Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
Of Jelly Beans and Meddling Teens
"Come on, Britt. Hurry!"
Brittany, who had stopped on the sidewalk to eat a chocolate bar she had dug out of her candy bag, jogged to catch up with Santana who was walking as fast as she could even with the makeshift sheet-cape that Brittany had made her wear getting caught around her feet.
"Ugh, this damn thing." Santana yanked the cape/sheet from around her feet for the umpteenth time that night. "Britt, do I really have to wear this?"
"If you had worn your own costume in the first place, I wouldn't have had to improvise. I've been preparing my costume for weeks." Brittany gestured down to her astronaut duck costume that even Santana had to admit was good.
"Why do I even need to wear a costume?"
"It's Halloween, Santana. You can't go trick-or-treating without a costume. There's like a law against it." Brittany said the words as if they made perfect sense and Santana, knowing to never argue with her logic, gave up.
"Right. Anyways, we need to hurry before it gets too late."
"Where are we going? And what's in the bag?" Brittany pointed to a bulging black trash bag that was in Santana's hands. How had she not noticed that before?
Santana hesitated. "It's uh, it's candy, of course."
"Yeah, but we haven't been to that many houses and you didn't even get candy with me, you just waited at the curb."
"Don't worry about it, Britt. I just have some…business to take care of."
Brittany groaned. She had heard that phrase before.
"Santana, whenever you say that you have 'business to take care of' that either means that you're going to do something that ends with us both getting grounded or that you need to touch your lady parts because you're sexually frustrated."
A little boy dressed as a pirate that was walking in front of them turned around and stared wide-eyed at the two girls. His mother gave them a dirty look and pulled her son away in another direction. Santana turned a brilliant shade of red.
"Brittany, you can't go saying things like that with kids all over the place."
"Sorry, but it's true and judging by the fact that you can't even see my amazing boobs in this costume, I'm convinced that you're up to something."
"Right now, we're just going to Quinn's house. I'm not up to anything."
"Yet," Brittany mumbled, taking another bite of her chocolate.
On the way to Quinn's house, despite what Santana said about hurrying, she allowed Brittany to stop at a few houses to get candy, except for at one house where Brittany was scared mindless by a grown man dressed as a gorilla with fake blood dripping down his front jumping out from behind a bush and yelling in her face.
She had run behind Santana who shouted at the man for scaring her, calling him a hairy douchebag.
"Santana, you can't go saying things like that with kids all over the place," Brittany reminded her girlfriend as nearly everyone in the vicinity stared at her.
"Whatever, gorilla freak deserved it. Come on, let's go."
Santana grabbed Brittany's hand and pulled her away. They walked along the same path for about ten more minutes before Quinn's house came into view.
Brittany turned to Santana. "Why are we here? Is Quinn going trick-or-treating with us?"
They were at the front door now and Santana knocked on it a couple of times. "Not exactly…"
A few moments later, the front door opened revealing Quinn in a not so scary witch costume.
"Hey, guys. That's a great costume, Brittany," she looked over to Santana and sniggered. "Nice cape."
"Shut it, Fabray. Britt made me wear this. Now, quit wasting time and let's go."
Quinn rolled her eyes and closed her front door. Soon, they were off again. To where, Brittany did not know. It took Quinn about two seconds to notice the gigantic bag in Santana's hand.
"Santana, that bag is huge, did you two get that much candy on the way?"
Santana didn't answer right away, so Brittany did it for her. "I got candy, not too much, though. Santana, on the other hand is acting all double-o-seven and being mysterious. She won't say what's in the bag."
Quinn made a quick swipe for the bag but Santana dodged her hand just in time.
"I'll show you what's in the bag, damn it. Just not now."
Quinn rubbed her temple. "Santana, I swear, if there is anything in that bag that will result in our arrest, I will kill you. Slowly and painfully."
"Oh, please. I could kick your ass with my eyes closed."
Brittany stifled her laughter at their bickering and moved to walk in between them. She quickly changed the subject before Quinn could retort.
"So, where are we going now?"
Instead of Santana, it was Quinn who answered. "We're going to the party, duh."
"Wait, we're going to a party?" Brittany was confused, no one mentioned a party. She looked over to Santana who had a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Yeah, Santana texted me saying that Puck was having a costume party tonight." Quinn turned to Santana also. "That's where we're going, right?"
Santana looked as if she were about to burst out laughing. "Well…"
"What do you mean 'well'? Wait…you tricked me. Didn't you?"
Santana smirked. "Oh yeah, totally. And that was my treat."
"Whatever, Santana. If we're not going to a party, then where the hell are we going?"
"Can't you just wait-"
"No!" Brittany and Quinn shouted together.
"Fine, I'll tell you, but walk faster."
The girls quickened their paces as Santana began to speak.
"Okay, so remember on Monday at school when that really snooty chick scraped the bumper of my car with that pile of metal garbage she calls a vehicle?"
Quinn and Brittany nodded.
"Well, bitch didn't even apologize. In fact, she laughed and drove the fuck on."
"That's not very nice," Brittany said.
"I know! Anyway, I was walking down the hallway when I heard her say to her friend that she hates Jelly Belly jelly beans, even the sight of them makes her want to throw up and-"
Quinn groaned. "And that's what's in the bag, isn't it?"
Santana then grinned so devilishly that it could've put the actual devil to shame.
"Hell yeah. Fifty-seven packages of Jelly Belly jelly beans dumped into one big bag."
Brittany raised an eyebrow. "What do you plan on doing with them and why do you need us?"
"You two are going to help me with my little payback idea."
Quinn scoffed loudly. "Oh, and what makes you think I'm going to help you. You may be able to talk Brittany into doing something stupid like that- sorry," she quickly added, glancing at the other girl, "but I will not help you do whatever the hell it is you're planning because I'm one hundred percent positive that this will end with us trying to outrun a police car."
Santana placed a hand on Quinn's shoulder and shoved her. "Don't be such a pussy, Quinn!"
"You are what you eat, so in that case, you're the pussy Santana." Quinn smirked and shoved her back.
"If you are what you eat, then I'm about seven Milky Way bars," Brittany said, interrupting the current argument between the two girls.
Santana exhaled. "Look, everything will go perfectly. I just need you guys to help with it. Once you hear my plan, I'm sure you'll understand how simple it is. Trust me, we won't even be seen."
Santana looked to Brittany who grinned. "Of course I'll help."
"Thanks, Britt," Santana smiled and pecked her on the lips then turned to Quinn.
"Well? You in or you out, Fabray?"
Quinn crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. "What's your damn plan, Lopez?"
"How the hell do you even know where this girl lives?" Quinn whispered.
"I did my research, now shut up and help me with these stupid jelly beans. And, Brittany, make sure the rope isn't too tight."
Brittany took the thin piece of rope, which had come out of Santana's bag, and checked to make sure it was loose enough.
"The rope is okay," she whispered to Santana who was situating the bag of jelly beans onto the roof of the snooty girl's home with the help of Quinn.
"Great, everything is good to go. Now let's go over the plan one more time. Quinn, you're going to lure her out of the house by simple ringing the doorbell and then you will run your ass back here and hide behind the bush without making a sound. Then, when Snooty Von Bitchington opens her door, Brittany, you will pull the rope that's keeping the bag of jelly beans sealed so that the bag will open and she will be showered with an avalanche of what she finds to be disgusting fruitiness."
Brittany nodded. "And what are you going to do?"
Santana pulled out her cell phone and held it up. "I will videotape the entire thing."
Quinn scowled at Santana. "Very mature. Can we just get this over with?"
"Quinn, wait until I give you the thumbs up signal to ring the doorbell. Britt, let's get in our positions.
Quinn stayed standing in front of the door while Santana and Brittany moved behind the bush. Santana made sure Brittany had the rope in hand before giving her a thumbs up. Quinn sighed and reluctantly rang the doorbell, then ran behind the bush. The door opened and Brittany yanked the rope. Hundreds of jelly beans plummeted out of the bag, landing all over...an elderly woman who screamed and threw her arms over her head.
"Uh, Santana. Are you sure this is the right house?" Brittany whispered.
"Yeah, this is 3262 West Drive," Santana whispered back.
Quinn slapped a palm to her forehead. "Santana, this is 3262 East Drive."
Santana's eyes widened. "Shit, run!"
Before Quinn could even blink, Santana grabbed Brittany's hand and took off.
"Wait for me!" Quinn stumbled out of the bush and turned to the old woman. "I...sorry!"
She ran after Brittany and Santana who were about a mile ahead.
"Oh, I will never understand why the youth of today always feel the need to pull such retched pranks on this holiday! You young ladies should be ashamed of yourselves!"
The woman brushed the jelly beans off of her night gown and went back inside, slamming the door as she did.
Quinn caught up with Brittany and Santana who had slowed down and smacked Santana on the head.
"What the hell, Quinn!"
"That was for getting me into this mess. So much for your plan going perfectly! God, Brittany how do you put up with this girl?"
Brittany shrugged. "You get used to it."
"You know, we may have jelly bean'd the wrong person, but that was still pretty hilarious," Santana said, playing back the video on her phone.
"Well, Santana, If that's all for your ridiculous ideas, I'm going home. Bye Brittany." Quinn waved goodbye and headed off.
"Can we go home too? This costume is starting to get really hot." Brittany fanned herself and wrapped an arm around Santana's shoulders.
"Sure, Britt." Santana played the video of the old lady getting hundreds of jelly beans dumped onto her over and over again as they walked home.
"This just gets funnier every time," Santana commented as they opened the door to Brittany's house.
"It would have been funnier if you had gotten the right person," Brittany said as she sat down on the couch.
"Oh, believe me, I still intend to get back at Snooty McGee. I just need to come up with another idea."
Writing this was almost as fun as imagining that old woman getting covered head to toe in jelly beans. :)