make it stop. But then the song will come on the radio and you can't help but find yourself singing along.

Kendall thinks he is ready to play with James 500 times in a row.

He drinks down the remnants of his drink quickly before slamming the empty glass down on the bar. He's got his eyes on James, and only James, and starts to make a bee line to the boy. This proves harder than anticipated as there are people fucking everywhere and apparently it's turned into "hate on Kendall" day. There soon becomes a fine line between "Excuse me, sorry" and just pushing bitches out of the way.

Again, Kendall will blame it on the alcohol.

James spots Kendall as he approaches and a smile brighter than Midas' gold spreads across his face. "Kendall!" He yells loudly over the music, reaching out and grabbing the blonde by the hand to pull him in.

Kendall doesn't fail to notice the bimbo grinding her ass up into James' crotch, her eyes glazed over and a dress that has fallen so low it really leaves nothing to the imagination. Kendall's pretty sure she's about one minute away from passing out flat on her face, and that is really something he would love to see.

"Where have you been?" James yells, putting his hands back on the girls' hips and grinding into her in time with the music.

"Drinking" Kendall shrugs, "Have you seen Carlos or Logan?"

James laughs, "No. Logan probably passed out in a gutter about an hour ago and Carlos probably went to the bathroom, got lost, found a janitor and they have become best friends in his storage closet"

Kendall would like to say James was joking.

"We are such bad friends" Kendall chuckles, "You wanna find them and go?"

James raises an eyebrow, looking back and forth between the girl practically sitting his lap and Kendall. "Are you kidding?"

"Come on, it's lame here. Let's go"

"Um lame for you maybe"

"Yes, very lame for me"

"Kendall, don't be jealous because I'm scoring and you're not"

Kendall wants to retort with "I know a way both of us could score" but he doesn't want to come on too strong... yet.

"Oh please" Kendall scoffs, "This chick is about to pass out on the floor and you honestly think you're going to score?"

"Hey!" The girl chimes in, looking up at Kendall with hooded eyes, "I'm d-drunk not deaf!"

"Sorry honey, my mistake" Kendall smiles sweetly, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes or just go all out and shove her to the floor. "James come on, don't make me beg"

"Kendall, you're being annoying, just –"

"Hey!" The girl interrupts with a slur, turning around and grabbing both Kendall and James by the wrist. "Why don't we all get out of here?"

Kendall knows exactly what she's implying. And that's when he realises, he knows exactly what she's implying.

"Ok" Kendall says before James can decline the offer.

James turns to glare at Kendall in disbelief, "Are you kidding?"


"Kendall, no!" He hisses, leaning in close until Kendall can almost taste James on his lips. "You know that she means all three of us getting together... as in a threesome"

Kendall shrugs with a grin, "It's not gay if it's in a three way"

"Yay!" The girl squeals happily. "I live juuust around the corner"

Before they have a chance to speak the girl is pulling them along, pushing past the moving sweaty bodies of the club. James is furious, Kendall's not oblivious to that, but James has to have some sort of keenness for what they're about to do or he would have bailed a long time ago. Kendall himself cares neither here nor there for the girl who has him tightly by the wrist, I mean sure she's hot; with a tight, toned, little body that would look good riding his cock, but he'd much rather be doing the cock riding this evening.

Kendall's not sure how long it takes to the girls flat, it's one of those things about being drunk; you could be walking for ten minutes or you could be walking for two hours and your brain seems to register it as all the same thing. Instead he focuses his attention on his feet, because falling over and breaking his nose would fucking suck, and staring at James. He wishes desperately to take James by the hand, lacing their fingers together tightly, pulling the two of them into a cab and going home. Home to their apartment, their shared bedroom, either one of their beds; hell, it doesn't even have to be on a bed, Kendall will settle for up against the back of the front door.

He wants to feel that hard body, those strong hands, that deep grunt in his ear. He wants to feel every inch of James, every muscle, every hard line; he was to feel James inside of him, owning him, possessing him until Kendall is complete his; forever.

Kendall's not too sure when this turned into wanting to get laid and wanting to declare love. But like everything tonight, he'll go with it.

When they reach the girls flat she tries about ten times to unlock the door, her girly giggle filling the hallway with each failed try. Eventually James gets sick of it and snatches the keys off her, swinging the door open and almost pushing her through.

Would it be bad it Kendall said he was already half hard with the image of dominant James?

"Welcome to la maison" The girl grins, throwing her bag down on the counter and kicking her high heels off. "Mmm need to pee"

She disappears down the hallway and almost the second she leaves James turns on Kendall with an angry glare. "We're not really going to do this are we?" He hisses.

"James. Don't get your panties in a knot. It will be fine"

"But this is so gay"

"Look, dude" Kendall sighs, reaching out and placing a hand on James' shoulder, "you can go if you want"

"And just go home? Yeah that's no fun"

"I'll go with you"

"What so you'd just leave this hot, drunk chick who honestly looks like she's willing to do anything?"


"Kendall... are you only here because of me?"

"W-what?" Kendall stutters, removing his hand from James' shoulder and looking around awkwardly.

"Well... It's obvious you don't really have any interest in Alice and –"

"Oh her names Alice? Probably good to know"

"You are a horrible person. But yes, Alice. You clearly aren't that keen on her, but you were very keen when she suggested all three of us"


"So... You realise you're going to be seeing me naked? You realise you're going to see my sweaty body grinding into her, you're going to hear me moan... dude you're going to see my sex face"

Kendall's mouth has almost gone dry at the thought of James' sex face, not to mention all this talk of moaning and sweaty bodies.

"Yeah and you're going to see all that of mine too, so it's your call. Are we in or are we out?"

James stares at Kendall intently, hazel eyes burning holes into his skin and holding him there captive. It looks like there's a war raging behind his eyes, and Kendall is hoping, no begging, that he will just give in.

"Fine" He sighs eventually, "But I swear to God if you mention any of this to anyone I will punch you in the throat"

Kendall laughs, "Woah, dramatic"

"Kendall" James warns, "I'll do it right now"

"Ok ok settle, I won't tell anyone"

"Good. Now go sit down"

Crap, Kendall really likes this aggressive, dominant James.

Usually Kendall's the leader. Usually Kendall's the one who comes up with the grand plan. Usually Kendall is the one they all turn to in times of need, the one they would all follow to the ends of the earth. But now, under James' glare and command; Kendall is willing to do anything for James, be anything for James.

In other circumstances Kendall would say it was pathetic, but right now he can't give two fucks.

Kendall collapses down on the couch, letting his eyes shut for a fraction of a second and feeling like he could quite happily fall asleep. Well that is until he feels a sudden weight on his lap.

"Don't go to sleep on me" Alice breathes into his ear, straddling his waist and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She's taken off her dress, now in nothing but black lace underwear and damn it if Kendall's jeans aren't getting slightly tight. Kendall might want to have James fucking him so hard he can't walk for a week, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like cherry glossed lips, long hair and soft curves. He's just a man of many tastes it seems.

But right now, no matter how much he's enjoying Alice's hips rolling down on his and her soft lips pressing down on his neck, he's in the mood for something else.

"Let's take this to the bedroom shall we?" She slurs, sitting up and grabbing Kendall by the hand and as they stumble she grabs James too, pulling them both along.

When they enter her room, which smells too strong of perfume for Kendall's liking, she releases their hands and falls backwards onto her large double bed. Both Kendall and James stand their semi awkwardly as she moves backwards until she hits the head board, laughter spilling from her lips.

"Boys boys boys" She grins, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Mmm I have a few ideas" James smirks, moving towards the bed and beginning to peel of his clothes.

Kendall almost loses it when James takes off his shirt, hard tanned skin suddenly exploding his senses. Kendall's seen James shirtless thousands of times, but not in a situation such as this. Alice reaches over and hooks her hand through James' belt, giggling as she pulls him down on top of her. Kendall's starting to think this is breaching on levels of voyeurism as the two start to make out passionately on the bed. And he's about ready to claw his eyes out in the way James controls the situation, the way his hands grasp at her body, their lips moving in time...

This is far better than redtube.

And Kendall's starting to feel like a creep.

"Blondie, do me a favour" Alice moans as James starts to practically bite her neck. "On my dresser behind you. Vodka"

Kendall, or as he is now known "Blondie", turns and spies the half empty of bottle of Vodka sitting on her dresser, and finds himself wondering who the hell keeps alcohol in their bedroom.

"Body shots" He hears her giggle from behind him.


When he turns back around he almost chokes, and not because Alice is now completely naked but because James is too.

Well, that escalated quickly.

"Blondie, pass me the bottle and your clothes need to be off darling" She smiles, before James sinks his teeth into her hip bone and she loses all sense of self.

He chucks the bottle at the bed so it rolls next to their bodies, and takes his clothes off as quickly as possible. Watching is fun, but being a part of that shit will be better.

Once Kendall is free from all the useless items of clothing, he climbs onto the bed, Alice smiling happily when he joins them. But he's not paying attention to her. James is looking at him, looking at him in such a way that makes Kendall's breath catch in his throat. The look is one of unmeasurable desire and almost a burning lust. It's then that Kendall realises, James wants him too.

He doesn't know if James has always wanted him, or it's just now under the dim light and all the sexual frustration in the room, but Kendall will take it. The urge to pull James into him and smash their lips together is now almost painful, but not yet.

"Ok ok" Alice stutters, bringing Kendall's attention back to earth, "I-I am going to put some vodka hereee and you two are going to lick it off"

She laughs with her eyes half closed as she pours the bottle sloppily over her stomach. Kendall feels like she is going to regret the decision of vodka stained sheets in the morning, but he also feels that probably won't be her biggest regret of the evening. Both James and Kendall duck down at the same time, their lips connecting with Alice's skin and the sudden burn hitting the back of Kendall's throat.

He hates Vodka.

Alice's back arches up off the bed as the two boys lick and suck at her stomach, a gasp escaping her lips and her hands reaching to fist their hair in her hands. "Mmm yes, good boys"

Kendall and James' lips get dangerously close to one another when they meet at her navel, but James quickly moves upwards, kissing a line up her chest. Kendall continues to nip at her hip bones as he lets a hand run up the inside of her thigh, her skin trembling beneath his touch.

"Ugh blondie, please" She pants, moving her hips into Kendall's touch so his hand moves higher on her thigh. "Wait wait stop, stop"

Both Kendall and James stop their actions, looking up at her as she her chest heaves up and down heavily.

"I want to see... you" She slurs, pointing at James, "Do a body shot off h-him"

James freezes, looking over at Kendall with hesitance written all over his face. But Kendall can read James like a book, and he knows his eyes are saying something different.

"Um ok?" James says hesitantly as Alice man handles him across her body and practically shoves him on top of Kendall.

So here's the thing.

James is now lying on top of Kendall.

They're both naked.

And drunk.

And horny.

And Kendall is going to scream.

"Hi" James breathes, his body hovering over Kendall's and a small smile playing on the corner of his lips.

"Hi" Kendall smiles back, lifting up his hand to run his fingers through James' soft hair and brushing it off his face.

This is it. Kendall knows it. This is the moment that everything is going to change, the moment they'll remember for the rest of their lives. Their first kiss, the first time they knew they were in love. The moment when everything shifted in their friendship and they became so much more than they already were.

James' eyes look deep into Kendall's, filled with so many questions and feelings that Kendall can't possibly pinpoint a single one. His face moves closer, closer closer closer until their lips are inches away from sealing everything they are.


"Boyysss I'm losing wood over here"



And that's what snaps James out of it. Moving back from Kendall and clearing his throat as if nothing happened, he grabs the bottle and unscrews the lid, giving Kendall a grin as he pours some of the contents over Kendall's stomach.

Kendall's never been one for body shots, he's never seen the appeal (because really how much alcohol are you consuming from a flat surface?), but when James dives down and his rough lips connect with Kendall's smooth skin, his brain explodes.

"Fuck!" Kendall gasps, hands shooting to grab James by the hair and his hips involuntarily bucking up in search of much needed heat.

James is a fucking tease, and he knows it. He licks, kisses and his teeth nip their way all over Kendall's stomach, Kendall's chest and the bastard thinks it's ok to start kissing a line down Kendall's hip bone and to his inner thigh. If there was a line for "no homo" they crossed it a long time ago.

James places his strong hands on Kendall's thighs firmly, letting his thumbs run circles into his skin. Kendall's going to explode, he can't take it. He wants to use his hands still fisted in James' hair, to guide that pretty little mouth only about two inches to the left; but could he really be that forward? Yes, they well and truly crossed the line, but knowing James he would claim that this was still innocent. His mouth around Kendall's cock? Not so innocent.

"James" Kendall whispers, voice low and strained, "Please"

"Please" could mean a variety of things. "Please get off me"... "Please stop teasing"...

Or the third.

Please fuck me.

James pauses for a second, looking up at Kendall and there's that fucking moment again. That moment of indecision and knowing that they have the opportunity to change everything. But it's James' call, and Kendall will go with whatever he wants; he always does.

"Oh my god" Alice moans, and for the second time this evening Kendall had forgotten her existence.

His eyes go wide when he looks over to her, her eyes focused on Kendall and James with hooded lust as her fingers disappear between her thighs. If you'd told Kendall when he was 15 that one day an insanely hot girl would be fingering herself in front of him to the image of him and James (almost) getting it on, he would have laughed in your face. But now, it's kind of hot.

"You like that?" James whispers huskily as he looks at Alice, holding her eye contact as he bends down and places a light kiss on Kendall's inner thigh.

"Mmm, fuck, yes" She gasps, taking her bottom lip between her teeth and quickening the pace of her fingers.

"Kendall" James grins, looking up at him, "Shall we give her a show?"

Kendall wants to reply with, "I thought you didn't want this to be gay?" or something along those lines, but anything he was planning to say or wanted to stay is wiped clear from his mind as James' lips wrap themselves around his cock.

"Shit!" Kendall cries out, throwing his head back into the pillows.

He wants to scream, yell; even fucking cry, because there is no way James should be that good at this. There is no way James should be able to take all of Kendall in his mouth until Kendall can feel his cock hitting the back of James' throat. It's too much. Too much for Kendall's body, too much for his mind, too much for his mental health and well being. And James isn't helping the situation by gripping Kendall by this thighs, lettings his nails almost sink themselves into skin and moaning down on Kendall's length.

"Oh my god – fuck – yes" Kendall chokes out, tugging on James' hair roughly and now almost fucking himself into the pretty boys mouth.

Kendall hears Alice moan too, chants of "fuck yes" and "cum for him baby" spilling from her lips. Kendall never would have thought he'd like to be watched, especially being watched with James, but hearing her moan and her hand reaching out to grab Kendall by the arm as she nears her own orgasm... well he has to admit that's pretty hot.

Kendall feels the equivalent of a roaring explosion start to build within him, and he knows it won't be long before he is coming apart at the seams. James knows this too, placing his hands on Kendall's hips to steady him as his mouth goes down until it really can't go any further, and holding himself there, making Kendall squirm and whine and scream and lose his fucking mind.

"FUCK!" He screams, letting that explosion burst, overcoming him like a tidal wave and making the room go hazy.

His breath rattles in his chest as he tries to calm down, James coming off him with an audible pop and a smack of his lips. Kendall opens his eyes to see James licking his fingers clean of any remaining cum, with a satisfied grin on his face; the image alone enough to make Kendall feel half hard again.

"Oh my god" Kendall breathes harshly over and over, throwing an arm across his eyes to shield himself from the light as his breath regains some sort of regularity.

He wants to give himself a minute to both breathe and try and figure out what the hell just happened, but these wishes are cut short as he feels James' body press into his and lips ghosting over his neck.

"Did you like that?" James whispers, planting one or two soft kisses along Kendall's collarbones.

"You shouldn't be that good" Kendall chuckles, voice hoarse and spent.

"Oh please, you love that I'm that good"


James takes Kendall's wrist and moves his hand from his eyes, looking down at Kendall in a certain fondness that the blonde has never seen before.

It makes his heart hurt.

Kendall wraps his hand around the back of James' neck, smiling as he pulls his best friend closer in to him.

"Hey Kendall?" James says softly, eyes flickering between Kendall's eyes and his lips.

"Yes James?" Kendall whispers in return, pulling James in closer until they are now not even inches apart.

"I'm going to kiss you now"


Yes, there is going to be sex. Much much much sex.

Chapter 2 will pick up right where we left off.

Paris London Tokyo... NO.