Author's Note: I have kind of fallen out of the Degrassi fandom. I just got so burnt out on doing so many stories so fast. I will update one day maybe in a few more weeks. I just needed a break. I apologize to all of you for that. However, I had this whacky dream last night and I posted it on Tumblr but I knew I had to make it into a crack-fic.
I do not own Degrassi, and this is completely for entertainment purposes and is no way meant to be serious. Enjoy!
The week before Christmas break, Owen snapped. No one saw it coming, but he brought a gun to school and shot up the cafeteria during lunch break. A lot of kids were killed before Owen turned the gun on himself and ended his life. Degrassi was at a loss. But there was no time to mourn the death of a hundred students at the hands of Owen's AK-47. Nope, instead Simpson had bigger fish to fry. Degrassi needed to desperately keep up its student quota, and he was desperate. He turned to Degrassi's sister boarding school, Saint Cleo's and asked that some students be transferred into Degrassi Community Boarding School.
Over Christmas break, the new students moved in. The Degrassians who didn't return to their homes for the holiday stood in shock as the girls in scantily-clad uniforms began to move into the dormitories. Clare and Eli were two of the on-lookers.
"I can't believe this is your final semester," Clare sighed, leaning against the tree they were sitting under. It had finally begun to hit her that the boy she had been with for so long was going to be leaving for NYU soon. Eli realized it too, and regressed to his moody and cantankerous self.
"I know," Eli brooded, "I am going to miss you so much, Clare. What am I supposed to do without you in my life? You are the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. This body is nothing without you. I am nothing without you. You are my sunrise in the morning, and my sunset in the evening. You are my moon and my stars and my world. Without you, my heart dies."
"Well I'm not dying, Eli," Clare rolled her eyes, "We'll still talk every day…and there's Face Range…"
"It won't be the same. Nothing will ever be the same again."
School was starting up again, and everyone was trying to get used to the new students. They all looked the same – tall, blonde, and like they belonged on the corner of a sketchy street. No one really associated with them (they tended to have a reputation) but one day, that all changed.
Clare and Eli were at Eli's locker talking as he gathered his textbooks into his backpack. Suddenly, twins from Saint Cleo's approached them. They shoved Eli up against his locker and one began to vigorously makeout with him, while the other twin began to grope his crotch. Eli didn't say anything in protest, as he was frozen in shock. Clare was in the same state. She didn't know what to say or do. It all happened so fast.
After they had worked him up, the girls cruelly pulled away, laughed, and headed down the hall. Suddenly Jake appeared out of thin air and said –
"Hey! Don't you do that again! You can't just go around molesting people!"
"Why not?" One of the twins laughed, curling her blonde locks around her manicured finger.
"Well…because," Jake jutted out his chin at the girls, "He's not interested in you."
"And why not?" The other twin raised an eyebrow and Jake merely smirked and said –
"Because, Eli is…gay!" He suddenly threw Eli up against his locker, pinning him in place, and began making out with him. The girls rolled their eyes and headed back down the hall as Clare stood there shocked. Finally Jake released Eli and they pulled away, panting. Eli's eyes were saucers and he wiped the corner of his mouth sexily with the back of his hand.
"What the hell, Jake?" Clare demanded.
"Where did that come from?" Eli asked, his voice hoarse.
"I've been waiting for an excuse to do that for a long time," Jake admitted.
"So…does this mean you like my boyfriend?" Jake only nodded.
"Wow," Eli shook his head, "I don't know what to say. I…I kind of like you too, Jake."
"Wow," Clare rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in the air, "It's like I'm in a bad 90s sitcom about a girl and her ex-lover/best friend who happens to be gay all of a sudden."
Halfway through the spring semester, Senior Officers were elected. Eli was chosen as one of the officers. These select students get tons of special privileges and essentially run the school. There was a big ceremony, and the whole school attended. When Clare walked in, she saw the officers dressed in brown burlap robes, similar to the one Eli wore when he spoke out in support of his play.
The ceremony was in Latin, and after the officers sang a few Gregorian chants, the ceremony was complete. As Clare watched them shake hands, it suddenly hit her how little time she had left with the love of her life. She ran from the auditorium, and Eli chased after her. As he was running after her, he threw off the burlap robes and called her name.
"Clare, wait up!"
He caught her in the courtyard of the school. Both of them were panting from running, and Clare's cheeks her flushed.
"What's going on?" Eli's eyes swam with confusion.
"I'm going to miss you so much!" Clare cried, wiping furiously at the tears splashing her cheeks, "I love you so much, Eli. I know things are complicated with us because of your feelings for Jake. I just don't want to lose you."
"You'll never lose me," Eli tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, "I love you and Jake both just...differently. It's hard to explain. I love you so much Clare Edwards."
They began to hug and kiss and make out against a tree and Eli confessed that he was still in love with her, and that he was actually bi and not gay and that he wanted to have a relationship with both her and Jake. Clare approved.
After graduation, Eli and Bullfrog traveled to New York to go apartment hunting. Eli found a condo who's every surface was composed of rocks, fossils, geodes, and shells. It was stunning, and he fell in love with it right away. He knew it was a tad out of the price range, but figured Jake could be his roommate and together, they could split the costs. It was perfect - spacious enough for both boys and if they wanted to have a visitor. Clare quickly came to mind. Eli knew she would love the condo.
Bullfrog was apprehensive. He asked the Realtor how much the condo costs and she replied –
"Well, that's not too bad," Eli shrugged.
Bullfrog's eyes widened as he said, "150 thousand?"
The realtor shook her head, "Million."
"I don't know, son. I want to get this place for you, but that's just a couple of million outside of my price range."
Eli stomped his foot and ran out of the condo crying about how everyone hated him.
My brain worries me at times…