Full Summary: Ever since Edward left, Bella has been a mess, leaving Jacob there to pick up the pieces. She wants to let go of the pain that she suffers nonstop and continously. In order to do that, she has to repair her friendship with Jessica and Angela...and maybe let Jacob in her heart. It all starts on the day that Bella cliff dived. The day that maybe, just maybe, she'll let Jacob kiss her.
A/N: I need more Twilight on my story list-starting now of course! Hope you like it. Basically kinda my take on New Moon, and only a few things are different in the beginning. The rest is centered on Jacob and Bella, and the journey she takes to finding herself and trying to forget what had taken over her life (if you catch my drift)
This story is also the cause of reading amazing Jacob/Bella fanfictions. :)
Everything had been a rush. One minute, Bella hears Edward in her mind and begging her not to jump, and the next minute waves swallow her whole. After bumping her head hard and seeing fire red, or so she thought-she wasn't sure, she surely thought she was going to die.
But she hadn't. Jacob, her Jacob, had managed to save her and bring her back from unconsciousness. Things were a little blurry then; hearing Sam's voice sounded like it came from a long tunnel, but she heard enough to understand. Harry Clearwater was in the hospital, and it wasn't looking too good.
After Jacob kept on his word, bringing her to his place to dry her clothes, he had decided to drive her back home.
Bella was still freezing, hugging herself and trying to keep warm. Not even the warm air conditioner in her truck could do justice. The inside of her mouth still tasted like salt water, and her throat burned uncomfortably everytime she swallowed. It was pure torture.
Well,...it's not like she hadn't been through worse. And she didn't want to think about that right now.
"Hundred and eight degrees over here," Jacob said with a smirk without looking away from the road.
Bella smiled, waisting no time, and scooted across the seat; she clung to Jacob's arm, nestling in his warmth. "God," she sighed blissfully. "My hands are freezing..." Her head got into a more comfortable position on his shoulder. "It must be nice, never getting cold."
Jacob continued to smile lopsided. "It's a wolf thing."
"It's not," Bella disagreed. "It's a Jacob thing. You're so warm. You're like, your own sun..."
They were quiet after that, watching the trees fly by them. Absentmindedly gazing out the window, Bella let her mind wander for a bit; now that she was warm and cozy next to him, she could finally think coherantly. She began wondering about her best friend and the pack, wondering what the others were doing. She wondered about her dad, and started to worry a little. Harry was Charlie's best friend-next to Billy. It would destroy him if Harry passed away. Bella wouldn't know what she'd do if she lost Jacob. She already had little support. Of course her father was there, but he had been close to moving her back to Phoenix with her mother.
Besides Jacob and some members of the wolf pack, Bella didn't really have any friends anymore. Her depression had pushed her away from her normal, human friends. Jessica wanted nothing to do with her most likely, Angela was too nice to probably admit her true feelings, Eric probably felt the same way Angela did-he was also too nice, and Mike was just the big awkward flirt she worked with.
Soon the trees turned into houses as they finally rolled into Bella's neighborhood.
"This is better." Jacob broke the peaceful silence, pulling up to the Swan household now. Twisting the key, he turned the car off. "Now that you know about me..."
The tone of Jacob's voice told Bella that he wanted to say more; she sat up so she could see him better.
"But...?" she urged on.
"You saw what happened to Emily," Jacob continued, his dark brown eyes bored into her orbs. "Sam got angry,...lost it for a split second...Em was standing too close. He will never be able to take that back...What if I get mad at you?" He asked her rheotorically with a nervous swallow. He slightly shuddered at the thought, staring off into space now. "Sometimes...I feel like I'm gonna disappear..."
"You need to hear it from me," Bella told him, her voice more bold, and he returned his gaze on her. He needed to hear this. "You may not think that you'll be able to control yourself, but I always will. You're not gonna loose yourself. I won't let that happen."
"How?" Jacob asked. They both knew that when a werewolf gets mad and out of control...there's no stopping it...
"I'll tell you...all the time." Bella looked down at her lap, the rest coming out in a sigh, "How special you are."
Their gaze lasted longer than Bella had expected. A lot longer. Her heartbeat was a little uneven, she could feel it. She had a feeling what he was about to do.
And he was. Jacob was leaning.
I can't, Bella thought for what felt like the millionth time. Things between her and Jacob were so special. They knew where their friendship lay, and they were so close people mistook that for something more. Bella had told Jacob that she didn't want him to give up, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for a relationship with him now. She wasn't oblivious to his more-than-platonic feelings for her. She always felt bad whenever she rejected some of his touches, like unnecessary hand-holding or the almost-kissing. That's what she did. She shied away every time. She kept hurting him, she knew she was.
It wasn't fair. A part of her kept telling herself that her heart will always belong to...him. To Edward. But he was gone now, and most likely not ever coming back-so why does she keep holding out for him? She has a best friend who loves her and wants to be with her-and here he is, about to try to kiss her. What is she going to do now? Reject him again and make things awkward again?
Maybe Jacob is exactly what she needed. She had a good relationship with him, the pack pretty much loves her (Sam's love is questionable), and she felt safe with him. She couldn't deny the emptiness she felt when he was gone hunting down Victoria. She liked it when he held her hand, when they took walks on the beach, when they had been working on the bikes months before the wolf gene set in. Originally, she did it to see hallucinations of Edward-purposely putting herself in danger.
Now she didn't know anymore. What if that wasn't the only reason? What if she really enjoyed him giving her lessons?
Although...she definately needed more practice.
It will be as if I never existed...Edward's voice echoed in her head.
As if you never existed? Bella thought just as Jacob's nose touched hers, his eyes drooping; he was still hesitating, trying to read her face. She bit her lip, and then her decision was set. She swallowed nervously, closing her eyes, and her lips parted slightly. Her breath shook.
It wasn't long before she felt lips.
Her first thought was that they were warm...and soft. They parted and left her lips, then came back and pressed against hers twice. The third time, the pressure increased slightly, possibly hoping for a reaction from hers.
Bella's lips puckered, yielding up against his, and they both exhaled simutaneously. The feelings she felt were pleasurable, and she wanted more of it. More of him. He was so different. And so new to her. At least...in this way...
Slowly, her hand lifted; first, finding his chest, then traveling up to rest on his shoulder. Jacob's arm, that had been around her, pressed a little tighter against her back. The kiss started to deepen, her fingers slowly running through his hair, and his other arm wrapped around her shoulders, his hands rubbing her gingerly. Their heads tilted, and they craved to be closer together in Bella's small truck.
Soon enough, Bella was getting hot.
And then her brain reminded her of something.
She was kissing Jacob.
And she was liking it.
And like was definately an understatement.
She wasn't being pushed away, but being pulled closer.
The only hesitation was the usual shyness that two people get when kissing each other for the first time.
Bella's hands found Jacob's chest again, and this time she gently pushed him back, breaking their kiss.
Their breathing was heavier than usual as they stared at each other.
"I should...probably..." Bella murmured awkwardly, reaching for the door.
"Yeah, um..." Jacob managed, a little out of breath.
The door opened, and the cool wind blew in. A sickenly sweet scent shot down Jacob's nose, and his body tense. It was recognizeable.
"Bella, stop!" Jacob lunged across the seat, closing the door back shut.
"What's wrong?" Bella's eyes widened in fear, judging the look on his face.
"Another vampire," Jacob spat, staring the truck back up. "I gotta get you outta here. I'm taking you back to La Push."
"It's the red-headed leech, Bells! I have to get you away from here!"
Bella's heart went cold.