Awkward and frustrating, you think, are all of your encounters with others.
As hard as it was, you had somehow managed to get rid of her, and before you knew it she was gone. You didn't know why, but a part of you didn't like it when she bid her goodbyes and left.
Even so, you got over that small encounter and decided to go to sleep and forget about her. The only thing that mattered to you, was in fact, you, so why should you be so entranced by her?
You tossed and turned restlessly in the cheap bed next to your window that creaked every time you moved.
Other people were never truly important to you.
Other people were never important to you and that wasn't going to change because of a girl who faces the world's hardships with a perpetual smile and an open mind.
There must have been other people like her, you were just not looking hard enough.
Of course, that was it; she was not different after all, you decided as you finally drifted off to dreamworld during that near sleepless night.
The next morning was not what you would personally call hectic, but it was most definitely awkward and frustrating.
You were making your daily rounds with not much enthusiasm- something you were never good at, due to your lack of good bedside manner. The patients never seemed to mind how you were so detached from all situations involving other people, so it was really never a problem.
It still made you much too uncomfortable though, and you were glad that you had finished when you did. You wanted to go and fill out as much paperwork as possible so you wouldn't have to do it all later.
There weren't a lot of things that sidetracked you from what you wanted to do when you wanted to do them, but you were truly shell-shocked by what you saw on the way back to your office.
It was certainly a frightening image to see Tomoe in such a fragile, broken state and you soon realized that everything you've ever assumed about her was wrong.
You could hear her voice from across the hallway and you knew something was wrong by how she was hunched over with her hands covering her face and her elbows pressed on her thighs.
And there she was again, still elusive; just without the peppiness.
You don't know if you've ever ran that fast in your life, but that was the last thing you cared about in the heat of the moment.
Your heart skipped a beat when she looked up at you and your stomach dropped as you saw tears falling from her eyes.
"Is something the matter, Dr. Tachibana?" you clenched your teeth and narrowed your eyes, feeling quite silly for even getting yourself involved.
No reply. It only strengthened your sense of silliness.
You repeated yourself, and her retort was a sniffle this time.
You were about to repeat yourself again when she cut you off with a shake of her head. Through incoherent murmurs, you had established that she was trying to tell you that she had done something to someone.
This made you a bit uneasy, and you sat down on the chair next to her.
You didn't know what to do.
You told her to calm down with a lot of assertiveness after hearing her cry for five more minutes, but judging by her small jump and gasp, you inferred that you had gone a bit too far.
"I killed her," she told you, her voice shaky and her whole body trembling.
It didn't take long for you to understand what she had meant. You honestly didn't know if you could have sympathy for her.
For one thing, you had never failed an operation, so you did not happen to know what it was like to 'kill' someone. For another, you just didn't know how to have sympathy for anyone.
So you placed an awkward and frustrated hand on her shoulder and told her that it wasn't her fault.
Instead of savoring the moment, she collapsed onto your chest and began sobbing even louder.
You could feel the vibrations she was causing throughout your whole body, and you had to admit that maybe you did feel a little bad for her at that point.
The woman who, just twenty-four hours before, was laughing and talking to other doctors like no tomorrow, was now upset, falling apart, and blaming herself for another person's death.
You patted her on the head and just let her stay there and cry.
"It wasn't your fault, it will be alright. Just calm down."
She had seen a side of yourself that nobody else had.
You had seen a side of yourself that nobody else had, and you did not know what was happening, nor did you like it.