"Matt! MATT!" I screamed until my throat stripped raw. I was being held down by four men in white jumpers. I was so close; WE were so close to the anti-virus! SO CLOSE!

I resisted the urge to punch the floor, out of pure anguish and aggravation. Damn the Umbrella Company! Damn Spencer, damn me!

The last thing I saw was Matt being steered away from me on a gurney….his arm shaking, and sharp spikes penetrating his skin from within. I winced, and saw only black.

Some years later

Matt is long gone now…they destroyed him. I'll never forget how close I was to giving him the antidote. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and give it to him before we got into the mansion, just ONE minute earlier…just one, to clear this regret, and save him. As far as I'm concerned, Matt Addison died right when I blacked out, because from then on, he wasn't the same man anymore.

Now, I am faced with this once again. The only man I can trust, the only decent man in this whole Hell of a planet…Carlos, has been bitten.

If only someone noticed that L.J had been bitten. DAMN ME AGAIN, how did I not notice?!

He is stable for now, we are headed to the new underground Hive…but it's surrounded. I need to keep Carlos with me, just a little while longer. The anti-virus is so CLOSE, we just have to get in.

He has a crazy idea. NO. I don't like it. I hate it. My eyes well up. What is this? Tears. I haven't shed a tear since I lost Matt. Damn this life. Maybe if I close my eyes tight enough I'll wake up beside Carlos on a soft featherbed with silk sheets, and we can spend the day being lazy and feeding each other popcorn.

I laugh to myself out loud, the word 'lazy' hovering around in my thoughts. I will never again have an opportunity to just 'be lazy', even for just a moment.

I want to curl up into a ball, curl onto Carlos and tell him never to go. I need him here with me so that I can continue to be strong and fight for these people around me.

I ball my hands into fists beside me, and he watches me struggle with his decision.

"No, we just have to get you inside, it's too close. We are almost there; you are going to be fine." I say. In my head, I think that the chance of him surviving this day is just as likely as him and I living out our days in a candy house.

He says his goodbyes to everyone. The dark rings have started forming around his eyes, a sign that the transformation is imminent. He will soon be a danger to us all, the way L.J was to him.

I could never bear shooting him…maybe it's better this way…

I stand beside the truck he will be using to clear our path. We just look at each other a moment, while all my regrets rush through my head as clear as day. "Don't go." The tears finally flood over and run down my cheeks at full speed. I say the words knowing that nothing will change, that he must go, but I say them anyways.

His eyes are dry, but I can see the pull I have on him, that he would stay and spend his last moments with me, but he turns to get in the truck.

I stop him and pull his face to mine. This kiss by far was the most intense of all I have experienced. It's warm and soft, and full of longing and weighted down with sadness. It was the most…sad of all the kisses I have ever experienced. When it ends, I hold my face still against his still a moment, in relish of what we could have had together, the troubles we could have overcome, and the loneliness I would never have to suffer again.

He pulls away quickly, and loads himself to the driver's seat, and I whisper 'goodbye'.

We were so close. SO CLOSE to the Anti-virus! DAMN Umbrella, DAMN Spencer!

I wipe away my tears and climb into my own truck to watch the end of Carlos, and go toward the only thing that could have saved me.

I hate you, Anti-virus.

Perhaps if there never had been an anti-virus, it would have been simpler, easier to accept his fate. And Matt's fate.


[Authors Note: I may continue this to an alternate version that Alice imagines while she is unconscious.]