Shepard closed her eyes and sighed. It was insane, really. She tried to ignore the rough pangs of jealously that flowed through her as Liara sat between herself and her fiance.

She was discussing layouts of the wedding and had blueprints for the design, but Shepard couldn't listen. Her eyes moved to Liara's hands as the asari shifted and brushed her hand against Garrus' thigh accidentally, six times in a row, or the way her eyes lit up every time Garrus complimented her work and the tone of her voice and how it lowered slightly when she mentioned the honeymoon plans.

Why is she planning our honeymoon? Did Garrus ask her for extra help?

"What do you think, Shepard?"

Shepard's knuckles were white, "I do like the design. It's very...plain and simple. I don't like extravagant."

I did ask her to do this. She agreed. I can act like a mature adult. Yes. I can.

She tuned out the rest of Liara's ideas and noted how tight and revealing her blouse was. It showed a bit too much cleavage for her tastes. She self-consciously looked at her shirt. It was just a plain black tank-top with the Normandy emblem on it. She sighed and suddenly felt boring and plain. She had set fire to all of the outfits Miranda gave her for that Simmons mission. They were so expensive and Miranda was so upset. She smiled at the memory and stood.

"Would you like something to drink, Liara?" Shepard began walking to kitchen. They rented an apartment on Palaven until Garrus was finished with all the legalities of becoming Primarch. It apparently was a ridiculous ordeal, with so many traditions and rules...and he was breaking the most sacred one; marriage, to a non-clan member.

Fuck, a completely different species, at that.

She sighed and pulled out three glasses of the glass cabinet and decided she needed an actual drink.

One of her first real drinks since she was seventeen years old.

"Water, please, Shepard." Liara called lightly.

"Same here, babe."

Shepard grinned and poured two glasses of water and filled the third with vodka and orange juice.

She carried the three glasses back into the living room and happily took a sip as she sat down.

Oh god, it was so good. She sighed happily and smiled at Liara and Garrus.

Garrus grinned and took a sip of his water and placed the cup on the table.

"So, I was also thinking that we could add a fountain in the middle of the veranda."

Shepard raised her eyebrow as she took another long sip.

"Fountain?"

Liara nodded, "Yes. A fountain. I have the layout here." She pulled up her omni-tool and displayed it on the table as she reached for her glass and took a sip.

"I've also thought that this ceremony would be a lot better than just eloping, Shepard," Garrus commented, glancing at his bride-to-be.

Shepard nodded, "I know how important this is to you, Garrus. You want a traditional turian clan ceremony."

The turian nodded and placed his talon on Shepard's knee and lightly squeezed, "I'm glad you don't mind."

She snorted, "Please, Garrus. It's not like I had any plans. Marriage by Elvis did sound fun, but this is way more practical."

He smiled a turian smile and looked back at Liara's design.

"So you can see here that.."

Shepard glanced at her tattooed ring and sighed as she took another sip. She actually almost wanted a big diamond, just to really show the galaxy she was with the soon-to-be Primarch of Palaven. Another sip and she glanced at the remains of her glass and pursed her lips. She had about two more gulps left and she would need them on her trip back to the kitchen to pour herself another glass.

"I think I'm hungry, Garrus," Shepard announced awkwardly as she glanced at Garrus. He nodded and smiled politely at Liara, "We can go over the rest of your seating arrangements tomorrow."

Seating arrangements?

Shepard smiled at Liara, trying to sugarcoat her tone, "Thanks so much, Liara. We'll discuss everything else tomorrow, if that's alright."

The asari blinked, faked a smile and nodded, "Yes, that's fine." She picked up her blueprints and rolled them up and carried them underneath her arm.

"I'll show you out, Liara." Garrus offered, leading her out of the living room and to the foyer of the apartment.

Shepard downed the rest of her drink and walked back into the kitchen and poured herself another drink. She knew Garrus could sense the animosity; the way it was practically shedding out of her, she could almost smell it. Vodka was liquid courage and she downed the glass. She needed it now.

Garrus walked in and saw Shepard pouring herself a third drink, her hands shaking.

"Shepard. Why did you treat her like that? I mean...you asked her to be the planner."

Shepard took a sip, "Garrus, honestly," her voice kind of slurred. Fuck, she was a light-weight. She shook her head and topped off the glass.

He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, waiting for her to continue.

She sauntered towards him, taking a long sip before setting the glass down on the counter.

"I know I asked her to do this," she started with that. It made sense; she did in fact have pure recollection of her request, even drunk. It didn't seem to be a month and a half ago.

"And then you make her feel uncomfortable under your harsh scrutiny?"

Shepard snorted and reached for her glass, "Garrus, those plans were shit and you know it. Why...the fuck would I want a water fountain?" She took a small sip, "I'm not having my goddamned aquarium at the wedding. Fountains only belong in parks on Illium with blue children."

Garrus blinked, "That's like saying only Earth has trees because of all the humans."

She raised her glass almost as if in a toast before commenting dryly, "How do you know that's not the reason?" She finished her drink and moved towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and inhaled her scent. She reeked of vodka, but her vanilla shampoo scented her black hair beautifully.

"I...just don't want to lose you," she whispered and looked down at her feet.

"Shepard," he gently lifted her chin with his talon, "I'll always be here. There is no Vakarian without Shepard."

She smiled fondly at the memory and intertwined her right hand with his. She got on her tip-toes and kissed him.

He released her hand and placed his talons through her hair. He deepened the kiss and closed his eyes. She groaned and he moved his talons to the back of her thighs and lifted her in one motion. She wrapped her legs around him and smiled.

Shepard giggled and kissed his forehead as he carried her to their bedroom. He placed her on the bed and grinned.

He took off his light blue undergarment and flung it over his head. She unhooked her bra and slipped off her black tank top and sweats. Garrus crawled on top of her and placed his forehead against hers.

She closed her eyes and he was about to fit inside her when they snapped open.

"What's wrong?" He paused a few inches away from her and blinked.

"Please get off of me."

Garrus lightly rolled to his side and looked at Shepard. He placed his talon on her waist and she pulled him close.

Her lower lip quivered as she fought the internal volcano that threatened to erupt.

"I...can't. I'm...so..sorry."

"Woah...hon, no. No. It's okay." He gently massaged her side and she shook her head.

"No. It really isn't," she whispered before getting up and walking to the bathroom.

She closed the door, turned the shower on and Garrus heard sobs even over the running water.


A/N: Poor Shepard. She can't help her past...or Garrus', for that matter.

Anyways, review please.

BrokenEmber