What you must know- This is my first attempt at fan fiction, and English is not my first language. If it sucks... well I can't help it.

Evangelion is in good hands - not mine.

The Perfect Pilot

Chapter I - What are the odds?

By: Concerned Citien X

It was a tragedy, in sense, yet also a turning point of his life, this time, however, it was only tragedy – his latest, yet most depressing memory, one that child never truly forgets. It was a hazy memory of a damp foggy morning when Shinji Ikari was left completely alone. Only a small fragment emerged from his memory - the image of his father walking away without any given reason, or so he thought at the age of four. He was unsure about the rest, at the time he was completely oblivious to everything, words simply seems non-existent, as they never happened. Even if there was a reason it was still amiss, or at least he thought it was. Years after he still found himself repeating the same question, insatiable, he would always give up. All in all, it was for the best. Why bother with something that's irrational, there was always something better to do than recalling the most painful moments of one's life, something he learned it the hard way. The answer was really simple: because it's part of him – it haunts him. That moment defined him for the rest of his life; he would always be the one who was left behind, never knowing why. Invariably, he was alone, from that day onward. Loneliness was an inevitable truth he learned to carry on his back, it was what it was, a part of him. Then why bother with the aimless questions, as he was questioning the existence itself, it had no significance or meaning.

Those were the thoughts of Ikari Shinji.

And then it came back.

Four-year-old Shinji Ikari followed his father through the fog, his small feet barely following the footsteps of the grown man. Stopping, his father turned around and spoke. "Stop where you are!" The boy instantly obeyed, he would always obey no matter what his father demanded. "I already told you - this is goodbye." His eyes started to water again, he still neglected his father's words, simply refusing it as a truth.

"Wait here until your uncle picks you up." His father continued emotionlessly. "You will go with him, understood?"

The boy wanted to protest, he wanted to cry, to ask his father if he was coming back, but he didn't. Instead he just solemnly nodded and froze on the spot, as to show his father that his wish was his command. It was an inner impulse, reassuring voice that deluded him that his father might recognize him as an obedient useful son he always tried to be. He hoped that he would change his mind and take him along, though it never happened. The image of his father's back faded as he observed from the place he was ordered to be at, even when his father was nowhere in sight Shinji still remained still. Doubts never occurred until he realized that the sun came up long time ago and that he was waiting for a long time. He started to cry, it was painfully obvious that he was completely alone under the hazy sunshine, left by father who wasn't returning.

He turned around, though it was in vain. The fog was so thick and obscure that he barely saw his own feet; he could even tell if it was day or night.

After a while he decided to walk, his legs were already shaking and he needed to sit down, after all, he was still a fragile four-year-old. He strolled down the fog, avoiding all the scattered rocks along the way. Soon after, he bumped into a bench by the sign that said stop.

Relieved, he sat down. He remained there for god knows how long. The boy was still coming to terms with recent events. It seemed surreal. Everything that happened just saddened him, but mostly that omnipresent gloomy atmosphere that followed wherever he was. It didn't matter where he went, because in the end it would always end the same, so he remained sitting on that wooden bench, waiting for his uncle to pick him up.

Suddenly two bright lights emerged from the fog and soon stopped before him. His first guess was his uncle's car, but saw otherwise. It was a big blue vehicle that he recognized from the TV. He knew nothing of its purpose, and even its shape was funny looking, so he was surprised when its doors suddenly opened. They revealed a middle-aged man on a driver seat with a horrid looking expression and horrifying eyes that were set on the boy. He looked at him as he exhaled grey smoke from his mouth.

"So, are you coming in or what?" The man spat. "I ain't waiting forever."

Shinji gulped in nervousness, this was indeed his first time speaking to stranger on his own. He opened his mouth to explain his standing but found it impossible. He was so shaken that he was unable to produce any comprehendible sounds - it irked the already infuriated driver. He closed his eyes in fear as the middle-aged man barked. "Fuck is your problem kid? Either you fuck off or climb in."

This was his first encounter with that demeanor, not to mention that he was never this scared in his life. Only thing he heard was: come in – came to him as an order. His mind was blank and his body acted on its own, next thing he knew he was staring at the full rows of seats filled with unfamiliar people. For his surprise he actually climbed inside, for better or worse.

When he turned around the doors behind him closed, in the next moment ground suddenly shook and they started to move.

Not even knowing why, Shinji started to look for a seat. He continued doing so while looking at the ground, granted, there was nothing particularly interesting there beside litter. Paranoid as he was he avoided eye contacts at all cost, sole thought of what would happen if someone took an interest in him tingled his spine. If everyone's gazes weren't enough there were all those chatters involving his presence. Ignoring it, Shinji proceeded to the back row where he settled at one and only open seat behind two suspicious looking women.

He pulled his legs closer while the two skanky dressed women turned around to observe him.

"Aw, look at this small cutie pie." First woman spoke. "He must be very mature to travel on his own."

The other woman pulled a cell phone from her bag – blue, decorated with glitter. "He is so fucking cute that it's unbearable," She spoke as she took a picture and flashed the young boy. Shinji covered his watery eyes, feeling violated.

Two yankee women found his behavior entertaining, they couldn't help but to tease even more since they found his every action both cute and hilarious. One even dared to pinch his cheek, leaving a swollen red mark from her long nails. Shinji was hardly coping with all the abuse, tapping was bearable but pinching really hurt, all he wanted was to jump into the closest pit, sit and cry his lounges out. Was he asking for too much? Too afraid to do anything, Shinji closed his eyes and covered his face with his small knees.

"Please, leave me be." Shinji pleaded, those were the first words he spoke in a while. Two women stopped for a brief moment, and after exchanging glares they both simultaneously broke into chuckles. Shinji remained passive, in both confusion and fear.

After a brief laugh the first woman exhaled. "Don't worry cutie pie. We won't do anything bad to you." Shinji looked up, still full of doubts.

Second woman nodded. "True that. We only want to play with you, it's not like we are hurting you, kiddo. Loose up and tell us your name. You can call me Onee-san,"

Shinji figured that they might not leave him alone if he ignored them; for once he decided to do something, even if that was only answering - a small change was still a change. He didn't truest them even the slightest, it was obvious that he was their current plaything, that much he figured. All the trust he had died with his father, children simply never forget, and if they can't trust their parents then who can they thrust - surely not strangers.

He hesitated. "I-I'm Shinji…"

"Aww, our little boy can speak." First woman whooped. "Did you hear that sis? He has a voice of an angel."

Second woman nodded. "He is the cutest think I've seen in years. My god, I want one like him."

"Oh like hell you would get one." First woman jested. " Your best chance is to trick your man to cum inside, though I have doubts in that wacko's abilities. If you get what I mean."

The second woman shrieked in horror. "Shut up! Don't act like you're any better, you fucking whore. When you get one yourself you can comment, okay? Until you do that I ain't listening to your shit sister, you hear me! As fucked up as you are now you had no right to comment my relationship in the first place. Get it?"

"Like, fuck off." Second woman spat, crossing her arms. Shinji noticed a strange accent from her emphasis on off. "Gosh, just get off your horse. Just because you have one doesn't necessarily make you better that me, and besides you are really scaring the kid."

It was true - Shinji hated yelling, especially when he was almost involved. Both women observed him with some sense of pity, possibly afraid of making him cry. They used vocabulary he didn't recognize, they spoke in the slang he never heard, they dressed differently than his mother, they were strangers, and his sense of danger finally kicked in. Just now he realized what was happening. He was riding on a bus, not knowing where he was even going, doing it completely alone, no supervision, and on top of that accompanied with two women he didn't know and hoped he never will. It was inappropriate situation for the kid of his age, he suddenly felt an urge to cry for his father, uncle, mother, probably anyone would do fine.

After the women finished their babbles they both turned to now sweating Shinji. First woman tipped his forehead, as to break his daydream. Shinji instantly regained his cool; he jumped behind while still observing the woman that was closing in his face. They had him cornered.

"Don't be afraid kid," The woman cheered. "Your Onee-san was just kidding with her friend. You are cuter when you smile, could you smile for me?"

"That's a good idea," The second woman added, "Now show us your brightest smile, and make your One-san happy."

"This is the last stop," Sounded a hoarse voice from the speakers. In the same time the vehicle stopped.

Shinji gulped as he clenched his fists. It was unbearable and he couldn't take it much longer, and he desperately needed some fresh air. The seats were too uncomfortable since it wasn't made for four-year-olds. For both women's shock, he violently stood up and rushed for an exit, leaving them both in confusion. As he passed through the bus he could hear every passenger, every single voice sounded like a drum in his head, every one of them unfamiliar.

Next thing he knew he was in the open, hearing even more voices. He looked around and above, to his horror he was in a place with even more people, every single one of them unfamiliar. Voices came from everywhere, lights flashed in his face, sounds came from every direction, and where was he anyway? He buried his face in his palms. Word why constantly repeating itself in his head.

Tired of everything he started to cry again. "No more, no more, please just no more… someone take me home. I want my mommy!"

Shinji couldn't possibly understand the new world, but the time came to experience it in first hand. Second Impact did its trick on people, changing them forever – everyone was left scarred, and there were no exceptions. From the smallest infants to oldest adults, it came and it took, leaving 2 billion wondering souls to strive as best as they could. People became reserved, selfish, paranoid, and most of all afraid, of both themselves and the world itself. Those were the hard times.

Shinji opened his eyes.

Suddenly everything went silent, as his mind became a blank slate. Next thing Shinji knew all the noise was replaced by smooth jazz. As he slowly removed his palms from his face he noticed that his arms appeared different, indubitably, these were now his present hands – he is fourteen again, and he was in the bar. His head started to hurt as he realized that he just relived one of his long lost memories, again. One haunting memory he managed to forget every once in a while, sadly for him, sooner or later it always cached up, either in dreams or in these kinds of occasions – his occasional daydreams.

Shinji leaned on his chair and frowned. "Oh my fucking Haruhi…"

"Oh my, welcome back kiddo," The man behind the bar cheered. "I thought I lost you there for a second. Have we been daydreaming lately?"

"More than ever," Shinji muttered, eying the bartender. He noticed that he still held that letter, that particular one that turned his whole world upside down. It was a letter from his father, and he detested every inch of that piece of paper. He crumpled it and threw it behind his back.

"Hey, I'll have to clean that later," Bartender spoke, still cleaning his glass. To that Shinji waved in apologetic manner, as he usually did. Bartender called Yoh only chuckled in response, as it was their usual routine. "Don't take it on the letter, what did it do to you."

"Nothing special really," Shinji grunted. "It's just a fucking piece of paper from my so-called father. Could you even believe that fucktard decided to contact me after 10 fucking years? I mean seriously? And what does he have to say – COME, he even showed some shitty decency and bolded the fuck out of those letters, and that's fucking all. Oh wait, he also sent a picture of some porn star… I could swear that it was here somewhere. And really, a letter – this is a fucking 21th century, we use e-mails for crying out loud."

Bartender just laughed. "Come on, don't be shy, and just let it all out."

"Ughhh… such a… ughhh…"

"Deep breaths kid," Yoh half-whispered while waving his rag to send some breeze his way. "At least he called you! Maybe he wants to check up on you?"

"After 10 years? Don't be retarded, I can already imagine him wanting my liver, heart… or even ball."

"So much for happy reunion then," Yoh joked. "Are you sure you want to go?"

Shinji took his time to study the room, granted, he and Yoh were the only ones leaning on the bar, as usual – Shinji appreciated his privacy, as much as he liked to speak his mind out he still hated when other people eavesdropped. "Yep, it's about time I ask for alimentation… I know that the bitch is still alive, Haruhi knows that I would find him sooner or later."

"Oh, come on kiddo, and you are leaving a town only for that? Couldn't you just write response saying: Suck me off and pay my rent or something? You could even use italics. That would show him who's boos."

"You know that I would. " Shinji replied, sipping his juice. "And you know what else; my uncle actually delivered that paper. You know that dickface that lost me when I was a kid; yes that son of a bitch. And you know what else, he started to mumble some shit about delivering reports, lying to my father, Mardo-hook-thingy-system-shock whatever and some other bullshit I hardly understood. The guy was stammering the whole time, but hey he continued to speak none the less, or at least before I said some pretty mean words that made him question his sexual knowledge."

Yoh raised his glass. "Well… good for you. Hope he gets what he deserves in near future."

Shinji sighted as he started to nurse his glass. Even if his mind was set his movements were out of place, and it didn't go unnoticed. Yoh instantly recognized that look in his face, like he was looking at his glass but didn't at the same time, and he know Shinji long enough to know that something more was bothering him. "Let me guess. It isn't as simple as that, is it?"

Shinji sighted, he was completely right. It wasn't as simple as that. "It's nothing particular I tell you. It's just that I haven't seen the sunfuck of my supposed father in a long fucking time, and to be honest I don't mind it even the slightest. But he still is my father and I still want to ask him a lot of questions. First off… ughh- "

"Why he dumped you?" Yoh interrupted.

Shinji smiled at his retort. "Exactly. Well, actually I wanted to know if my mother had an affair, though yeah, it's actually the same question, in sense. And it's true about you, isn't it? You really do know everything about everyone in this neighborhood?"

The older man grinned. "What to say kiddo. I'm a bartender, that's what I do. And I especially know your ass. You've been drinking that same old orange juice for the last four years, and I even daresay that I can even read your filthy mind."

Shinji liked when Yoh mimicked the way old people from movies spoke. "Oh, really? What am I thinking right now?"

Smiling, Yoh glanced away from him. "Hmm… porn?"

"Close call… lamas. They're hit on the internet recently, shame that they're extinct. I wanted to touch at least one in my life-time. Oh well, may those nature's retards rest in peace."

"Heh, I drink to that, but more importantly, as you said you want to ask a lot of questions, and I respect that. And I'll also tell you this. The man is probably an asshole, that's no wonder, calling his son in another town, that's just duschy. Who the hell does he think he even is?"

"Don't know, and don't really care." Shinji replied with a smirk. "As far as I'm concerned he could be Pokémon trainer. I'm just going to ask a lot of questions, and to preferably sodomize his anus in the process, actually I'm quite eager to do that…"

Bartender couldn't help but to laugh again. "No putting you off then. Did you say your goodbyes? I'm sure everyone will miss you."

Shinji took another sip. "Yep, I've passed through the neighborhood on my way here. Got my dose of good lucks and fuck his brains outs. And actually, you are the last one before I hit the road."

"We are all cheering for you, be sure to give him one extra on my behalf. Oh, and what did the Hag say? I got to hear that one."

"Please, you know that witch. You can probably guess?"

"Let me think…" Yoh hesitated. "Well, knowing her, she probably went with: Get your fucking ass out of my property you piss drinking excuse for a shit. And never come back?"

Shinji couldn't help himself but to clap. He was impressed. "Wow, you even pulled off her voice. Nice. Though she missed out the last part, and she called me a buttplug, guess she really likes me then?"

Yoh winked. "No doubt about it. I could swear that she was sometimes too protective of you. And don't forget that you can always return if it really sucks there."

Humored, Shinji pulled of 200 yen and placed them on the counter. "Never really planned to stay for long, just enough to get what I want then ditch that fuckface for good. "

"Then good luck, and before you go let me give you some piece of advice." Yoh said as he leaned closer to Shinji. Shinji nodded and repeated the same. "Listen Shinji, Tokyo- 3 is a fucked up place, that much I know. But don't get me wrong, I know that you can take care of your own ass but be careful. I've been in the business for a long time and the stories I heard about that place… just trust me kid, keep walking straight and watch your back. I know that you're a good kid, just be yourself and don't be afraid to speak your mind, if you can't live by your own ideals you'll become a someone else's sheep, and you know what I mean by that. Now go, before you miss your ride, if you stay a second more we might get into yet another pointless chat. "He winked as he leaned back.

Shinji smiled as he also leaned back on his chair, he quickly drank the rest of his juice. "Thanks Yoh, and don't worry. Everyone already gave me a bunch of stories and advices. I think I'll manage for a day or two, don't forget I'm coming as soon as I can."

"Be quick will you, and please, before you leave just tell me what gems our dear neighbors spilled…"

Shinji slowly stoop and started to pick his things. "Heh, well first Yamato talked some nonsense about parking spots and hookers, Akira… well what to say, the girl knows her bondage… and my brain censors everything that jack off Yuuko says, so nothing there… the rest surprisingly knew a thing or two, which actually made some fucking sense and was not MA+, but we'll leave that for another time…"

"Hehe, you're gonna go far kid."

Shinji nodded and went for an exit. He did a quick run-through with his stuff, he quickly checked the bag and found everything in place, and same was for his wallet. With his SDAT in his pocket he was ready to go. "Until the next time."

"Be sure, you owe me 500 yen!"

"If you wat to talk to operatives press one." Female voice from the speakers spoke, for the 45th time. Shinji's nerves screamed from the agony of endless waiting, his ride was supposed to pick him up fifteen minutes ago, as so long there was nothing in sight. Literally, nothing, which worried Shinji for quite a bit.

In the booth, Shinji tightened his grip on the phone.

"If you want to… be penetrated by All Gloryholeius press two…" Shinji mimicked. "God this phone lines suck…"

"If you want-"

"-JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP" Shinji shouted as he started to bash the phone-booth.

"If-f… youuu…waaann… beeeep"

"Better!" Shinji exclaimed as he leaned on the thin glass. What was he supposed to do now? Give up maybe? He wasn't that far from that. He hardly imagined himself going to Tokyo-3 in the first place. Sure, he always thought that he wanted to, none the less, he always avoided it. He knew that Tokyo-3 offered more jobs, that conditions were much better, and all necessary things for living. It was just that he grew fond of Tokyo- 2, however knowing that his father wanted to meet him – now that was a good excuse.

Sudden noise brought him from his trance; he quickly blinked and started to look around himself. There was still nothing in sight.

An earthquake? At this time of the year, splendid

Arms folded, he exited the booth, feeling quite irritated at that. Since it was probably an earthquake it would explain his drive's absence, not giving it much thought Shinji decided to look for a shelter.

The moment he looked above something out of order cached his gaze. There was a girl standing at the middle of the crossroads. She was wearing a school uniform, one Shinji didn't recognize, nor ever seen. It was painfully obvious that she wasn't from Tokyo-2. Her hair was light blue, not a normal shade of blue that some blondes glittered on bright light; it was just blue, definitely not normal blonde, he figured. And her eyes, piercing red orbs that went right through him, shaking him on a spot, they were hinting at albinism but Shinji knew better, blue hair was genetically impossible even for albino – she was definitely not normal. One thing was certain: she definitely wasn't from Tokyo-2.

He took a moment to clean his eyes, just to check if she indeed was an albino under too much sunlight. The moment he opened his eyes again she was gone. He blinked again but she was still nowhere in sight. He was scared shitless.

Right…right… inconveniently disappearing school girl with inconveniently blue hair and inconveniently bloody red eyes… yep I'm seeing things,

He turned around and chose his direction back home. Maybe he was too paranoid at times but he knew for granted that he never hallucinated. Tokyo-3 could have been a nice place, though Shinji realized that earthquakes and ghastly schoolgirls were obvious signs of bad neighborhood. He could always go next week.

The moment he reached for his bag ground shook so violently that it slipped almost half a meter from his reach. Far in distance a lot of screeching noises could be heard, along with hard thumps that could've easily be debris of massive size. Shinji gulped, if this was an earthquake it was really serious one, it could even be stronger than five degrees.

Shinji hated surprises, he even hated when someone stood in the same room when he spoke to someone, and this surprise was so mind-blowing that he couldn't help but to scream his lungs out in the way overly exited schoolgirl would. He was once again frozen on the spot.

Shinji's heart stopped for a moment as he observed the giant black behemoth moving through the streets. It was huge, 70 meters at least from his perspective. Oversized beast continued to walk in his direction, shattering all the buildings it passed by in the process. Shinji remained still as the debris flew in each direction, raising a giant fog upon the impact - which completely blurred the vision on giant's bottom half. With eyes wide open he observed as the beast came maybe 7 or 8 meters from his location. If it wasn't for the sudden eruption of gunfire Shinji might have remained frozen and certainly died. The sounds of missiles exploding over the behemoths body pulled him out of his trance - he was back to his own self.

When the realization hit him again he paused, then he looked up, looking back down he nodded, then he turned, started to scream the girly way and run for his life.


Waving his hands in all directions he continued to run down the street. Not giving a much thought about all the chaos that was spreading. As he passed the rockets flew above, slamming into the giant.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK…" He repeated as the giant bits flew everywhere around him. It wasn't just running – it turned into avoiding all the obstacles that were scattered along the way. He pressed further, clumsily avoiding all the incoming rock/glass pieces of the ruined buildings. He managed to find a road.

As he ran, a moving blue car from opposite direction cached his gaze. He couldn't determine if he was relieved or even shocked that he actually could survive, or he was simply amazed that he would survive by being saved from imbecile who was driving straight at the giant. Either way he barely cared, only thing that came to his mind was how to find a boat, drive to isolated island, climb on the mountain, then burry himself in the ground.

Shinji stopped from exhaustion. He was already panting and sweating like he ran a marathon and the car was still driving in his way, even speeding up. The thought of being road-killed passed through his mind since the driver showed no signs of stopping. He closed his eyes, bracing for the impact, but the blue car somehow managed to violently stop just an inch from collision. The darkened glass went down, revealing a purple haired woman in her late 20s. She popped up from the window and raised her sunglasses. "Are you Ikari Shi-"

"- OPEN THE FUCKING DOORS!" Shinji screamed at her face.

Taken aback the woman quickly did as was told. "Jeez, I'm on it. BUT, are you Ikari Shinji. Seriously I'm on a miss-"

"-DRIVEEEEEE!" Shinji interrupted as he slammed the doors behind himself.

Misato quickly hit the pedal, the car just barely avoided the 4 meter foot that was aiming right at them. She spun the car few times and clumsily placed them back on the road, leaving the giant to play with the aircrafts and artillery that was coming in his way.

I'm going to get in deep shit if I picked up the wrong kid…

She started to inspect the boy. To her, he looked casual. He was wearing a normal black V shirt, along with normal blue jeans and white shoes - The perfect example of normal kid, except for the fact that he was panting and mumbling incomprehensive words in his chin. Granted, the situation asked for it, though in her reports she read that Ikari Shinji was phlegmatic to excess. She began to worry that she really did pick up the wrong child.

"Um… I know that this is a bit shocking and all, but can you please tell me if you're name is Ikari Shinji by some accident?"

The boy looked up directly at her, swat still poured down his face, a mixture of mad and confused all over his face. "Are you fucking kidding me? There is a giant ass fucking Godzilla playing Tetris with the city and you don't give a rat's ass about it? Yes, I'm fucking Ikari Shinji if you must know – the only brain-dead retard that went on holidays on monster attack day. Pleasure to meet you."

Leaning further from berserk kid, Misato waved her hands. "Ugh… pleasure to meet you…"

At least I picked up the right kid… I probably read the wrong metal profile… Ritsuko probably got it wrong… even she makes mistakes here and there…

"LOOK AT THE FUCKING ROAD!" Shinji screamed as he grabbed her arm and swung the wheels away from immobile car in their way. "Dear Haruhi, are you trying to kill us… "

"Hey, I'm an expert in driving. And you know you could thank me for change, since I picked you up and all that." Misato informed as she stabilized the car.

"Y-You were LATE. I almost died because of it," Shinji hissed. "Oh don't tell me… my dear father sent you…"

"Misato Katsuragi, at your service," She replied with a silly smile. "I got a little lost there… I swear I was just the minute past the clock."

Definitely a wrong mental profile… shy, reserved, easy to control… my ass.

"Wait a second… you look like that cleavage lady from the picture…oh fuck… just don't tell me that he sent you to pass the big news or something similar…" Shinji responded in disbelieve. "I have to stomach a giant fucking monster, fine, it's not like my view on life, universe, reality and philosophy are turned upside down. BUT if you tell me that he called me to participate in his wedding I will seriously jump out of the car."

"Oh god NO," Misato exclaimed. "It's nothing like that, I am a Major. We work together that's all."

Shinji took a moment to calm down. He sighted. "And why would he call me then, if I may ask?"

"Umm… look that's classified, sorry."

"Hmmm…" Shinji hesitated. "Well then, let's see how far I am. You obviously work for my father since he is the type of fucktard who doesn't have a bit of decency to pick me up by himself. Then you said that you are a major, which means that you are both in military. You didn't react to that monster, heck, you drove straight at it - which makes me thing that both you and my father knew about that thing before it even came, heck, I could get myself evolved in some pretty serious shit. OR, you could just be the world's biggest carefree airhead retard that just happened to not-give-a-fuck about any of it. I wonder…"

Dam it the kid is sharp…

Misato rubbed the back of her head, making a silly face, "Well… yes we did know abou-"

"-which means that fuckface could warn me that THE FUCKING GODZILA would attack my god damn city. You know what - bullshit! I just can't believe it. No seriously - fuck this, everything is just too insane. My father is probably the biggest cunt in the galaxy and there is fucking monster destroying Tokyo-2, and maybe even killing few people I know, or already did. Maybe you wouldn't believe but that would piss me off so badly that I might just kill something. "

Misato gulped. "Emm… Shinji? Why did you come here exactly?"

Shinji exhaled to calm himself down. "Child support,"

Oh my… this will be very interesting.

"That's… great… yeah…" Misato stuttered. "Good luck with that."

I'm never having children...

"And let me ask one important thing, okay? What the fuck was that thing?"

"We call it Angel…" Misato replied.

"Oh, how fucking ironical. This shit is just too good to be true. We could as well call it Penny or Juliet… "

"Hey, it's not like I picked the name."

Shinji sighted. "I'll need few moments of silence to get something straight in my head. If you don't mind…"

Misato shrugged. "Beats me…"

As they drove a laud sonic wave passed above them. Misato pushed the break and quickly opened the window. Shinji loudly complained about the sudden stop while she reached for her binoculars. It was exactly as she feared - those were the aircrafts carrying an N2 mine.

Misato quickly grabbed the boy and pulled him in the tight embrace, Shinji on the other hand, screamed in protest. He found it extremely uncomfortable being engulfed by the female legs, second after, something soft pressed on his back. He felt awkwardness pass through every inch of his body, not to mention the bright red blush all over his face.

Misato tightened her grip, as she also ducked lower to brace for an impact. In the next moment, a great shockwave slammed into their car, while smoke engulfed it completely.

Black image.

Misato slowly opened her eyes. She found the sunlight painful to her eyes as she slowly adjusted to it. As she tried to move she cringed from the sudden pain in her back. Now fully aware, and with the clear vision of her surroundings, she noticed that she was outside of her car, lying on the sand. She noticed that fumes flew from her precious car, which was sadly, by a chance, upside down.


Suddenly it hit her. Where was Shinji? As painful as it was she pressed on her shoulder and turned on the side. He was not near the car, thinking about it – she was outside. He must have carried her out. She spun around and finally caught his position. He was fanatically walking in the circle, holding a cell phone.

"Answer... answer… answer… "He repeated, feeling completely paranoid. He continued to move in the same circle, repeating the same thing over and over. His desperation was obvious, ground was deepened by number of times he circled, Misato figured that he did that for a long time. Shinji's eyes were tearing up. What if someone died, if one of his classmates died, if his neighbor died, if Hag died, if Yoh died?

"ANSWER DAM IT," He shouted at his cell. Observing the giant burning mess of the city, he started to wonder if at least anyone he knew is still alive. He already dialed all the numbers he had, none answered. And on top of everything, the beast wasn't dead.

Misato realized what he was going through. It would be best to leave him be for a while, though the thing was that she was still supposed to deliver him. Mission is still mission, as she was about to speak up Shinji's phone rang.

"Hello!" He shouted. "Are you… oh thank Haruhi… nothing really… really, good to know… oh so you're in a tunnel… underground shelters… yeah of course I knew that… NO, I was just curious… shut up…. I hate you… I hate you so much… yeah fuck you too. Bye." He hanged up and sighted in relief.

He looked back at Misato. "Shit, are you ok?" He asked, rushing at her side. "Don't move, ok? You got pretty fucked up."

He is actually quite caring person.

"Oh, don't worry kiddo. Just give me a few seconds." Misato replied, standing up with Shinji's help. "Oh god my back… ughh."

"You sure?" Shinji asked, holding up her back.

"Yeah, definitely." Misato replied with painful expression. "I'm more worried about my car. It looks even worse than usual. We'll have to turn it over."

Shinji nodded.

"Say Shinji, did you call your girlfriend? You sounded quite lovely…" Misato teased to break the gloomy mood, though she didn't expect to be blown off by middle finger.

Definitely not cute.

After a series of pushing they managed to turn it over, though car still looked unable to drive. Misato claimed that it's always like that but she failed to start it.

"What a piece of crap," Misato yelled and she punched the hood. "It's dead for good. We might as well take a nice walk."

Shinji sighted. "Let me try," He opened the hood and inspected the interior. "Oil dipstick is stuck, alternator suck and air cleaner is dirty. Indeed. What a piece of shit."

"Hey," Misato exclaimed. "Only I can call it shit, and it's not. It's just old. And can you seriously fix that?"

"I'll try."

Misato observed as he started to work. "Where did you learn that?"

"I'm usually dealing with home repairs, though I know few things about cars. It's quite similar… I guess."

"I don't really think it is," Misato wondered. "Where did you learn that stuff anyway?"

"College, obviously,"

Misato was taken aback. "You went to college, age 14? Seriously?"

Shinji look at her with wonder. "You know about that quick education program government issued? The one where capable 10 year-olds can attend collage… you know rebuilding of society after impact. All the laws government brought? You didn't know? Where the hell do you live?"

"Ughh…not really," She admitted. "I didn't even know that there was collage for domestic repairs…"

"Well, there actually isn't one."

"Then how?"

Shinji sighted. "You ask a lot of questions, you know? It's fucking annoying. I learned it after I dropped from college. O.K?"

"Why did yo- sorry…" She apologized. "We just met after all, didn't we? If you like to keep things to yourself, it's o.k., I'm completely fine with it. I already know what I need to know about you."

Shinji eyed her. "Oh really?"

"Leave the sarcasm. After all I am tactician, believe it or not. And I always know what's important – that you have the dirtiest language I've heard in a while, very short temper, no manners or any sense of respect for your elders. BUT, you are surprisingly determined, gentle and caring, and that's enough for me."

Shinji chuckled. "Want to hear your own mental profile? I can point exactly 10 of your positive and 40 negative traits, along with some predictions."

"I'd rather not. I'd like to keep a good image of myself."

What exactly did you study again?

Shinji sighted. "Oh, whatever. I'm done. Let's try it out."

For Misato's surprise, it worked like a charm. They successfully managed to get back on the road and continue to Tokyo-3, trailing the tailgates behind.

"I could swear that we already passed this way a few hundred times…" Shinji complained.

Misato grunted. "Don't worry, Shinji-kun. I have everything under control. My woman intuition is guiding us."

I have no idea what I'm doing. These corridors always looked the same no matter how you look at it.

"It's good to know that you're an expert tactician." Shinji joked. He didn't mind it very much. He was more concerned about their surroundings – NERV. He detested the place the moment they entered the gloomy looking complex. He hated the atmosphere of the place. It was more of an institution than military organization. They passed a lot of people in white medical coats, some of them probably doctors and technicians and the rest scientists. He was starting to wonder if there even might be any soldiers except for guards who didn't look like it.

Right before them, doors suddenly opened to reveal a blonde scientist also in her late 20s possibly 30s, Shinji couldn't tell. She came directly in front of Misato.

"You're late," Blond woman scolded.

Misato rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry Rits-chan. We had some issues on our way here."

"Is this the Third Child?" Blonde woman asked, ignoring the Major.

Shinji gave the woman a puzzled look. Third Child? Da fuck?

"Yes, he is." Misato confirmed. "And you got me surprised Ritsuko, you accidently mixed reports. It's surprise to see you make mistakes."

"What are you talking about? I didn't mix anything, though it IS you after all. Who knows what you did." Ritsuko replied. "Now, you are the Third Child?"

Shinji could already tell that he won't like the woman. It was something in her cold demeanor that he didn't' like. "Yes, whatever that is. I'm Shinji, pleasure to meet you, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi."

"It's wonderful to finally meet you Shinji Ikari. You must be Commander's son."

Shinji instantly started to hate the way she spoke to him, like he was an 8 year-old. "No matter how much I deny it… still tragically true, though I am considering a name change. SO, can you take me to the bastard? We have a lot of paperwork to do."

Shinji noticed that Doctor seemed shocked, as did Misato. Doctor Akagi coughed. "Misato, are you sure this is Ikari Shinji?" She whispered.

Wow, what a bitch. Doesn't she get that I can hear her

"Yeah, he is," Misato replied, giving a doctor quite surprised look.

Blonde doctor coughed again. "Well then, Shinji. I'll take you to see your father, though I have to show you something before that. The reason you were summoned here."

Shinji raised an eyebrow. "I really don't like surprises. Not to mention that my brain is barely coping with all the Godzilla thingy… if it will cause me heart attack we should seriously skip it."

Doctor Akagi gulped. "I-It's nothing of sorts… m-maybe a little…"

"Then how about skipping all that unnecessary bullshit and telling me what it is?"

"I am instructed not to…" Doctor replied, lamely.

"Oh really?" Shinji wondered, giving the doctor a quite irritated look. "Well then, overly-mysterious doctor, reveal me your secrets. Lead the way"

Doctor cringed - both Misato and Shinji noticed how nervous she actually looked. "This way," she showed.

Face-palm. Face-palm. Face-palm. Face-palm. Face-palm. Face-palm. Face-palm. Face-palm.

Both Misato and Ritsuko expected that he would be surprised. Instead of that, Shinji appeared to be infuriated, to excess. It's a rare scene to see nerves popping out on someone's temples.

"it's humanity's last hope," Doctor hesitated. "It's a man-made humanoid battle machine…Evangelion."

The boy kept his shaking hand over his eyes - he spread his middle fingers to look at her directly with his wide opened eye. "And it works on platypus semen, right?"

"That is corre- wait…"

"Let's just get this clear shall we…off all things, dear Haruhi, of all fucking things to battle a fucking monster… oh just NO. You could make a giant FUCKING CANNON, DEADLIEST MINE IN THE WORLD, PROTON BLASTER, MOST POWERFUL TANK, A NUCLEAR SPACE TANK, OR EVEN DIGIMON… fuck that, even lightsaber would make more sense. But INSTEAD, you made a giant 60 feet tall robot, which defiles all laws of physics, and surprisingly fails to crush itself from on own weight… splendid. Now I'll ask this… am I fucking right?"

Doctor gulped, as did Misato. She was for some reason very nervous, which was quite visible to everyone. "Firstly it was designed in the mos-"


"You are correct!" Doctor replied, instantly. She had to look away to avoid the most death emitting stare that was set on her, and so did Misato, who felt a bit relieved to know that it wasn't directed exactly at her.

Wide opened Shinji left a small frantic chuckle. "I-I need to know one more thing… oh fuck it I actually want to ask shit ton of things… though there is just that… that tiny possibility… that small irrational, almost impossible little thingy that I would like to know… or assume… now… please, and when I say please I mean PLEASE.. Don't… Don't tell me that you… by any chance in the world… any fucking possibility….would you like me to pilot this…because that would be ridiculous, now wouldn't it?"

Both women found no strength to answer that question. They might as well do it when armed guard accompanied them, now, when Shinji was glaring daggers of death their way – no.

"That is correct," came a voice from above.

Shinji slowly shifted his death glare to the source, and so did the 2 women.

"Now then," Shinji spoke with spite. "Who the FUCK are you?


I noticed how authors like to include whole back-story in the first chapter whenever they do a redo with OOC Shinji – I really don't want to do that. I just think that it would be more interesting this way. And I hope it was.

I don't even know how I got this idea... who knows. I know that probably 1000 people did the same shit... thought I'd still like to do my own version.

Well that was all from me. Please review. Cheers!