Hello, friends. It me. It... Chucklez-Lives-On.
Reply to Reviews:
Songmistle: This fic is OLD. And you are probably correct, I probably did misspell her name somewhere.
Guest: They return for more antics. I think.
TheVillainOfTheStory: AWWW. That means so much :,)
NeverWritesAlwaysReads: Sus, sus, amogus.
winkingkitty: Me too.
HELP: Omg thank you! I have no idea how!
WembleyChilterto: Thank you so much!
And without further ado... whatever this is. I couldn't tell you what this is, so please don't ask.
"My God, I am so bored! Somebody pay attention to me!" Hawkfire complained.
"I could sing you a song!" Bramblestar offered.
"Please. No." Hawkfire replied dismissively.
Cloudtail puffed out his chest. "I could put on a modeling show!"
"CLOUDTAIL!" Brightheart screeched.
"Also no." Hawkfire shook her head.
"HOLD THE HOLY PHONE!" Rootstar screamed, holding a phone with angel wings and a halo. "WHAT IS THIS 'GOD' YOU SPEAK OF, HAWKFIRE?!"
"Holy phone." Lionblaze stared at Rootstar's phone, entranced.
Rootstar threw the holy phone at Lionblaze.
"Ooh." Lionblaze said as the holy phone bonked him in the head.
"LIONBLAZE! I SAID 'HOLD THE HOLY PHONE'! PICK IT UP RIGHT NOW!" Rootstar demanded as Lionblaze scrambled to pick the holy phone up. "Anyways, Hawkfire. What is this 'God' speak of?"
"I don't know. It's an expression I heard a Twoleg say." Hawkfire shrugged.
"Silly Twolegs. That sounds like a phrase you would use in place of 'My StarClan'," Rootstar said.
"Isn't that blasphemous?" Hawkfire asked.
"Is it?" Rootstar said.
"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you back."
"Should we go ask the Pope?"
"No, Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo. The Kitty Pope."
"There's a Kitty Pope? I didn't realize we were Catholic."
"I didn't realize you knew about Twoleg religions when you were asking me what I meant by, 'My God'."
Lionblaze raised his paw. "I'm confused. Who is the Kitty Pope and why does he have two names?"
"I don't know. Because he can? Dial the holiest number you can think of and ask." Hawkfire told him.
Lionblaze dialed the holiest number he could think of. "Hello, is this the Kitty Pope, JohnPaul GeorgeRingo?"
"Yabba Dabba Doo! I like talking to you!" The other end of the line said to him.
Lionblaze held up the phone. "I'm confused."
Rootstar snatched the phone back from him. "It's a Flintstone phone, you uncultured swine." She meowed to him.
"I thought you said this was a holy phone!" Lionblaze exclaimed.
"I'd like you to come up with a good argument as to why a Flintstone phone isn't to be considered a holy phone, but go off, I guess." Rootstar responded dismissively.
"Jayfeather!" Hawkfire called.
Jayfeather came up to them. "What?" He asked exasperatedly.
"As our medicine cat, you are our closest connection to StarClan. Please explain to Lionblaze who Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo is." Hawkfire ordered him.
"The Kitty Pope."
"Who in the name of StarClan is the Kitty Pope?"
"Well, that's we're trying to get you to explain that to your brother."
"Well, can you explain to me? Because I have no idea who the 'Kitty Pope' is, and frankly, it sounds like you made that up." Jayfeather argued.
"He's the Kitty Pope. His name is JohnPaul GeorgeRingo." Hawkfire explained. "I don't know how much clearer I can make it."
"Why do we need a Pope? We're not Catholic." Jayfeather protested.
"Because we can have one? I literally don't know what to tell you. This shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp."
"Well, I'm struggling, so perhaps you could try a little harder."
"Ugh. Now I know what Moira felt like. You just fold it in, David, I don't know how much clearer I can make it!" Hawkfire threw her paws in the air.
Hawkfire turned to Rootstar and shook her head. "Uncultured swine. The lot of them."
"MAKE WAY FOR THE KITTY POPE!" A cat driving a Popemobile crashed into the middle of ThunderClan's camp.
"Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo!" Hawkfire greeted the Kitty Pope. "So glad you chose to bless us with your presence!"
Lionblaze stared into the Popemobile. "That's not Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo! That's Goldenwing in Rihanna's sparkly Pope Met Gala outfit!"
"Goldenwing could be the Kitty Pope. You don't know that." Hawkfire smacked Lionblaze upside the head. "Have some respect."
"Her name is literally Goldenwing, not JohnPaul GeorgeRingo!" Jayfeather argued.
"Please. It's her holy title. Pope Francis's real name doesn't even have a 'Francis' in it." Hawkfire smacked Jayfeather upside the head. "Have some respect."
"To be fair, they're not wrong." Goldenwing said. "I just found this outfit and thought it would be fun to parade around in for a little bit. I'm not Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo."
"Then where's the real Kitty Pope?" Hawkfire asked.
Looking down at the antics taking place in ThunderClan's camp, Yellowfang looked at Bluestar. "What are these loons going on about? There's no such thing as the Kitty Pope. Certainly not one named after the Beatles."
"I heard you were talking about me?" The Kitty Pope, Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo appeared in front of them.
Bluestar and Yellowfang stared at him. He was also dressed in Rihanna's Met Gala Pope outfit.
"Holy Dark Forest." Yellowfang said slowly.
"Oh dear God." Bluestar breathed.
"That's blasphemous." Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo said.
"Is it?" Bluestar questioned.
"Hold on. How did you get here?" Yellowfang asked. "Nobody's at the Moonpool right now."
"I manifested it. The Kitty Pope can do that." Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo explained.
"I wasn't even aware we had a Kitty Pope." Bluestar was astounded.
"It's a fairly recent position." Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo replied.
"And what do you do, exactly?" Yellowfang asked.
Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo shrugged. "I don't really know. Chat with you guys, I guess?"
"But that's what the medicine cats are for." Yellowfang protested.
"I don't know. I suppose I'm a more direct line."
"I don't know. Ask Hawkfire. She is God, after all."
"Kidding, kidding. She's just a loon. I'm pretty sure I'm just here so she could discuss the Kitty Pope in order to confuse everyone else." Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo said.
"Oh. Sure. Sure." Bluestar was incredibly confused. "Well, nice to meet you, Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo."
"Likewise. Have a blessed day, ladies." Pope JohnPaul GeorgeRingo disappeared.
Yellowfang and Bluestar exchanged looks.
"What just happened?"
"I've got nothing."
Firestar ran up to them, camera and autograph book in hand, breathless. "WHERE IS HE?!"
"Who?" Yellowfang asked.
"THE KITTY POPE! POPE JOHNPAUL GEORGERINGO! I SWEAR HE WAS HERE A SECOND AGO!"
"He… left." Yellowfang said slowly. "How do you know who he is?"
"Are you kidding? I'm a huge fan! I've been one since his appointment! I wanted a picture and an autograph!" Firestar whined.
"Do popes give autographs?" Asked Bluestar.
"I don't know, but I wanted to try!" Firestar complained, before slinking off, sulking.
Bluestar and Yellowfang looked at each other, baffled.
They were very confused.
Firestar suddenly let out a wail and started sobbing over the fact he had been unable to meet his idol, the Kitty Pope.
This made Bluestar and Yellowfang even more confused.
I, like most of you, I'm sure, am also confused. Have a blessed day.