I am very sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes...
My Beta, Hugergamesloverr: you are the BEST GIRL IN THE WORLD and I love you!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games... But I do own practically every single piece of THG merchandise. ;)
3 things stand out about my current situation:
One, I am some place I don't recognise. By myself.
Two, the freezing air whips my skin, causing goose bumps to spread like wild fire.
And three, the sound of which I thought was the wind, is actually a voice, whistling through the trees.
"Katniss." It hisses, as I run from the mutts that are running full speed, chasing me.
"Katniss." It drones out, emphasising every single sailable.
"Katniss." I beckons me to stop, but I will never succumb to it, I can't succumb to it.
I should be running to Peeta, finding him.
But they have my scent there, on my trail.
Not his, for the time being, and I would like to keep it that way.
As I run, my head rapidly turns from side to side, searching for a twist in the trail. After too short of a time, I come to a cliff face. Somehow I manage to stop just before I plumate to my death. Small rocks crumble under my weight and fall down the menacing drop.
I throw myself into a small alcove, attempting to protect myself from the rabid animals.
Only, they never come.
Their constant growls have transformed into howls of laughter. Human laughter. Laughter that sends chills down my spine. Two faces appear only inches away from my eyes, evil smiles plastered on the filthy faces.
"Miss Everdeen, long time no see." Growls the tall, threatening male tribute.
"Found loverboy'?" The smaller female questions, smirking.
I don't reply, I just stare daggers at them.
If looks could kill, I would have been crowned victor long ago.
"Didn't think so, he's dead. Killed him, all of 2 hours ago." Cato states again, marvelling in his temporary victory.
I feel as though all the wind has been knocked out of me, as I begin rasping for air.
"Kill me then." I attempt to shout, but it comes out more of a whisper.
"Don't worry, we plan to." She sniggers, grabbing my wrist and twisting it painfully, as she drags me into plain view.
"But with a show, of course." He muses, before giving her a high-five.
I grit my teeth, bracing myself for the certain pain.
You would think that I would only notice the face. They layout all of their 'tools' in front of me. Or that I would fixate on the way they are slowly backing my into the wall of the cliff.
But instead, I begin to notice the patterns on the floor, and how the dust highlights the cracks. I notice how the trees whisper my name, louder. I notice how flowers are surrounding my feet, glinting in the moonlight.
But the main, and foremost thing I realise: is that Peeta is with me.
He's here, helping me through my certain and almost welcomed death. His spirit is here, making me notice the smaller things in life and it are those smaller things that make me stand my ground.
With this realisation, I feel as though my senses have been turned off. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, my heart beating too loud. The only thing I can hear is my blood rushing through my shivering body.
I don't feel the knife as it pierces through my skin on my lower forearm, the only indication is the warm, sticky substance flowing from my wrist. I wince slightly as he glides the point of another knife down my jaw line.
As time passes, blood coats most of my body. But the actual pain has yet to arrive. The whispering wind changed voice, now sounding more pained; pleading if 'you will'.
My mind starts to wonder, while my body begins to shake more vigorously.
Like a ton of bricks, the pain I never felt hits, full force, and a small cry makes its way out of my mouth.
And, just like that: I wake up.
"Katniss, wake up." I start to shake her shoulders slightly, wanting nothing more than for her to wake up.
"Katniss, please." My pleading voice breaks through the heavy night sky.
The shivering girl before me begins to cry out in her sleep. Even though she is coming up to the age of 18, she looks younger than ever.
"Katniss!" I begin to scream her name, hoping it will get through to her unconscious mind.
All of a sudden, her eyes snap open. And within seconds, she is bawling her eyes out.
"Pee-ta" She chokes, tears falling down her face mirroring the subdued rain tapping against the window.
I kneel up next to her quivering body, racking with sobs.
"Shhh, it's just a dream. Nothing was real Katniss, none of it was real." I coo, whispering into her ear.
Over time, she begins to relax and melts into my body. We sit in silence for a while, during which I release her hair from the constricting braid and brush my fingers through it. Once the storm of emotions radiating off her had subsided, I allow myself to fall back onto the bed, cradling her in my lap.
"What time is it?" She questions, glancing towards the slightly open window.
The sun is just peaking over the trees that frame the victors village.
"5am." I answer.
Old habits die hard I guess.
"Oh, sorry If I woke you." She whispers, her eyes still locked on the window.
The smell of rain washes through in a sudden wave, and the slightest of smiles appears on her face.
"You didn't wake me." I confirm, holding her tighter.
"What do you want to do now?" She asks, lacing our fingers together.
"I'm good, here. What about you?"
"I wish I could freeze this moment; right here, right now and live in it forever." I murmur, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I wish I could freeze this moment; right here. right now and live in it forever." She echoes, her slight smile faltering slightly.
Her sparkling eyes pierce through me, and I fall in love with her all over again. God I wish that she was mine, as in really mine. Perhaps she could have been, only time would have told. If it weren't for Gale, could I convince her that I could be everything she could ever want, and more? No, Snow ruined my chances with Katniss with the Quell. I'm so lost in my thoughts, I find myself plating her hair, over and over. Realizing what I'm doing, I claim I'm practicing knots, we both know I'm lying, but she doesn't stop me. I'm glad, may as well make the most, it's not like we have long... correction - I have long. I know what I have to do, sacrifice myself, in order to save Katniss. I may not be able to have a life with her, but she can go home. To Prim, to however much it pains me to say, let alone think about, Gale. She deserves to be happy, after all she has been through. Haymitch will look out for her, I know he will. He never fails. Despite the fact he is annoying, arrogant and poor mannered, he's smart, and can keep a promise. I can only hope he will listen to me, and save her. If by any chance, I come out alive without Katniss, He will have me to answer to. "I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever."
"I said that, before the Quell... Real or not real?" I ask, looking down at her.
"Real." She states, giving my hand a squeeze.
There are still a lot of things I don't remember and many memories that trigger attacks. They are regular, but Katniss doesn't know this. She needs to think that we could be, that we are repairable.
Who knows, maybe we are.
I am remembering more as time passes, mainly trivial things but at least it is coming back to me.
"Damn, and there was me, thinking I could be all charming..." I chuckle into her hair, and my words are rewarded with a silent chuckle.
"Oh, hah hah."
Sometimes, I think Katniss forgets I can read her like a book. I let out a deep sigh before going off on the usual rant.
"Katniss, none of this is your fault... We were both willing to use the berries, we were both willing to sacrifice ourselves in order to save the other, we were both... not willing as such, but we were both faces of the rebellion... You didn't kill 23 children every year, Snow brought this on himself. You didn't kill unless it was to save those you love... No one blames you, no one. So don't blame yourself Kat, it's not worth it... He's not worth it. "
"But, it was so many lives Peeta." She chokes, placing her head on my shoulder.
"More would have been lost if the games had continued."
"That's beside the point."
"Then, what is the point?"
"Finnick: dead. His child will never know him.
"Prim: dead. Gone, before she even knew what life was about."
"I think you're wrong."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Finnick, he may be dead. But his child will still love him. He helped make the world a better place, for everyone. He may be gone, but he will never be forgotten.
"And Prim, she was far too young when she died, but she still knew what life was about."
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you think she wanted to be a nurse in Thirteen?"
"Because she was good at it?"
"Or was she good at it because that's who she wanted to be?"
"I guess, I never really thought about it that way before."
"That's not your fault, you've had bigger problems."
"But, so did you."
"Yes, but I spent longer in thirteen then you did."
"I saw Prim a lot more then you knew of."
She gives me a confused look, so I try to elaborate.
"Me, mentally insane. Prim, nurse."
After a moment of silence, filled with heavy breathing and charitable thoughts, she decides to change the subject.
"Did you call me Kat?" She jokes, raising an eyebrow at me.
"I might have. Why does it annoy you?"
"Well, it used to. It would always remind me of Gale, but strangely when you said it: it didn't."
"Um, thank you?"
"Trust me, that's a good thing."
"What does it remind you of?"
A/N: Hello All!
This is the new and hopefully improved 'Stop Blaming Yourself'.
This was filled with a lot of dialogue, I know but it just kind of happened...
Please let me know what you think of this, is it any better?