This fiction is the property of Toady16/Princess Toady. Any reproduction, whether it is partial or complete, is strictly forbidden. Of course, you may find some kind of inspiration in my work (or not), but please, do not steal it from me.
This story is a parody of the horror movies/stories where people are trapped inside a building and are picked off one after another while the murderer is on the loose. If you enjoy this kind of stories or even write some yourself, please do not take offense to this, its only purpose is to be fun.
1 : Party at the Castle
Peach was in her bedroom, snoring loudly, as usual. The princess had just started to host her party when she felt tired, all of a sudden, and decided to retire in her headquarters to enjoy the presence of her fluffy bed, ignoring Toadsworth's complaints.
Feeling rejuvenated from her two-hour nap, the pink-clad woman slowly got up and went to sit before her mirror, brushing her hair in the process. "Oh my, I live such a busy life! It's no wonder I had to take a power nap earlier," the princess mused to herself as she was struggling with one of her lock. Pulling hard, she managed to regain control of her brush, at the cost of partial baldness. "Between the parties, the kart races, the fighting competitions and all that jazz, I have little time to relax... Maybe I should travel to Delfino Island to ease my frustrations... Yes! It definitely sounds like a great idea!" she grinned dumbly as she scotch taped the tuft of hair that had come loose to her head.
"Well, now sounds like as good a time as any to check on my guests," Peach smiled as she clapped her hands together. She stood up from her chair and walked gracefully to the door. She put her hand on the doorknob and pulled as hard as she could but the door would not even budge. Gasping lightly, the princess decided to use a conveniently placed crowbar to bust the door open. It took her some time, but after five minutes had passed she returned to her usual bubbly self as the door was completely obliterated. Giggling, she threw the crowbar behind her carelessly, causing one of her window to shatter.
Alerted by the noise, Toadsworth ran to the princess' side to evaluate the damages that had been done. "Princess! What happened to you?"
"Well, you're never going to believe it Toadsworth! My door wouldn't open so I had to take drastic measures," Peach told him as she brushed her dress.
"By my grandfather's marmalade! Princess, how many times did I tell you to push the door when you wanted to leave your room?!" Toadsworth chided her.
Peach crossed her arms and looked away. "Well, I didn't do it purposely! Besides, I usually pull the door to enter my room so I thought it was the same when I wanted to leave it."
Toadsworth could not help but groan as he smacked his forehead. "When will you learn? It's the forty-second door you have destroyed this month! Did I mention that today is the fourth of July?"
"What's the problem? We could create another tax so that the plebs pay the bill, couldn't we?" Peach yawned. Having boring intellectual conversations like that one usually tired her. "Well, I'm off! I need to greet my guests!" The blonde said before skipping happily toward the main hall of her castle.
Toadsworth looked appalled. "You mean you haven't greeted them yet...?"
Meanwhile, the guests were trying to enjoy themselves, which was quite hard considering their host was not there to tell them what to do and that they were too dumb to improvise. Some people were louder about that fact than others.
"What's taking her so long?! This dumb broad has some nerves, I swear!" Lakilulu complained the loudest, making the target on her back to be the future killer's first victim that much bigger. If there was one thing the party-goers could all agree with, it was that the word defining Lakilulu the best was 'bitch'.
"Shut it, you're annoying everyone!" Bowser roared. Lakilester went up to him and got right in his face.
"Watch what you're saying to mah gurl yo!" he threatened the Koopa King who retaliated by punching him in the jaw.
"That definitely helped," muttered the Koopa.
"Your nastiness, I made you a sandwitch as you had requested," Kammy Koopa interrupted as she brought a sandwich with her.
"Kammy, you should know that it is spelled 'sandwhich' and not 'sandwitch'," Goombario corrected her, sounding like a smartass. Kammy whacked him with her wand and left grumpily.
"Besides it's spelled 'sandwich'," Goombella said in a sassy way. Nobody cared but she felt she had to correct people every time they made a mistake. "So Bobbery, how are you doing? Have you met a special someone perhaps?" she questioned her friend.
Bobbery turned red and ran away crying like a little girl. Actually, he did not run away, he simply drowned his sorrows. "Oops, sorry Bobbery! I kinda forgot your wife was, like, dead and everything! Hope you'll forgive me!"
Bombette had heard this and decided to talk to Bobbery. "Hey handsome, I love mature men," she winked flirtatiously.
"Eww! Gerontophiliac!" spat Waluigi who was also drinking some booze. Wario wiggled his eyebrow in a seductive way, hoping to charm Bombette. He only received a kick in the crotch.
In another area of the castle, Yoshi, Donkey Kong and Pauline were having a food contest. Surprisingly, Pauline was winning. "How do you do that and still stay slim?" Yoshi asked, impressed.
Donkey was also in awe. "Yeah, he's right! Why don't you look like Birdo, for example? She's fat and-OWW!" Birdo had heard enough and had pinched him to teach him some manners.
"Serves you right!" she yelled angrily.
"That was a bad move on your part, pal," Boshi shook his head.
"Well, since I'm a model, I have to stay skinny, so I'm used to stay in the bathroom for a rather long time, if you know what I mean," explained as smartly as she could the lady in red.
"Too much information," Tiny pinched the bridge of her nose, totally grossed out. "Dixie, fetch me a glass of water."
"As you wish Tiny!" Dixie walked away happily.
"Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" Toad gritted his teeth. "You're treating her like a total slave!"
"So what, you got a problem with that?" Tiny rolled up her sleeves.
"... No, I just wish you would share with us sometimes." Toadette nodded, showing she was in agreement with Toad.
"Yes, you look a bit greedy."
"Dixie, bring back three glasses of water!" Tiny bellowed. Diddy was looking everywhere for his girlfriend.
"Has any of you seen Dixie?" wondered the chimpanzee. A quick glance at each other and the answer was unanimous.
"No," chorused Toad, Toadette and Tiny.
At another table, Parakarry, Koops and Kooper were playing Poker, one of them obviously cheating.
"Ah! Take that, five aces!" Parakarry shouted triumphantly.
"Wait a minute, I thought there were only four aces?" Kooper asked, definitely suspicious. Parakarry was sweating bullets.
"Errr, no. You must be mistaken." Kooper looked defeated.
"Damn, I lost all my money!"
"Well, at least you didn't bet you girlfriend like I did," Koops whined.
"You WHAT?" Koopie Ko screamed as she started beating him to a pulp. Distracted by the scene, Kooper did not see that Parakarry had given half of his winnings to Mrs. Mowz who had helped him cheat.
"Goodness gracious, we're having such a great time! I can't believe everything is going smoothly!" Flurrie squealed in delight, totally oblivious to the many fights that had broken out.
"True that," Sushie concurred. "The people here are so civilized. If only those little twerps back at Yoshi's Island could behave the same way!" She groaned, shaking her fin in anger.
Yoshi Junior blew her a raspberry. "It's your fault granny if they're being annoying, you're way too bossy!" Sushie jumped on him and started yet another fight as Flurrie kept daydreaming.
"Yeah, I wonder what kind of drugs they've all taken to behave like that," Jojora muttered to herself.
"I can't help but feel a little out of place," Noki confessed. Just at that moment, Watt burst past her with a witch hat in hands, she was closely followed by Vivian.
"Give it back!" besought the shadow siren.
"Yes, definitely out of place," concluded Noki.
The others were just waiting for Peach to arrive. That group consisted of Mario, Boo, Lady Bow, Daisy, Luigi, and Rosalina.
"What is she doing?" Daisy asked the others.
"If we knew, we wouldn't question it," Boo retorted, already annoyed by the stupidity of the other guests.
"Chill, she was just asking," Luigi defended his lover.
"Well, if you want my opinion, I believe she is just applying make-up to look even more beautiful than she already is!" Mario declared, lovestruck.
"Like me?" Rosalina inquired cutely.
"No, like me. So shut up this instant, moronic idiot!" Lady Bow commanded as Rosalina shrieked meekly.
After a useless part which only purpose was to introduce the characters present in the story, Peach finally deigned to show herself, much to the pleasure or annoyance of everyone who had been waiting for her.
"Everyone, I thank you for being present to my seventy eighth Halloween Party!" Peach cheered with glee.
"But you're not even seventy eight, so how can that be?" Boo contradicted her. Mario jumped onto his head.
"You just had to rain on her parade, didn't you?"
"I am very glad to know everyone, except Lakilulu for obvious reasons, and I hope that the people gathered here will party all night long without any disturbances!" As Peach threw her arms in the air, the lights went off.
"Nice jinxing ability you have here," Lakilulu spat rudely.
"Shut up, you're just an annoying bitch!" Boshi yelled.
Suddenly, there was a scream.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Lakilester screamed as he was stabbed repeatedly in the ass.
"OH MY GOD! LAKILESTER IS DEAD! EVERYONE PLEASE PANIC!" Diddy shouted waving his arms in the air like a madman and hitting people in the process.
"How do you know he's dead? The lights are off!" Toad pointed his finger toward Diddy.
"OW! My eye!" screamed Koopie.
"Everyone and the killer, I ask that you please remain where you are because we can't see a damn thing in this castle," Mario demanded, showing his awesome leader abilities. "Dixie will go check the fuses while we all wait here even though there's probably a killer in the house. Hopefully she comes back before another murder happens."
"Okay!" Dixie smiled dumbly as she bumped into everyone on her way out.
"Hmm... Does she even know where the fuses are?" Noki asked no one in particular.
I hope you enjoyed! The story will get even more stupid in the next chapter. Oh yeah, and most of the characters are just death fodder, but you can still root for them to survive and they might just get a small role in the story.
Until next time!