"I'm with Paul, he's fine. Go home." He said.
"Where is he? I'll come find you, he needs me. Sam what happened?" I waited for him to answer but I then realised that the cunt had hung up.
At least he was safe, I thought as I walked back to my house, tears filling my eyes.
I woke up on Saturday morning with a pounding headache that made me want to roll over, squeeze my eyes shut and fall back into an easy, dreamless sleep. And then I remembered. I remembered the previous night. I slipped my phone under my pillow, looking for my phone, because that's where it always was. When I couldn't find it, I looked around a saw it on the floor. It must have got knocked in the night. Once I picked it up, I checked my messages expecting the usual good morning text. It wasn't there. He was normally up at this time, it was just gone 11. Was he still with Sam? Maybe he was still asleep.
Morning Paul, are you still coming round today?:)
I couldn't help but text him. My phone buzzed immediately. So he was up.
It was a little blunt, but maybe he was hungover and tired. I couldn't just leave it, I had to reply. I couldn't help myself from doing so, I just had to.
Okay. See you tomorrow then, I'm so excited!
I smiled at the thoughts of our plans. We planned weeks and weeks ago to go to the cinema to see the new James Bond film. We both loved the films and we would sure we would love this one. We were going to go see it and then go out and get coffee in Starbucks and then go to my favorite bookshop. It didn't really sound like much but I was so excited it was ridiculous.
I can't see you tomorrow.
Fury burned deep inside me, as I cursed loudly to myself. Good job Charlie was at work, he would of came in and told me to stop and probably give me a lecture and there was no way on earth I could deal with that right now. More to the point, Paul never cancelled plans. I needed to get to the bottom of this. It wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over text, and I didn't know if he was at home. I had to call him. As I dialed his number I exhaled, trying to calm myself down. It went to answer phone. The little shit was ignoring me.
"Pick up your phone now Lahote. Right now. Don't you think for one minute that I wont call you repeatedly until you answer. Because you know I will." I said and hung up.
16 unaswered calls later.
Just one more phonecall, he'll pick up this time. As I rung, instead of hearing the dial tone repeatedly, he answered.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing Paul?" I fired at him straight away.
"Oh shit, I picked up," I heard him mutter throught the phone.
"I heard that, you cunt. I'll repeat it again if you didn't hear me. What the fuck do you think you are doing Paul?" I said in an aggressive tone, barely able to keep myself from shouting at him.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied. If he thought he was going to get away with it, he had another thing coming.
"Where do I fuck start Paul? You left my house yesterday to go out, get pissed and fuck some dirty whore. Again. But I don't say anything. Then you proceed to text me at only god knows what fucking time in the morning, saying you need me. I immediately jump up out of bed, get out of pajamas and change and sneak out of my house to try and find you. Did you ever stop to think that my dad is a fucking cop, who would not hesitate to put me under house arrest if he caught me sneaking out? And that I would probably have to lie to him because if I told him you were in trouble, he would assume the worst and go look for you and probably have to arrest you? Were you not thinking of the implications of what you asked from me? You didn't, did you. And then I went on to find you in the woods. You of all people know that I am shit scared of the woods at night. I went in there alone. For you. To help you. But I get told by Sam that you were with him. You hate him Paul? What is with that shit. And then he hung up on me. So I went home. And this morning I woke up and text you. I thought you'd at least be polite when you told me that you didn't want to see me today. But I though oh, he'll just see me tomorrow. And then I remembered our plans and got all excited because I was looking forward to them that much. But you decided you couldn't come. We made those plans weeks and weeks ago. Since when did you cancel on your friends? I have been nothing but good to you, ever. And you throw it all back in my face. I want some fucking answers Paul, and I want them now." I exhaled at the end of my miniature speech. I don't know what came over me, I just let loose.
"I'm sorry," he replied in a small voice. Was that all he could say?
"Why can't you come tomorrow?" I asked, ignoring his apology. It probably meant nothing.
"I just, can't," he replied. I expected a little more than that if I was completely honest.
"You're seriously getting on my last nerve Paul. We had planned to see Skyfall months and months ago and we planned out little day out and we set the proper date just under a month ago. What on Earth could be so important that you break those kinds of plans?" I retorted, getting even angrier now.
"I would if I could, but I can't!" He exclaimed.
"Are you at home? We need to talk properly." I stated, fully ready to have it out with him and give him another piece of my mind.
"No, I'm at Sam's," he said casually, as if Sam hadn't ignored us for the last year as though we were never his friends.
"You're where?" I shouted down the phone, barely able to contain my anger.
"Listen Bella, don't call me again okay?" What on earth did he mean by 'don't call me again'?
"Why?" I asked, extremely hurt that he told me he didn't want to talk to me.
"You just can't. I don't want you too," he said and sighed. I hung up, and my insides burned in a mixture of anger and pain.
Me and Paul had never argued like this. Never. We bickered and had silly little arguments about silly little things. Maybe that was why I felt so devastated I didn't have a clue what to do. I needed some girl advice. I needed Leah. As I dialed her number, I though about what I should say, what I needed to say and what I would say because they were all different things entirely.
"Hello Bells, are you okay?" Leah said cheerfully.
"I need to talk to you," I said solemnly.
"Tell me everything," she replied in a similar tone. She must of known that it was serious as I never rung her to talk about things I was worried or upset about, mainly because they didn't happen often or I spoke to Paul about it. As I relayed the conversation back to her, she was gasping at the appropriate moments and although that should of made me feel better and that this wasn't me being crazy and out of order, but I still felt awful.
"So he's with him? At his house?" She replied angrily after I finished. I felt horrible when I remembered what happened between her and Sam. She had been in a relationship with Sam since she was 13 and she was 17 when he disappeared for a month. When he came back, finally, he didn't want to be with her anymore. Now he's living with Leah's cousin. I felt so careless, I should never of mentioned about him.
"Yep, even after everything that happened," I replied, an underlining sadness in my tone.
"Bella he needs a good slap, I'm telling you! Do you want me to go round there? I'll beat it out of him!" Leah replied sympathetically.
"No!" I replied immediately, not wanting her to get upset by having to see Sam. It was bad enough for her having to see him at school, with Emily on his arm.
"Bells did you want me to come round? I can bring chocolates and a good girly film?" Leah asked.
"Thank you so much for the offer, but I really think I have to be alone. See you at school on Monday." I said.
"Bye Bells," she said.
"Bye Leah," I replied and hung up.
Hi Dad, sorry but you might need to get your own dinner tonight, I feel so ill and I'm going to try and sleep through the night xxxx
I typed a message back to him to let him know that I was going to be asleep. He replied almost instantly.
Okay honey, sleep well xxxx
I turned my phone off and as soon as my head hit the pillow I fell straight to sleep.
When I woke, I looked at my phone and it said it was only 2pm. So I'd only slept for an hour. Great. I got up groggily and put some clothes on and then looked at my phone again. It was Sunday? I'd slept for a whole 24 hours? That's just crazy. Then a massive pang of hunger hit me. I hadn't eaten for over 2 days. That's just ridiculous. I ran down stairs and opened the cupboards and immediately grabbed a packet of crisps and ravaged them so quickly. It must of looked like some kind of wildlife programme.
I sat down in my living room, surrounded by my revision that I was seriously getting behind on. Whilst trying to remember the difference between covalent bonds and ionic bonds, the house phone rang. I answered it, but didn't say anything. I always hated talking first when someone I don't know rings.
"Hello? Is that you Charlie?" It was Sam. Ringing for my dad. I know they did some sort of business together, Sam being the golden child of the reservation and all, always helping out with the police.
"No, it's not. I will tell him you called." I said bitterly. Just as I was about to hang up, he shouted down the phone.
"No, don't hang up Bella! I need to talk to you!"
"What do you want?" I said sharply.
"I want you to leave Paul alone." He said. Who the fuck did he think he was, telling me who I could or could not talk to.
"What the fuck has it got to do with you? Who the fuck do you think you are? Telling me who I can or cannot talk to," I exclaimed, exasperated at his domineering attitude.
"Just do it Bella, he doesn't want to see or talk to you, okay?"
"You're a fucking cunt Sam, when I get my fucking hands on you!" I shouted. He just laughed and hung up.
Cocky boys infuriated me so much! I was literally fuming and I'm sure steam was coming out of my ears. I couldn't be calm and concentrate on my revision for the rest of the day and went to bed at 9. All I seemed to be doing was sleeping.
When I woke up to my alarm screaming for my attention, I just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep and ignore the day ahead. I stood up and got straight into getting ready for the day. I decided to wear some light blue skinny jeans and a white blouse with a peter pan collar and a cream knitted jumper and some beige suade ankle boots, it was simple but it worked. When I was tieing my hair up into a messy bun, I decided against wearing make up. I really didn't feel like eating so I just brushed my teeth and left. I set off to walk because the weather was nice and I was really early anyway.
As I was walking, I was thinking about what I would say to Paul if I saw him. Should I ignore him? Should I try to talk to him? Should I wait for him to talk to me? There was plenty of questions going around in my head. There was no choice to play it by ear. Walking past his house, I looked in too see if I could see him. He wasn't there. Maybe he was at school already. Ignoring the gut feeling in my stomach which was telling that I should turn back, go home and hide. I willed mysef to not be nervous.
As I turned the corner to walk into school, I didn't really know what I was expecting. But this certainly wasn't it. Everything was normal. Everyone was perched against their cars, talking to their friends and standing in their friendship groups. The only thing that was different is that my friends weren't gathered around Paul's car. They were gathered around Leah's and Paul just wasn't there. I walked over to Leah's car and said hello to her, Seth and Jacob. Our group seemed marginally small without Paul, even though he was just one person.
Paul didn't show up all day, until last lesson. It was his favorite lesson. It was the lesson I hated most. It was PE. He walked in half way through the lesson with Jared, and turned to coach spoke to him briefly and joined in to play tennis. I was paired with Leah, who was being more considerate than usual of my terrible playing. But not as considerate and helpful as Paul always was. I tried so hard not to look over at Paul, but I could feel his eyes on me. I could just feel it.
When we were in the changing room, Leah decided to lecture me about how I should beat the shit out of him.
"I mean come on Bells! Not one word to you! He could of at least waved over or something, what a cunt!" She practically shouted. I knew that if he had, then she would have been just as angry.
"Come on Leah! Give him a break! If he had of done that, you would have been just as pissed off!" She tilted her head to the side, thought about it for a moment and nodded.
"Yeah I suppose, but he is seriously being a wanker and argh I don't want you to get hurt more in this!" She exhaled and sighed.
"There is nothing else he can hurt me with, nothing left!" I emphasised. She nodded.
"I suppose," she finally agreed.
After we had changed, we walked out of the gym to go home. Right by the door was Paul in Jared. Inside, my heart was practically beating out of my chest and my throat was dry and fire was burning on my tongue, ready to shout and scream and punch. But I held him. I walked straight past them as if they weren't there. Leah walked on, but I could tell she was about to make a scene. I could feel it. Everything inside my body willed for her not to do anything, not to cause a scene. Where there were people.
My worst fears were realised when she turned on the spot and began to walk towards them.
"What are you doing Leah!" I turned and tried to say loud enough so that she could hear but quiet enough so she was the only one to hear. She ignored me completely.
"Paul!" She shouted so loud he had to turn around. She froze in spot and waited for him to respond when she was a few meters away from him. I rushed to her side, not wanting either of us to be on our own.
"Yes, Leah?" He seethed as he turned around to face her.
"I think you owe Bella an apology," she stated plainly.
"Can Bella not tell me herself?" He said in a mocking tone. Something inside me went off, exploded. It was like a switch had been switched on and I couldn't stop myself from exploding. A chain reaction.
"Now you listen here Paul, don't you dare mock me! Who on earth do you think you are? What has happened over this weekend that has made you above me and my friendship?" I shouted.
"Stop that Bella," he said sternly.
"Stop what?" I said in the sweetest tone I could muster.
"That, what you're doing. I can't be around you right now," he looked everywhere but at my face. I turned to walk away from him, not knowing what on earth I was going to do. But then I turned around.
"Look at me," I said.
"Excuse me?" He said, whilst looking around.
"Look at me and say it again!" I practically shouted in his face.
"I can't be around you," he said and looked up and locked his eyes with mine. Then there was this moment that I will never forget until the day that I die.
When he looked into my eyes with his familiar dark brown eyes that I had grown so accustomed to over the years, he knew. He knew everything. He knew all the pain I had experienced over him recently. He knew how I felt when he said he was going for a drink. He knew I wasn't really mad, just hurt. He knew how I had felt all this time, even if I didn't really know myself. A tickling feeling in my stomach was making me feel nervous just being in his presence. It felt like a teen film where there girl felt like the only person who mattered was this boy. In the space of these seconds, minutes, hours, I'm not sure how long it was, I realised something that I had been denying to myself for a very, very long time. I had feelings for Paul. My best friend Paul.
One of the most perfect moments of my life had ended with Paul running off in the opposite direction, as if he couldn't get away quick enough. Was I that repulsive to him?