Owen96 : Thanks for your review and I'm happy to see that this story made you laugh. ^^
Moley : Sorry for Vivian, I know you like her, but her death was planned from the very beginning. XD Thanks for your review!
Kaiimi : I know, some people can be so rude! :p And yeah, they are pretty low. You can see for yourself if they get any lower in this chapter. Thanks for the review! ^^
Kookylover98 : Thanks for your review!
Light Speed508 (1 & 2) : Yeah lol, Dixie gave herself away in the latest chapter. :p And Boo has Stupidia after being around so many morons for such an extended period of time. That or he never thought Dixie would be stupid enough to walk past him with the intention of erasing clues. Thank you for your reviews! ^^
Stallizer el Bridget : You're back! :p I'm glad you enjoy the story! Yes, it's kind of ironical if you look at them from a logical point of view. Thanks for the review!
8 : At Dawn
The party had resumed after the culprit had been revealed as Vivian and taken care of in the most stupid fashion ever. The poor shadow siren had broken her neck while fleeing the angry mob of moronic guests and ended her life prematurely, closing a dark chapter of the Mario crew's life. Except that Boo and Noki, the only smart people of the bunch (the other smart people did not care about the murders or were intoxicated), thought that Vivian could not have been the murderer for she was accused on the basis that the footprints left by Peach on the third floor were hers.
"I cannot believe these guys!" Boo ranted, pacing back and forth on the small bridge leading outside the castle. His eyes were quickly attracted to a peculiar scene. "What the hell is Toad doing?"
The small mushroom was currently trying to drown himself in a small puddle, but his prominent head was preventing him from accomplishing this simple feat. "I wanna die!" whined the pitiful servant as he finally gave up.
Boo raised an eyebrow, visibly in awe at Toad's stupidity. "Never mind him, I must concentrate otherwise the killer will never be found! That way, I'll tell him to kill Boshi who's been flirting with Lady Bow all day long!" Boo revealed his hidden motives.
"What?" Noki asked, completely taken aback by Boo's sudden change of behavior. "I hope you're not serious, Boo..."
Boo faked a laugh. "I'm just joking, you know full well that I'd never wish any ill things for my friends..." Noki was clearly not convinced, as she stared at him with bored eyes. "I'm kidding okay? These are just empty threats, even though I'd like to accomplish them, sheesh!"
"Ooookay... I was wondering... Do you really think Vivian was the traitor all along?"
"This isn't The Mole, Noki," Boo stated blankly. Noki was not impressed.
"You understood what I meant," she retorted, rolling her eyes.
"I think the killer is still around, but I don't have any proof!" Boo complained as he threw his hands in the air. "It sucks big time, 'cause I'm pretty sure the police will simply take Vivian's remains and label them as the killer. You wouldn't know how Toadtown's police acts since you're from Delfino Island, but they do nothing and still get paid! Worse, they can harass people and get off scott-free!"
"Well, our police aren't really good at their job either," Noki muttered as she had a pensive look on her face. "They can't even distinguish blue from red, people told me," she referenced the events of Super Mario Sunshine.
"Great," Boo said ironically. "Anyway, my stupid moronic idiotic partners were able to screw up my investigation, so I wouldn't count on them knowing something of importance. The other guests are just dumb and I doubt the killer would actually give themselves up..."
"It looks like we've reached a dead-end," Noki concluded sadly, a look of realization on her face. "I would suggest sacrificing Lakilulu, but the killer sucks so much they'd be able to kill everyone but her in the end."
Boo nodded vigorously, showing his entire approval. "We could check on Watt's and Yoshi Jr.'s murder scene but... I have a hunch that nothing will help us get to the bottom of this. Who knew it'd be this easy to kill so much people without getting caught?" Boo asked to no one in particular. Looking in Toad's direction, he saw that the mushroom had given up on his suicide attempt and tried to choke on leaves.
Boo and Noki shared a moment of silence as they watched the scene. Glancing at each other, they came up with a mutual agreement. They would make no comment and keep their frustrations to themselves.
"Anyway, we need to find the truth before dawn," Boo ordered. "We have to. But I truly have no idea as to how I'm gonna do this... I have nothing on the murderer, my allies are brainless apes – except for you – and the assassin, as dumb as they are, won't cooperate. What can I do?"
Noki pondered on his statement for a few seconds before beaming. "Boo, think outside the box! You have nothing on the killer in spite of all your research, I'll agree to that. But you don't need to prove that the killer is someone, you just have to find out who it was that could have possibly killed everyone else! You never truly asked your partners or the other guests what they were doing at the time of the murders. Try to reconstruct tonight's events and you might have a chance to catch the murderer!" Noki encouraged him.
Boo was speechless but looked at her in awe. A tear formed itself on the corner of his eye. "Wow... Thanks so much Noki! This story is actually getting smart!" Boo smiled happily for the first time in a few hours.
Wario came to them, strutting in his birthday suit. "I'm Wario, the hottest sex bomb you've ever seen! Wahaha!" the obese man claimed, belching and farting at the same time. Noki had to rush to the bathroom as Boo shook his head in anger.
"I stand corrected."
Thanks to Noki's advice, Boo had finally decided to take action and uncover who had been hiding behind a façade all night long. However, he knew that he had to be quite quick for the guards would most likely arrive as soon as they could to assume their duty. And even them were not dense enough to forget to report several murders.
"Oh, darling!" Flurrie exclaimed with glee. "What is the meaning of this charming reunion? Were you aware that Peach told us she would make a cake to celebrate the resolution of this fine mystery?"
"Err, no. Not that I care, her cake probably tastes like shit," Boo answered bluntly. Peach had an oblivious look on her face, showing that she had one of her blonde moments.
"Well, now that I think about it, it would explain why I have a bad breath every time I eat one of her cakes," Mario considered, cocking his head to the side.
"Too much information," Boo stopped them as fast as he could. "Anyway, first of all, I'd like to tell you that Vivian wasn't the killer."
"LIES!" Diddy yelled with all his might. He soon passed out as he was not used to yelling. Flurrie rejuvenated him with a sweep of her broom. "Nice work Flurrie, I know I can always count on you!"
"I can't say the same," Boo muttered as he placed his head in his arms in desperation. "Let's take a look at this white board here," Boo pointed.
"Well, it's certainly a nice white board," Flurrie commented, focusing intently on it. "I can feel the art emanating from this glorious piece of furniture! If I'm not mistaken, it only weighs ten pounds, is sixty inches tall and eighty inches long. If we look carefully, we can notice that the brush which was sold at the same time as this board is magnetic! Look at me, dearies!" Flurrie chuckled as she threw the brush with all her strength, creating an impact on the wall as her aim was clearly off. "Well, at least we can safely deduce that the wall isn't made of magnetic stuff!" she ended her explanation.
"Thank goodness the board isn't black!" Mario added in another not-so-hidden lighthearted racist joke. He only received a punch in the groin from Boo.
"WHO CARES?!" Boo shouted, both in annoyance and indignation. "And I swear I'm going to emasculate you guys if you don't stop with the crappy unfunny racist jokes!"
Peach was clearly confused as Boo had pronounced a word of four syllables. "I'm lost guys!"
"Could we please focus on the matter at hand? First of all, I'd like us to make a list of the victims of the killer."
"Easy," Mario bragged. "Lakilester, Koopie, Rosa-"
"Koopie was killed by Flurrie! Ugh!" Boo exclaimed with a huff. "The true list should be Lakilester, Rosalina, Watt, Yoshi Jr. - ha, he's so lame he doesn't even have a name – Bobbery and Koops if memory serves me right. Koopie was killed by Flurrie, Toadsworth was killed by Peach, Tiny drank too much and Vivian broke her neck," Boo stated, writing the names on the board.
"Boo, stop being so dumb! You spelled Bobbery incorrectly," Peach sighed at the ghost's incompetence. Snatching the pen from his hand, she corrected the name. They could now read 'Bhobayrrye' instead of the true name.
"Thank you so much for your Ô so useful insight," Boo bit back sarcastically.
"I thought it was spelled 'Blueberry'," Diddy noted. "You know, since Bob-omb are basically balls, that would suit him just fine!"
"Diddy, I've never seen a brown blueberry in my life," Boo noticed smartly. Then again, it was not particularly hard to come up with smart answers when you were surrounded by morons.
Mario's mustache twitched. "Oh really? Because the ones in Peach's cakes are always-" He was cut by a slap from the white Boo.
"I said I didn't care!" the smart member of the team raised his voice. "Okay, I'll just go ahead and present to you my argument... Lakilester was the first victim, he died because he was stabbed in the ass repeatedly."
"I bet he liked it. That little slut!" Peach smiled cutely.
"Who cares if he was masochistic or not?" Boo inquired. "Nobody liked him, so yeah. Anyway, the fact is that a certain dumbass erased the prints we could have found on the murder weapon which was located in the kitchen when they washed it."
"Oh dear! Who could have done such a stupid act?" Flurrie wondered aloud, insulting herself in the process. "They should definitely buy a brain somewhere!"
"I'm glad you've finally become self-conscious," Boo commented snarkily, stiffening a laughter. "During Lakilester's murder, the lights were off, which means that we don't know who moved out of the room."
"We know that Dixie did, since she's basically our entitled slave and does whatever we want her to do," Mario grinned as he recalled the memory. "Ah, she's really useful!"
"True!" Flurrie concurred. "I remember one time, when I was on stage! I was really thirsty but couldn't be bothered to walk to the chair where my water bottle was laying. I called her and she swam all the way from Kongo Bongo Island to Rogueport and then took the Excess Express to bring me my bottle! Such a dedicated friend, I tell you!"
"No wonder you're such a fatass," Boo snorted snidely.
"No need to be rude!" Peach smacked Boo with her purse.
"Ow..." Boo rubbed his sore spot. "Well, if we think about it carefully... When Koopie was 'shot' by the murderer, they obviously had the weapon on them at the time... Which means that Toadsworth was shot before Koopie," Boo thought aloud.
"Geez, this is boring," Diddy yawned as he decided to make himself more comfortable on a suspicious bright pink coat.
"Oh dear!" Flurrie exclaimed as she started rubbing a suspicious red spot on the coat. "You shouldn't sleep on such a dirty piece of clothing," she chided the monkey. Boo immediately screamed and punched them before keeping the cloth for himself.
"You will NOT erase this clue! Anyway... After the assassin had used the gun, they ran to the third floor and threw it next to Toadsworth, I assume they have a very good knowledge of the castle, then..."
Meanwhile, the idiots had started another game. One person had a word in mind and the others were supposed to find it. "So," Mario began giggling to himself, "you have to find a synonym for...whore!"
"Easy!" Peach boasted. "Bombette!"
"How did you know?" Mario recoiled in stupor.
"That was fairly obvious," Diddy stated matter-of-factly.
"Then I would suppose they brought the chainsaw from the garden," Boo reflected, ignoring the ruckus beside him. "They used the chainsaw to cut Rosalina in half and then created the trap that killed Koops... Assuming that I'm correct, the poison should come from the bathroom on the first floor, it would attract too much attention if the murderer was coming from the above floor with a bottle," the ghost soliloquized slowly.
"Why is Boo keeping Dixie's coat to himself?" Peach finally asked. "Be careful Diddy, if I didn't know any better I would have thought he wanted to steal your girlfriend."
"Heh, fine by me! I'll hook up with Candy."
"Scandalous!" Flurrie muttered in shock after she had jumped on Diddy. "Don't treat us like we're vulgar pieces of trash! In my youth, I was quite the charmer," she added with a flirtatious wink.
"How old are you exactly?" Peach questioned.
"I'm still young!"
"Then what were you referring to when you said : 'in my youth'?" Mario inquired, suspicious.
"Well, I don't know myself, dearie," Flurrie smiled innocently as she hid her script behind her back. "Since I'm such a fantabulous actress, I suppose I just unintentionally recited one of my previous main roles! I know them by heart!" she lied unconvincingly.
"Eureka!" shouted Boo as he made a victory sign. "I finally have all the answers I needed! I know who the murderer is!"
"Really?" questioned the other four, not that they really cared about Boo's answer anyway.
"Yes, I'm fairly sure that Dixie is the one who did it!" Boo smiled excitedly. "Do you remember when Lakilester died? The lights were off, so anybody could have committed the crime. However, only one person really did leave the room, and it was Dixie. She could have use this as a ploy to hide the murder weapon. Add to this that she took a really short time to locate a fuse box that even Peach didn't know about. Well, Peach and lack of knowledge is a bit redundant, but you got my point, I believe. After that, I remember that her clothes were smeared with blood, so she asked you where the bathroom was Peach. For a reason that is still unknown to me, you told her to go to the third floor while there was a bathroom on the first. Anyway, you were probably too dumb to remember this fact. When she was there, she found the gun, but Toadsworth surprised her in his bedroom, so she had to shoot him. He then tried to drag himself to the bathroom, probably to look for an emergency first aid kit, and no Peach, the trail of blood wasn't Toadsworth having his period," Boo stopped her immediately.
"Way to rain on my parade! Here I thought I had great investigative skills!" Peach pouted.
"If it makes you feel any better, you don't suck so much at investigating compared to biology," Boo remarked dully. "So afterward, our dear friend Dixie tried to shoot Lakilulu, but her aim was off and she shot Koopie. She disposed of the gun on the third floor and went to the garden to pick up a chainsaw which she used to kill Rosalina... She somehow was able to slip past Flurrie and Diddy," the ghost stared harshly as the two investigators who simply whistled as he went on with his statement, "and put the chainsaw near the bathroom on the first floor where she got poison that she put on the table. My guess is that she didn't expect Bobbery to take a swig of that very bottle so soon. But before Bobbery died, Dixie created a stupid and convoluted plan to make the chandelier fall on someone, Koops. After that we know she probably went to the wrong room because of Flurrie, again... Where she killed Watt and Yoshi Jr.."
"So much for that," Mario dismissed the ghost with a wave of his hand. "You could have noticed that the pink coat you're holding right now is soaked with blood and belongs to none other than Dixie. Her name is written in big bold letters on the inside," Mario pointed out. "But I don't suppose someone with such a tiny brain as yours would have been capable of seeing that. It takes a true investigator to remark these details."
"I shall give him a one of the effort," Flurrie claimed as she held a wooden board with a one on it. Peach gave him a zero point five and Diddy decided to award him with a dunce cap.
"I WILL KILL YOU!" Boo raged with great force as the other four scrambled to get away from the furious ghost.
"Dixie!" the investigation team bellowed.
The monkey wearing a pink beret turned her head to know what the matter was about. "Yes? What can I do for you? You want me to fetch you some alcoholic beverage?" Dixie questioned kindly.
"Hmm, no," Mario shrugged. "We're kinda arresting you for the murder of our friends, we know that you are the killer!"
"Yes," Peach confirmed. "Mario discovered the truth several hours ago, actually." Boo was crestfallen.
"Are you kidding me? He knew she was killing everyone one by one and didn't say anything to stop her? And why did he blame Vivian if knew it was Dixie?"
"Oh well, I was simply joking," Mario chuckled heartily. "Besides I didn't like Vivian, I saw her spiking my punch last time, so she deserved what happened to her."
"Wahaha!" Waluigi cackled maniacally. "I don't believe you!"
"Yeah!" Jojora opposed strongly. "if you already blamed an innocent, who's to say that Dixie really is the murderer?" Dixie was seen running away from the crowd.
"Maybe the fact that she's trying to escape from us...?" Flurrie pointed out, unsure. "Oh never mind that, she's probably going to the bathroom."
"What a bitch!" Lakilulu spat venomously. "I swear, someone ought to teach her some manners. She clearly isn't suited to living in a community, let's get rid of her!"
"Shup up Lakululu, nobody talked to you!" Jojora countered.
"Yeah, plus she's one to talk. Ever wondered why nobody likes you?" Yoshi asked with a dull voice. "It's because you're the biggest cunt we've ever seen! And trust me, we've seen a lot of them..."
"Like, is anyone, like, going to catch her before she, like, totally gets away?" Goombella wondered.
"Well, we already know that Wario won't run after her, he's too much of a fatass to go anywhere," Donkey grinned like a fool. Wario immediately got in his face.
While everyone was busy arguing with each other, Dixie came back in the main hall with the gun in her hands. "It's true, I'm the killer! And you're all going down!" she threatened them.
"Oh please darling," Flurrie scoffed, "don't play around with guns, you could hurt yourself."
"I'm not gonna believe my brother 'cause I'm trying to free myself from his grasp!" Luigi nodded to himself. A stare from Mario was enough to elicit a whimper from the green-capped plumber.
"I also disagree with Mario because he said I was a ginger!" Daisy yelled fiercely. "Please, nobody's going to believe you, Dixie's way too sweet to be the murderer! Who are you trying to fool?" continued the princess of Sarasaland, ignoring the blatant sight of Dixie with a gun.
Pauline smacked Daisy with a high heel. "Who do you think you are? Don't include me in your 'we', I don't want to be compared to the likes of you!"
"I'm gonna fire away if you don't start taking me seriously!" Dixie said menacingly, waving the gun around.
"I'm bored! Goombario, let's make out!" Bombette ordered as she and Goombario went to their private space.
"I don't trust Mario either," Lady Bow stated. "His dumb girlfriend punched me earlier and did not apologize profusely for it, so I'm against everything he says!"
"Let's vote," proposed Kooper. "Who is against Mario's claim?" Kooper, Lady Bow, Waluigi, Daisy, Luigi and Jojora raised their hand. "Who agrees with Mario?" Mario, Boo and Noki raised their hand. "Now, who doesn't care?" Everyone but Boo and Noki raised their hand. "Looks like we have a majority."
Dixie began to sob and threw a tantrum. "Listen to me, I'm the killer!"
"So Kammy, why don't you tell us the secret ingredient you use for your sandwiches? They're always so appetizing!" Bowser squealed in delight.
"Well, I put snails in all my meals..."
"Oh my god! This is so repulsive!" Birdo exclaimed as she ran to the bathroom.
"She's probably trying to lose some weight," Waluigi insulted, before getting kicked in the groin.
"Waaaaaaah!" Dixie bawled, putting the gun to her temple. "I can't take it anymore! Farewell, cruel world!" She pulled the trigger and blew her head up. A piece of her brain rolled onto the floor, Wario picked it up and ate it.
After a moment of silence, many of the guests realized Dixie was the killer. "Oh my god!" Kooper exclaimed. "I would have never expected her to be the killer..."
"Me neither pal!" Parakarry smiled stupidly. Boo smacked his forehead in frustration.
"Even though you clearly saw her? Moron."
All of a sudden, a bright light illuminated the room and a small jingle that most of them recognized was heard. Dixie's head re-formed and her eyes fluttered open. "What's happening...?" Standing up, she realized she was still in Peach's castle. "What the hell? I thought I had killed myself just a few seconds ago?!"
"You had a one-up mushroom!" Flurrie laughed cheesily as she embraced the monkey.
"NO!" Dixie screamed in fright. "Why can't I die? I failed to murder Lakilulu, I must die!"
"It's your punishment for being such a bitch!" Lakilulu smirked evilly. "You couldn't even land a hit on my beautiful self, too bad, so sad!" Dixie punched her.
"Well, what are we going to do now?" Diddy wondered. "We all know that Dixie's the murderer, but she's still our friend, right? After all, she wanted to get rid of the bitch here..."
As everyone began to ponder over Diddy's question, sirens blared in the background. The guests could only assume that one of the guards had noticed Vivian's corpse on the bridge and deemed wise to alert the 'competent' authorities. It took them only five or six minutes to reach the castle. They destroyed the front door and burst into the main hall, eyes narrowed.
"I'm the captain of the Toad Brigade!" explained the red policeman. "I ask that you please cooperate and give us the name of the murderer!"
Lakilulu wore a smug smile on her face as she opened her mouth. "The culprit is Dix-"
Boo cleared his throat and punched the Lakitu. He quickly grabbed the gun from Dixie's hands and shove it into Lakilulu's. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the killer! Mario, Peach, Diddy, Flurrie and myself led our own investigation throughout the night and we found out that this cunt was responsible for all the trouble! She single-handedly killed ten of our friends, so please take her away," Boo told them, trying his best to hold his laughter.
"Cool! Then we don't have to investigate. Guys, let's go!" The brigade grabbed Lakilulu and left the castle.
"Whaaaaat?! But I didn't do it, it's Dixie!" Lakilulu struggled against the policemen.
"Yeah right, as if anyone would believe you!" scoffed the leader of the Toad Brigade. Lakilulu whined all the way to the police car. Boo and the rest of the guests kept quiet and only let out a sigh of relief when the sirens began to fade away.
"Awesome!" everyone cheered as they were finally free from Lakilulu's bitchiness.
"I say we give a toast for Dixie and Boo, our saviors!" Flurrie smiled, delighted.
"Yes, but first, we get rid of this poison bottle," Noki giggled as she threw the bottle in the trash can.
And the party carried on.
Later that day, as Boo helped Peach with the cleaning of her castle, he suddenly realized something.
"Wait a minute, why don't we use one-up mushrooms to revive our fallen friends and do as if nothing had happened?"
Peach stopped cleaning and looked at him as if he were dumb.
"Because it'd be too expensive and I don't want to waste my money on them, duh!" she rolled her eyes. "You're really stupid, you know?"
And that's the end of the adventure for our stupid investigators and Boo!
I'm glad you enjoyed the story and thank you for the support! ^^
Credits - All the characters belong to Nintendo (why do I even bother with that? It's not a fanfiction website for nothing...)
-All the readers and reviewers for the support