Title: Wanting More
Copyright: Oct. 24-28th, 2012
Rating: (USA) T / (UK) PG / (AUS) PG
Timeline: After second season finale.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. I ripped off this disclaimer… so did I, but I do want to add: "Lost Girl," is on Showcase. It was created by Michelle Lovietta. It is developed and produced by Prodigy Pictures in association with CanWest. Oh, there is a brief mention of "Xena: Warrior Princess," and that belongs to Rob Tapert, and Ren. Pictures, Universal Studios and anyone else I might have forgotten.
Author's Notes and Special Thanks: To both Rabastan; for the beta and Becca; for her help in making this story SO much better. I need make one thing clear, this story is not a companion piece to "When You're Sure." It may seem like it, but I had no intention of them being related. I had not even thought of writing this story until I was speaking with my friend about an idea only to realize it would not work. This popped into my head on the way to work.
Bo stood at the doorway of Lauren's home, silently debating her decision to venture out and seek Lauren's company... to the decision she finally acknowledged had to be made.
Bo kept rubbing her hands up and down her pant legs, drying her palms nervously.
She thought of the ridiculousness of the act.
She smirked briefly.
She did not get sweaty palms, she caused them.
Her mouth was not suddenly as dry as the Sahara, which was obvious as she tried to moisten her very dry lips.
She did not question herself... then again, she did, but not... well, she should not. Not about this anyway.
She finally knew what she was.
But did that answer who she is?
They were not mutually in concert all the time.
She did not want to be "Bo: The Succubus."
Seeing how both Fae and humans alike would gravitate towards her, drawn to her by her very nature. She had wanted someone to "see" her for who she was, not what.
Even her relationship with Kenzi had begun due to her nature.
Yes, it brought her one of her dearest and most treasured relationships she had experienced since running away from her family ten years ago and she would not trade it for anything in the world...
Yet, it was still based on what she had done and Bo would like to think that if she and Kenzi had met under different circumstances their bond would still be as deep, as strong as it was now.
She looked down at her scuffed boots and pushed a pebble out of the way, if she could only push away some of her self-doubt as easily.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, she knew there were times and places where she had to use her abilities and for the most part for the greater good.
This was not the time.
And not now.
She wanted to be "Bo: The Woman," standing outside the door of the woman she had grown to care deeply about and if she were honest with herself... love.
Although it was exciting, it terrified her as well.
Bo remembered her first love, Kyle and how it ended.
Her body shuddered, not in delight of her recollection of the first time she had shared herself wholly with someone she loved, but rather it shook in revulsion of her first kill.
The first time; yet not the last, she had lost control. All the self-recriminations in the world could not bring back all the people she had killed.
It never would.
But she was learning control and she would continue to make atonement for what she had done.
She shook her head and smiled begrudgingly.
'I am no warrior princess,' she thought as a certain fictional television character had popped into her head. But, the more she thought of it, Lauren did remind her of Gabrielle…
Of her absolute faith in Xena's goodness.
Lauren had a belief in her, a faith that she could learn to control herself. Bo had no idea where it came from, but she held onto it.
It was a lifeline to her version of "normalcy."
Something Bo had wanted – no – craved for, for the longest time.
And for the longest time, it had been the only thing she had wanted.
Now, standing in front of Lauren's door, she knew she needed so much more than that right now.
She wanted all the possibilities that came along with loving and being loved in return. To share her life with someone who knew her… and accepted her faults and all.
And as much as she loved Kenzi, she would not fit that bill, not the way she needed.
Bo frowned and bit her lip.
She thought she had that with Dyson.
And the loss of the illusion was almost more than she could take, regardless of the mask she had hidden behind. Had she really fallen in love with him? Or was it because it was safe, she did not have to worry about killing him...
It made her question her feelings for Lauren.
She began to wonder if what she felt was real.
Was her heart deceiving her yet again?
Doing what it had to do to protect her fragile sense of being.
It definitely was not her succubus self-preservation making itself known.
As far as that was concerned – it was jumping for joy. This was a chance to break free from the shackles of her sense of humanity, which made her long to be with someone and only that someone.
Without it, she would be no better than some of the Fae she had met so far.
Without ties to any one "person," her Fae-self looked forward to reveling in her true nature, her innate need to be with as many partners it took to nourish her. It was a heady mix of want and desire and Bo had almost fallen into the impersonal void of wanton sexuality for the sake of sex alone.
She could feel the burning flames surrounding her, taunting her with the knowledge that she could have just about anyone she desired...
Yet, one thought stopped her cold.
How would if affect her?
Would it affect her?
Would she care?
Lauren would care.
She had shown it in so many ways that it was impossible for her to hide her feelings.
But, Bo could sense that and Lauren's attraction.
She would have to be blind not to.
How it flared, and caressed Lauren's body...
How it called out to her.
How it took all of Bo's self-control not to sample it.
Not to delve headfirst and let Lauren's wants, her needs cover her completely.
Bo moaned as her eyes closed, the rush of desire began to burn.
Her imagination was vast and fluid.
And her thoughts...
Her thoughts of Lauren, the good doctor, were never PG-13 rated.
"Stop it! Stop it!" she chastised herself.
This is not why she was here.
She did not simply want to have sex with Lauren, though, she smiled, and it would most likely leave her ruined for anyone else.
She wants more.
Which was the reason she stands stoically in front of Lauren's door.
Afraid of rejection...
The desire is there.
On both their parts.
But, what of...
"Oh, hey Lauren," she answered quickly, taken by surprise.
"Are you okay?"
Bo could see Lauren looking at her clinically, checking her for any sign of injuries. It made her smile when Lauren's eyes grew warm when it seemed there were none. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
Bo nodded, "I'm sure."
"Do," she hesitated, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you want to come in?"
Bo took a deep breath, "Yes, yes I would."
Lauren took a step back, opening the door further.
As Bo walked inside she wiped her hands on her pants, this time in anticipation. "Lauren, can we talk?" she asked as she heard the door close behind her.
"Of course Bo... about anything," Lauren replied as she stepped closer.
There it was, the invitation Bo did not know she was waiting for...
"Is there anything wrong?" Lauren asked.
"No," she shook her head. "Not anymore," she said as she took Lauren's hand in hers, seeing how it fit so well within her own. "Not anymore."