This O/S is edited by my friend ReneeFF, many thanks to her for always being my sunshine.
There are a few pairings in the O/S but it's mainly a Rosalie storyline. It's about the darker side of relationships. Hope you like it.
A Simple Way to Cope
Before I even opened the front door I could hear Emmett shouting—no doubt about some stupid game on the television. When I unlocked the door and stepped in, more voices became heard. He had his asshole work buddies over. I hated having people at my house without being asked beforehand. How could I maintain the illusion of a spotlessly perfect life if I didn't have time to make sure the house was in order before others entered it?
"Hey, babe!" Emmett yelled as soon as he noticed me.
I smiled sweetly and gave the guys a wave. They all smiled with a little too much interest. Emmett couldn't even tell anymore that other men checked me out. He didn't care if they did. He hardly ever fucked me anymore, and whenever he did, it didn't feel like before.
I excused myself to go take a shower, and when I was done, dressed in a black g-string and bra.
"Babe?" Emmett opened the door and stuck his head in, "We're gonna head to the bar."
I put my hands on my hips and faced him. "Like my new bra?"
He smiled his dimpled smile and hardly even looked. "You're beautiful. I'll see you later."
I rolled my eyes and faced the mirror to fix my hair. "Whatever."
"I'll see you." He said again.
I ignored him. It was like the days when he was obsessed with the D's on my chest never existed. He made me feel worthless.
I hated myself every time I did it, but I grabbed my cellphone off the top of the toilet seat anyway.
Meet me tonight?
I could smell something cooking even before I opened the door. Nessie was too good to me, and too good for me.
I smiled and headed to the kitchen, "Hey, Ness, smells amazing."
"I'm making pizza." She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me down for a soft kiss.
I moaned with my eyes closed and squeezed her closer. "I love pizza."
"I know," her smile brightened and she pulled away, skipping to the oven.
I plopped down into a chair at the kitchen table and watched her. Her long copper hair danced along her back as she moved about. She was beautiful and graceful.
"How was school?" I asked. Nessie was in her first year of college. It was only recently that I'd begun feeling normal about our relationship.
Her older sister Bella and I were ten when Nessie was born, and I'd known her my whole life. It was obvious she'd had a crush on me as early as girls began to crush on boys, but it wasn't until she was sixteen that I did something about it.
Of course, I was drunk when I attacked her with our first kiss—her first kiss at all—but it didn't mean I didn't want to. Fuck I wanted to. She was sexy as hell, and in that moment I didn't care how young she was.
I made her cry by trying to take it too far and being overly aggressive. The next morning she made me a hangover breakfast and accepted my apology.
I had the decency to wait at least another year before asking her out on a date and the only reason Renee and Charlie accepted us as a couple was because they'd known me since I was a kid and Bella promised to keep an eye on things.
From that moment on I'd been gentle and caring with Nessie. She was precious and I'd take care of her forever, just like she took care of me.
"...What about you?"
"Huh?" I hadn't realized she was finished talking.
"How was your day?" she smiled.
"Okay," I shrugged, "same old."
She took the pizza out of the oven as my phone vibrated inside my pocket.
Meet me tonight?
"Yeah, bring it on,"
I'll text you when I leave. Won't be till late.
I cleaned up the beer bottles that had gathered on the table and heated up some leftovers. The only thing I hated more than the sound of Emmett yelling at the television was how quiet it was when he wasn't. He might piss me off, but I didn't like being without him in the house.
I curled up on the couch and watched some old episodes of Charmed that were playing to pass the time and keep my mind off of how much I wished Emmett would take me out to dinner instead of always going out with his buddies instead.
I held my cellphone tightly in my hand, waiting for Jacob's text, because no one else knew how to make me forget Emmett like he did.
Nessie was leaning back against the bed head when I stepped out of the bathroom after my shower.
"Feel better?" She smiled, putting the book she'd been reading down.
"Cleaner at least," I answered, unwrapping the towel from my waist to pull on some boxers.
I grinned when, just like clockwork, her fair skin blushed to a red that closely matched her hair color. Seeing me naked still made her shy, as did getting naked for me.
"Want a massage?" she asked, clearing her throat.
I pulled my boxers on quickly before lying on the bed, "Hell yes," Nessie had no idea how much I held back with her. Almost every thought I had was dirty, but she wasn't the dirty type. She was the soft, delicate, romantic type—we made love, and then I held her and told her how much I loved her—because I really did, more than anything.
I wasn't going to push her sexually; I wanted to go at her pace.
She straddled my butt and moved her hands up my back, massaging strongly even though she looked like she didn't have it in her.
"God, Ness," I groaned at how damn good it felt, "I love you so much."
She kissed the middle of my back, "I love you... but I gotta get home."
She screamed and giggled when I turned and made her fall side ways on the bed, "Home?" I frowned.
"I have a twelve page paper to write. I gotta get started and... it's kinda late."
I just smiled, tightening my hold on her wrists, careful not to actually hurt her. She groaned and tried weakly to break her hands free.
"Jake... I'm serious..."
I leaned down to kiss the exposed skin on her chest. Her heart was beating fast and her skin hot. I moved my gentle kisses to the top swell of her breasts, the flesh spilling out of her bra.
"If you're serious." I sighed.
"I am." She told me as I let her hands go. "I'm sorry... I'll sleep over on Thursday."
I nodded and got up to get dressed to escort her out to her car. She kissed me goodbye sweetly, and I waved as her car pulled out of my driveway.
I sighed and took my cell out of my pocket. I hated each and every text I sent her.
Be there in ten.
I discretely let myself in through the back door of the shop. Jacob had made me a copy for such occasions. His father owned this place and we had both worked here for years.
Jacob and I weren't friends. We couldn't even tolerate each other on a day to day basis, but one night while I was working late because I couldn't bear to go home to a disappointed husband, and Jacob was frustrated over dating a child who didn't satisfy him sexually, things changed.
We still hated each other—I think—we just found a way to show it. In all honesty I didn't really hate him, it's just that our bickering had become familiar and I didn't want to lose him too.
When Jacob saw me, he saw just me, he saw what my body needed, and he wanted the same thing.
When I heard Jacob's bike pull up, I quickly removed my shirt and shorts and hoped up onto the hood of the car he'd been working on today.
He didn't talk as he approached, but I knew he saw me, and I knew it was him by his footsteps. He stepped in front of me.
"Hey," I smiled; pleased at the way he looked me over.
His eyes finally settled on mine again when he spoke, "If you wore this to work, it would make the day a whole lot more interesting." He removed his shirt and stepped forward, moving his rough hands up my legs.
I slid down the hood to get closer to him and run both my hands over his stunning, perfectly sculpted chest. "You want all the guys to see me like this?"
He smirked, "No, but you'd probably like it."
"Fuck you," Was it too much to ask for at least one man to be protective and jealous over me? I guess so.
"Don't go getting all bitchy when you know I'm about to give you what you want."
Biting my lip, his words made me glance down at his crotch. I smiled smugly, "I want your mouth first." I instructed.
I gasped when he pulled my hips forward and pushed my back into the hood. I reached for his hands but he was already pulling my g-string off.
It wasn't often he gave me what I wanted directly. I'd tell him I wanted to get right down to it and he'd make me give him head first. He said it was always the best when I didn't actually want to do it.
And when I wanted head or to go slow, he'd get right to it and tell me to shut up.
Okay, so maybe we did still hate each other, but it was so fun—while it was actually happening. Afterwards I think we both felt horrible about it on some level.
I was surprised when he kissed my stomach and thighs, making my legs feel weak in anticipation.
I closed my eyes with a smile as he finally seemed to be getting to the destination I'd given him, but just like the asshole I knew he was, he laughed and stood up straight. "Do I ever do what you tell me to?"
He pulled his sweats and boxers off swiftly as I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.
Instead of pushing into me without resistance the way he usually did, I felt him position himself above me. He moved his hand under my back and made me arch it as he undid my bra and kissed my collar bone.
His large hands kneaded my breasts and made me moan in pleasure, a shiver passing down my spine.
"Hey," he whispered.
I moaned again.
"You want my mouth?"
I nodded and ran my hands over his broad shoulders.
"Let me kiss you."
I liked kissing—it was intimate and romantic and caring. I liked it and I wanted the real thing, but I took it even though I knew that it wasn't.
Jacob was an amazing kisser. He even made me forget who we were sometimes. We weren't two monsters cheating on the people we were meant to love—and I believed he truly did love her—we were nameless lovers for that short moment, and it was wonderful.
I hated her; I hated her for having Jacob and his love. But then again when I was her age I had it too. And I doubted Jacob would ever be able to love me the way he loved her, even if we were in different situations.
You can't keep doing this.
I groaned at the voice that was becoming louder and louder in my head, trying harder and harder to push it back.
I knew that once I was inside Rosalie it'd be gone. So without warning I pushed into her tight walls. She broke the kiss and dug her finger nails into my skin, "Fuck, go slow,"
I smirked down at her as I stood up straight again and took her ankles, positioning her feet on my shoulders. She and I didn't know how to do slow. She'd tell me to go slow but after a minute she no longer complained about how fast and rough I was with her.
Now was no different. She was so fucking sexy. How bitter and bitchy she always was towards me—towards everybody—only made fucking her all that much more enjoyable.
Her back arched as she moaned and whimpered, her hands full with her breasts. She was free and comfortable with her body and it was probably one of the main reasons I kept coming back.
"Oh, don't stop. Fuck me."
And just then I did stop. Still buried inside of her, I pulled her up and carried her to a nearby wall, slamming her against it.
She groaned in pain and frowned at me, "Shit, what the fuck did I say?"
Holding her up with the help of her arms and legs wrapped around my shoulders and waist, I acted dumb for a second. "That you're dying to suck my dick?" I grinned. Fuck, was she good at it. And the only woman I got it from these days.
If I were Emmett, knowing the way Rosalie was, I'd never let her out. The guy was crazy, and obviously paid her no attention whatsoever. It sucked really, even though she was a bitch and I'd never date her, it didn't mean Emmett held the same opinion. When I first met the two of them they were a completely different couple, and she never would have cheated on him like she was now.
"Don't you dare put me down right now," she warned. "I was so fucking close... ah..." I shut her up by giving her what she wanted, although I'd much rather shut her up the other way.
I bit and kissed at the soft skin of her neck, keeping up my rough thrusts because by this point I knew just how she liked it. I couldn't go by what she said she wanted, I went by how her body reacted.
Gripping his shoulder, I lost control of my body. My orgasm hit hard and fast, and he didn't stop when I wanted him to.
I cried out as his actions prolonged my high and made me feel damn near painfully sensitive, "Fuck, you asshole, stop." I breathed. "Jake," I heard myself whimper weakly. I didn't like being weak.
"Fine," he smirked and dropped his hold on me.
It took me a second to steady myself, and if I wasn't holding his shoulder or pressed tightly between him and the wall, I would have collapsed.
His eyes told me what he wanted, as did his erection against my stomach. I gave him a smile and he leaned down to kiss me. A demanding, deep kiss with more tongue than lip.
I moaned when he pulled back, "Get on your knees for me," I felt the heat in my belly begin to grow again. Unlike some women, I actually liked giving head. "I need these lips around my dick."
My lips parted as he ran his thumb against the bottom one and stared at me.
I did as he asked, moving down to my knees against the hard floor and taking him into my mouth without hesitation. He groaned and ran his fingers through my hair, gathering it at the back to control my movements.
He let me suck and move at my own pace before pushing his hips and my head forward. I relaxed my throat as best as I could, and enjoyed his grunts and comments about how hot and good my mouth was.
"Fuck, I'm gonna come. Are you ready?"
I moaned my answer around his dick because it wasn't like I could do much more.
He began to twitch as the salty taste of pre-come filled my mouth. His movements became more controlled and I let him have it. I wasn't about to hurt my neck again by fighting his hand like I had once before.
He groaned loudly and fisted my hair harder. I groaned at the slight pain and worked to swallow with him still deeply inside my throat.
"Fuck," He chuckled and rubbed the back of my head where he'd been holding on so tightly.
I held his hips and looked up at him as I sucked him clean.
I slowly stood up, and he placed both palms flat against the wall behind me. I moved my hands up his chest and watched at the way they contrasted against his tanned skin.
I couldn't bear to look into his dark eyes sometimes. I could feel them on me though, both of us silent as I felt the soft skin above all his muscle.
He kissed my forehead and tapped my ass. "Get back on the hood of the car, baby," I couldn't help but smile at the fact that he, like all other men, was softer and sweeter after he came.
I frowned as if to ask why.
"Just fucking do it." He snapped.
I smiled and shrugged, going there ahead of him. It was crazy how quickly my moods went up and down, kind of like Jacob's.
I climbed back on top and sat there.
I let her sit there as I fingered her and she pushed her hips forward to get me deeper. It never took me long to get her off this way.
She laid there naked on the hood of the car while I got dressed. I picked up her clothes off the floor than put them next to her.
She sat up, gave me a small smile, and thanked me.
I sighed and turned away, rubbing my forehead because I was starting to tense my brow with the stress coming on. "Stop texting me." I blurted out.
I heard her stop what she was doing. "What?"
"If you stop texting, maybe I'll stop coming." I turned to look at her.
"Oh," She continued dressing and stood. "I'm sorry I got you into this."
I smiled and looked her over. She was beautiful,; there was no doubt in that. I just wished she was happy too. Maybe then her blue eyes would sparkle the way they used to. "I would say you didn't, but you kinda did jump me first."
She shrugged. "You didn't stop me."
The two of us stood there in silence for another minute. I talked of this ending more times than I could remember. She listened and told me she understood, but we both knew she was my addiction that I couldn't kick. I'd keep coming back.
"I'm serious this time."
She walked towards me, kissed my cheek, and wished me a good night.
A few days later I walked into the kitchen and stopped for a second, watching Emmett's back as he stood at the sink washing something. He was handsome even from behind, and I still stared at his ass sometimes.
I walked the few steps it took to reach him and placed my hand on his back. "I'm going to the store to get some stuff for dinner."
He turned around to kiss me. "Alright, I'll be here. What are you making?"
"I was thinking penne and peppers?"
"With hot sausage?"
I smiled. "You know I love sausage."
He chuckled but didn't make a comment like the Emmett I used to know would.
"I'll be back soon."
I realized I'd left my cellphone at home when I was at the store. I didn't worry about it like I did before. Emmett never looked through my phone. Or, he did and didn't care.
I grabbed what I needed quickly and soon made it home.
I was in the kitchen putting the few things I didn't need right away in the fridge when I heard Emmett approaching.
"I got cookies, babe." The peanut butter ones he liked that I didn't. I was just glad we would both be home for dinner. I didn't need desert.
His hand around my arm made me stumble backwards before I turned to see what he wanted.
But, I didn't see. Not at first.
At first, I was more shocked than I felt the sting of his strike. Emmett had never hit me. We'd known each other for fourteen years—since we were sixteen—and he never once laid a finger on me.
He was twice my size, and the strongest person I knew. With one slap across the face I was on the kitchen floor, tears filling my eyes. Not because I didn't deserve this, but because I did. I instantly knew that he'd finally figured it out.
He grabbed my hair forcefully and pulled me back. I held onto his one fist with both my hands, crying out in pain. He'd obviously pulled out at least a chunk of hair, and it hurt almost as much as my soul did.
I looked into his eyes. The anger there wasn't normal. He was hardly ever angry, and never this much.
His fist tightened and I cried out again, "Em..."
"Don't. I'll fucking kill you, I swear to god. Tell me, you whore."
If my heart wasn't already broken, it broke just then. I cried harder and let his fist go. He wasn't indicating that he'd release me anytime soon and I needed to reach out for him.
"Don't say that," I tried to caress his face gently with my shaking hands.
"What? Whore? Why? You are one." He quickly let my hair go to forcefully pull my hands off him.
"Please... don't call me that." Not him, anyone but him. It may have been true, but I couldn't bear hearing it from him.
"Should have thought about that before you went behind my back and fucked other men."
It was only one, I wanted to say, but at this point keeping my mouth shut was a better idea.
"Baby..." I cried, trying to break my hands free but he only held them down with more force. "I'm so sorry, please believe me... I only missed you." I'd been begging for his attention for so long. It wasn't until this moment, with him so angry holding me down that I realized how much I really loved him. And how sorry I was for not giving him what he wanted.
He let go, stepping back before I could blink my tears away. He didn't stop to look at me any longer, just walked away, the front door slamming shut behind him.
I curled up and cried into my hands, wishing I could disappear.
Nessie giggled as I wrapped my arms around her from behind and made her move her hips. We were in my backyard where I was grilling us some chicken with the music coming out from the inside.
"Chicken's getting over cooked." She pointed out.
I groaned and kissed the side of her head before letting go and going back to the grill.
She already had the potatoes done. She handed me the plates, and we sat down to eat on the new deck I'd just built a few months ago. My doorbell rang just as I sat.
"Fuck, I'm trying to have a romantic night with my girl here," I complained, not really too upset.
"Just see who it is. I'll stay and take care of the food."
"You're too perfect." I headed inside to get the door.
I wasn't expecting to see Emmett, but as soon as I did, I knew he knew. He and I hardly ever saw each other anymore, as he never came to visit Rose at work the way he used to.
I deserved the punch coming at me, and tried to be a man by taking it. Emmett was about my size, and clearly knew how to throw a punch. It fucking hurt. He was on top of me in seconds and I tried my hardest to block his blows.
I heard Nessie scream. "Oh my god, Jake! Stop! Stop!"
I tried harder to stop him, but the second I realized he broke my nose I lost focus.
"Please! Stop!" Nessie cried.
It took me a minute to understand why he stopped. Nessie had gotten too close and he'd pushed her away a little too roughly.
He stared at her, I'm guessing to make sure he hadn't hurt her, and she crawled over to me quickly.
She hugged me, as if to protect me, and I looked up at Emmett.
"I'm sorry." I told him. I'd never been more pathetic. He deserved to break my legs and arms, not just my nose... and I think a rib.
To my surprise he didn't say anything, but left in a rage. I couldn't help but worry about Rose. I didn't think he'd hurt her though. Whatever happened between the two, he had to still love his wife, right?
Emmett didn't come home that night.
After crying so much I literally couldn't anymore, I talked to Jacob on the phone. He'd been to the hospital with a broken nose and two broken ribs.
I was sorry and wished they were mine instead of his. He asked if I was okay, making me promise not to lie to him about if Emmett hurt me too. I told him Emmett didn't touch me.
I asked about Nessie but he didn't want to talk about it. It was clear he'd told her, or if he hadn't than Emmett did.
I went to work the next day. Jacob wasn't there as the doctor advised him to rest for awhile. The day dragged by and I was both hoping Emmett would be home, and wishing he wouldn't.
When I returned he was sitting on the couch. I slowly sat down and didn't speak first, afraid anything I did would irritate him.
"I just want to know, how long?"
I didn't want to answer, but at this point I'd do anything he asked. "A few years... Ever since..." Well, he knew what ever since meant.
He cleared his throat and rubbed his face roughly. "How could you do this—make things even worse than they are?"
I was so ashamed. "I'm so sorry." I began to cry again easily. My throat hurt with each word and swallow. "I just... I really missed us... and things changed so much... I don't..."
"Don't blame me."
I shook my head and wanted so badly to reach out for him, but reframed because I didn't deserve to touch him. "I'm not... I don't blame you. It's all my fault, I know that, and I promise I'll do whatever you want to fix it."
I only desperately hoped it wasn't divorce. But if I knew anything about my husband, it was how seriously he took his vows. With his parents divorcing, he'd promised he would never.
"Do you think... Can you forgive me?"
I took a deep breath and tried my hardest to keep it as together as I could with the violent sobs wanting to escape.
"Not now... I don't know if ever... This should go without saying but, if you do it again, I'll break more than his nose."
I nodded. I didn't want to tell him it wasn't Jacob's fault. I had to avoid talk of him as much as possible.
"I won't. I promise. I love you. I really do."
He didn't speak for some time, then frowned and looked at my hair. I had it pulled back into a ponytail. "Did I hurt you?"
I smiled as best as I could and shook my head. "I'm okay."
"Okay." My guess was that it was the best 'I'm sorry' I'd get out of him. Not that he needed to apologize. He could break my nose and ribs too if it made him feel better.
I knew I shouldn't have told Nessie. But while driving me to the hospital she wouldn't stop asking what the hell Emmett kicking my ass was about, and why I let him. She'd seen me get into fights before, and I never just took it lying down.
I told her, as hard as it was, I told her. She dropped me off at the hospital and told me to get out of the car. I didn't want to lie to her anymore, or keep doing this to her.
Bella visited the next day, slapping me before leaving.
"Bells!" I called out a number of times, but she flipped me off and left as soon as she came.
Nessie wouldn't return my phone calls and I knew if I went to her house, Charlie would shoot me in the leg and leave me there on the lawn to bleed out slowly. I went to her campus instead, knowing she had a couple of classes, and waited outside the one door. I'd picked her up before so I knew where it was.
Once everyone had left the hall way, she looked at me with her blood shot eyes and hugged her arms around herself tightly.
"I'm sorry, baby, you have no idea."
"Is that all you have to say?" A fat tear rolled down her cheek a second after her eyes watered.
"Ness... I just... You know I'm an idiot."
"I know... I know I'm not good..." She looked around before she continued, "I'm not good enough at making you feel good but... I thought you meant it when you said we'd go slow... I'm sorry. I try really hard, but it's not easy."
Was she blaming herself?
"Fuck, baby, this isn't your fault." I grabbed her shoulder, hoping to pull her forward. Of course it wouldn't be that easy.
"Don't." She pulled away. "I don't want you to touch me. I know it's not my fault, but you shouldn't have lied. If I knew you were so unhappy, maybe I would have tried harder."
"You're so perfect. You did nothing wrong." She really didn't. I should have been strong enough to say no to Rosalie.
"I just... I need to study. Can you leave me alone, please? I don't want to look at you right now... It hurts too much."
I nodded, hoping I was hurting more than she ever would be. I'd broken her heart, it was written in the way she looked at me now. It was so different to anything I'd ever seen before.
[1 month later]
I didn't know what to do anymore. It was our wedding anniversary and I really wanted to do something special. Every move I made around Emmett made me nervous, and every breath I took made me hate myself more.
With the way things had been I doubted he'd made a reservation. So I did, at our favorite restaurant. I went out and got chocolate cake for us for afterwards. His favorite. I just wanted to make him happy again.
It took me forever to go through all my clothes and decide on what to wear. I knew I found it when I came across the dress I'd worn on Valentine's a few years ago. He couldn't stop telling me how sexy I looked, and back then he really made me feel like I was.
I took my time, making sure every inch of me appeared perfect. By the time I was done, I only had ten minutes to wait until he'd be home.
In reality, it was more like an hour and a half. I sat on the couch in the silent house and wallowed in my self pity. It was our anniversary; shouldn't he be rushing home to be with me? Even though I didn't deserve it.
When I finally heard his truck, I stood up and went to greet him. The time I waited didn't matter.
He frowned at me, looking at my outfit. "You going out?"
I shook my head, "Did you forget?" I was so nervous, which had never been my problem.
"Our anniversary. I made reservations and got us your favorite cake from the bakery." I tried to smile.
"I didn't forget." He said coldly, going to walk passed me.
"Em," I stepped before him so he couldn't pass, placing my hand over his strong chest. I missed him, us.
He let out a frustrated sigh and looked down at me. "What?"
"Where were you?"
"I wasn't off fucking someone who's not my wife, if that's what you're getting at."
I deserved it, I deserved it all.
He sighed again when I didn't say anything about his comment.
"Went for some beers."
"Come out with me, please?" I begged, joining my other hand on his chest. "It's still early."
"There's nothing to celebrate this year."
It hurt so much to hear. All his words did. "I love you." I tried. "Isn't that something?"
He took my wrists, in that calm way that said he was angrier than angry. I swallowed and stepped back, trying not to show him he was hurting me.
"I'm sorry I hurt you... I'm trying to make it better... I don't know..."
He finally shoved my hands away and walked forward. I walked backwards from the force, towards the kitchen. He scared me so much now, but I'd take that over nothing.
I watched him when he stopped, debating within himself. He finally sighed again and stepped back. "Fuck you." He simply said.
It infuriated me for a moment. "I wish you would!"
The anger he seemed to have let go came back full force. He grabbed me and made me scream as he shoved me into the counter tops.
"I love you," I said with a shaky voice, reaching up to feel his perfectly defined jaw. He was so beautiful, even while so angry.
I moaned when his hand came up around my neck and he held tighter than ever before. "I fucking hate you."
Before even the first tear feel, he quickly let my throat go and twisted me around so my back was pressed against his front.
"You want to get fucked?" He asked roughly.
I cried out when he grabbed my hair and pulled by head back to look up at him. "Em... I... please..." I sobbed because it was so hard to say no, I wanted him to make love to me, I didn't just want to get fucked.
He pulled my dress up and made me sob more. I couldn't control it. I tired pushing my dress back down but he had me pressed so hard into the edge that I couldn't move, and it hurt. I'd never been so scared of anyone before.
A few seconds later he stopped himself. My panties were pushed down to my knees and I was crying harder than I ever had, from fear. I'd cried out for him to stop, because even though I wanted my husband to have sex with me, I didn't want it this way.
I pushed my dress back down and collapsed onto the floor by the sink in tears. Emmett left again.
After a minute of not moving, I angrily took my shoes off and threw them. Why was I so stupid? He didn't care how I was dressed or what I did. A dinner and sexy dress wouldn't change anything.
"Why would you even bring me here? Bella! Bella, don't you dare take the keys!"
I shoved my hands into my pockets as Bella got out of her car, Nessie yelling at her from the inside.
"I better not regret this." Bella warned me and punched my arm as she walked passed me and into the house. "I'll be in the backyard!" she called out.
"What the hell!" Nessie got out of the car, looking at me uncomfortably. "I told you I didn't want to see you, why are you using my big sister against me? I didn't even know she wasn't mad at you anymore."
"Oh, she's still mad at me, but I just wouldn't leave her alone until she helped." I explained and watched her. She was so beautiful.
She huffed and straightened out her clothes, slamming the door shut. "I just need time, Jake. I can't think when I'm with you, and it's not fair, it hurts. I just want to be alone."
"No you don't, baby, you need me as much as I need you... God, look at you, you know you'll always take my breath away?"
She sighed and gave me an exhausted look. "Stop, please. Why are you doing this?"
I walked to her easily and took her hands. She didn't resist, but stepped back a little.
"You're the love of my life. I've known that since you were a kid, you know how weird that is?"
I felt hope at the little smile she gave me "You've always been a weirdo."
"You can't just get Bella to trick me into coming here, say a few sweet things, and make it all better. I hate what you did, how can I ever forget?"
Her hands slipped away from mine. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked around as if to make sure no one was with us. "You're the love of my life too, that's why what you did still hurts so badly."
"Baby... Please don't cry." I wiped her tear as soon as it began falling. "I wish I could take it back... Tell me what to do?"
She surprised me by pushing herself into my chest and holding onto my shirt as she cried. I held her while she did so, kissing the top of her head and telling her I loved her, I'd do anything she wanted.
She pulled away too soon and ran her fingers through her long hair. "If you love me so much, then just wait for me. I need more time... I'll come running back when I can't stand to be away anymore..."
I let her go back to the car, focusing on keeping my feet grounded so she'd do what she needed.
"Tell Bella I'll wait here for her."
I wasn't expecting Nessie to work through what I'd done to her anytime soon, so when she returned later that night, I was the happiest, luckiest man in the world. I fucking knew it and didn't take it for granted.
As soon as she stepped through the door, and before I could ask her to come sit down, she blurted, "Do you really love me?"
She didn't flinch or move when I reached my hand out and took a piece of her soft hair between my fingers. "I've loved you since the day you were born, Ness. It wasn't the love it is now, but since then that love has grown and changed into... God, I don't know what it's called; I-can't-live-without-you love."
She stared at me and I could see she was hearing me.
"I don't love anyone more than I love you, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I wish I was better, baby, trust me I do. I can promise I'll never do it again, and I do fucking promise, but I can't force you to believe me, I can only tell you I'll kill myself before I do something like that again."
She cried into my chest and I felt like I could finally breathe with my arms around her. "I'll never make you cry again." I spoke into her hair.
"You have to be more honest with me... If we're going too slowly, then I need to know." She looked up at me as I soothed her hair down.
I shook my head. "You are everything I want. I'm sorry I don't say it as much as I should... I didn't do what I did because you don't satisfy me... I think you're the sexiest woman in the world."
She hid her face in my chest again, whispering an, "I love you"
I kissed her hair, "I love you."
[6 months later]
I looked around the beautiful garden as I sat in the courtyard of the cafe. This was our spot. We'd found it when he first took me here to test out his new camera. Ever since that day, we just kept coming.
Now I was here waiting for him, after being separated for almost six months, probably to discuss an oncoming divorce.
I noticed him as soon as he was in eyesight. Even after everything he still made me nervous. He had always been the boy I wanted attention from, and that was still the case. I stood to greet him and he gave my cheek a soft kiss.
"Hey, thanks for meeting me here."
"Of course," I nodded, "I ordered you a hot chocolate."
His beautiful smile showed his thanks. I'd missed him so much.
After a few moments of silence, he took a breath. "You know I'm sorry for... the things I did to you. You didn't deserve it, even for sleeping with someone else." I guess we were going to get right to the point.
I shrugged. "Yes I did... but if it makes any difference, I haven't... with anyone... since..." God this was so awkward but I wasn't above begging him to give me another chance.
"If it makes a difference; I have."
It hurt worse than anything but I just swallowed and didn't comment. I deserved that too.
Emmett's drink came out so we stayed silent until the waitress left.
"With... a lot of women."
"Okay..." he seemed to be waiting for an answer but I didn't know what to say.
"I did it to hurt you."
I nodded because I wasn't sure I could form words.
"Guess I've been hurting you longer than you've been hurting me, huh?" His hand came to rest atop mine.
I shook my head and my tears fell no matter how much I tried to hold them off. "I really wanted to have a baby, Em... I tried really hard... I'm just... broken... I'm sorry. You deserve a family and you're going to be a great father... those kids just won't be mine."
"I wanted them to be, babe... I promise I did."
I nodded and looked away as more tears fell.
"We can't go back to the way things were, can we?"
I shook my head as continued to look off into the distance. "Even if we try, we can't." I wanted to lie to him and tell him we could be the way we were before, but deep down I knew we couldn't. We couldn't be happy after everything.
I stood outside behind the garage, my hands in my pockets as the sun was setting over the lake. It was weird not having Rosalie here anymore. She'd resigned and moved away. I knew it was because she wanted me to have a life without her, and maybe she needed a fresh start too.
I missed her and I hoped she was okay.
My cellphone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket, smiling as I answered. "Hey, babe, what's up?"
"Nothing, just reminding you to pick up the cake."
I began walking to my car without looking back. "No problem. I'll be there in like twenty minutes."
"You're the best. I'll see you soon." Before I'd hung up with Nessie I was already driving to the bakery. We were celebrating Bella's birthday back at their place.
I couldn't be happier. I had a great job, amazing family and friends, and the girl of my dreams.
[About two years later]
I saw him a year after our divorce was final. He used to come to the park to play soccer with the guys when we were together and it seemed he still did. I wanted to see him just once, hoping there'd be a smile on his face, so that just for a short while I could imagine things were still like they used to be when he loved me.
His fiancée was there. I'd kept up with his life through friends but he and I didn't keep in touch. He'd met her around the time our divorce started and she was now about seven months pregnant. She was beautiful and glowing and he looked so happy to see her, leaning down to kiss her belly.
I pulled away then, I may have been crying, but in a weird way I got what I wanted; Emmett had a family.
I don't know when, or if, I'll ever open up to someone again… but I'm looking forward to the day that someone makes me want to at least try.